I was sitting in a huge auditorium getting lectured by a vampire on how to drink blood from a human. She had a human girl laid out on a table with her back to us. She had a tan coloured dress on with black dots all over it and her shoes were what stood out in my mind. They were very high heels and a blood red colour. Her dark hair was held back in a loose pony tail that lay lifelessly on the table she was semi-conscious I could hear her heat beat thumping slowly. I looked around me and saw all manner of vampires, all with fangs out and blood red eyes glaring with great focus at the human. The teacher was tall, willowy with flaming red hair that hung loosely down her back. Her clothing was hidden under an ankle length red blush cape. Totally clashing with her hair. Whoa! What am i? Gay? NOT! But the clash of colours was hurting my eyes.
"C'mon now everyone line up and I'll show you how to sink your teeth in properly so there'll be no mess." The amount of swallowing and drooling and groaning that followed was hilarious as we all got into an orderly queue waiting to eagerly get our drink from the fountain of youth. The Holy Grail I thought and I smirked at that thought. Why the hell was I even here in this awful place? I knew how to drink from a human! Didn't I? I didn't need to be here did I? A guy with reddish bronze hair standing near me piped up and said
"Because numb nuts you've not had human blood before. She's a rare specimen, her blood is precious" I stared at him and then slapped myself on the forehead with my palm. Of course how could I forget? Us vampires have taken over the world and humans are a very rare find. All animals are extinct too. I had been thirsty for so long that the burn in my throat had become a dull thudding ache, smouldering in the background. Being a vampire sucked as much as being a human once. I was still broke. I live with my wife Alice and she works at the genetic lab in the hopes of creating a blood supply that would be able to nourish us all. At present we lived on plants, that contain a blood like sap, it keeps us alive but it's a hybrid that was created in a lab. Alice has a great imagination and is very inventive so she has a special license to experiment as much as she likes. She works with 2 other friends of ours Bella, who was married to the bronze head beside me. That's Edward, he's my best friend. Then there's Rose, she's married to Emmet, my other best friend. We all got married at the same church on the same day and we became bonded over that and are still friends to this day.
What do I work at? Geeze what is this insomnia I have today? I wondered.
"What you mean today numbnuts!" Edward smirked at me again. "It's the blood mate; it's doing something to all of us."
"Ya, I guess," I said running my hand through my hair. It was in a perpetual state of dis-array, despite Alice and her gelling episodes of trying to tame the insanity that is my hair. Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself.
We were getting closer to the human when she sat up suddenly and stared at me and I heard her say
"I choose you." And then she flopped down onto the table again just as yet another human leaned in to drink from her nectar.
"Whoa! Did you just see that?" I muttered to Edward.
"See what?" he said. I stared at him incredulously.
"Seriously didn't you see the human sit up and talk to me?" I said staring at him in shock? He gawped at me while shaking his head and then lifted his hand up to the side of his head and pointed his finger at it and twisted it implying that I'm a nuttier. Ya I am a nutter imaging things like that. It must be my thirst getting to me. Edward nodded and then walked to the table as it was his turn now. I studied him intensely feeling strangely nervous now as it was nearly my turn. Why was she choosing me? What did it mean? Edward pulled his sweater back and leaned over gracefully and attached his lips to her neck, inserted his fangs in the little holes already punctured into her neck and he supped greedily. Moaning and groaning at her sumptuousness. The lecturer caught him by the ear and dragged him off her.
"C'mon pretty boy, save some for everyone else." She shoved him but he only moved a fraction of an inch. His eyes had changed to golden amber and his smile lit up his face. He had a contented look on his face like the cat that got the cream. He moved to the side to wait for me while all the others before him had moved back to their seats reluctantly. I was amazed to see their eyes were still red, unlike Edward's and they still looked ferocious and hungry swallowing hard trying to quench the burn. I know that feeling only too well. As I took baby steps towards her, it felt like everything had slowed down. Even the teacher's voice was coming out slowly like I was going suddenly deaf. I leaned over to prepare myself to sup from her when she sat up and kissed me deeply. Her tongue going into my mouth and exploring my mouth slowly. I felt like I was choking as if something had been pushed into my throat and I couldn't get it out. She pulled back and offered her neck to me.
"Go on, drink me, and suck me dry, you're special. You're the one I've kept myself for. Enjoy it." I leaned into her and attached my fangs to her neck and feeling giddy with guilt supping from her, I felt the scratchy burn become a distant memory. Her blood sloshed around my mouth and down my throat caressing it as it filled my body. It was like a fine wine. I was beginning to feel woozy from the headiness of it. The teacher grabbed me and then let out a shriek.
"Where'd he go?" she asked in shock. I looked around at her.
"Who?" I asked. She jumped and reached out to me.
"Does anyone see him or have I gone blind?" she asked everyone.
"Jaz man where are you?" I heard Edward asking with worry in his voice. I looked at him.
"What do you mean where am I numb nuts? I'm right here!" I said to him.!" I said going over to him feeling a bit anxious. "I'm here, where else would I be?" I said swallowing hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.
"Where, you've disappeared mate." He said looking in the direction of my voice. I reached over and caught his arm; he jumped and then laughed nervously.
"Seriously dude, quit playing."
"What do you mean? I'm right here, look feel "and I put his hand on my head. He looked at me with suspicion. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Alice.
"You okay babe? Cause I got a weird feeling about you and I thought I'd better ring to check" she gushed. I felt guilty about the human kissing me, but I mumbled
"Ya I'm fine, but Edward keeps saying that I've disappeared." I said in an unsteady voice.
"Give the phone to Edward" she commanded.
"Ya sure! I said passing it to him. He kept nodding furiously and confirmed it. He felt down from my head to my arm and grabbed hold of me and started running towards the exit dragging me after him. I stumbled and tripped until I righted myself and then asked what his hurry was. Emmett was outside waiting for us with his bike. He loved that scrap of metal. It was rarely put away and I'm sure if he wasn't married it would be in his bed with him at night. Ya, he sleeps! At night-time, most unusual for a vamp but then he's odd. I'll explain about him later and his strange fetish for drinking hot bleach. As I said Odd!
"Where's Jaz?" he asked. Emmett wears the most outlandish shiny tracksuits, usually bright yellow and a bicycle helmet! He always says 'better safe than sorry.' Oh my Aro, he's 6ft 3 and built like a tank, what the hell does he need to be safe for?
"I'm here shiny boy!" I said and he looked around himself for me. I smirked and began to giggle as I snuck up behind him and shouted "boo" in his ear. He jumped about a mile, literally, me and Ed cracked up laughing at him.
"Jaz man, that's not funny at all" he said when he landed again, he was partly bent over, his hand on his heart, panting like he was out of breath. Whoever heard of a scaredy cat vampire? For Aro's sake, he even sleeps with the hallway light on and his eyes were blue too, not red or amber like ours were.
"Seriously Jaz, you nearly gave me a heart attack, where are you?"
"I'm right here man, what? Can't you see me or something?"
"No, country boy, I can't for your information. How did you do that? Is it your new party trick?" I was getting a bit worried, maybe Edward really wasn't taking the piss and they weren't pranking me.
"C'mon ladies, I gotta find a mirror, I don't believe ye."
"Seriously Jaz man, you've disappeared. It's like your voice is here but the rest of you is gone." Em said. I heard shrieking and my heart sunk. I knew that sound it was a mix of fear and excitement, my Alice.
"Edward, Emmet what did you give my hubby? Emmett was it the weird shit you drink?" she demanded punching Em on the shoulder.
"Owwwwwwwwwwwwww" he said in an over the top exaggerated whingy voice, "that hurt Alice!" Honestly! Was he kidding? Alice is like 5ft nothing and knee high to a grasshopper and only comes up to Emmett's elbow and she's so slight, she couldn't possibly hurt him.
"Edward" she demanded and got his full attention. "Where is my jasper?"
"I'm here babes" I said. She jumped and looked around blindly reaching empty air to try and find me. An evil part of my brain registered that this could be fun, but the saner side of me grabbed her arms and pulled her to me, nuzzling her neck and whispering our own brand of sweet nothings into her ear.
"Oh Jaz," she moaned and half cried, darling you've become invisible, what are we going to do with you now? What happened?"
"Uh, I think we should take this discussion somewhere more private, we seem to be drawing an audience." Ed said indicating his head towards the lecturer and some of the other vampires from the auditorium.
"Ya" we all agreed and took off running towards home with Emmett following us on his bike. Helmet on and flashing lights spinning around in his tires…." Bella and Rosalie were there before us and we all hugged each other, ya even me. When we were all sitting on our respective chairs and Emmett had his steaming brew of bleach in his favourite red mug that said beer chugger on the side that had a big beefeater on the side with a pint of beer. I shook my head at him, what an old fuddy duddy, I was still waiting for the cardigan and slippers to appear, and mind you it wouldn't surprise me if he already had them. Probably stuffed with tissues in the pockets too. Edward began the story and I took up my side about the human talking to me. Alice folded her arms and looked at me with sadness in her eyes when I got to the kissing part. I wrapped my arms around her and told her truthfully that I hadn't kissed her back and the she had forced something down my throat.
"You never told me that part" Ed interrupted.
"I didn't get a chance to with everyone talking beforehand." I explained in great detail all that had happened to a chorus of oooohs and aaaaahs. When I got to the description of her blood Emmet said
"AAAAAAAghh why didn't ye save me some?"
"You said and I quote 'I already know what to do and I don't need a further education!' Em." I said.
"Oh ya" he muttered pensively.
"It sure is weird not seeing you Jaz when you talk, it's like you're in another room." said Rosalie.
"Well it doesn't feel any different to me" I replied. There was a mirror in the hallway a full length one and no matter how hard I'd looked at it, I couldn't see myself despite all my prancing about the place.
"What can we do so?" Emmet asked.
"Google?" Edward said.
"Library" Rosalie said.
"Mortuary" Bella said. We all stared at her. She sat unblinking and staring at us. Her nervous hands wrenching gave her embarrassment away.
"Explain! Bella!" Alice said.
"Well, it seems to me that the girl had a gift of invisibility, which surprised me that she got caught, but her body should still hold some answers in her cells and I could take a sample of them and check them out in the lab." She said. Bella was nerdy like Edward and this kind of stuff interested them both. Edward stood up and said he and Bella would go check out the mortuary. There was only one in the little town of Forks that we lived in. It was fairly quiet as there were so few humans around, so it would be fascinating for them to have something to do. Emmett and Rosalie went off and got their laptops and decided to Google it and Alice and I headed down to the library.