Another Merlin fic! Song fic to the Florence + the Machine song, 'Howl'. This is a continuation of 'No Light, No Light'.
Spoilers for the finale of season 4.
Howl
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart
She had been right when she knew that Merlin would return to her-he always did. She had placed the flowers, wrapped in his neckerchief, in a vase she had stolen. Even now after another thwarted attempt at overthrowing Camelot, he'd come back. She smirked as she remembered how he'd stolen her magic. Oh, she knew.
It was a twisted game they'd play, and it took all of her self-restraint not to attack him then and there, taking him in the middle of the throne room as he took her every night.
But no. He still remained loyal to her loving brother. Her smirk turned into a frown and she glared at the flowers, wilting them so that they matched her heart.
She knew in her head that they could never be, but her heart said otherwise. She'd stopped listening to her heart long ago in all areas of her life-except for him. Why he didn't just kill her when he knocked her back, she'd never know.
He took her to the woods, presumably leaving her for dead. But the Aithusa had turned up and brought her back to life. She knew in her heart that Merlin had sent the dragon, even if he wouldn't admit it. He hadn't been around in what felt like a year, but she still waited.
His side of the bed remained untouched. Sometimes she'd wake, thinking that he'd returned to her, only to feel the cold side of the bed and cry, scream, rage, and destroy her little house.
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to
She returned to her hovel, truly alone. He didn't return for days and she thought he must have finally made up his mind. That is, until he knocked down the door one evening.
"Hello, Merlin," she greeted as if it were a normal occurrence, him destroying her property. (Well, it was.)
He said nothing as he stalked up to her, taking her wrists in anger, "So this is how you repay me?"
She smirked, satisfied that her little stunt of blasting away the knights had caught his attention. If he wouldn't come to her willingly, she'd force him to come to her in anger.
"I saved your life how many times now?" he released her hands, instead shaking her by the shoulders. His fingers dug into her bare flesh, marking her skin.
Her green eyes narrowed and she kicked him in the knee, escaping his grasp.
"You're the one who poisoned me," she spat, crossing her arms.
He raised his arms into the air, exasperated.
"We've had this conversation before. I thought you were the source!"
"That doesn't absolve you of your sins, Merlin. Don't act so high and mighty," she glared, "if you'd only told the truth from the beginning..."
"What? I'd be on your side?" Merlin laughed, "I'd never be on your side, Morgana."
She tilted her head defiantly, "Then leave."
He remained rooted in his spot, unable to move. He couldn't leave her, no matter how twisted their situation was.
"You're such a hypocrite," she snarled, striking him across the cheek. A red mark remained in the shape of her hand.
His usually kind blue eyes narrowed darkly, clouded with anger. He grabbed her by the arm roughly, pushing her against the wall. His lips captured hers and she let out a protest. He quieted her by biting her lips, drawing blood. Her hands raked across his back, to his neck, scratching his cheek. His hands worked their way through her dark, tangled hair, down her back. She bit his neck, fingers tearing his shirt. Her nails dragged down his chest, creating new scratches to join his old scars. He moved his hand under her dress. She moved to her bed, smirking.
Howl, howl
Howl, howl
She screamed his name, as she'd done many times before. When it was all over, he dressed quietly, quickly. He always felt so ashamed afterwards, hurting a woman, hurting Morgana, like that.
Morgana stood, blanket draped around her. It wasn't like she didn't inflict any harm on him at all. In all actuality, she was a bit more forceful.
His cheek was dripping with blood, as was her bruised lip. He sent her one last look before leaving. The door swung shut and Morgana's shoulder shook with repressed sobs.
And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became
Weeks went by without him returning. She had been plotting more revenge still. Merlin distracted her from her plans, as much as she hated to admit. At least with him not around, she could think of more ways to take over Camelot and force him by her side.
It nearly drove her mad. Everywhere she looked, she could see and hear him. It would be better for her to forget about the man and close her heart off completely. After all, the thing they were best at was hurting each other.
She was in the woods, collecting firewood so she could prepare dinner. No more did she have the perks of being Camelot's princess. Her pretty dresses were replaced by black or gray ones. Her once perfectly groomed hair was now a tangled mess of curls with green string tied around a few strands. Her healthy complexion was now pale and sickly.
She heard a crunch of the leaves behind her and turned around, instinctively knocking the intruder back so that he hit a tree. She gasped when she saw that it'd been Merlin who she had rendered unconscious. Firewood forgotten, she levitated him back into her hovel.
She placed him down on her bed, on what had become his side. She touched his head gingerly, blood on her pale fingers. She bit back a cry and set to work to heal him. Herbs, remedies, potions, and a cloth wrapped around his head. She lay down next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. If she just closed her eyes, she could pretend they were back in Camelot when she was the Lady and he was the bumbling, adorable servant. Back when the pair of them were innocent, and not the deranged, dark creatures they'd become.
And howl, howl
Howl, howl
Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
He had admitted he loved her once, without saying the words. She didn't dare believe him. Nor did she believe her own heart. Here in the darkness she could pretend. She could pretend that their destinies were not pitted against each other. That they could hide away somewhere safe and just be together. No pretenses, no fighting. It was a fine fantasy she had.
It was so dark outside that she wondered if the stars had disappeared, along with the moon. She let the darkness overcome her, leading her to sleep.
As she slept she dreamed. Morgana dreamed of a beautiful island. It was neither dawn, nor day, but twilight perpetually.
The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'd ground
The sand felt like real sand, the grass like real grass. Fruit trees dotted the scenery, and she looked around in confusion. She looked down, noticing she wore a dress fit for a princess. She reached up and felt a dainty crown made of flowers on her long, flowing hair. She smiled softly, feeling at peace for the first time in months, years, even. She let her magic course through her, sparks igniting at her fingertips. Next to the waiting water, she saw a man.
Her bare feet took her there without her even thinking. Merlin wore clothes of the nobility, and he smiled at her.
"How can we be having the same dream?" she murmured. He took her hand gently. It was nothing like how he did in their every day lives.
"We're linked, Morgana. Forever," Merlin's eyes were the blue she remembered. Bright, kind, and no longer violent.
She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, and this time, there was no dagger. No binding each other, or tormenting each other. His touch made her relax and she knew where they were. Avalon. Their minds had transported them here so they could be together without pretense, without trying to kill the other.
Sweet, slow, and gentle. Morgana couldn't help but think that this is what their relationship could have been like had it not been for Uther's tyranny or Merlin's lies about his own magic. Before it was anger, lust and attraction bringing them together. Now it was affectionate attraction and love. She much preferred this.
His hand caressed her side and she sighed.
"I wish we could just stay here," he said quietly.
She looked at him curiously.
"Away from destiny, away from the prat of a king, everything," he continued.
Morgana laughed lightly, "What'd he do now?"
"I told him about my magic," he admitted.
She sat up, eyes widening in shock. Tears filled her eyes and her hand covered her mouth. She didn't know this feeling. Actually, she did. Betrayal.
"So you told him, but I had to find out about it?" she lashed out at him, hitting his chest feebly.
"Not now, Morgana. Not here. No more fighting," he pleaded with her, "Please."
"What did he do?" she asked with a hiccup.
"I was banished," he sounded bitter. Morgana knew just how he felt.
"At least he didn't condemn you to a slow and painful death," she snarked bitterly.
Now she knew why he was in the woods.
"Were you on your way back to Ealdor? she asked, realising this was the least violent and most normal conversation they had in ages.
He shook his head, "I was coming to see you."
Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright
Merlin was sick of it all. He had to be Arthur's servant and follow orders, being the nicest lad in Camelot. He could only bear being called a fool for so long, he had finally snapped. Admitted the truth. Arthur had the audacity to laugh, until Merlin set the candles alight with a mere glance. His so-called benevolent king had banished him without a second thought. He hadn't told him of his dalliances (fine, affair) with Morgana. He should've. She was the one person he didn't have to pretend with. It gave him sick pleasure to think about Arthur's reaction had he admitted the, er, nighttime activities, he'd been in with the king's sister.
There was something about her that made him come back, night after night (and sometimes during the day). He didn't have to hide or dance around anything. Blunt, to the point. She understood him, even though they were supposed to be mortal enemies. As of now, to hell with destiny and Kilgarrah's prophecy. He spit upon it. That damn prophecy ruined his life.
So he'd gone to Morgana.
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground
When she woke up, she was surprised to find him still there. He tended to leave while she slept so as not to start another fight. He was sitting up, her head resting on his chest. He played with her hair gingerly. She looked around to see if they were still in Avalon, but they were in her dumpy hovel.
He kissed her softly, tracing the fingerprints he'd left on her hips.
"What does all this mean?" she asked.
"I was hoping it means you'll let me stay," he admitted.
She nodded, a smile gracing her features. She'd drawn him into her world of darkness and maybe, just maybe, he'd help her bring about the downfall of Camelot. She had to admit they'd make a pretty pair as king and queen.
His arms settled around her waist and he closed his eyes, finally feeling serene. She bit her lip to keep in her tears. This is what she wanted-for him to be on her side. For Arthur to screw up so badly that Merlin would never return to his side ever again. Yet why did she have the sinking feeling that Merlin would return to Camelot if Arthur simply apologised? She feared that he'd leave her for good and return to his hatred, only to return and fight with her, leaving her in the middle of the night, cold and alone.
She sat up in his arms, making him open her eyes. She grabbed the back of his neck, kissing him tenderly. He reciprocated, settling himself on top of her. No spells, no weapons, just them.
Merlin was hers to keep. Arthur could only have him back over her dead body.
The end (for now). Again, pretty dark, but I think this ended on a slightly less depressing note than 'No Light, No Light'.
If you have any Florence + Machine song suggestions for another continuation, let me know.
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