Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or Castle.
A/N: Hi everyone! This is my very first time ever writing fan fiction. I don't know how much I'm going to write, but I've been toying with this idea for a while. Reviews are appreciated! Enjoy!
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It was a slow day at the precinct since a body hadn't dropped in a week. Detective Kate Beckett was trying to work through the pile of paperwork that had been backed up for about a month while Castle played with his phone. Every once in a while, she would notice him sneak glances at her, but she was used to it by now. Luckily, his behavior had been reined in due to the fact that if he slipped up just once, Captain "Iron" Gates would have him out of the precinct before he could say, "I'm sorry!"
Things have been a little odd with Castle these days. It wasn't that Beckett didn't like the silence while she was working, but over these past few years, it didn't feel right to not have Castle annoying her all the time. To make things worse, he had been on her mind more and more since her inevitable breakup with Josh a few weeks ago, especially since he didn't pounce on her once he found out, which surprised her a bit. It's almost as if he lost interest a bit, which worried her. Why? She won't admit, but it does worry her.
Castle, on the other hand, had not lost interest; not by a long shot, but he knew her. He knew that she needed time to get her emotions in check, but he was practically bursting at the seams. His worry was that if he didn't act soon enough, he was going to lose her to yet another guy. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but he was afraid of how she would react if he did so.
That's when he had an idea. Now, he just needed a way to execute it. Luckily, Martha called him needing him to help with the paperwork for her new acting studio/apartment.
"Hey, I need to head home for a bit. See you this afternoon!" He said to Beckett.
"Oh, okay. See ya," Beckett replied, only slightly confused. Then again, she was glad that he wasn't giving Gates a reason to throw him out.
A couple hours later, Castle walked back into the precinct, and Beckett had made a significant dent in her pile of paperwork.
"You've been gone for a while," she greeted him when he plopped down in his chair.
"Yea, Mother needed me to help with paperwork for her acting studio/apartment, and then, we went to get lunch. I just wonder how long it's going to take for her to come back to the loft this time," he replied lightly.
Twenty minutes passed while paperwork was done and phones were played with. Beckett seemed to notice that Castle seemed a little anxious in his chair and was trying to hide it. Although she was curious, she just chalked it up to typical Castle.
"Hey," he said.
"Mmm?" she replied, focusing on the form she was working on.
"Can I talk to you about something?" he asked, nervous.
She eyed him curiously. "S-sure," she said, unsure about what he wanted.
He motioned her to the break room and closed the door behind them.
"So, what do you want, Castle?" she asked confidently, masking the nervousness she felt inside.
"Do you want some coffee? I want some coffee," he replied, clearly nervous about something.
Confused, she replied, "Sure."
After he made their cups of coffee, he gestured her over to the couch. He seemed even more anxious than he was earlier, nervous even, staring at the floor.
"Castle, what did you want?" she asked, her mask still holding.
He looked at her, and she saw an interesting mix of emotions play across his face: a combination of anxiousness, nervousness, strength, confidence, and concern. Now, she was really curious.
Scrunching his face up in a look that primarily showed concern, he slowly said, "I've got a couple of questions that I want you to answer honestly."
"Okay?" she replied, her mask starting to fall with a look of concern showing through.
Taking a breath, he continued, "Would you agree that we both have feelings that we are afraid and too uncomfortable with to share with the other?"
Oh great! Did he really just bring that up? Oh my God, he did just bring that up! She thought. She already acknowledged that she heard him after she was shot, but at the time, she was still with Josh and didn't know what to do with the information. Her mask was beginning to fall a bit more, clearly showing a mix of discomfort and nervousness as she quickly avoided his eyes and looked at the floor, closing her eyes in an attempt to rein in her emotions.
"I'm going to take that as a 'yes,'" he stated, reading her body language. "Ok, now, would you also agree that if I would go ahead and tell you everything that I feel, you would probably shut down and try to run away, not feeling in control of the situation?" he asked, still nervous yet showing a sense of control.
Now, it was her turn to scrunch her face up in a mix of concern and acceptance. Still staring at the ground, she hesitantly whispered, "Probably."
"That's what I thought," he replied, no trance of smugness in his voice. "I think I have a solution."
At this, she looked up. He was reaching for something in his coat pocket, and what he retrieved was an envelope. Holding it out to her, he explained, "In this envelope, I have written down everything I want to tell you in regards to how I feel. However, I don't want you to open it until you are ready to know what it says. That way, you maintain control over the situation and when you feel is the right time to know."
Surprise was written across her face. He patiently waited to see what she would do. She eyed the envelope, a multitude of emotions playing across her facial features. After a few seconds that felt like hours, she hesitantly reached for the envelope and took it, not knowing that she was holding it very close in a protective manner. Castle caught on to that, but he didn't let his emotions betray him.
They let a few moments of silence pass between them before Castle said, "Okay, I'll leave you to go talk to Lanie now. I think there's a few things with my latest book that I need to check into with Paula. Call me if a body drops!"
She eyed him curiously when he mentioned talking to Lanie, but she couldn't help but smile a little, knowing just how well he knew her.
A few weeks had passed since the envelope exchange. Life seemed to go on normally as if it never happened, which Kate actually appreciated because she didn't want things to be weird with Castle since their talk. They had just wrapped up a particularly trying case, and Castle invited them all out to The Old Haunt for complimentary celebratory drinks afterwards.
The six of them, including Jenny, were all sitting in a booth, clearly having a great time. After a couple of hours of drinking and chatting, Jenny and Lanie headed to the bathroom while Ryan and Esposito headed to get the next round of drinks, leaving Castle and Beckett alone at the table. Castle had noticed all night that she seemed kind of nervous around him, but she also seemed really happy, so he wasn't too worried.
Lost in his thoughts, he was pulled back to reality when Beckett quietly said, "Rick!" It was a rare occasion when she used his first name, so she had his attention immediately. She was digging through her purse, keeping an eye out for the others so that they did not see what she was doing, and she pulled out what looked like the same envelope that Castle had given her a few weeks ago.
When she handed it to him across the table, he was a bit crestfallen at first, but then she said with a smile on her face, "Open it."
That's when he turned the envelope over and noticed an addition to it. Over the seal of the envelope, there was a lipstick kiss mark. Sealed with a kiss, he mused to himself quietly, suddenly feeling hopeful and nervous but happy. When he opened the envelope, he pulled out a piece of paper that was different that then one he wrote to her. It smelled of cherries, making him smile internally. Looking around to make sure they were still alone and stealing a quick glance at Kate, he opened the letter and read to himself,
Yes, I would love to have dinner with you sometime. 3
Looking up, all he could do was smile back at her beautiful face.