Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."- Woody Allen

Prologue

EPOV:

I was seated in my room, a CD was playing and I had the volume set to its lowest capacity on my stereo as I was trying to mind my attention to reading. The music - just acting as background noise to set the mood and block out the thoughts of my family resided in the same house. I was on the third chapter in an old copy I had of Wuthering Heights when I heard a light knock on my door. I thought of getting up and opening the door myself but instead I just hollered from my seat, "yes?"

The door slowly opened and a little head peaked in through the gap, black spikes poiting at all directions and an upward nose turned to me with a tiny crinkle.

"Aren't you dressed yet?"

"No, I parade here in my nude, Alice," the sarcasm in my tone dried out fast, "yes, I am dressed. Why?"

"No, you are not. These are the clothes I picked out for your first day of your new job. Not those!" She snarked and held out a hanger with a pair of black jeans and a blue shirt that she had picked out for me but she hadn't stopped there. My outfit had been co-ordinated all the way down to my drawls.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, I had been certain that it wasn't until another day.

"That is today?"

"Yes, and a Cullen can't be late on the first day of his new job. Literally. Since we are so fast and all." She was trying to make a joke and I smiled out of courtesy so she'd leave me alone. This was a day I dreaded. I got in my clothes and then I was off - to my dreaded, personal, purgatory.

I drove my silvery volvo along a narrow street in the small town Forks that me and my family had resided to as we had out grown the last place we lived at. Not physically though - the exact reason why we could not stay there a minute longer. Luckily, me beeing able to read others minds and my sister, not by blood, being able to foresee the future helps us immensely. We almost always get some sort of heads up before the situation gets critical. It has never gotten seriously out of hand and our traces were eraced before they had any time to try their theories any further.

Suddenly I saw a woman in her late twenties, same as me, stand beside the road. Well I was changed at twentynine so my appearance was as of that but I had lived for a hundred and one years. Her big, red truck was steaming from behind her and she looked quite upset to say the least. My eyes had quicly scanned her off, she had some slight curves on the places a woman her age would, otherwise she was slim buildt. Luscious ringlets of brown hair hung over her shoulders that were covered in a burgundy coat and her chocolate brown eyes, mimicking a doe as much as ever where she stood, looking into my headlights, by the road. I tried to register her mind but to my surprise it was blank, as if no one was standing there. What if this woman had some severe head injury and needs critical aid. I just couldn't pass her by. Why couldn't I just pass her by? Something in her eyes and the mystery in her thoughts perhaps had brought me to a sudden halt. She jumped up and backed away a few steps as I had clearly startled her.

I jumped out of my car and steered my steps towards the woman who was eyeing me carefully with every step I got closer.

"Hello, is everything alright?" I asked, my voice calm and caring.

She nodded towards me, "yes I'm fine. But my car have seen better days and so has my reception," she held up an old iPhone and bit her lower lip as her slightly slanted eyebrows furrowed and met in an arch in the middle. She wasn't hurt at all by the looks of her and she could speak perfectly with a voice so enchanting that I got lost in her words even though they were so few. Still, I couldn't hear her thoughts witch was so very unnerving. I had no heads up with her. I pulled out my own phone but there was no luck there either, something you got used to as you lived in a small town.

"I can give you a lift if you want?" I offered and she clearly didn't have much other choice. It was frustrating not knowing what was going on in her head, what she thought of me and what else she hid in there. I knew my only way of getting in her head was by doing what others without my ability did once they met someone new; talk.

She nodded a bit hesitantly, "are you sure, I mean I could,-"

"-I am sure," I cut her off to save her the effort of having to think up some lie just to be out of my way. I couldn't read her mind but I was good with people so that wasn't hard figuring out just by what was given. And then again; what other choice did she have? A ride along with a monstrous man who she had just met in the woods. I felt genuinely sorry for her.

As soon as she got into my car and closed the door a wave of air blew towards me. The air was carrying her scent and it pierced me like a thousand needles in my throat. I couldn't breathe, intentionally I shut off the airflow to my lungs and my fingers gripped around the steering wheel tightly. My eyes were buried in the asphalt ahead of me and I just kept staring out of the window in silence. I was frozen where I sat, looking more like a statue carved out of marble than ever.

"Are you alright?" She was on to me so I knew that I had to take action. I turned towards her, looking at her milky white face with crimson cheeks and a rather freaked out expression shone through her doe eyes. I thought of how much alike they were, her and the doe, rather than just the eyes. Both a pray for me, well in the natural sense but I didn't follow my natural instincts. No one in my family did - our father, Carlisle, had taught us that and I tried to think of him now. Of his disappointment with me if I disobeyed his belief and it was the only thing keeping me from killing this poor human girl right now. I knew I couldn't stay in that car any longer, her scent would spread even more and it would drive me mad. The fact that she was all alone and that no one seemed to know where she was were a far too tempting setting for my murder and I had to get away from her, now. I grasped after the car door handle and quickly slammed up the door and with what air was left in my lungs I pressed out between my teeth, "take the car." It took all the strength I got left and in a flash I had taken off into the woods but I had made sure to leave her the keys behind.

Chapter 1

BPOV:

The rain was lightly tapping on my bedroom window as I came to life. The rain wasn't what had woke me - my tenaciously beeping alarm clock that I managed to finally pull the plug on after it nearly drove me crazy. An easing silence spread in the house apart from the rain and I rubbed my eyes as I stretched out every tense limb in my body. Morning stretches - one of my guilty pleasures. One of the very few I had in my very uneventful life as a librarian. I was stuck in a small town since seventeen, still giving my father the company and comfort he needed. Hell, maybe he had become the one who was actually comforting me by now. Unlike him I had never been left behind by someone and then never been able to love again. Rather; I had never even had the chance to be left behind by someone and I was going on thirty - I frankly didn't know which one was more pitiful.

I got out of bed and slipped my feet into a pair of white slippers that I kept beside the bed to prevent my feet from turning into ice blocks every morning. Gently, I wrapped myself up in a fluffy periwinkle robe and forced my heavy legs towards the kitchen where my caffeine awaits. Something I had learnt by time to appreciate; same as Forks itself. I actually did love it here, the town had grown on me like the moss that was clinging to most of the surface of this town. It was something about this place that had made me found my roots in a way. I had accepted the hermit life that my father had adapted by the years spent here as well.

Charlie had already left for work as I came down in to the the kitchen. It was grey and dull in there and it was caused mostly by the non-existing sunlight. I tapped on the lights I had forced Charlie to install which brought some sort of light into the hose unlike those bulbs he used before that were few and wildly scattered. Finally, I had reprimanded myself to repaint the bright yellow cabinets a few years back as well. Even though I understood my moms desperate attempt to make the house brighter, the annoyingly yellow shade had the opposite effect instead so I had repainted them a dove white shade. Charlie had been whimpering about the idea so one day I had just taken the bull by the horn and done it when he was at work, wich he later appreciated. He couldn't keep his feelings tied to a cabinet colour, that was tremendously unhealthy. Not that I was the poster child for normal, healthy behaviour. Something was surely not right with me either, how else would it be explained that nearly all I had was the company of fictional characters in classic romance novels?

Once I had cleared the table of the plate I had had my fried up omelette with paprika on and my empty coffee mug that had been refilled twice, I headed into the bathroom and fixed myself up. Some brush strokes through my still long, and mahogany hair and on my teeth. A quick face wash followed by a light application of makeup and then the compact went down into my black bag for touch ups during the day. I was the one opening the library today so once done in the bathroom I hurried back into my bedroom and threw on the first thing I could find that fit me and looked presentable. In this case it was a pair of dark blue jeans and a black cardigan that showed off some slight cleavage and then I continued rushing down the hallway, tripping a total of three times until I had thrown on my brown coat, grabbed the keys to my pickup truck and went out the door. How that old piece of junk was still manageable on the streets were incomprehensible to me. I had thought the pickup would've given up my first year here but once again it let out its familiar roar as every morning and off I went. Even the antique stereo was still working, not as good as ever though. I drove along the narrow streets of Forks with huge walls of tall trees on each side as a sudden pang came from the truck. I had trusted my luck in advance. I lightened the pressure on the gas but yet came another two pangs in a row and the truck was suddenly not moving. Fortunately I had managed to steer the truck to the side of the road so that no cars passing by would crash into it. Not that there were many, if any. I pulled out my cellphone - no reception. Perfect. I let out a heavy sigh as I pulled my hand through my hair and stepped out on the street. There was nothing for me to do now than to ask for help or have a very long walk.

My hope had nearly left me all together as I saw a silvery Volvo approach, there was something odd about the way he looked at me - as if I annoyed him in some way just by standing there. I had already crossed him off the list as a potential helper as his car stopped right beside me. This startled me greatly and I automatically took a step back. The man coming out of the car wasn't a man, he was some adonis walking among us normal beings. Like those remarkable celebrities you see in magazines and only have your vague hope that the pictures are computerised somehow and that there aren't people actually looking like that. This guy actually had that appearance and he couldn't have been retouched since he stood right in front of me. He had a lanky body despite his age and with bronze-coloured hair and amazing topaz eyes that felt as if they could see right through me. He seemed to be around my age but much better preserved, for some reason that word seemed to fit in perfectly as describing him. When he spoke to me I melted where I stood like a square of chocolate left out in the sun. I was helpless in his presence, ironically. That whole sensation disappeared once I got into his car, his entire energy changed and he sent out this unpleasant vibe. Perhaps he wasn't helpful, maybe he was out to hurt me. The scenario was perfect, no one would know where I had gone especially since I came along voluntarily. How stupid was I? An impulse to run washed over me but I was frozen where I sat just as he was. His expression was terrifying; as if he was mad at me for some reason. It was a way more intense expression than he had before he stopped the car. That was just a mere irritation while this seemed to be pure hatred.

"Are you alright?" I heard myself ask, I could even find the caring tone in my voice somehow and then he looked at me deeply before taking off in a flash.

Bloody freaking hell. What had just happened? Did I slowly loose my senses? Had I gone mad? Completely insane even! No, and the proof of that was the silvery Volvo that I was seated in. I just sat there in the passenger seat staring out after my mysterious helper in need. Or did he even help me? I wasn't quite sure if this counted. I noticed that he had left the keys, though I wasn't sure if I would dare taking the car after what had just happened even if he had told me to. One second he was here and the next - it was as if he had almost vanished into nothing but I could see how the tree branches was still bouncing slightly by his former touch.

I tried to make sense of this but I just couldn't. My heart was tumbling in my chest and I couldn't for the life of me control my breath. I could hear my pulse beating in my ears as I was hyperventilating. After a good long while I had somewhat calmed myself down and could finally breathe at a normal pace. A while longer with hyperventilating and I would have fainted, something I was awfully surprised I had managed to steer clear off.

Crap, work! I was the one opening the library today so I just couldn't be late, but what was I to do with the car? I guess now is one of those times it actually comes in handy having a cop as a father. I was still in shock as I fumbled for the handle and stepped back out on the street. My legs were like two popsickle sticks glued to my hips as I faltered towards the drivers seat.

I arrived to work un harmed and without the burden of hurting anyone else as well. Amazingly so since I had been a real danger in traffic, my head had not been where it needed to be. It had been with him;His topaz eyes;His deep, husky voice;His unique, sweet scent. What had he done to me?

I tried to shove the thoughts of him aside as I picked up my phone and was about to call Charlie now that I had reception again but as I was dialling his number I changed my mind. In what clever way would I even explain this to make it sound logic? I just couldn't. I still called him though and I heard his gravelly voice on the other end.

"What's up, Bells?"

"I- uhm - The truck broke down along the road so I had to call a cab. Could you pick it up? I left the keys inside," that and the location of where I had left the truck was all I bared to say to him. I had just lied to a cop and I was a terrible liar at that but he didn't ask any following question, instead he told me he would take care of it and then hung up.

Charlie was getting retired this summer and I had heard that it is important for people who are retiring to feel useful. It applied to Charlie very well and I had been noticing how his mood changed for the better as I asked him for small tasks.

It was a regular Monday at the little library, not many came just some of the regulars so the day merely contained some small talk which made me highly appreciate my job today. I could spend the day calming myself from this morning which I still hadn't managed with as the clock was ticking towards six and it was close up time. What made it even worse was the car keys to the Volvo that felt as if they burned a hole in the pocket of my jeans. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. I had searched for the owner by using the license plate but it was owned by some company it seemed and was untraceable. I sighed with frustration since I knew I would never get a hold of him and this car he had just dropped on me like some waste for me to take care of. Was he some hot-shot millionaire? I had no choice but to drive that car home and lie to Charlie, I figured why not take some advantage of this mess that guy had created for me. I knew I had to do something about the car but it could wait until tomorrow. He didn't seem desperate to want it back, I had even chacked for any reports for a missing car multiple - to the brink of unhealthy - amount of times during the day but it was dead silent. I could just tell Charlie that it was a rental, he trusts me enough not to get suspicious over it and I needed a car.

I got home before Charlie did, crap, that would make the Volvo the first thing he sees as he comes home. But this will give me time to create a distraction for him as soon as he steps through the door. Some dinner and perhaps a movie we both would enjoy afterwards. I would also do good with some distraction tonight. For dinner I had planned to prepare parchment baked carrots, potatoes, leeks, asparagus and butternut squash alongside a flank steak, grilled and sliced up. The vegetables laid neatly on my cutting board as I went to grab the meat from the fridge and placed it on a plate beside the cutting board. I turned the oven on and while I left it to heat up I began to peel the carrots and potatoes. I was still deep in thought, just by sitting in that car and breathing in his scent on my way home had made my stomach flip upside down and turn inside out. I had a plan though; tomorrow I would just anonymously leave the car outside the police station and then it wouldn't be that far for me to walk over to the car dealer and rent or buy a new car for real. I got pulled back to reality by my ringtone, I quickly pulled it out of my bag that I had flung over a kitchen chair and picked up.

"Hey Bella, I'm just calling to say that I will be a bit late and to tell you that you were in huge luck this morning." It was Charlie again. What did he even mean by that? Did he know something about my strange morning? How was that even possible?

"In luck?" I asked, trying to act as if I knew nothing of what he spoke of.

"Yup, I had zero service out where your pickup had broke down so that you had managed to get a hold of a cab was just pure luck, I assume." Shit, was he already on to me? Lying to a cop wasn't my smartest move today, yet, not the worst I've done today either. Hijacking a strangers car is slightly higher placed on that list.

"Oh uhm, but I also have a slightly newer model of phone than you. It might have an easier time to pick up the reception than your brick?" I had clearly no idea of what I was talking about but neither did he, he knew way less than I did about technology and what I said seemed to make some sort of sense to him because he gruffed, "hm, guess you're right. See you later, Bella," and with that he hung up on me again and I returned to cooking.

I was on my way of wrapping up the vegetables in a package of parchment paper when three sharp knocks on the front door had made me jump up high, scaring the living crap out of me. Inevitably that led to me tripping over my own feet, grasping for something to hold on to so that the fall would be broken. Unfortunately what I grabbed a hold on was the cutting board and since it wasn't attached to anything I took it down with me and all that was on top. Wow, this only proves to show how rarely guests come over. Especially unannounced.