I love you.
Those three little, absolutely significant words were said in a moment of abandon, when they were both chuckling over coffee in the kitchen. Cristina had spent the night and Burke was once again trying to convince her to move in with him. He was wearing her down, he could tell. The tension that was there when he first brought up the subject had long since disappeared and now they could joke and laugh as they discussed the situation. She would complain that she couldn't handle his spotless lifestyle and he would reply that he hadn't once made the bed since she started spending nights there. She would mention that he liked staying up to read while she was trying to sleep and he would counter that the light on his bedside table never kept her awake anyway. They were laughing and continuing to point out their idiosyncrasies, little quirks they had come to adore because they proved how well they knew each other, when those three words came flying out and shocked them both into speechlessness.
He still remembered the way she looked, like a deer caught in headlights, unable to move or say a word. He had watched as her face turned pale at the declaration and her mouth hung open in…was it terror? He wanted to reach out to her, comfort her, but he was just as dazed as she was, his facial expression probably mirroring hers exactly.
Of course Burke loved Cristina. She threw her clothes on his otherwise immaculate floor, she left the sink piled high with dishes and the counters covered in whatever it was she had been trying to cook, she made fun of him for having his books in the Dewey decimal system; what's there not to love? Though normally obsessive-compulsive in his organization, Burke found he not only enjoyed but needed her messes everywhere; they were proof that he was actually sharing his life with her.
But, Burke knew better than to make such a declaration of love. Any sort of discussion on the status of their relationship and Cristina would quickly scurry off. He had been the one to push for every aspect of their relationship and she had fought him every step of the way. He knew that she wouldn't be ready to hear that he loved her, so he kept silent and waited for the right moment, unsure of whether or not it would ever arrive. So, they were both surprised when the words came out and hung in the air between them. What was even more surprising was the fact that they came from her.
Now, Burke was kicking himself for not having acted faster. He should have told her he loved her too, he should have grabbed her and pulled her into a searing kiss, he should have taken the opportunity to ask her to move in with him again. But, they were both so stunned in that moment that they could do nothing but stare at each other in silence. In an instant, she was out the door, ignoring his pleas for her to stay.
That was three days ago. In those three days, she had not been by the apartment once (he could no longer think of it as his apartment, so strong was his desire for it to become their apartment). In those three days, she had not used her key, not left her laundry on the floor, not stolen his toast off his plate. He knew that she was in the hospital, but she never made eye contact with him, and every time he tried to get her assigned to one of his cases, she managed to switch with someone and avoid him. He had never spent so much time with O'Malley before.
All he wanted to do was talk to her, was that so bad? He needed to say all the things he should've said when she told him she loved him, he needed to hold her and kiss her, he needed to reassure himself that she was still there, in his life. He needed her. His need to find her grew more desperate with each passing minute.
Burke sighed, looking around the empty on-call room. He needed to find her, he needed to talk to her, but it wasn't going to be today. He was going to be in surgery almost the entire day and the one moment he was free (that is, right that particular moment), she had managed to scrub in with Derek Shepherd. Burke knew it was an excellent case, a learning experience that any intern would kill for, but he couldn't help feeling ungracious. The adult part of his brain knew that Cristina's ambitious nature would not have allowed her to turn down this surgery, but the childish part was throwing a tantrum and sulking about how unfair it was.
He was so lost in his mental debate that he didn't realize he was no longer alone until he heard the door click behind him. He turned around and drank in the sight of his girlfriend, like a man dying of thirst encountering an oasis in the desert, as if it hadn't only been three days since they spoke.
"We need to talk," she said.
"I thought you were in surgery with Shepherd," he began, still evidently surprised at her sudden appearance.
She shrugged. "I switched with Alex. We need to talk and I knew you'd be in surgery all day."
This seemingly nonchalant comment made Burke's heart pound almost right out of his chest. Cristina Yang - ambitious, workaholic, take-no-prisoners Cristina Yang – had switched out of a ground-breaking surgery so that she could talk with him. Before he could finish processing what this meant, she had started talking again.
"Look, I know what I said and I'm not taking it back," she paused and looked him straight in the eye, "I love you. I don't know when it happened; I don't know how it happened. It just did. Deal with it."
She turned to reach for the door handle, thought better of it and turned back around to face him again.
"Oh, and I'm sick of avoiding you. So, I'm moving in tonight," she announced.
No less stunned than he was the last time Cristina made such a declaration, Burke nevertheless managed to overcome his immobility and grabbed her arm before she left the room. He spun her around and pulled her against his body. Before his lips claimed her in the kiss for which they had both been aching for days, he finally managed to get out a response.
"I love you, too."