Philosophy of a Believer.
AKA
Philosophy was Never so Complicated
Question, is it better to love someone you know you can never have, or never even know they existed? Even if their existence is fictional? I sit here musing to myself questions about the fantasy world I live in. If I had never been curious about Dragonball Z that day, would it still be my fate to love, yes deeply and truly love, one of its characters? Would I have still loved anime without DBZ… and Goten? Would something else posses me to watch the mysterious show that manifested itself after Sailor Moon? If I had been older, would I have liked Future Trunks like so many other, and older, girls? If I had been I different type of person, would I still be that lonely girl without a favorite character in the show she just had to watch everyday? Why had I never truly had a favorite character before I saw Goten? Did my soul know he would come, and saved itself for him? Why do I even love him? As I sit here asking questions that may never be answered, while I should be sleep, I must seem crazy. Maybe I am, maybe I should be locked up and put in a padded room. It's funny, I always wonder why humans must look for an explanation and not just except things the way they are; and then here I am, writing away questioning why I believe what I believe. I guess I believe because without this one belief, I might as well be dead; I'm a terrible athlete, I stink at math, DBZ inspires my writing and artwork, and the only thing that keeps me through the day is that I know when I get home I can watch DBZ. It's pathetic that the only thing that keeps me from going nuts is one made-up person that I will never be able to see with my own eyes and without a TV screen. I will never be able to thank him for keeping me sane, never touch his hand at night to know he's there. Never play with his coal-black hair, never even pass him on the street and wave. If I ever met him I know he wouldn't care if I were ugly, or that I dressed like a Goth or a dork. And that's what keeps me believing, know that somewhere over the rainbow there's someone I can trust, even love without being mocked. True, knowing I will never get to hug him, ruffle his spiky black hair and tell him I love him is torture in the first degree. But having him as my little escape keeps me sane, and keeps him alive in my heart. I guess I just rant over the smallest things, but if no one else will wonder why, who will? It's all I can do to hang onto my beliefs as long as I can, even if I die with them, for him… and me. Because maybe one of those many stories about people getting sent to the DBZ universe is true; and I hope to someday find it, and maybe clears my doubts for my belief once and for all. But, for now, I just have to hold on, hang fast, and hope. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and meet the one who keeps me sane…. Son Goten…
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A/N: I wrote this about 11:30 at night on January 14, 2004, when I should have been asleep for school. I hope it has gotten you thinking for I never stop; yes this is all true, I changed some words for the sake of good grammar, but this did fill of 2 1/3 of my notebook; and yeah, I was exhausted the next day. What do I believe? I believe that somewhere the Dragonball Z world does exist, and is not just a cartoon, or comic, or anything else fictional; and at the few times I question my beliefs, articles like this are written in one notebook or another, so much now that I have made a personal notebook for these such rants. Anyway that's all I have to say, all I know is that I believe and though it may sometimes waver, my belief stands strong. But may I ask…. Do you?