Mark has got his work.
Mark lives for his work.
Mark's in love with his work.
Mark hides in his work.
From facing your failure...
Facing your loneliness...
Facing the fact you live a lie.
You're always preaching not to be numb, when that's how you thrive.
You pretend to create and observe when you really detach from feeling alive.
For someone who longs for a community of his own, who's behind his camera, Alone?

Those words hurt, Roger. I never knew you hated my filming so much. I never noticed how much it consumed my life.

I never knew how much you hated me for it.

Roger, after you left, there hasn't been much to do. Your words haunt me day and night. They've haunted me so much I've done the unthinkible.

I've thrown away my camera.

It's crushed into little bits of metal probably by now.

I've thrown away everything having to do with film. The projector, rolls of film, in process film, everything. I got a good sum of money from selling them to the garbage guy. $500 to live off of. I quit the Buzzkill job. So, yeah, I have nothing anymore.

Nothing besides an addiction. Heroin. The same as you, but I have taken steps to avoid the mistakes you did. I order over the counter, I've bought brand new needle, and I follow directions. But still, I'm addicted. I have it, crave it, need it, seven times a day. I know you'd scream at me, punch me, do whatever you thought was right to stop me.

What you don't know is that its because of you that I have the craving. Because of your words I've destroyed my one true passion in life. Because of your leaving I've become a victim to this...this...this drug. I can't say anything else.

God, why am I like this!? I need it...now! I run to the cabinet, almost tearing off the door for the needle. I keep the powder in plain sight. I don't care if anybody sees. They think I'm nuts, fuck them.

Eagerly, I stab the needle into me. My head snaps back into a groan, feeling as the powder seeps into my veins.

I don't remember collasping onto the couch, nor sliding to the floor. Nor the passing out that followed. All I remember is relief. Sweet, sweet relief.