Disclaimer:Do not own FMA...

uchiakerarenai dare mo shinjirarenai dare mo kare mo
hora subete mienai sashikonda hikari ga kiete ima ni mo kareru
uchiakerarenai koto wa watashi no yowasa watashi no kako
eru mono mo aru keredo kitto te ni nigiru yasashisa ga kiete yuku to

kokoro ga tozashite ima ni mo kowarete yuku
namida wo koroshite warau hibi yo
kokoro ga shimeshita shinjiru imi no nasa wo
watashi wo koroshita gizen hito yo

eru mono mo aru keredo kitto te ni nigiru yasashisa ga
arifureta kotae wa ikiru koto hakushi ni modoshite umarekawaru

kokoro ga tozashite ima ni mo kuzureochiru
namida wo koroshite sakebu hibi yo
kokoro ga nokoshita shinjiru imi no tsuyosa
watashi wo koroshita watashi kokoro

-Mushi

Dir en Grey

Glass is everywhere, and blood is dripping from my knuckles, my mirror is shattered...what have I done now?

This is your fault, I want to say, but the words won't come up.

I need to vomit.

I'm hugging the toilet seat and it's all coming up, I'm gagging, I can't live like this.

I stay this way for hours, my arms clinging to the toilet, I'm helpless.

Do you see what you've done, I want to say, again the words never come up.

There's a knock at my door and I can't answer it.

It's Riza, she's calling out my name, only weeks before I would've wanted her to say my name, over and over and over again until she was screaming it.

Not anymore.

You've ruined my life, I need to say but still nothing comes up.

Finally I'm standing and I stagger to the door and open it.

I imagine I must look disgusting, having just vomited up all four of my daily meals and not getting any sleep for the past month has had to wane on my "charming good looks"

"Oh Roy, you look terrible." Riza whispers and pushes her way into my dormitory.

She rushes around, flushes my toilet, picks up my dirty laundry and crumpled up papers and puts books where they need to be and then my room looks normal once more as she raises the blinds.

Ironic, the weather is about as cheery as I am, it's raining, but it doesn't stop her from getting light in my room, she opens my window and lets a cold breeze in.

I watch her move around until she thrusts a towel and clean clothes I didn't know I had at me.

"Get cleaned up Colonel." She orders and I make my way to the bathroom.

She watches me go into the room and close the door.

I turn the cold water on and shed my layers of uniform and step into the freezing drizzle.

I make no effort to move as I stare down at my pale arms.

The blue veins are visible through my water-numbed skin.

And then I wonder what it would take to make those thin branch-like veins bleed.

a/n: short and ooc...but oh well...the next chapter will be longer