Disclaimer: i own nothing. JKR owns everything. don't you just hate the unfairness of it all?

A/N: hello, all. wonder here. this is the first story i've actually written on my own, so please, be gentle. i originally wasn't going to post this until it was completely finished (there are only five chapters at this point), but i feel kind of bad that it has taken so long in between updates for "The Spawn of Hogwarts," the other story by wonderclam. i actually got the idea to write this from reading padfootgrim's "Insert Hilarious and Witty Title Here" on mugglenet,which i think everyone should go and read a.s.a.p. because it is a most humorous work. ok, on to the story now.

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Chapter 1

Dumbledore appears on Privet Drive. He rummages around in his pocket for a few minutes and pulls out a yo-yo. He becomes engrossed in trying to untangle the knot in the string for a good five minutes before remembering why he is standing in the middle of a Muggle street at this ungodly hour. He returns the yo-yo to his pocket. This time, his hand is withdrawn clutching his "Put-Outer." He clicks the button and, one bye one, the lights on the street disappear.

Dumbledore's Thoughts: That was so awesome. I'll never get tired of playing with this thing.

Suddenly he notices a cat sitting on a half wall on the right side of the street. He walks over to the cat, sits down next to it, and attempts to start a conversation with it. When the cat hears his voice it hisses at him, jumps off the wall, and runs away into the dark night. Dumbledore then looks across the street and sees that there is another half wall there, also with a cat on it. Dumbledore, blushing, realizes his mistake, walks across the street, and sits down next to the cat. The cat then jumps down to the ground and transforms into a woman.

McGonagall: Albus, I specifically told you the LEFT side of the street. Don't you ever listen?

Dumbledore: Sorry Minerva. I must have been spacing out when you were talking to me earlier.

McGonagall: Oh no . . . are you saying . . . that I'm . . . b-b-boring? What will the children think of me? I can't be boring around them! They'll think I'm a complete loser! Quick Albus, do something. Make me less boring!

McGonagall is now in hysterics. Dumbledore tries to calm her.

Dumbledore: There, there, Minerva. I didn't mean that you were boring. I meant that . . . you were so beautiful that I couldn't concentrate on your words because I was so enchanted by your face.

McGonagall: Do you really mean it, Albus?

Dumbledore: Umm. . . . Yes, yes, of course I do. How could I not? Besides, now is not the time to be feeling sorry for yourself. We are here to discuss the Potters.

McGonagall: Oh, right, them. Dude, I really don't think we should leave Harry here. These people are a bunch of stuck up snobs that will probably abuse the poor boy until the day he leaves to go to school. By the way, where is Harry?

Dumbledore: Are they really that bad? Oops, I guess I should think through my plans more thoroughly next time. Hagrid should be arriving with him any moment now.

Dumbledore and McGonagall sit on the wall, patiently awaiting Hagrid and Harry's arrival. Dumbledore once again pulls out his yo-yo and tries to untangle the string.

1/2 AN HOUR LATER

McGonagall: I thought you said that Ha-

Dumbledore: Yes! I've finally done it!

Dumbledore is so proud of himself for getting the knot out that he doesn't realize he interrupted McGonagall. He sees her glaring at him and apologizes.

Dumbledore: Oh, sorry. Please, continue.

McGonagall: I said, I thought you said Hagrid was supposed to be here with Harry by now.

Dumbledore: Well, I thought he was. Oh look, here he comes now.

Dumbledore and McGonagall look up to see a flying motorcycle speeding towards them. They have just enough time to jump out of the way before it crashes to the ground, throwing Hagrid over the handlebars in his attempt to get there faster. Hagrid stands up and greets the two professors. He sounds flustered.

Hagrid: Hello Professor Dumbledore, sir, Professor McGonagall. Sorry I'm late, lost track of time. . . .

Here Hagrid starts to trail off, but Dumbledore swears he hears him mutter something about taking pictures of something . . . or someone. Hagrid regains his composure and continues.

Hagrid: Anyways, here's Harry, sir. Safe an' sound, not a hair out o' place.

Dumbledore: Thank you Hagrid.

Hagrid: No problem.

Dumbeldore takes the child from Hagrid. He looks at Harry's head and comments.

Dumbledore: Wow, look at that wicked cool scar.

Hagrid: I know, ain't it great?

Dumbledore: And just think of how popular it will make him.

McGonagall: He'll be popular? Maybe I should become friends with him.

McGonagall starts staring off into space, dreaming of finally getting the students to like her.

Dumbledore: Uh, Minerva? You've still got about ten years before you'll get to talk to him again.

McGonagall snaps out of her reverie as she realizes that her dreams have been shattered, for the moment anyway.

McGonagall: Oh, right. Well, let's hurry up and leave him outside, on a doorstep, in the middle of the night. I want to get to some of the parties that I saw on the way here.

Dumbledore starts walking towards the Dursleys' house as he continues his conversation about celebration parties with McGonagall.

Dumbledore: Oh, oh, oh! I saw one that looked really, really fun about three miles away from here. Can we go to that one? Please?

McGonagall: Sure, why not?

Dumbledore: Yay!

Dumbledore puts Harry on the doorstep and drops a letter on top of him. Then he takes a step back, bids farewell to

McGonagall and Hagrid, and disappears in a giant cloud of thick purple smoke.

McGonagall: I really wish he wouldn't do that. It starts to become annoying after the five-millionth time.

Hagrid: Yeah, it really does.

Hagrid looks at Harry for a few moments, then starts crying. He seems very upset.

Hagrid: How could Dumbledore just leave him here like this? These people are awful! Maybe I could take care of him! I'd be a good parent! I'd -

McGonagall becomes annoyed.

McGonagall: Hagrid! Shut up!

Hagrid: Oh, ok. Hey, let's go to that party now!

McGonagall: Finally, I thought you'd never remember.

Hagrid and McGonagall leave Privet Drive in search of a drunken bash.

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A/N: so, what do you think? i would greatly appreciate any kind of feedback anyone is willing to give. thanks!