Boring stuff before the actual story:

Rated: T for Gilbo's bad mouth xD

Pairings: Austria/Hungary, Prussia/Hungary, US/UK, Germany/Italy, Russia/Belarus, {possible}Spain/Romano, France/Canada (*hides from Spaz*)

Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia *gasp*

A/N: 1st person's not usually my thing, but I couldn't resist writing from Gilbo's POV - TOO MUCH AWESOME! xD So please don't kill me if it's awful! *beam* Oh, and I'm doing this in addition to two other fics, so I'll only continue this if people really, really, inordinately love this ^^;

March 3, 20XX – Hollywood or bust!

I got off my shift at McDonald's early today – early enough to kick West's ass in COD a couple times before heading back in for the night shift. God, I hate my totally un-awesome life! I'm destined to become a movie star, I just know it, and damn it, I'll make it big. Bigger than that ass Francis, even!

Which is why I'm totally not as excited about this new job as I usually am. I haven't had a job since October, which was my first, actually. I was unwittingly a part of an energy drink commercial, and since then I have sworn to grace Hollywood with my awesome! And I've also decided to write my awesome adventures down, so that when some famous guy goes to write my memoirs for me, he'll get all the awesome facts straight. Or I guess it could be a girl, but it would have to be a really hot girl…

Oh, yeah, my new job. Well. I've been going to auditions like every good actor does, and apparently my awesome has been too much for them, since I haven't managed to get a job since October. So I've been hanging out with some real actors at bars, mainly because I like beer. And they also give me some pointers on how to make my awesome even more awesome, so I'm not surprised I landed this gig {that sounds really professional, doesn't it?}.

It's for some little company called Hetalia Studios {what the hell that means, I'm not entirely sure}. There's this first-time director, Elizaveta Something, who apparently needed someone dirt cheap. Since she was hot {and I was }, I was seriously jazzed when I got the callback. And now I'm even more seriously jazzed 'cause I got the job.

First day of work tomorrow! This is gonna be awesome! {but not as awesome as me, of course}

March 4, 20XX – I swear, my boss is a serial killer

Last night I called McDonald's and told them I quit, and this morning I woke up early and headed on over to the studios.

It wasn't as crappy-looking as I'd remembered. The building was a huge, ex-warehouse, where several productions were going on at once. I, of course, didn't get lost at all, but was merely exploring the hallways. Then this really pissed-off-looking Russian guy came and yelled at me for being late. He didn't believe me when I told him I wasn't lost.

Yeah, so the bastard told me his name was Ivan Braginski {Is that how you spell it? How the hell do you spell it?} and he was co-starring in my movie. MY MOVIE. {Technically it's that Elizaveta girl's movie, but I'm so awesome it should be my movie anyway}. And I'm not even starring in the damn thing! I'm kind of the evil albino villain. Antonio, one of my drinking buddies that also happens to be an agent, got the damn job for me, so I guess I'm buying on Friday night…

So the Ivan guy took me to the right place, and that's when it looked just as crappy as I remembered. The place was filthy {I hope that's just for the movie…} and most of the equipment looked old. Yeah. Like I said, this job sucks, but it's all I can get. Antonio claims that it'll get better…stupid overly drunk optimists.

Then my day got a hell of a lot worse when I saw that Elizaveta girl. And I know this sounds totally un-awesome, but she scares the shit outta me. She always looks like she's gonna freakin' murder someone!

She was talking to some random guy, while Ivan was blabbering about something that I totally wasn't paying any attention to. "Elizaveta!" he said, and the only reason I even noticed was because he yelled practically in my ear.

Then my evil boss turned around and glared at Ivan. So did the Random Man, I believe. "What?" she said.

"I have located the annoying albino you requested!"

"I'm not annoying, you bastard!"

They ignored me. I guess my awesome was too much for them.

"Great." I couldn't tell if she was as excited as she didn't look. Then she started yelling. "Yo, people! Get in here so we can start this damn movie!

Then a crapload of people came in and it would be way too confusing to talk about it in a literarily awesome way, so I'm just gonna write down all of 'em and my awesome observations.

Roderich –the guy who's writing the soundtrack and the Random Man my evil boss was talking to

Elizaveta – my evil boss, who looks even more dangerous than Ivan. She's co-directing the whole thing, so I kinda have to put up with her. I'M NOT MENTIONING YOU IN MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECHE{S}, EVIL BOSS!!! TAKE THAT!

Ivan – other evil guy. He's freaking Russian! God, he scares the crap outta me too. But that's only 'cause he's infringing on my awesome! He's starring in the damn thing, so of course he's not awesome at all.

Feliks – He's a dude, I swear. Pink's not your color, man, I'm really sorry. Yeah. He was wearing a dress and proceeded to inform me that he's playing the heroine. He's a freaking valley girl {or at least talks like one}, so he's totally a more convincing girl than Elizaveta is.

WEST!!!!!!!! – Okay, I totally didn't expect my brother to be here! It's not my fault he didn't tell me he was co-directing a damn movie! He's all vague like that. And apparently him and Elizaveta did all the casting separately {he wasn't too jazzed that I was in the movie – guess he knows that he can't compete with my awesome!}

Francis – God, I'm still pissed about this. THE MOST FAMOUS JERK ACTOR IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD IS IN THIS MOVIE!! And no, those are all-caps of blinding rage, not ecstasy. Evil boss said that the movie was so cheap because they paid so much for Francis to be in it. Idiots.

Natalia – Her and Elizaveta, I swear, are gonna kill me. Literally. She's Ivan's sister, and apparently another actress. Oh, yeah, she's an even creepier stalker than her brother. Dude, she carries a damn knife around and threatens anyone who gets too close to her brother {*coughFRANCIScough* hey, the guy's a freaking pervert!}.

Kiku – creepily silent Japanese techie…I bet he's a ninja when no one's looking.

So then, after I met the creepy cast, Evil Boss went on to explain that we were making a movie of some popular book called "Twilight". The devil herself has never read the book, but Feliks had. So Feliks was giving us this whole summary of it, although I couldn't really understand him because he wasn't awesome enough and was talking fast so no one would hear his lack of awesome.

Finally, Evil Boss got just as pissed and yelled at him to shut up, muttering about needing some kind of weapon to keep the hooligans in order. See, I told you my boss wasn't awesome! Then her and West started handing out our scripts, which we were supposed to memorize by the end of the week. I know I'm awesome, but that's stretching it!

I managed to figure out that Feliks had the main role, some girl by the name of "Bella". He was squealing in a totally un-awesome way at this. Ivan was the other star, of course, since he was "Edward". At this, Natalia started glaring at Feliks. I have no idea what her problem is. Is she, like, the leader of an incest cult or something?

Anyway, Lilli, the sister/girlfriend/I-have-no-idea-what of Evil Boss's boss, would be playing "Alice", another supposedly important role. Lilli was suspiciously not there. Francis would be "Emmett", a slightly-less-than-starring role {this idea is so awesome that it had to have been West's}. There was some other guy that was supposed to be here, but was running late. That was really pissing West off, I could tell.

And then Evil Boss told me I would be some dude named...God, I don't even know who I'm playing. But I know it's NOT an evil villain. I was kind of disappointed. At least the villains are kind of important!

Then, the doors flew open and some random guy was all like, "The hero has arrived!"

And then Evil Boss was all like, "Who the hell is that?"

And West is all like, "That guy that's running late."

Evil Boss: You hired that freak?

West: Yes.

Random Man: Um, HI!!!

Evil Boss: Hi. Who the hell are you again?

Random Man: Alfred F. Jones, the most awesome hero ever!

{I was slightly pissed at this guy's ego. Seriously, no one is more awesome than me!}

But then Evil Boss totally made up for that.
"Alfred? Seriously? That's a sexy name." She had this totally straight face and even looked like she was glaring at him {which she probably was}. Alfred totally didn't know what to make of this.

"Um…so, what did I miss?" he said. No one said anything. It was very awesome.

Finally, Evil Boss was like, "You people do something. Ludwig and I have to talk with the smart people for a while." And then her and West just skipped away to do something.

Ivan, for some reason, had a pack of cards with him, so we played Go Fish for about three hours {but only because Alfred didn't know how to play anything else! It's not my fault that we got stuck with a totally un-awesome game! But Alfred was a beast at Go Fish, even if he swore he couldn't play poker.}

At about noon, Evil Boss came and told us that we could leave, since we wouldn't be doing anything else. Francis suggested a bar to eat lunch at, so me, Ivan, Alfred, and him ditched the girls {and Feliks, but he pretty much counts as one}. And maybe I take back my observations on Francis – he's pretty awesome.

I'll really have to introduce him to Antonio sometime.

So, after that I went home and now I'm writing down my whole stupid day. And, okay, I admit it. Maybe my life is getting kinda sorta more awesome {if that were even possible!}

{longer} A/N: And so the Bad Touch Trio begins :)

...I would love to see a sparkly Ivan xD *dumps glitter on everyone's favorite creepy psycho* That would make my life.

Oh, and sorry to any of you guys who like Twilight...the idea came to me and my friends when I was telling them about this and I was wondering about the plot for the movie, since, seriously, how many movies have albinos in them? And then Melon suggested that Gilbo be a sparkly vampire! xD

Don't worry, there'll be more characters introduced next chapter, I just didn't want poor Gilbo to have to write another list. And next chapter will be from someone else's POV! Ch 3 will be back to Gilbo {. yes, I just like calling him that}.

Sparkly Ivan loves reviews~!