Disclaimer: All stuff belongs to Rob, Doug...& possibly Andrew because of the inclusion of a certain web board...
Well this was written a few days ago, out of bordem and possibly heat stroke, might do a more indepth sequal...If I can be bothered...Unlikely.
ZK's Return
Lister and Rimmer were laid on their bunks reading magazines whilst Cat slept quietly on a chair, his head resting on his shoulder where his perfect little pillow was placed.
A sudden jolt sent everyone flying and confusion arose.
"What the hell happened?" Lister asked as he staggered to his feet.
Holly appeared on a screen. "Sorry Dave – Sudden power surge." He explained as Rimmer and Cat also stood up.
"That's no reason for you to wake me up AND wreck my hair!" Cat hissed as he got out his hairbrush and mirror.
"Do we know what caused it?" Lister asked as he picked up his very old and well thumbed copy of 'Heat' magazine and tossed it on the table.
"Yep." Holly replied with a goofy grin.
"…Well? What was it?" Rimmer snapped, too dazed and lazy to direct a proper insult at the computer.
"What? Oh yes – ZK's back!"
Holly blinked as everyone else in the room groaned dejectedly.
"Oh not her again!" Cat moaned as he buried his head in his pillow.
"We've got to get rid of her before she starts messing things up again." Rimmer said, but just as he finished his sentence, the entire room went black.
"What the?" Everyone exclaimed as they staggered around in the dark.
"She must have off lined the entire ship."
"But that mean Holly's gone too."
"Nope, still here dudes!" A voice said, causing everyone to be even more confused than usual.
"Holly! - Where are we?" Lister asked. "I can't find the bunks."
"Non space. The last stop before Hell… Better known as the Red Dwarf Website Chat Room." Holly replied.
"Lovely…Any particular reason it's so… dead?" Cat asked quietly...
"...Well everyone uses the web board instead apparently." Holly said. Suddenly everything went white and the gang were surrounded by hundreds of random posts.
Lister dodged a whole line of posts on the way to 'Garbage Pod' and went in a door marked 'Stars Of Red Dwarf'.
"Oh my god!" He exclaimed, causing the others to dash through the door over to him.
"What's up monkey?"
"Rimmer's some kind of…Sex icon." Lister groaned as Cat pulled a face and Rimmer went all smug as Lister explained about Rimmer's actor 'Chris Barrie'.
"What about me?" Cat asked excitedly in anticipation of all his adoring fans.
"…It's a bit hard to tell past all these Rimmer and Chris Barrie freaks." Lister said as he jumped onto one of the threads. "…Found some for me and my kinda alter ego guy, Craig Charles!" He said excitedly after a moment.
"Yeah, yeah – What about me?" Cat persisted grumpily.
"Well… found a couple! Your alter ego guy is someone called Danny John-Jules, you have a few fans... 'Mrs JohnJules' and… 'ZK!'" Listed shouted in shock.
"Trust you to get a nutter." Rimmer grinned before getting knocked out by one of Penny's posts.
"Yeah well anyone who fancies YOU is a nutter." Cat said with satisfaction that in this world ZK had made Rimmer solid rather than soft light.
Lister emerged with a grin and climbed back up onto the weird ledge where the others were.
"As long as we're stuck here we might as well go check out that 'Garbage Pod' place where all those posts are going." Lister decided as he climbed an upright circuit board and got ready to jump.
"Come on!" He called down to the others, who despite their better judgement, climbed up too and jumped onto one of the posts with a thud.
"Which thread is it going to?" Lister asked as he rubbed his head.
"Something called 'Currently' Rimmer said as the post went through another door and flew over literally hundreds of junk messages.
"Do these people even have a life?" Cat asked with a roll of his eyes.
"Doubtful." Rimmer replied as he turned his head round to read what 'Leanne' had written in the post they were riding on. The post just said. 'My belly is making funny noises. Need food.' "…Extremely doubtful."
"Suddenly the post flipped as it slipped into place and the three were thrown into the air and through a trapdoor and into a board marked 'BTL – Fan Club Newsletter'.
"What the hell is this DJ thing buds?" Cat asked as he sat up and pointed to several threads.
"Looks like some convention where all these weirdoes meet up…And see these...Alternate us.." Lister shrugged.
"Oh…my head hurts."
"Mine too." Came a female voice from nowhere.
"ZK!" Everyone exclaimed as they jumped up.
"Yeah?"
"Look here you! I demand you take us back to Red Dwarf right now!...Or…Or… I'll somehow stop the Chris Barrie guy going to DJ!' Rimmer said lamely as the others rolled their eyes.
"Whatever." ZK said with a yawn. "I only did this out of boredom." She added as she appeared in front of them and dodged another post bound for the 'Garbage Pod'. (It had got lost and was been redirected).
"And that's supposed to make us feel better?" Rimmer snapped as he folded his arms.
ZK shrugged and clicked her fingers, and everyone appeared back in Lister & Rimmer's quarters.
"Happy now?" ZK asked before grinning at Cat who stepped away warily.
"Just GO!" Lister yelled exasperatedly.
"Fine!" ZK replied as she rolled her eyes. "But I'll be back!" She added as she clicked her fingers and disappeared.
The End