AN: Think of this story as a strange comedy. It's not quite dark enough to be Dark Comedy, but not mushy enough to be regular comedy. It's all through Olivia's point of view. A few things to keep in mind as you read---- it's a little movie esc--more so than book...esc. I should have made it into a script, but I like descriptions too much.

Also, my reason for using music at all, is that I tend to write with the idea of the song or the music being added in the background. Much like a movie or Television show. Music is a great way to add flavor, humor, and theme. Some of my favorite dark comedy's are layered with excellent music (Weeds, Death to Smootchie, Heathers), so when I started writing this I had different songs in my mind and felt that they should be written in some how.

"Why We Had To Kill Kathy"

Intro

Somewhere between Oregon and porch tea, I managed to open an elevator door into Elliot Stabler's heart, then swiftly lose it to the pitter patter of Kathy's pregnant feet.

I'm a reasonable woman, a rational woman, and I have always been a fan of keeping the family together, but little did I know that under the honorable friendship I held with my partner all these many years, grew a deep jealous urge to fall madly in love with the other part of him. The part of him that only one woman had ever openly held. The part of him that Kathy called ", her own".

Of course, I never shared this with anyone. Not even the journal on my Palm Pilot, but it was evident. And I know the feelings were mutual. It was a sixth sense that most women had, which is why I think Kathy went to such great lengths to put an end to my tiny shred of happiness.

Under the reality of Elliot's marital highs and lows, stirred a dark layer of deception. A façade too strong for any normal Catholic man to call out and too absurd for any sane woman to concoct. I never thought there would come a day that I would be witnessing such crimes of the heart. I certainly never would have suspected Kathy of such terrible misdemeanors. And I never ever expected to find myself praying for divorce, especially his. It just landed at my feet, and now after years of second best, I finally had a reason to do something about it. I finally had the stability I needed to fill her shoes.

I'm Olivia Benson, and this is my story of criminal intent. I didn't do it for my heart. I did it for his. Does that make me guilty as charged? Well, that's up for you to decide.

Fade IN- MUSIC for opening credits as Olivia slips on her black boots and secures her gun and badge. Song is "Your Woman" by WhiteTown

Now I know your heart, I know your mind.

You don't even know you're being unkind.

So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways.

Just use me up and then you walk away.

Boy, you can't play me that way.

Well I guess what you say is true

I could never be the right kind of girl for you.

I could never be your woman.

I could never be your woman.

Fade IN

The 1-6 Precinct Manhattan.

Just another average day in the office of heinous crimes.

It all started during the Radcliff case. Donald Radcliff was a stockbroker serial killer rapist. We'd been on his tail for months and finally he went a step too far. He pissed off the wrong woman and now we had him cornered. All day we interrogated him. He was hiding the remains of his last three victims and so far nothing was dragging the information out of him. We decided to call a dinner break and let him stew in his own hunger for a few hours. Nothing was more satisfying then eating a large slice of cheese pizza in front of a hungry bastard like Radcliff.

Elliot patted me on the back and nodded in my direction ", Nice work in there Liv. It's always good to know your stomach is on the same clock as mine."

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but I'm not sure I want to share my eating habits with yours," I replied sarcastically.

He threw me a pouty smile and I nudged him playfully with my elbow. "So what are we ordering, Hungry Man?"

Elliot's phone rang from the clip on his belt.

"Give me a sec. Kathy, honey, it's gonna be a late night. I know, I should have called. Drink some water and eat the saltines, honey. Sweetheart I would love to make you feel better, but you know I can't. No, don't do that. There's no need to bring me dinner. Liv and I were just about to order something. Yes, I'm with her. No darling, there's a whole office of people."

I flickered an eye at him and he mouthed an apology.

"I love you too. No, I love you. Really-," Elliot cooed.

It was enough to make my empty stomach churn with its' own form of morning sickness. A morning sickness I liked to blame on the glow of a pregnant interference and the strange manbot she left in the place of my Elliot.

I glanced at Fin who made a sarcastic dry heaving motion behind Elliot's back. I was glad to know that my sudden illness had spread to the rest of the unit. I smiled at Fin and forced back my laughter. At least, we could make light of the situation.

Munch on the other hand, avoided Elliot at all costs. He was dead set against the reconciliation of a dying marriage, and just the thought of Kathy bearing another child made him go into all kinds of ridiculous theories about the dangers of having children before love.

Elliot hung up the phone and looked at me with his blue eyes.

"Sorry, Liv. She's hormonal, what can I say. "

"You don't have to apologize. I understand"

Fin then made a large swinging motion with his hand, insinuating the chop of an axe to his groin. I couldn't help but let out a nose-scrunching gust of laughter.

Elliot lifted a brow and turned just in time to not catch Fin's mime act.

"What's so funny?"

I smiled at him feebly so ", Oh, it would be lost in translation even if I told you."

Elliot stretched and rolled away from his desk in mid yawn.

"Well whatever, I'm starving. We doing Hawaiian or Supreme?"

"Supreme," Fin called from the side.

"A city of more than one million culinary choices from every corner of the world, yet we still manage to order Supreme pizza from a Mexican family down the street," Munch grumbled. "Does anybody else see the erroneous irony in this? Those people came all the way from Mexico to make me fat on Italian entrees and for some reason I can't get enough of it. It's all an evil plot to destroy fine dining. Seriously, I'd like to know the man who invented preservatives and addictive saturated fats. I'm sure it was someone filed under population control. If only I had a face to place the blame on obese immigrants and five topping American Dreams, then and only then could I feel guiltless about eating pizza once a week from the very kind hearted, not to mention hard working, Mexican family down the street."

Elliot slapped him on the back and followed the growl of his stomach acid. "Could be worse, Fin has a thing for Pizza Hut."

Munch gave Fin a disapproving glare and Fin shrugged it off, while Elliot ripped the phone from its' receiver. "I take it that's three for supreme. Liv, you down?"

I looked up at his salivating eyes and agreed ", Works for me."

Dinner with my boys was a highlight of the day. It didn't happen everyday, but when it did I felt like part of a family. There we all sat around a conference room table eating large greasy pizza and sharing a slice of our lives one bite at a time.

"The Dodge Ball Tournament is coming up again," Fin said through a chunk of dough and sauce. "You all ready to pound some CI heads in?"

"As long as I get to stand behind Casey, I'm in," Munch noted with a wink.

"I don't know. That one guy, what's his name, Robert Goren, he's a little intense," I added. "Can't we play against the narcs department or something?"

Elliot shoved a whole slice into his mouth. "Naw. No way, Criminal Intent is the only department crazy enough to be in the same room with us. And secondly, I have a bet going with Trevor Langon that you and Alex Eames are the last ones standing."

"Oh, really! So does that mean you're not gonna hog the ball this year?"

"No, I'm out this year, you gotta take one for me and be the balls of the game."

"HEY!," Fin and Munch both gripped while hurtling dirty napkins at Elliot's head.

Munch threw his slice of pizza on a paper plate and wiped his fingers on a clean square of napkin.

"I must have missed the memo where the use of condoms neutered my manhood."

Elliot shook his flushed face from the blow of the burn and retaliated in true form. "Munch, you have to actually participate in sexual intercourse to wear a condom."

There was an immediate ", OOOOOOOWWW," from Fin and myself as Munch's eyes grew wide and he nodded in shear respect for Elliot's on-the-square comment.

A glint of witty come back was written all over his face and just as he was about to speak, Fin broke the burn that could have lasted all evening with a clearing of the throat. "Moving on from a topic I don't want to envision while gett'n my grub on…Elliot, what do you mean, you're out!"

"I can't do it this year. There are too many practices. Kathy needs me to be at home."

We all gave him that crap ass glare.

He just shrugged in defeat.

"Sorry, guys- and gal, I promised."

Fin burped and threw his garbage away. "I guess your promise to us was just small talk then? Stabler, you're miss'n out."

I grew unusually quiet. I knew he was just trying to be a good dad, but I was looking forward to dodge ball. It was the one time we got to be personal. I could tell by the sudden lack of conversation that I wasn't the only one feeling this way.

Fin sat at the table and picked at his teeth in silence, while Munch hid behind his dark glasses and ignored the topic, as usual.

Our disappointment was interrupted by one more phone call from the woman of the season.

"Kath, whatcha need," Elliot blared as he glanced at our irritated faces and slipped out of the room.

Finally, Munch broke his wall of silent opinions and said ", Is it just me, or does everybody else get the feeling that she is way too needy?"

"Needy," Fin and I said simultaneously.

I wanted to be wrong about Kathy. I really did. I mean, who was I to say they were making the wrong choices.

The night went on and the phone calls proceeded. Each ring brought on a new head turn and a roll of the eyes from my single male partners in crime. We all saw the signs and held our negative bottom lips for dear life as Elliot headed down the slippery slope of numb marriage. I guess you could say we were taking the easy way out by ignoring it, but nobody wants to be the first person to start a relationship intervention.

Secretly, I think we wished it were something less complicated, like alcohol, or drugs even.

All I could do was take my role as the punching bag, stand by him as the guardian I played so well, and hope for the best. It was a hell of a job, but somebody had to do it.

Fade In Whitetown Music as Olivia takes the last slice of pizza and shuts the interrogation door behind her. Fin and Munch watch her close in on Donald Radcliff, who sits in a chair behind a metal table with a wild look of hunger in his eyes. Elliot holds his phone to one ear and his finger to the other. His focus wavers from the corner of the room to the double-sided mirror where Olivia sinks her teeth into the tip of the cheesy triangle of Mexican Italian Americanized Pizza.

And you're such a charming, handsome man.

Now I think I finally understand.

Is it in your genes, I don't know,

But I'll soon find out, that's for sure.

Why did you play me this way?

Well I guess what you say is true

I could never be the right kind of girl for you.

I could never be your woman.

I could never be your woman.