A/N: I thought last night's Grey's was pretty average, but I love where Alex's storyline is going. I was so shocked when we found out Jimmy had another family, I did not expect that at all. Though I wish Alex would just let Jo be there for him, so here's a little one-shot about what might've happened if their last scene had gone differently. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Not Shonda Rhimes.
On her way home from the hospital, she imagines that he'll be waiting for her, on the couch or in his room, arms outstretched, ready to hug her and kiss her and explain why he's been so distant. But of course, when she arrives the house is empty, dark and silent. Half of her mind tells her to turn around and leave, let him know what it feels like to come home alone tonight. But she doesn't, because she can't just give up on him, and it's not like she has anywhere else to go, anyway, except for the hospital.
Jo waits for Alex on the couch, the couch she bought him with the money from their bet over Derek and Shane's ping-pong game. She sits silently for what feels like a long time - she doesn't know if it's actually hours or mere minutes. When she hears a key turn in the lock she perks up, even though she knows it could very likely be Yang. Though, her attention is warranted, and a few seconds later her boyfriend appears in the doorway, looking incredibly worn out.
She rises from the couch, nervously running her hands down the front of her jeans because she needs to do something other than just stand there and stare. Alex looks back at her for several moments, silently. He looks terrible. He looks upset. He looks broken.
"Alex," She says. Another moment passes, his name the only word spoken between them. Then, Jo takes a breath and decides to be bold. "I don't know if you're ignoring me because you're seeing someone else, or you think you knocked me up, but whatever it is, please talk to me."
For a moment, he doesn't reply, and Jo wonders if he's deciding what answer to give. For a moment, she braces herself to be hit, or yelled at, because that's what any other man that's ever been in her life would've done. But this is Alex, and he doesn't do either of these things. He's not like any of the other guys. "...You're not pregnant, are you?" He simply asks, visibly concerned.
Jo shakes her head. "No."
"Good," He mumbles. "I don't think I could've handled that too." He walks over, collapsing onto the couch. She watches him for a second before sinking into the spot next to him.
They sit wordlessly, their bodies close but not touching, neither of them even looking at each other. The tension in the air is thick. "I always hated strawberries." He randomly says.
She looks at him, confused. "What?"
"Strawberries," He repeats. "I never liked them, but I never knew why. For some reason I always had an aversion to them for as long as I could remember. I even avoided people who smelled like strawberry gum or shampoo. Then, tonight..." Alex trails off, and Jo looks at him, wondering where he's going with this. "Tonight," He continues. "My...my dad told me a story about when his son choked on a strawberry, and how he didn't know what he would've done without his little boy, and for the first time it all made sense." He obviously doesn't just mean his dislike for strawberries.
Her first instinct is to tell him that's great, to say how great it is that he and his dad were getting along together, that she knew his dad had always missed him. But she knows that if it had been a good thing, he wouldn't be acting like this. "And he wasn't talking about you."
He nods, slowly. "He has another family." He says. "In Florida. There's another poor kid with an absentee, drug addicted, wife-beater for a dad." He pauses. "And yet, even though he's an absentee, drug addicted, wife-beater, I still wish the story had been about me."
Jo stares ahead blankly as she listens to his words. She'd never known her dad, and she'd spent many hours of her childhood imagining what he'd be like - a doctor who took her to feed the ducks in the park, a plumber who would sneak her into movies, a lawyer who would tell her bedtime stories, a stay-at-home father who would let her eat candy for lunch. But, a few times, when she was a little older, she would wonder what she would do if one day her father showed up and he wasn't any of those things. What would she have done if one day a musician with a collection of empty liquor bottles in his house and scars all over his body from heroin needles had shown up and said he was her dad? And what would she have done if that was her dad, and he hadn't missed her? Would she have still wanted him to take her to feed ducks or sneak her into movies or tell her bedtime stories or let her eat candy for lunch?
Of course she would've. Because he was still her dad, no matter what.
"I hit him," Alex confesses. "I punched him right in the face, and I swear he looked at me like he knew. I haven't changed since the last time I saw him, and neither has he. I'm still the same. Just like him I haven't changed, it may seem like I have but I'm still that messed up person inside."
"That's not true," Jo says, and she thinks she might cry, because she can't help but relate her boyfriend's current situation to her own crappy childhood. While he was cleaning up his junkie dad and comforting his mom and stealing his brother and sister food, she was moving from foster home to foster home, being pushed down by scary, older foster kids who called her names, having strange men with evil looks in their eyes touch her while she was helpless to stop it, and being picked up and carted away just when she was beginning to feel like she finally, might have a home, or having to stay too long when she wanted to get out. They've both been to Hell and back, and now she feels like the flames are back for round two.
"I feel bad for that kid," Alex says. "My brother, I guess. That poor kid is probably just going to be another damaged screw up like me, going through life feeling like a failure. No dad. No chance to be a kid. No family."
Jo turns to him, tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm trying to be your family," She says. "But I can't if you don't let me. Please, just please let me try."
He doesn't say a word at first, just looks down at his lap. Then, he lets out a sound that Jo can't name, something that sounds like it's between a sob and a laugh. He covers his face with his hands and cries, like actually, legitimately cries, tears and all.
When you've been through the kind of pain Jo had, you don't want to see anyone else experience the hurt and mistreatment and abuse, especially someone you love. She wants so badly to take his pain away. She wants to make him happy because he deserves that. That's why she tried to get Jimmy to go to rehab, that's why she'd been pestering Alex all week about where he was going and what he was doing. But as much as she tries to spare him the heartache she is powerless against it. The only thing she can do is try to save him from the darkness that is threatening to return and overtake him. She has to, because she'd be nothing without him.
She wraps her arms around his shoulders, which are hunched over as he weeps, and she cries too. "I love you," She whispers to him, because she doesn't know what else to say. "I want to be here for you. You're the only family I have."