Disclaimer – Emmerdale own the characters, I'm just playing with them
Worst Case Scenario
Two weeks.
Two weeks since the crash. Two weeks since he'd seen Jackson smile. Or heard his voice. Or felt his touch.
Aaron looked at Jackson lying in the hospital bed, watching his chest rise and fall. How could this have happened? How could Jackson be in a coma while he, Paddy and Marlon had all walked away with minor injuries? It was so…unfair.
He winced slightly as he thought of Marlon. When they'd been told how badly injured Jackson was he'd lost it. Screamed at Marlon, "WHY ISN'T IT YOU? NO-ONE WOULD MISS YOU."
Paddy, despite his fractured ribs, had stepped in and stopped him lashing out, calming him.
He'd apologised to Marlon the next day. Typical Marlon had forgiven him and said he understood, that he knew Aaron didn't mean it, it was the shock talking. But they both knew that was a lie and if Aaron had the power to swap them then Jackson would be back in the village and Marlon would be in a hospital bed hooked up to machines.
Rhona knew it too. And although she hadn't said anything yet, Aaron figured it was only a matter of time. Not that he'd really seen her or anyone since the crash. He was spending most of his time here. He'd not left at all for the first two days; determined to be there in case Jackson woke up. On the first night, one of the nurses had tried to persuade him to leave. She'd not made that mistake again. Eventually Hazel and Paddy had convinced him that he would be no use to Jackson if he didn't look after himself so he'd agreed to go back to Smithy for a few hours each day. He hated to admit it but they'd been right. He kept his time away from the hospital to a bare minimum but even those short breaks helped replenish his energy. He'd not realised that sitting by a bed could be so draining.
Looking at the clock in the room, he saw that it was almost 8pm. He'd been back at the hospital for about twenty minutes now. Once he'd arrived, Hazel had said she was going to stretch her legs for a bit. She did that whenever he returned, giving him some time alone with Jackson. He and Hazel hadn't always seen eye to eye but she could see how much he cared for her son and he appreciated the gesture.
Aaron stood up. When he'd left that afternoon, as he'd looked back at Jackson before closing the door, he'd noticed that his boyfriend was looking, well, sort of scruffy. Not like Jackson at all. Even though he was a builder, Jackson always tried to look neat and tidy. He took care of his appearance. Obviously the cuts and bruises didn't help but after a week, his beard was starting to get bushy. Aaron may not be able to do much about Jackson's condition but he could do something about that.
Aaron took the beard trimmer out of the bag he'd brought with him. He'd picked it up from Jackson's room at Andy's that evening. He sat down on the bed, being careful not to disturb any of the wires that were attached to Jackson. When he'd first seen them, he'd been shocked. He'd been scared to touch Jackson in case he did anything to disrupt whatever the machines were doing. Even though it had been explained to him that the machines weren't actually keeping Jackson alive, they were just monitoring his condition, he was still careful around them.
Aaron turned on the trimmer and made a start. He began on Jackson's throat, moving the trimmer gently up to the chin, then going back down to the base and up again. He wasn't used to doing this so his technique was probably all wrong but it seemed to be doing the job. He imagined how Jackson would laugh if he could see him doing this, probably making a sarcastic comment as well. Aaron smiled at the thought. He moved the trimmer across Jackson's left cheek, checking that he didn't catch any of the cuts that were healing there. Once he was sure it was how Jackson would like it, he moved to the other side. The right cheek was easier as there were no cuts to avoid. Finally, he moved to the area around Jackson's mouth. Softly, his forehead creased in concentration, he trimmed the hair on Jackson's chin and upper lip. Once done, he sat back and looked at his handiwork. Maybe not up to Jackson's usual standards but not bad for a first attempt. He reached out and placed his hand on Jackson's cheek, his fingers stroking the softness of the beard. He ran his thumb across Jackson's lips, remembering the last time he'd felt them against his own and longing to feel that pressure again.
He heard a sound behind him. Hazel was standing in the doorway. He'd not told her what he was planning to do and wasn't sure how she'd react. She smiled at him but must have seen the apprehension in his eyes, "It's ok love."
She moved closer, "You've done a good job. He looks more like himself now. If the butch mechanic thing doesn't work out for you, maybe you could train up as a hairdresser."
Aaron scowled, partly at the idea of being a hairdresser, partly at her making jokes. Hazel must have realised what he was thinking, "If I didn't laugh I'd just sit here screaming and never stop. I don't think that would do him any good, would it."
Aaron flushed, feeling ashamed of himself for judging her. "Sorry, I didn't mean…"
She interrupted him, "It's fine. We're all on edge."
Hazel moved to the bed. Standing on the opposite side to Aaron, she looked down at the damaged body of her son. "The doctor came to see me this afternoon. He wanted to talk about Jackson's condition."
Aaron looked across at her. She'd stopped talking. A tear was running down her cheek. Aaron felt his stomach tighten; he was overwhelmed with an urge to vomit. "What did he..?"
Hazel met his gaze, "It's not looking good."
He shook his head, "But he's not that badly injured. Not really. A broken leg, some ribs – that's nothing. Even a fractured skull isn't so bad these days. They said so. Everyone said how lucky he'd been considering where he was when the train hit. They've stopped the internal bleeding and taken out his spleen. He's breathing by himself. Once he wakes up…"
"They don't think he will wake up." Her quiet interruption stopped Aaron as effectively as if she'd shouted in his face.
"No, that's not right, they said…"
Once again, Hazel cut him off, "I know, love. I know what they said. But they've been monitoring him and there's been no improvement. None at all. They've run tests and he's not responding to anything."
"We can't just give up. He never gave up on me and I won't give up on him." Aaron stared at her. How could she be talking like this?
"No-one's giving up. I'm not and I won't let them either." Hazel sighed, "His brain is swollen and the situation could change once the swelling goes down. But it's bad Aaron and the doctors wanted us to be prepared for the worst. I've not told anyone else yet. I'll have to tell Jerry I suppose. But I thought you should know first."
Aaron nodded. He couldn't say anything. Of course he'd known Jackson was in a bad way but the idea that he might never wake up hadn't entered his mind.
Hazel had stayed for another hour before leaving for the night. She and Aaron had established a routine where they tried to make sure at least one of them was there at all times. Other people came and went. Jerry, Aunt Polly, Paddy, Leyla, Adam, Pearl, Chas, Sol. But Aaron and Hazel were the constants. They wanted to be sure that when Jackson woke up one of the two people he loved most was there. As Aaron prepared himself for another night watching over his boyfriend he thought of how "when" had become "if".
xxxxx
Hazel arrived back at the hospital the next morning a couple of hours earlier than usual. She wanted to catch Aaron alone before anyone else decided to visit. She was worried that she'd said too much the night before. She was so focussed on Jackson that she sometimes forgot that Aaron had been in the crash too. He liked to give the impression he was indestructible but she knew he was more vulnerable than he let on.
She entered the Intensive Therapy Unit and approached the duty nurse, a kind redhead called Jackie.
"Hello love, how's he been?" She asked every time she came in and the answer was always the same but she liked to hold onto the hope that one day they'd say "he's awake" or "he opened his eyes". Even "he moved his fingers" would do. But today was not that day.
Jackie looked up, concern in her eyes. "No change. I'm sorry Hazel."
"Aaron in there?"
"What do you think? He never leaves the room once you've gone. Stays in there all night like a guard dog. I don't think he'd let anyone else in there if he had his way."
Hazel smiled. Aaron had impressed her since the accident. Given his past behaviour, she'd expected him to run as far away from her son as he could. She was sure he'd thought about it. The first time he'd seen Jackson after the crash, surrounded by bleeping machines, she'd swear that she'd seen something in his eyes that told her he was going to turn around and walk away. But whatever that was, it had only lasted for moments before he'd stepped into the room and taken Jackson's hand in his. Perhaps that's why she'd told him what the doctor had said. Because she knew he'd stay.
xxxxx
Aaron was sat by the bed, holding Jackson's hand, when Hazel bustled into the room.
"You're early."
"I know, couldn't sleep so I thought I might as well be awake here as at home. So here I am. How's he been?"
"Just the same. I talk to him like the doctors said we should but I don't know if it's doing any good."
Hazel squeezed his shoulder. "It can't do any harm, can it."
"But if what you said last night is true…" His voice tailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence.
"That's a big if. Nothing is certain. He could wake up tomorrow for all we know. Don't give up hope."
Aaron glared at her. "I've not. I won't." He paused, "But I've been thinking."
Hazel raised an eyebrow, "That sounds risky."
"If he doesn't get better, what happens then?"
"He'd have to be moved to some kind of care home, where he'd be looked after until…"Hazel stopped, she couldn't say it.
"Until he dies," Aaron finished for her.
Hazel nodded. The thought of her boy fading away in a home for years was too awful to contemplate.
"He wouldn't want to live like that. He wouldn't. I know he wouldn't. You know what he's like, always moving, he can't stay still for five minutes. Being trapped like that. Living but not living. He wouldn't want that. I know it." Aaron looked at Hazel, pleading with her.
"I know. You're right." Hazel sat down on the chair by the bed, tears starting to flow.
Aaron knelt beside her, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I shouldn't have said that."
Hazel looked him in the eye, "I'm glad you did. Thank you."
Aaron stared at her, surprised by her response.
Hazel brought her hand up and touched Aaron's cheek. "I've been thinking the same thing since the doctor told me but I couldn't tell anyone."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Aaron spoke. "What do we do now?"
"Now? We carry on as before, we don't give up. Not until he's been given every chance. The doctor gave me the worst possible outcome so I could somehow be prepared but nothing is set in stone. It's not definite. He could still recover."
Aaron opened his mouth but Hazel put a finger to his lips. "Not a word. Not to anyone. There's a long way to go before we have to think about things like that. But if we ever have to then we'll make that decision together. That's a promise."
Hazel pulled Aaron into a brief embrace. After they separated, both moved towards the bed; one on either side. Each picked up a hand and looked in silence at the man they both loved.
A/N – Although the specifics have been altered, parts of this story including the final conversation are based on my own experiences. Although my boyfriend did regain consciousness and make an almost full recovery, he died three years later. This is for him.
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