This was requested by JayLeeJ.
Note: There is no couples in this story. Just humor:)
...well...maybe some people may SEE SasuNaru, but I didn't mean to write it that way. :D
THIS IS DURING SHIPPUUDEN!
...okay I confess. I made up the movie!
Disclaimer: I do not own...ANYTHING in this story.
ON WITH THE ONE SHOT!
Bras, Panties...and Nose Protectors?
By Chibi Shino
It was a normal day. Nothing out-of-the-ordinary. Just a nice, normal, peaceful day!
But that's how it started. Not how it ended.
Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were making their way to the Hokage's tower. Naruto smiled. "I wonder what Old Lady Tsunade is going to give up today!" His eyes lit up with excitement. "WHAT IF WE CAN GUARD A PRINCESS! I get dibs, teme!" He smirked at the newly arrived Sasuke.
Sasuke smirked back. "Fantasing again, are we?"
"SHUT UP TEME!"
Sakura sighed. They never seemed to stop. As they walked into the office, Tsunade was rustling through some papers. "Hmm...can we come in now?" Sakura said hesitating at the door. The Hokage rasied her head and beckoned them in. They all walked in.
Tsunade rested her head on her hands. She smiled. "Okay. I have a special mission for you today." Naruto started to look excited. "You have to-."
Before she could finish her sentence, Naruto jumped into the air, blew a raspberry at Sasuke and started to dance. "WOO! WE HAVE TO GUARD A PRINCESS! AND I ALREADY HAVE DIBS!" he sang happily. Sasuke growled and wiped off the spit that Naruto blew on his face.
"Who's guarding a princess? Surely not you." Tsunade interupted Naruto's happy number. Naruto sighed. Only in your dreams Naruto. Only in your dreams... "Before I was rudely interrupted by SOMEBODY," She glared at Naruto, who stuck his tongue out in response. "I was going to say you have to go to the Land of Waves to stop an ambush. The ninja's are not dangerous, but you should still watch out. Pack and leave as soon as you can."
Sasuke and Sakura nodded. Naruto was the one who put on the display. "OKAY! You can count on me, the future hokage, NARUTO UZU-!"
"Do you have to say that everytime you accept a mission?" Sakura asked, clearly irritated. Naruto actually said yes, which brought him a ticket to Sakura's fist, USA! Wait...they're in Japan...how can they also be in-nevermind...ANYWAY, Naruto crashed through a wall and fell from the tower. "Serves him right." Sakura grumbled.
"Sakura! Sakura!" Everyone in the office, minus Naruto, turned to see a nurse from the Hospital at the door. "Sakura! We have a patent that is is critical condition. We need you to come right away!"
"Okay!" Sakura said. She turned to Tsunade. "Who's going to pack for me?"
Tsunade smiled. "Sasuke and Naruto will!" Sasuke's eyes widened. He has to go pack a girls bag. A girls bag. A GIRLS bag. And with NARUTO? I pity the guy.
"Please hurry!" The nurse pleaded. Sakura turned to her and nodded. They two girls ran to the hospital. And then there was one.
"Okay Sasuke. Go get Naruto and start packing!" Tsunade ordered. He nodded and poofed away.
(:P)
Sasuke walked out of his house-err...mansion and started to walk to Naruto's house. After getting past his oh-so-annoying fans, Sasuke finally made it to Naruto's doorstep. He knocked on the door. "Hurry up, dobe." He said.
"SHUT UP, TEME!" Replied a voice from inside. A few minutes later, Naruto came out of his apartment.
"Took you long enough." Remarked Sasuke. Naruto growled. "Trying to scare me, I pressume?"
"...is it working?"
"No."
"Well, come on! We have to go pack for Sakura!"
(:P)
Sasuke and Naruto made it to Sakura's apartment. There was ONE problem however.
How the hell can they get in?
"How any ideas dobe?"
"Hmmm..." Naruto put his hand under his chin to try to make himself look smart. It was NOT working..."I have one idea!"
BANG!
"You know, when I said idea, I didn't mean breaking the door down..."
"Oh. Oops!" Sasuke sighed. One of these days, Naruto was going to get it. One of these days... When they where inside, Sasuke put the door back up the best he could
"Well, let's start." He said.
The 2 shinobi wanded through their absent teammate's house. Sasuke was the first one to find the bedroom. Naruto 'found' his way to the fridge. Sasuke sighed and pulled him by the collar. When they made it, Naruto went into the closet to find a bag. He found one and layed it on her bed. He sat sown next to it. Now time to fill it!
"Teme, it's your turn!" Sasuke sighed and went to her dresser. He looked in the top draw and found-
Oh boy...
Sasuke's eyes widened as he slowly lifted up the object of disgust.
It was a pair of panties.
Naruto clamped his hand over his mouth to stop him self from laughing. It didn't work. Sasuke started at it in horror. "Hey TEEEMME! You should be used to stuff like that! After all, you did run away with a PEDOPHILE!" Naruto half yelled, half laughed. Sasuke glared at the Kyuubi boy. He then attempted to through it in the bag, just to get it over with. He tossed it and-well, Sasuke hit the target. The WRONG target. Right in the face.
"AHHH! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!" Naruto yelled, running around the room like a headless chicken. Sasuke smirked. Serves him right. "Hey DOOOBBE. Shouldn't you be used to stuff like that? After all, you did train under a PERVERT." Sasuke mocked. Naruto, eyes covered by the panties, crashed into a wall and fell backwards.
Smooth.
Naruto, still lying on the ground, ripped the panties off his face. "YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!" He yelled as he sat up.
"Actually, no I didn't. If I did, I would have added more force to it." Sasuke replied, calmly. Naruto growled and sat up. He through it into the bag and got up. Sasuke, not wanting to do that again, ripped the draw out and dumped more of the panties into it. Naruto's eyes widened.
Sakura CANNOT blame him for that one.
Sasuke attempted to put the draw back to the way it was. It didn't work at all. He turned to Naruto and smirked. "Your turn." He sat on the be and watched as the boy hesitated and opened another draw. Naruto looked inside the draw. His pupils dialated as he reached for the ulitimate femine object.
The bra.
Sasuke watched in amazement as Naruto took three at a time and walked them to the bag. How in the WORLD is he used to holding those? I don't even wanna know... Naruto calmly placed them into the bag. Sasuke hated to admit it to himself, but he was impressed! Not only could Naruto take a bra and hold it, he could also pick up a few more and show no sign of disgust or fear!
Suddenly, Naruto's eyes widened. And, yet again, he started to run around the room. "AHHH! BRA GERMS! GET THEM OFF OF ME! GET THEM OFF!" Sasuke just watched. So much for being impressed... Sasuke sighed and pointed to the bathroom. Naruto stopped and stared at him curiously. "Teme, what are you pointing at?" He asked.
"The bathroom." The Uchiha stated
"Oh when you gotta go, you gotta-"
"No. WASH your HANDS."
"Oooooh. Thanks, teme!"
"Hn." Naruto slowly went into the bathroom, not wanting to run into anything. Finally he made it and shut the door. Sasuke smirked and counted down, knowing he would freak out.
3...2...1...
"TEME!" Naruto shrieked. Heh...Naruto shrieked...
"Hn?" Sasuke smriked.
Naruto ran out of the bathroom holding two packages of who knows what. Sasuke stared at the items curiously. Naruto eyes were wide. "TEME! SAKURA SMOKES CIGARS!" Sasuke actually had to put a hand over his mouth to supress his laughter. "What are we going to do?!"
Sasuke muffled something through his hand.
"Huh?"
Sasuke removed his hand. "I said, if the are cigars, why are they scented?"
"I don't know!"
Sasuke went into the bathroom and took the box out.
"They're called...tampons..."
"Sounds exclusive to me!"
"Huh?"
"Sounds like an exclusive club. Club Tampon!"
"..what do you think they are?"
Naruto unwrapped on and put it in his nose. "NOSE PROTECTERS!"
"Let's go with that."
"WOO!" Out of curiosity, Sasuke picked up a box and looked at the back. His eyes widened for a spilt second. "Hey Teme, why did your eyes just do that?"
"Do what?"
"Your eyes were widened for a second."
"Why were you staring?"
"I don't know."
"Hn."
"Well? What's on the back?" Sasuke stayed silent and handed him the box. Naruto took it. He read the box. "Hmm. Open package. Remove cardboard. Then-. OH MY GOD."
"Yeah."
Naruto stood there for a second, taking all the information in. His eyes went from the box to Sasuke and back to the box repeatedly. Sasuke finally got sick of it and asked. "What?"
"Girls put these-"
"Yup."
"And I have them in my-"
"Mmhm."
"Oh god."
"I would take those out if I were you..." Naruto ran back into the bathroom to rip the cursed tampon out.
Sasuke sighed and sat on the bed. Suddenly his eyes locked on a cabinet next to the T.V she had in her room. He stared. What could be in there? Out of curiousity, he walked over to it and opened it up. His jaw dropped. SASUKE'S jaw dropped. If his jaw drops, this could be bad.
It was a collection of Lifetime DVD's.
Sasuke stood there for a moment, looking at all the ultimate feminine DVD's. He took one out and looked at the cover. Pain and Tears. Weird... He went to the DVD player and put it in. It started to play automatically.
A narration came on. "This is a story about a girl who went to high school to have fun. But she got pain instead. Hi. I'm Miyuki Bates Lubella Jones. This is my story." Sasuke stared at the T.V.
Miyuki Bates Lubella Jones?
The story continued. It was basically a sterotypical high school movie, and yet, Sasuke found himself hugging his knees, sitting next to a box of tissues, crying and eating ice cream right out of the box. Naruto walked out of the bathroom and saw this. He threw the tampon to the ground and had a laughing fit. "TEME! You look so stupid right now!" No reply came from Sasuke because he was to focused on the T.V. Naruto stared. "Teme? TEME! I'm trying to insult you! You can at least reply!" Still no reply. "REPLY, TEM-!"
Sasuke swated a hand over his mouth. Naruto stared at him curiously, then stared at the T.V. 10 minutes later, Naruto was doing the same thing as Sasuke. Hugging his knees, sitting next to a box of tissues, crying and eating ice cream out of the box. Suddenly, Naruto stood up. "Come on, teme! It's time to be a man and stop watching this chick flic-"
"NO! Why are you breaking up with me, Makasko?" The T.V cried.
"...NO MAKASKO! WHY? WHHHYYY?!" Naruto wailed, stitting back down.
A click was heard at the door. The boys paid no attention to it. "HEY GUYS!" A voice yelled. "I'M BACK!" Sasuke and Naruto jumped.
Crap. Sakura!
She walked into her room to see the two boys sitting there hugging their knees, sitting next to a box of tissues, crying and eating ice cream out of the box. She stared at the for a second. It was silent. "Okay. Let's try again." She spun on her heal and walked out of the apartment. She opened the door again. "HEY GUYS! I'M HOME!" She walked back into the room to see the exact same thing. She sighed. "I was afraid of that. This really happening isn't it?"
"Um. No?" Naruto replied stupidly. Sasuke calmly stood up, wiped his man tears and cleaned up his mess. As if nothing happened, he walked back into the the room.
Sakura stared at him. "Such is Sasuke. Wait. You're watching Pain and Tears?" Sasuke nodded. Naruto shrugged and continued to watch the movie. "What did you pack for me?"
"Look." Sasuke stated.
Sakura stared at him curiously and went over to the bag. "Let's see. Shirts...pants..." A blush went across her face. "Bras...panties...tampons..."
"CURSE THE TAMPON!" Naruto screamed, throwing a fist in the air. Sakura walked into the bathroom the get her other toiletries. Sasuke glared at Naruto.
"What?"
"Curse the tampon?"
"Sorry!"
Sakura walked out of the bathroom and put the rest of the things into her bag. "Well, anyway, thanks guys!"
"Hn."
"Your welcome!" Suddenly, Sakura's eyes locked on to something. She picked it up.
Silence. Awkward silence.
"Hey. Care to explain the opened tampon?"
THE END!
Hope you enjoyed! Was it okay JayLeeJ?
Hope I didn't mess up the plot with my humor ways! XD
R&R please!
-Chibi Shino