June 21

Let me make this abundantly clear.

I don't have to prove anything to you.

I have an impeccable service record, I passed every psych eval at the Academy with flying colors (if you don't count the one jerk who claimed I was "intense and creepy"), and I have eight commendations for valor.

I also won the Santa Barbara Police Department chili cook-off three years in a row.

Bottom line: I don't give a damn what you think about my mental stability.

In fact, I don't give a damn what you think about anything.

And you can quote me on that in whatever little report you're filling out.

-C. Lassiter, Head Detective SBPD

June 22

This is a complete and utter waste of my time, not to mention valuable police resources. I hope you lousy bean-counters are happy.

Go count your damn beans somewhere else and leave me alone.

Some of us have actual jobs to do.

- C. Lassiter, Head Detective SBPD

June 23

I know Spencer's been stealing my Power Bars. I don't care what he says, Power Bars do not spontaneously combust. They also don't "run away in fear".

It wouldn't piss me off so much that he steals them, but he leaves the wrappers on my desk. Just to taunt me.

One of these days, I'm going to nail his skinny, annoying butt to the wall.

I can't wait. It's the only thought that gets me through the day.

- C. Lassiter, Head Detective SBPD

June 24

O'Hara closed her first solo case today.

Of all the partners I've had the Department cram down my throat, I have to admit she is one of the more competent, less irritating ones. Most of the time.

In fact, her one glaring flaw is that she seems to be able to endure Spencer. God only knows why.

When this is finally my precinct, she might one day work her way up to Head Detective.

Of course, she'll have to stop smiling like an idiot all the time.

Head Detectives don't smile.

Why can't she seem to grasp that?

-C. Lassiter, Head Detective, SBPD

June 25

I don't know how he does it! My Power Bar was hidden inside my three hole punch, which was locked inside my center desk drawer, which was hooked up to an alarm. And yet Spencer still somehow managed to get it!

It might almost be impressive if it wasn't so damn infuriating.

Not to mention a misdemeanor.

Is there no one else he can harass? Are there no cases besides mine he can stick his nose in? Are there no other chops for him to bust?

And what is the deal with him and pineapples, anyway?

That last one doesn't actually have anything to do with him being obnoxious. I've just always wondered…

-C. Lassiter

June 26

I didn't see this one coming.

I'm blindsided. Pissed. Enraged…take your pick.

There's a mole in the Department.

It's classified information, so I probably shouldn't even be writing this (God knows I don't want to be…I still hate you, bean counters), but I don't know what else to do.

The Chief told me and O'Hara today. We're the only two in the entire department who know, but someone on the Force has been tipping off local drug dealers before we raid them, giving them just enough time to beat it before we nab them. I don't know how the Chief knows, but as of this moment, everyone in uniform is a suspect. Every uniform is dirtied until we find the scumbag.

I hope I find them first.

I hope we're in a dark alley.

I hope they pull their gun first.

-C. Lassiter

June 27

I don't care what the Chief says, this is a mistake. There's no way in hell Spencer should be on this case! But she's still buying his little Psychic song and dance; hook, line and sinker. Plus, she thinks he's an impartial outside observer.

Apparently it never occurred to her that if he was a real psychic (and I do emphasis the word IF), he'd be the prime suspect. Who better to tip off lowlifes about busts than someone who works for the Department and can see the future? If I actually believed his "powers" for a moment, his butt would already be in interrogation.

Hell, maybe I should interrogate him, anyway. Just for fun.

Just to see him sweat for a change.

At the very least, I'll make him admit he stole my Power Bars!

-C. Lassiter