I watched my trembling hands, as he walked away from me. The tears running down my chin. He loved someone else and he didn't think of me like that. He had told me that it wasn't because of my face, which was covered with scars, he still thought about me like a friend. I had believed in him. I covered my face with my hands and I started to cry like a maniac. The next day I transferred from his squad till another one…

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Months later I had still not recovered from my broken heart. I hated myself for being so weak, that I needed a man to function. Still I could hear his words in my head. I was sitting on a bench in squad threes barracks, and watch the Hell Butterflies flutter in the wind. My zanpaktou lay beside me, but I hadn't pulled her from her sheet these last few months. My hands were covered with bandage, my hair was matted and I had dark rings under my eyes. The warm wind made the leaves on the tree rustle. I shut my eyes and hide their green color away. Once more I let my tears fall down on my lap.

"Tsukiko-san. What are you doing sitting here all alone again?" I wiped my tears away when I heard Kiras voice. I turned my face towards him, smiling.

"I… I just… watched the…"

"The Hell Butterflies again? You were crying again, right?" Mu smile died and disappeared from my face.

"Kira…"

"How long do you intend to cry for him?" he said gently and sat down beside me.

"I don't know… Until my heart is healed, I think…" He looked at me and watched the clouds wander by, after he turned away.

"Please go out with us tonight. Rangiku misses you, and I'm starting to get bored. Even Ikaku is starting to worry about you.."

"Maybe… we will see…"

"HE won't come. They said he had a mission in the world of the living." I felt It would be nice to meet up with my old friends from the academy again. But my heart was scared of seeing him, and to be around the same table with girl he was in love with. I didn't blame Rangiku, but it was so hard for me to be around her and see what I lacked and she didn't.

"Where do we meet?"

"At the usual place" Kira smiled at me. "Don't worry; everything is going to be alright"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

/Everything is not alright./ I thought when I watched my old comrades. Ikaku stood half naked on the table with a sake bottle in his right hand. His left arm was wrapped around Rangikus waist, and her boobs were on their way out of her clothes. Together they started to sing about how great their captains were and how much they loved to fight. I myself sat beside Kira and I were rather annoyed. But to be honest I was a bit drunk too. My head were spinning like crazy. Kira smiled and joined in their song. The Saké was flowing from everywhere , and my legs started to feel numb.

Suddenly Rangiku shouted out laud in the bar:

"Shuhei! You're back early! Come drink with us!" My body froze were I sat. I didn't want to look up at the guy that hade crushed my heart unknowingly. I felt how he sat down beside me. I didn't look at him. I joined a conversation with Kira and Yamachika, while Shuhei tried to get Rangiku to sit down. The time flew by I and felt that it was safe for me to leave the party now. I congratulated myself for not talking to Shuhei.

/It's not his fault that I fell in love with him… And it's not Rangikus fault that he loves her/ I thought to myself. /But it did hurt quite a bit to be sitting so near him/ . I had already left them at the bar and said good bye to them. I started my wobbly way home to the barracks. Then I heard footsteps following me, I turned around and saw that it was Shuhei, who had followed me.

"Hi Tsukiko-san" he greeted me. I looked down and said a silent hello. "How are you?" He asked me.

"Drunk?" I answered. Laughed and smiled at me. /Please Shuhei, don't smile at me like that.../

"I can see that. But you don't look so good. Are you eating well?" I felt rage flame up inside my body.

"Why do you care? I'm not a part of your squad anymore and… and…" My voice stopped in my throat.

"Please Tsukiko, don't distant yourself from me. We could always talk to each other in the past. Why can't we do it now?"

"BECAUSE I CONFESSED MY TRUE FEELINGS FOR YOU! AFTER THAT I COULDN'T BECOME YOUR FRIEND AGAIN, BECAUSE IT STILL HURTS!" My tears stinged my eyes. I hated myself more and more for being a jerk to the man I loved. He didn't say anything so I turned away and started to walk again.

"I miss your company…" I heard him say. /Don't say that… please don't say that. It hurts so much…/

I started to run and I didn't stop until I was at the barracks. I slammed the door, and ran to the garden. I hide behind the tree and sat still and quiet. My heart ached so much that I couldn't cry.

"Oh and what are ya doing her'e ? " I looked up and saw a confused face. His hair was short and silver colored. His eyes were shut and it reminded me of a fox.

"I'm sorry Ichimaru-Taichou, I will be going now." I said and rose from my seat. I started to walk pass him, but he grabbed my wrist.

"I asked ya who you were; I didn't tell you to leave, did I?" His grasp was gentle.

"I… I'm Mei Tsukiko; I'm in your divison…"

"Oh, now I remember. You transferred here from Tousens squad a few months ago. I haven't seen you so much. "

"That's 'cause I don't want to be seen, Taichou." He still didn't release my wrist.

"Are something troubling ya' Tsukiko-san?" I blushed. How could people be so creped out by this guy. He was so gentle and nice.

"My… problems are not of your concern Taicho-sama…"

"Oh… you say so, but you are a part of my squad, so your problems are my problems too. Don ya think so?" I didn't know what to say.

"Please Taichou, I can't talk about it now… It's still too fresh for me to talk about it…" He took a step towards me. His smile was comforting.

"If ya say so. But you will eventually tell me what's on your mind." He released my wrist and walked away. He left me alone beside the tree with the feeling that everything would eventually work out fine. I just needed to give it some time… Yes, time would heal the wound that Shuhei caused me…

AUTHOR:

Ok, only so you know. English is my 2nd language, so my grammer sucks, my spelling sucks and… the length of this starting chapter sucks. I wanted to write on this chapter a bit more, but… I didn't.

I don't know when I will be able to write next chapter, but it depends on what you think about his one.

Till next time! Take care!