Turning the Page
Author's Note: Law & Order: SVU and its characters are owned by Dick Wolf. (If it were mine, Chris Meloni would still be on the show!)
I've already written one version of what I'd like to happen after Elliot hands in his retirement papers. (Please read it and review as well. The story is called "Just Tell Her" and is published here). This time around I've done a story set right after the shooting. What happens to Elliot and Olivia in the immediate aftermath of the shooting in the precinct. Will Elliot turn to Olivia? Will Olivia be able to help him. This is going to be a multi chapter story. So hopefully you guys enjoy. This is more dramatic and has more angst than Just Tell Her but I hope you all enjoy it anyway.
Chapter 1
Olivia walked home as if in a trance. She could not believe what had just happened. She opted to walk from Bellevue in 1st avenue to her apartment in Alphabet City. It was a cold night and it was not a short walk, but after all the deaths that she just encountered, including that of a teenage shooter, it was definitely a day in hell.
Physically she was okay. She didn't get shot. Psychologically, she knew she was definitely better off than Elliot. Elliot shot Jenna, she didn't. It didn't matter that Jenna was the one who caused the carnage in the precinct. She was only a child – she had been so traumatized with the death of her mother, that she was driven to shoot the people responsible and other people who just were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Elliot had done the right thing to shoot her because more people would have died if he didn't. But still, in a way she glad that she wasn't in Elliot's shoes right now. She knew how bad he must be hurting at the moment.
Elliot had gone to Bellevue with them but Olivia had been caught up with the routine of the job after such incident that she didn't realize until too late that Elliot had quietly left the hospital.
As she neared her apartment in Avenue A and 3rd Street, she realized just how worried she was about Elliot. She knew how he took things to heart. And killing a teenage girl, even if was the same girl who had caused the carnage, must be crushing him right now. She took out her cell phone from her pocket and saw that she did not have missed calls from anyone except Fin. No calls from Elliot. She glanced at her watch. It was nearly 11 pm! When she realized how late it was and she had no calls from Elliot, she decided to dial his number. His phone rang and rang but voicemail came on. She tried a second and a third time. Nothing. Nada. Still just voicemail.
Finally giving up, she decided that she'd try again after she got home. She finally turned into her block and then gratefully, she let herself inside her building. Suddenly feeling cold, she ran up the stairs to her third floor walk up and hurried opened the door to her apartment. All at once, she saw him.
Elliot. He was sitting on her couch, head on his hands. At first she thought she didn't her come in. But then he looked up and the anguish and sadness that she saw in his face…in his eyes broke her heart.
Olivia quickly closed the door and without word, she went straight to her partner, her best friend, and the man she knew she loved, sat down beside him and took him in her arms in a warm and tight embrace.
There in Olivia's arms, Elliot began to cry. It was gut wrenching to see him cry like that. His sobs filled the room and this body shook even as Olivia held him. There was almost something primal in his cries. It felt like the sobs of a man who has been broken. Olivia began crying too.
She wanted to tell him it would be okay. But she couldn't. And it wasn't because she didn't think it would be okay in the long run. It was because she knew Elliot. She knew he wouldn't want to hear that right now. Not when everything was so NOT okay.
Instead she just held him. They cried in each other's arms. Her tears were silent. She didn't have the heart to sob out loud too because she knew that would only break his heart even more. So she just held him.
After long minutes, Elliot's tears began to subside. His sobs got softer and softer until he finally stopped and was quiet. After a few moments, when everything was silent, Olivia slowly pulled away from him. She touched his cheek, and brushed the remaining stray tears then spoke up for the first time, "Elliot, I'm so sorry."
"Shit, Liv. What did I do?"
"You stopped someone who was shooting at people from shooting more people!"
"But that someone is Jenna! She didn't deserve to die!"
"Neither did Sister Peg! Look you're going to drive yourself crazy. Just stop for the moment. Why don't you just rest? Do you want me to drive you home to Kathy?"
Elliot shook his head. "Hey I'm sorry if I just barged in here. And that I didn't answer your calls. I just couldn't."
Olivia grabbed his hand and looking at him straight in the eye told him, "Elliot, it's okay. I'm glad you came here. But we need to make sure that Kathy is not going to worry about you. Let me call her."
"No, it's okay. I already told her I wasn't going to be back for tonight. I told her I had to work extra late." Elliot advised Olivia.
Looking at him, Olivia slowly nodded. "Okay."
"Hey, Liv, do you mind if I stayed here for a while? I just don't want to be alone but I can't be at home. I just can't do that right now."
Olivia nodded.
"Liv, can you just sit with me for a while? We don't have to talk. We can just sit in silence." Elliot asked. His words were simple but his eyes were pleading for her to say yes.
She didn't even answer. Instead, Olivia just settled back onto the couch, just sitting next to Elliot. For a while they just sat in silence. Then in a sad voice, Elliot spoke up again and asked, "Do you hate me, Liv? Do you hate me for what I did?"
"I don't think I could ever hate you, El. I know I can't possibly understand how you feel right now, but please know none of us think of you any differently. I promise you that. " Olivia looked at him straight in the eye trying to make sure that he understood that she meant every word.
"Well at least that makes one of us." Elliot's remark was bitter.
"El, you can't blame yourself. You did what you were trained to do."
"We were supposed to protect her. We were supposed to help her get justice for her mother. And instead I kill her in cold blood!" The self-loathing that he felt was evident in Elliot's voice. "
"She was shooting people in the precinct including innocent ones. You did what you were trained to do El! I know I can't make you believe that right now. But that's what you did."
"Oh, God, Liv, what have I done?" A groan of anguish escaped from Elliot.
Once more, Olivia wasn't capable of answering. He was too distraught right now that any reassurance right now would just agitate him more. So she did the only she could do, she just engulfed him in an embrace again.
His breathing which was bordering on hyperventilation started to slow down and normalize at her embrace. And then all of a sudden, she didn't know what it was that signaled it for her, but all at once she felt a shifting in Elliot.
At that moment, he drew away from her and then took her face in his hands, his blue eyes looking deeply into her brown ones. What she saw there, made Olivia's heart pound. There was longing, so much longing as well as pain and sadness and need. Her face became flushed as Elliot continued to stare at her.
Then slowly, he lowered his head and he captured her mouth in a slow, heated kiss. At first Olivia was frozen and didn't respond. But she didn't pull away either. After a few seconds of kisses that didn't seem to elicit any reaction from her, Elliot stopped then looking at her again, he whispered, "Please Liv, please."
Alarm bells were ringing in Olivia's head. "Please." Elliot repeated, still looking at her. He was pleading with her. She knew that it was a bad idea. That he was acting out because of what had happened. She was at war with herself in her head. She shouldn't do this. She shouldn't do this. He was married. He's not the cheating kind. And she's not the adulterous kind. She shouldn't do this.
"Please." Elliot whispered once more, still looking at her. "Pl-"
Elliot didn't get to finish that last please, because Olivia kissed him then. The moment their lips touched, both felt like they were drowning and flying all at the same time. Their kisses were hot, intense, wet and full of the pent up passion that they had both been carrying and keeping locked up for all of these 12 years.
Soon they were in Olivia's bedroom and clothes were being shed. When they were both naked, Elliot stood looking at Olivia. "Oh my God, Liv, you're beautiful!" And while she was standing there, he began to kiss her again. He started with her lips and started making his way down. From her lips, he went to her neck which he nibbled on before trailed little kisses down to her beautiful breasts. Her nipples were already standing in attention as he reached the right one. Once there, he gave it the proper homage due the beauty of them. He circled the nipple with his tongue and then slowly he pulled it to let her feel a little bit of pain. Olivia yelped but then pushed his mouth back onto her breast. He repeated the same thing, this time though, instead of releasing it after pulling on the nipple, he then released it only to capture it again and suck it. Then he trailed two kisses to get to her other breast and he did exactly the same thing.
Olivia was flushed and breathing rapidly from arousal. She could feel herself getting more and more wet. She was so focused on what Elliot was doing to her that she barely felt his male hardness against her. But when she finally realized how had he had become as he was pleasuring her, she suddenly couldn't wait to feel all of him inside her.
This time it was Olivia who moaned and said the word. "Please." She breathed.
"Not yet." Elliot said. And he started the trail of kisses again. As he reached Olivia's sweet spot, he took one finger and put slowly put it inside her wet slit. Elliot felt his finger slip easily inside her. "You're so wet."
At his words, Olivia suddenly grew bold. She pulled him up and reached down to hold his cock. The moment she held it, she gasped at its hardness and size. "You're so big…and hard…."
"I know baby. You do that to me. In fact you've been doing that to me for most of 12 years." He looked completely unabashed with his answer and his face was very flushed too.
Hearing this only served to enflame Olivia more. She moaned and made a motion that told Elliot that she wanted him now. By now, Elliot was at his breaking point too and could no longer resisted Olivia. "Please…" Olivia said again.
Not needing another invitation, Elliot slowly entered her. He wanted to take it slowly but she was so wet and Olivia pulled him down.
"Oh my God, El!" Elliot didn't move. Instead, he just let Olivia feel his entire length inside her as her wet walls enclosed him. Even not moving and just like that, it felt so good. It was so good that Elliot couldn't stay motionless for long.
Elliot started pumping and thrusting slowly inside her. His movements weren't fast. They were slow and very deliberate. And with each thrust, he kept his eyes on Olivia. There were moments whe Olivia felt so much pleasure that she would inadvertently close her eyes. But then Elliot would see them closed and tell her to open them.
He wanted her eyes to remain on him. It was almost like he was offering his body and soul to her. Deep down, Olivia realized this wasn't just physical. But she didn't want to think about that right now. It was too much already to even try and indulge that thought.
Elliot continued to ride her and with each thrust he brought both of them closer and closer to the edge. "LIv, cum for baby." Elliot said in an urgent and hot whisper.
"Oh God!" Olivia moaned. He felt so good inside of her.
Elliot took both her legs and put them on his shoulders and Olivia felt her walls clamp around his hard cock even more with the new position. "Oh God, El, I'm gonna cum."
"Cum for me baby." Elliot urged never stopping his motions that were driving her to the edge, never taking his eyes off of her face.
Then suddenly Olivia arched her back and she gave a loud moan. In ecstasy, she closed her eyes as Elliot drove her to climax. As Elliot watched her come completely undone, he almost came undone himself.
But he forced himself to keep the pace. But he couldn't hold on much longer and as her orgasm subsided, Elliot's self- control slipped away and he thrust faster and faster until with one last thrust, he spilled inside her. His body shook and was wet with sweat. He kept moving even as he came and finally collapsed in Olivia's arms when he was done.
They fell asleep soon after. They didn't talk. They just held each other. Elliot fell asleep first and because he did, he never saw the tears started falling from Olivia's eyes.
A/N: Chapter 2 up by next week. In the meantime tell me what you think here! Reviews very much appreciated.