For Gwenny. Thanks for the first line that inspired the fic. =)
It was this fictitious thing that so threatened him, that strangled him, that he never knew wasn't real. He wished that this was a dream, a fit of chimera that would cease to exist once he woke up. The words spoke to him clearly on that torn piece of paper. He wished that he was blind in both eyes.
He sat on the bench in the middle of the boiler room, surrounded by darkness, the faint sound of cheering fans, and the scent of nothingness. He felt his hands tear the paper apart, piece by piece, watching them silently fall to the ground like yellow-colored snowflakes. He sighed deeply.
How could Rob write this letter to him? He was nothing to him. He was just another person that didn't care for him at all. He was a monster, he was unloved -- and he liked it that way. His breath stopped as his eyes fell upon the written three words that ended the little, destroyed note.
"I love you."
Quickly he picked up that piece of paper, and kept himself from ripping it into millions of shreds. His beautiful, agonized eyes burned a hole into the words with such animosity and wonderment.
Kane was a monster. He wasn't supposed to love. He wasn't sure if he was capable of being a compassionate, loving person to Rob. He laughed bitterly. Rob was crazier than he originally thought.
How could anyone love a monster like himself? If he was a normal person -- like all those fans or the stupid idiots walking around in the world -- he would never even dream of loving a monster. Only monsters love monsters. Rob wasn't a monster. Rob was... just someone different.
He growled in frustration. Kane hated this. He didn't want anyone to love him. It was just more problems added to the already heavy and unbearable burden on his shoulders. He didn't need this.
Kane walked out of the boiler room, feeling too stuffy in the confined space to think. He had to think of something -- anything -- to get rid of these thoughts running around in his head. He had a match tonight, and he had to go ruin Booker T's chances at winning the title during his main event match against Hunter.
He walked down the corridor, and through bunches of hallways. He ran into people, who hightailed it in the other direction. Kane smiled inwardly. No one would dare approach him. He felt protected by his reputation. It kept him from harm of others. He growled. Except for love.
Kane didn't know how long he walked. He walked on and on, pushing others away from his path who didn't run away from him. He was tired of humanity. Sometimes he wished they would all die and he could be alone, and die alone. He wished that when he died, he could be alone, and no one would bother him.
Rob entered his mind, and he cringed. He... he loved... he stopped himself as he noticed that he was outside of the arena. His feet let him outside. He didn't know why. Sighing, Kane looked upwards to the moon. The city was covered in snow.
He smiled and felt the snowflakes fall onto his battered, pale face. He loved the taste of snow, remembering a time he shared once with his brother and himself when they were younger. He missed the days when things were easier to understand. He missed being a child, having no worries in the world, and having no scars to worry about.
He chuckled slightly, and felt no pain. He thought of no problems, nothing at all. He saw the snow, and he saw paradise. He saw a white powder of beauty, a solace of sparkling diamonds washing away all of his fears and troubles and worries. It was winter. It killed away the bad with the snow, leaving only the good on top.
"Having fun?" a voice called behind him. Kane, surprised that he was caught off-guard, gasped and turned around with an infuriated growl emerging from his throat.
His eyes narrowed, and the monster within began to emerge. "What the fuck do you want, Austin?"
Austin, completely covered in a black parka and black sweat pants, approached Kane with no fear in his eyes. Kane stood there, ready to punch the new "sheriff" into next Tuesday if he dared made fun of him or gave him a look that pissed him off.
Austin stood there, and looked up to the moon as well. He smiled, throwing Kane off completely. He'd never seen the Rattlesnake actually smile genuinely like this. He'd seen him smirk, show a triumphant grin, and smile devilishly. But this smile seem... natural. Nostalgic, even.
Austin sighed, blue eyes sparkling under the moonlight. His face was decorated with snowflakes, clinging to his goatee and his parka. Some fell on his eyelashes. Kane stood there, looking at the Rattlesnake under a new light. He seemed... different, standing here. It was like he was a new person, like a phoenix that rose from the ashes and danced in the moon's shine now.
This... this couldn't be Stone Cold Steve Austin standing next to him right now. Steve Austin, the facade, faded away for the moment. He did not exist temporarily. Here stood a man that Kane knew as Steve. That's all he knew him as. That's all he could call him.
"Do you know what today is?" Steve asked cooly, his voice nonchalant and void of emotions.
Kane shook his head. He felt his body slowly shiver at the cold temperature. He forgot to put on a coat. He focused his mind away from the cold and to Austin's voice.
Steve closed his eyes. "Today is the day my lover died."
The Big Red Machine's mouth dropped, and he forgot the cold completely. He found his voice quickly. "... what? Who?"
Steve chuckled and bowed his head away from the moon, placing his chin comfortably close to his chest. "It happened a few years back, in WCW. Y'know, before they got bought out and shit. When they were hot and all. Big on political shit in the back."
He moved his body towards the right, opening his eyes to survey the land of white sparkles. He sighed. "Well, I got paired up with a guy I barely knew about. I was pissed as hell, cause I didn't want to be a tag team. I wanted a manager. I got fucked over by WCW, like usual."
He chuckled again as Steve turned around and meet Kane's gaze. "I'm glad they fucked up. I'd never would have loved Brian Pillman."
Kane looked at Steve, puzzled by his actions. He cleared his voice, and the snow fell harder around the two. "Why?" he asked gently, narrowing his eyes. They sparkled with confusion, and contemplations, and shock. "Why tell me, of all people?"
"Rob obviously cares for you still," Steve whispered, his voice void of emotions again. His eyes changed color, becoming a deep blue, a color that reminded Kane of the color of the ocean, ever changing, every wandering. He walked up to Kane. "Go to him."
Kane snorted. "I can't love him," he stated bluntly, "I'm a fucking monster."
"So was Brian," Steve quickly muttered, his eyes beginning to water over at the memories he had with his lover.
Kane paused, and gazed into Steve's eyes. He bit his lip. He could see the determination within his eyes. Steve was intent on making him go see Rob and make sure he confronted him about the letter.
"Austin," Kane sighed out. He paused, recollecting all of his thoughts. He whispered out his only answer to all of his worries. "... I just.... I just can't love him. I'd hurt him. I'd kill him."
Steve Austin merely smiled, and the tears desperately tried to free itself from his eyes. He had too much will power, and pride to let them fall.
"Brian said the same words to me." He paused, trying to control himself from crying. He couldn't cry, but the memories flushed through his psyche, distracting his focus.
"He told me that he would kill me," Steve whispered, keeping his eyes on Kane. "He told me that I was no good for him. He pleaded with me, telling me to stop loving him."
He laughed with a small cry, and sobbed soon after. The snow melted with his tears, and both fell to the powdered ground. He felt Kane's hand shakily place itself on his shoulder, trying to find some way to help him. Austin smiled at the attempt.
"Don't," Austin choked out, holding Kane's hand and giving the frozen limb a squeeze. He removed it gently, and stepped back from Kane. "Rob needs you now. You need each other, like me and Brian needed each other."
Kane moved his mouth, and tried to form words. He had to ask Steve a question. He had to ask him something -- anything -- just to make him convince himself to go and see Rob. "Steve," he whispered, "do you... regret it?"
Steve looked at Kane, obvious hurt by the statement. However, he had enough sense to understand the reason behind that question. He gulped down a certain bitterness inside his mouth. "Kane," he whispered in response, "there isn't a day where I wish he was alive."
He looked at the moon, and the stars with his eyes, sparkling with such loss, love, and nostalgia. A few stray tears were able to find their egress out of the confines of Steve's eyes. They slicked down his frost-bitten face and snowcovered eyelashes.
"Sometimes I think... I think this is just a dream," he whispered in confession, his voice so quiet it was near a deathly, morbid silence. His mouth was parted open, reliving memories inside his mind. "I think... I think that he's actually alive at times, just pulling a big prank on me. That one day he'll pop up... and I'll be happy again. We'll be together..."
He stopped himself, closing his eyes, and snapping them away from the moon and the stars. He closed them tightly, and didn't bothering to wipe some tears from his cheeks. He quickly stole a glance at Kane, and stayed there for a good couple of seconds.
"Give it a chance, Kane," Austin whispered. His eyes were pleading with him, and Kane couldn't rip his stare away. "I gave Brian a chance... and I will never regret it as long as I live."
Kane watched Austin retreat back into the building, his body hunched over. He could hear Austin sobbing softly. He thought that Stone Cold could never love. He just proved him wrong right now. There was so much that he didn't know about the Rattlesnake.
He stood there, covered in the snow, cold and lifeless like a statue. His mind raced with ideas, thoughts, and doubts. He didn't know what to do. He remembered in detail Steve's eyes, how they pleaded with him, wanting him to see Rob, just to try it.
Steve wasn't ordinary. Just like Rob. He was unique. He was different. And Brian, as he heard from others, was a psycho. He was insane, drunk off of craziness and unpredictability. No one knew how anyone could ever love a man like Brian Pillman.
Steve Austin loved Brian Pillman, and he still did.
He smiled, glad that no one was around to hear the conversation between he and Austin. Kane walked into the arena, intent on finding Rob. The so called "monster" eventually found the object of his desire, and in that one night, decided to give this love a chance.
If the Rattlesnake could love, and still love, the Loose Cannon, then he knew that the Big Red Machine could love RVD. He knew never to listen to others ever again, and only listen to what was right in his heart.
The snow fell outside, covering the despairing tears, leaving nothing but diamonds behind.