Pirates of the Caribbean
The Unattended Vodka
-Will has just entered the conversation-
-Jack has just entered the conversation-
Will: Hi Jack!!
Will: Jack?
Jack: Hey
Will: Hi what you up to?
Jack: Drinking at the bar.
Jack: Right in front of you.
Jack: I've been waving for the last twenty minutes.
Will: I was just being polite.
Jack: That's a first.
Will: Where is everybody anyway?
Will: They were supposed to meet us like, now.
Will: Maybe they've forgotten about us!
Jack: Or maybe they have lives.
Will: Hmmm, maybe so...
-Lizzie has just entered the conversation-
Will: Hi!
Will: Late much?
Lizzie: Oh haha.
Lizzie: Hi Jack
Jack: Hey Lizzybeth
Lizzie: I forgot I was supposed to meet you.
Will: See Jack? Told ya.
Will: Where's Barbossa?
Jack: Yea, I need someone sane to talk to.
Lizzie: Dunno, last time I saw him he was having some trouble with his monkey.
Jack: On second thought, maybe not.
Will: Aww, never mind.
Will: So Lizzie, what are you up to then?
Lizzie: Oh, nothing much - just watching you two from the other side of the bar.
Lizzie: I've been waving for the last twenty minutes.
Will: I was just being polite...
Jack: That's a first.
Jack: Anyway, I'll have to start without Barbossa's wisdom upon us...
Will: See any girls you like then?
Jack: Nope, not yet.
Will: There's that one behind the bar.
Jack: Hmm... She's alright.
Will: And her over there by the door.
Jack: Yea, she looks nice.
Lizzie: That's me.
Will: No... I meant that one behind you, she's much pre...
Will: Haha, erm no, that is you Elizabeth hehe...
Jack: I get ya.
Will: How about her? She looks cool.
Jack: She does.
Lizzie: Is this all you do?
Lizzie: 'Uh... she looks nice... Uh yea...'
Will: Not all the time.
Will: Man, I wish I was on the pull again.
Lizzie: What!??!?
Will: Yep... not knowing who to talk to, that whole trial and error business...
Will: All that jazz.
Lizzie?
Jack: It's not all that...
Lizzie: Will!
Will: What? Oh right...
-Barbossa has entered the conversation-
Will: Saved by the bell!
Jack: Erm...
Barbossa: Hey
Lizzie: Hello Barbossa.
Barbossa: Elizabeth.
Jack: Barbossa.
Barbossa: Jack. Will?
Will: Barbossa.
Jack: Elizabeth.
Lizzie: Jack.
Will: Elizabeth.
Will: Elizabeth?
Barbossa: Will.
Lizzie: Oh, I'm sorry Will. I was too busy staring at that man over there, wishing I was still 'allowed' to be on the pull to reply to you.
Will: Don't start.
Lizzie: I'll start what I want to start, thank you very much.
Barbossa: ...
Barbossa: Start what, dare I ask?
Jack: I'm advising you not to.
Lizzie: Well, William was just saying how much he missed being 'out on the pull'...
Will: Yes, but I never said that I wanted to!
Lizzie: Yes you did.
Will: Did I?
Will: Oh yes.
Jack: So how have you been Barbossa?
Barbossa: Fine, fine. Had some trouble with Jack – he didn't want to let go of my new hat you see.
Will: Lizzie – I didn't really mean it...
Lizzie: Don't call me that. You are to refer to me by my full name from now on thank you very much.
Barbossa: Yep, I had to wrestle it back from him,
Will: Oh fine, Elizabeth.
Lizzie: It's Miss Swann.
Barbossa: He put up a bit of a fight, took me a while before he let go. Of course he went into one of his sulks afterwards, but that was to be expected,
Will: Miss Swann? Oh whatever...
Lizzie: Don't you whatever me, Mr 'I wish I was on the pull again'...
Will: Look, I didn't mean it... really...
Will: Elizabeth?
Barbossa: Yep. Caught him with my shoes earlier, you don't wanna know what he was doing with those...
Barbossa: Or should I say – what he was doing IN those...
Jack: What did you do?
Will: I mean, I didn't really say anything bad did I?
Will: If you really put your mind to it, and that shouldn't be difficult for you, Elizabeth.
Lizzie: Don't try it. And how on Earth was none of that bad?? You said that you wished that you were still on the pull! In front of your wife-to-be!
Barbossa: I just left him to it. It's like his way of letting off steam.
Jack: So he didn't know you were there?
Will: Well I mean, I said I wished that I could be... meaning er, that I wished I was on the pull again, to er... talk to you?
Lizzie: Really?
Barbossa: Nah, I don't think so.
Lizzie: You mean that?
Barbossa: Well would you make a sceptical of yourself when you find your monkey excreting little objects in your boots?
Will: Of course.
Jack: Hm, I agree.
Barbossa: How have you been Elizabeth?
Lizzie: Oh fine, thank you. And you?
Barbossa: Yes, yes, I'm fine too.
Elizabeth: Oh good.
Will: Get a room.
Jack: Haha, good one.
Will: Why thank you.
Lizzie:(
Jack: Does anyone want a drink then?
Lizzie: Oh yes please.
Will: Yep, just rum thanks.
Barbossa: Yarp.
Lizzie: Just an orange juice for me.
Barbossa: Vodka. I don't have time for that weak twaddle.
Jack: ...
Jack: Right, rum for Will, an orange for Lizzie and vodka for Barbossa.
Will: That's right.
Barbossa: What did Jack want with us anyway?
Lizzie: He needed our help with a problem of his.
Will: Yea, he needs a wife.
Barbossa: A wife?
Will: I know, I was shocked too.
Lizzie: I wasn't really; he did ask me to marry him last year.
Will: I didn't know that!!
Lizzie: Well now you do.
Barbossa: Crikey.
Will: Yes... So he has decided that he was getting old and needed a back-up.
Lizzie: Someone who was nice,
Will: Good looking,
Lizzie: Who wouldn't care in the slightest if he cheated,
Will: Got drunk,
Lizzie: Stole from her,
Will: Or went off and never came back again.
Lizzie: So basically no one on this Earth.
Barbossa: Quite a sticky wicket then?
Lizzie: Yes, exactly.
Will: Um, yea, exactly.
Jack: I'm back.
Jack: And I've got drinks!
Barbossa: Oh good.
Barbossa: Yep, I needed that.
Will: So did I.
Lizzie: OMG
Lizzie: Pirates are coming!!!
Lizzie: No joke.
Will: Well duh, we're sitting right here...
Jack: Seriously?
Lizzie: Oh seriously? Seriously no.
Lizzie: Of course seriously!! We have to get out of here!
Jack: But we've just got drinks!
Lizzie: You'll have to leave them!
Barbossa: I'm thinking not.
Will: So, why do we have to leave?
Lizzie: Because pirates are coming!
Lizzie: No joke.
Will: I got that. But aren't we pirates?
Jack: I don't... think so...
Will: Oh haha. Well, we should be alright then. They're just pirates.
Barbossa: And I really don't want to leave my vodka unattended.
Jack: And how do you know anyway?
Lizzie: Look!!
Jack: Where?
Lizzie: Out the window!
Will: Ah.
Jack: Right.
Barbossa: I see.
Will: They don't look like nice pirates.
Barbossa: Maybe not.
Jack: Hm.
Jack: Oh, and they're heading for this tavern.
Barbossa: Ah.
Lizzie: This tavern!?!?!
Lizzie: Quick! We have to go!
Barbossa: Lets stay, I'm in the mood...
Will: For dancin'...
Barbossa: For a fight.
Lizzie: We can't take them all on while three of us are drunk!
Jack: I'm ashamed of all of you.
Lizzie: Haha Jack, very funny.
Will: Well we need to escape!
Lizzie: Yes, but how?
Will: By the back roads, we should be able to reach The Pearl without meeting any of them.
Jack: But which ones?
Will: I know my way around town.
Lizzie: He's right.
Barbossa: We need to be quick!
Lizzie: I know; pirates are coming!
Lizzie: No joke!
Will: I think I can get us out.
Jack: Then let's go!
Will: Follow me!
Will: Come on!
Will: Will you hurry up?
Barbossa: I don't want to spill my vodka.
Jack: You brought it with you?
Barbossa: I didn't want to leave it unattended did I?
Jack: Damn, I wish I'd thought of that.
Lizzie: No offence, but Barbossa you can be a bit of a twonk sometimes.
Will: Well drink it up or something, we have to start running.
Barbossa: I can't, I'll get poisoned.
Barbossa: OK I won't, but I like to take my time with a good drink.
Will: Down here.
Jack: Euch, it's disgusting.
Will: This is the street I used to live on.
Will: Here's a question, why every time I'm in Port Royale does someone raid it?
Jack: Now there's a thinker.
Lizzie: Now's no time for thinking!
Jack: I was being sarcastic...
Lizzie: And don't make so much noise either.
Lizzie: All that splashing... Has it been raining?
Will: I don't think so, it's the Caribbean.
Jack: Have you ever heard of hurricanes?
Jack: Well they bring rain as well apparently.
Will: Really? Wow, who'd of thought?
Barbossa: It's just me.
Barbossa: All this running has caused me to spill large amounts of vodka all over the floor and the sound is it hitting the ground.
Jack: How much have you got in there Barbossa?
Barbossa: 'bout, half a glass?
Jack: Still?
Barbossa: Yes.
Jack: Right.
Lizzie: Can't you two shut up?
Barbossa: I would, if people would just stop making comments about my drink.
Will: This way.
Jack: Euch, it's even smellier down here.
Will: I never said it was pretty.
Jack: Yes you did.
Will: Well I must have been talking about something else.
Will: Now we take a left and...
Will: STOP!
Jack: Why?
Lizzie: OMG
Lizzie: The pirates are coming!
Lizzie: No joke!
Will: Shush!
Barbossa: Take that!
Will: Where?
Barbossa: HAY-YAH!
Barbossa: Gotcha.
Lizzie: Wow Barbossa, that was good.
Barbossa: I know.
Will: Oh why don't you just marry him?
Lizzie: Shut up.
Jack: So that's why you brought your drink.
Barbossa: Yes, a satisfying thirst quencher and a handy weapon.
Jack: Is there anything alcohol can't do?
Will: OK, the coast is clear,
Jack: Apart from the pirate ship of course.
Will: Let's move!
Lizzie: I think I recognise this street...
Jack: Oh that's nice.
Will: Well now it will be imprinted in your memory forever as the street in which Barbossa knocked out a pirate with a glass of vodka.
Barbossa: It was nothing.
Will: You'll have to teach me, Barbossa.
Barbossa: It's not something that can be taught, but something you have to discover yourself.
Barbossa: Know what I mean?
Will: Oh, I know exactly what you mean...
Lizzie: No you don't.
Jack: I can see The Pearl!
Will: Where?
Jack: Over there.
Will: Oh right.
Will: We're getting close; all we need to do is cross this bridge and follow the road from there.
Lizzie: Look! More Pirates!
Lizzie: No joke!
Lizzie: And they're coming towards us!
Will: Bad times.
Jack: If we crouch, we can get across the bridge without them seeing us.
Will: Good times.
Barbossa: Away then,
Barbossa: And... Crouch!
Jack: Ouch, my back.
Jack: Old age must be catching up with me.
Lizzie: Either that or Barbossa's poking you in the back with a stick.
Barbossa: Hehehe.
Jack: Would you stop that?
Will: We're over!
Jack: Why? I thought you two loved each other?
Will: Oh haha Jack.
Lizzie: Very funny.
Will: I meant we're over the bridge.
Jack: Well Barbossa's over the hill.
Jack: Ba dum bum ch.
Will: Now we're at the road. All we need to do is follow it and we're back at The Pearl!
Barbossa: Yeay.
Will: Hurry up!
Lizzie: I'm trying!
Will: Wow, this conversation is usually the other way around...
Jack: A little more than we needed to know, Will.
Will: Right.
Lizzie: Look! The Pearl!
Lizzie: No joke.
Barbossa: Huzzah!
Barbossa: Finally.
Will: You could be a bit more grateful since I have just saved you from an evil pirate related death.
Barbossa: Ok then.
Barbossa: Huzzah!
Barbossa: And not a moment too soon.
Jack: Better.
Lizzie: Our longboats are still here and everything!
Will: I should hope so.
Lizzie: Oh shut up... Jack, you and Barbossa have that one and me and Will will share this one.
Barbossa: Oh goody! I'd love a boat ride!
Jack: Too far.
Barbossa: I was being sarcastic.
Jack: Is everyone ready then?
Lizzie: Yes.
Barbossa: Yarp.
Will: Yep-a-mundo.
Jack: Then let's go!
Will: Man, rowing is hard. Why can't you row Elizabeth?
Lizzie: You know I would, but I'm still a bit wound up about that 'on the pull' comment you made earlier.
Will: You're not still on that are you...?
Lizzie: What have I just said? And you should be apologizing.
Will: Fine. I'm sorry.
Lizzie: That's all I wanted to hear.
Will: It wasn't was it?
Lizzie: Well yes, but 'I will buy you lots of presents and a really big engagement ring' would be nice.
Will: Pah!
Lizzie: Don't you 'pah' me.
Barbossa: Will you just shut up? Look, we're nearly there.
Jack: Yeay, just in the nick of time.
Lizzie?
Jack: Look behind you.
Lizzie: Oh no! Port Royale! In flames!
Lizzie: Again!
Lizzie: The pirates have burnt it!
Lizzie: No joke!
Will: Don't worry, it's been rebuilt a million times, they can do it again. It'll probably be ultra-modern by the time we get back.
Jack: Yea, with working lights and everything!
Lizzie: I suppose so.
Barbossa: OK we're back.
Will: Finally...
Jack: Up and over... yep, just how we left it.
Will: No evil pirates then?
Jack: Nope, only the crew. And even they're not so evil.
Barbossa: Look the pirates are leaving!
Barbossa: No joke!
Lizzie: Oh please, Barbossa, nobody says that anymore...