I walked around the alleyways, smelling the smells of rotten fish and people. I wonder how Magnus is doing without me. I hear, from all the other warlock cats around town that he's throwing me a birthday party. I didn't even get an invitation. How rude.
Life as a warlock's cat wasn't easy. I mean, sometimes, they'd put some weird spell on you so your fur turned blue. And sometimes, they would disappear for weeks, leaving you with nothing but a huge empty house to wander around aimlessly. It is for all of these reasons that I left home.
Well, those reasons and Cynthia. She was a beautiful Siamese cat. I'll never forget the way her smooth, soft, whiskers glistened in the moonlight. And I'll never forget the way that she would meow so loud when she would step on a piece of glass. All in all, Cynthia was beautiful.
Too bad I knew she was having an affair with that orange furred tabby cat down the street. All of the female, and, well, frankly, some of the male cats around town thought he was all that. He wasn't. He wasn't even hot. And, I'm not a cat that deals with the labels of genders. I mean, we're all cats, and if I fall for you, it doesn't matter if you're male or female, you're my main kitten.
I finally made it up to the house Cynthia was living in, and jumped up on her window, laughing as I did so. If her owners found out I'd been doing this, they would so rebuke her for being a 'dirty kitty'. I had to admit. Our actions were kinky. I clawed on her window, looking for that small opening that I knew existed. Once I found it, I climbed right in, ignoring the fact that her owners could be sitting right there.
They weren't.
"Chairman Meow!" Cynthia whispered, before running over to me. "You came! Oh, I was hoping you would. You know I've missed you so much these past few days! I've been oh so lonely." She said, while wearing a pout on her beautiful, tan fur.
I tried my best not to roll my eyes. I knew that she was getting it on with Timothy. Just wondering who the hell names their cat that, anyway? I personally think that his owners have no respect for him. Magnus graced me with a name as beautiful as Chairman Meow, while he was stuck with a name that was designed for a human. Typical.
"Cynthia, don't play games with me. I know Timothy's been here. Don't lie to me." Her whiskers curled, as they always did when she was nervous, and it was then that I realized that I was absolutely correct. She had been cheating on me. Although I had always believed it, knowing it for sure really hurt me. More than I would have assumed it would.
"Listen, Chairman Meow, you hadn't been here for so many days. And I was feeling oh so lonely. And he came over for a visit. It turned into something I know it shouldn't have, and I'm terribly sorry that I did that to you. I should have known that it would probably ruin our amazing relationship. I guess all I can do now is hope that you'll forgive me for my stupidity? Please? I love you, Chairman Meow. And I know it's more than I should, but I don't care. I want to be with you."
Who would have known this would hurt so much? She was whispering that she wanted to be with me, but she had proved otherwise by her actions. And I wasn't going to let some slutty ally-cat bring down my pride, no matter how tempting that offer sounded in my mind.
"Cynthia, you lied to me when you told me you loved me. If you loved me, you never would have cheated on me the way you did. I honestly can't believe that you would do something like this, but I'm not going to just accept it. We're done, Cynthia. I hate to say it, but we're over." And with as much dignity as I could muster, I climbed out of her window, not even gracing her with a look behind me as I jumped down from the ledge, ignoring the tears that were falling onto my whiskers.
"Well," I thought to myself, "You did the right thing, Chairman Meow. No matter how much it hurts, one day, you'll be proud of yourself for making this decision. You shouldn't let yourself get down by bitchy cats who think they can walk all over you. You're better than that."
My little pep-talk to myself really helped. I mean, I was actually starting to get over Cynthia. Now, I know what you're thinking, you two only broke up thirty seconds ago, why are you moving so fast? Well there are two reasons for that. One of them being that she was a cheating whore who I didn't want anything to do with and the second was that… well… I was a cat. I mean, let's be serious now, cats didn't have really strong emotions.
So, while I continued to wander the ally streets, I started thinking to myself. Where else do I have to go? What other reason to I have to stay away from home? None. So, with those thoughts, I started walking the familiar road back to the home of my owner, the warlock, Magnus Bane.
Little did I know that I would have one visitor who would try and steal all of Magnus's love away from me. His name was Alec. And he was my worst nightmare.
This. Is. A. JOKE people. Just so you know. I would never write about a cat… hehehe(: Shoutout to earthtosarah, who inspired me to write this catty story 3 review if you found humor in it, but, honestly, I don't think you will… because I'm the only one who finds humor in cat-ness.