Within My Reach
Rukia stared at her books a bit mindlessly. It had started to seem routine. Going to school with Ichigo, fighting Hollows everyday, and spending time with the other girls in class. She shoved the books into her bag as she stood. Somewhere along the line, she had fooled herself into thinking that life could remain like this. But that thought, that knowledge that it was far from true, still stayed at the back of her mind. And as the days dragged on, she knew that her time was growing shorter.
"Oy, Rukia. Are you coming or what?"
"Er ... yeah. I'll be right there." She forced a quick smile for the orange haired boy, pretending to rummage though her desk a moment so he'd at least start down the hall without her. When had she started to feel so .. so human? Why did she care so much what happened to these mortals? These mortals that had such short meaningless lives. Or so she used to think. Being a shinigami was her job, right? So why did she care so much?! Ah, right now, none of that mattered anymore anyway. What's done is done. She sighed to herself and picked up her bag, exiting the room slowly.
When she got to the school courtyard, she found Ichigo waiting for her.
"You're kinda a slowpoke, Rukia." He scratched the back of his head and glared at her.
"Me? Haha, look who's talking? You barely get up on time in the morning!"
"Well, you don't have to spend all night listening to Kon talk!"
"The closet isn't soundproof!"
"Ah, well, er ... point taken." he frowned, but in way so that his eyes still smiled. It was always this way. They were comfortable with picking on and arguing with each other. It just ... fit. Rukia tried not to think too much about it, but her mask faltered a moment and she turned away so Ichigo couldn't see her expression change.
"Yeah, yeah so are we going home or what?" She started walking off, once again pretending everything was okay.
"I guess we're going to or what then." Ichigo overtook her steps and walked off in a different direction from home, his bag over his shoulder. For once instead of making a witty reply, Rukia quietly followed along behind the substitute shinigami, watching his broad shoulders as he walked ahead of her. Once again, she lost control of her emotions as her heart ached badly when she realized how much she would miss this sight. They went on for awhile without speaking, without Rukia really knowing where they were going or what they were doing. Finally when they had finished going up a long flight of stairs, she realized where Ichigo had taken her.
"The sunset looks nice up here ... huh?"
Rukia walked by Ichigo and looked out at it with him. "Really ... it is beautiful ..." Once again, Rukia found herself staring up at her companion. She studied his hair, his eyes, his smile. She didn't realize the sad bitter smile that crossed her face at that moment. She clutched her bag to her chest and moved her eyes back to the sunset. Tears began to form but she promised herself she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry in front of Ichigo ever. She wouldn't cry for anyone. That would mean giving in ... being totally human. Instead she remained emotionless outside. It was really at this moment she realized something. Something she could never forgive herself for. She understood at that moment exactly why she had to leave. It wasn't just Soul Society and the other shinigami ... it was so much more.
Ichigo reached over and grabbed her hand for a split second and squeezed it, then turned quickly and began to walk off. As usual ... as if nothing had just happened.
"Let's go home."
"Ah." It was all Rukia could say in reply as she once again followed him, lest any emotion be shown in her voice. She was resolved this time. She had to go. It was all hopeless now ...
She couldn't forgive herself for being in love with him.