Galactic Thanksgiving Pants
Part 1
"Ah yes, a completely average and exceedingly normal day upon the lovely USS Enterprise," thought our dashing main protagonist as he strolled through the halls of his beloved starship. "Though I am a swashbuckling captain with an insatiable hunger for adventure, this sense of calm is not half b-GREAT GALACTIC GRUPS WHAT IS THIS SIGHT THAT MY PEEPERS BEHOLD?"
And with that James T. Kirk's tranquil day crumpled to the ground like a man who just got kicked in the nards. What had caught his eyes was, of course, his very own trusty second in command, Spock. The Vulcan had apparently taken a step, or rather, a gigantic fucking leap away from his usual state of dress.
Encasing his firm, taut ass-globes was the sexiest pair of pantaloons that Kirk ever had the pleasure to lay his eyeballs upon. The black leather chaps squeezed Spock's toned thighs and molded tightly to his appealing form. So tightly, in fact, that upon further inspection the Vulcan's legs actually appeared to have thinned into half their normal size while all of his thigh and calf flesh seemed to have transferred to his feet, which were now roughly the size of your average galactic Thanksgiving space turkey. Kirk paused to gaze in awe at this irregular phenomena and promptly decided that it made him all the more hot and bothered.
With an appreciative whistle, (this was one of Kirk's smooth pick-up tricks that definitely always worked no matter what) he got over his initial shock and caught up to Spock, who had not bothered to give our aroused captain a second glance upon passing.
"Yo baby you're putting the LOG in LOGICAL in my pants because as of this very second my penis is stiff, much like the aforementioned log," said Kirk, with the confidence and practiced ease of a true master of seduction.
Spock spared him a disgusted grimace and groused out an impatient "Look here captain dumbfuck, according to my calculations you are not pronouncing my catchphrase correctly and if I happened to be in ownership of actual emotions I would most certainly be feeling more than a twinge of annoyance towards your sorry ass."
"Christ, what a hater," thought Kirk but he wisely kept those musings to himself and bravely foraged ahead in his definitely succeeding cajolery.
"Right, right, so anyway let's talk about your dick."
With a haughty huff, Spock turned on his heel, slapped Kirk on his rigid penis mid-spin (logically more painful place to slap then the face, obviously) and stormed off with an indignant "Despite the fact that your girth is larger than I had originally presumed according to the data I gathered by touching your dong just now, I am indubitably turned off by your shoddy attempt at being sexually enticing. Adios captain; I implore you to look into pick-up lines that don't fellate anus next time you try to make a pass at my ass."
A/N: This was for my friend Colleen but if you'd actually like a resolution feel free to leave a review. Thanks for reading!