Guys…it's here! The avpm/s based oneshot! At least I'm pretty sure it's a oneshot… but here it is! I'm bursting with excitement!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Because, seriously, if I did, would I be writing on fanfiction?
"Hey guys," Wes said as he approached Kurt and Blaine, holding a pile of thin envelopes. "These are for you," he added as he handed each boy a letter.
"Uh, thanks?" Blaine said, glancing at the envelope.
"What is it?" Kurt asked, sniffing it.
"Seriously, you had to sniff it?" Wes scoffed, "It's an invitation! David and I are planning a little post Regionals party."
"Oh," Kurt said, lowering the envelope from his nose, "That makes me feel a little more comfortable, I guess…"
Blaine nodded in agreement before Wes continued on. "And I've invited all of the New Directions!"
Kurt gasped, his hands flying to cover his mouth. "You did?"
Wes nodded, a huge grin spread across his face. "I did!"
Kurt started jumping up and down in front of Wes. "Yay yay yay!" He squealed, "You are my new favorite person!"
"Hey," Blaine piped in, giving Kurt his best puppy dog eyes, "I thought I was…"
"Oh don't worry your pretty little head of," Kurt told him, "You'll always have a special place in my heart. Because you're Blaine freakin' Anderson."
Blaine blushed and opened his invitation.
You are not so cordially invited to a post-Regionals bash.
When: Saturday at 7 PM
Where: Dalton
RSVP: No need, because everyone has to attend
Bring any 'supplies' that you may have lying around.
Blaine shook his head and glanced at Kurt, who was also reading the invitation. He had a feeling that 'supplies' was code for 'alcohol,' and after the whole Rachel Berry Incident, Blaine didn't want anything to do with the vile stuff. "What if I have plans…?" Blaine asked Wes tentatively.
Wes gave him an incredulous look. "Cancel them," he stated stiffly.
Blaine sighed. He wasn't going to be able to get out of this one.
Kurt laughed at Blaine's attempt to get out of the party. "Want a Red Vine?" He asked him, holding his pack out so that Blaine could take one.
"Ohmigod, yes!" Blaine said as he grabbed one, "These are my favorite candy ever! What the hell can't they do?"
Kurt gaped at Blaine, eyes wide. "I know right?" He paused for a moment and stared at Blaine. "Favorite Amy Mann song on three. 1,2,3-"
"Red Vines," They said together.
"Favorite color of vines other than green."
"Red Vines."
"Favorite way to say red wines in a German accent."
"Red Vines."
"OH MY GOD!" Kurt said, "Where have you been all my life? I've been dying to find someone who appreciated them like I do."
"Oh, you know, in a cupboard under some stairs," Blaine retorted, staring at the wall.
"Let's go," Kurt announced, not wanting to question Blaine's last remark. "Wanna hold hands?" He asked him, offering his hand out.
Blaine smiled at Kurt before reaching to grab his hand. "I would love that."
As Blaine and Kurt were getting ready for the party, Kurt pulled out a scarf from his closet and wrapped it around his neck. "What do you think of this one?" He asked Blaine.
"It's nice," Blaine stated, "It's very rainbowy."
"I know," Kurt said, adjusting the tails, "It's the Scarf of Sexuality!
Blaine choked on the chips he was eating. "It's the what?"
Kurt laughed. "Just watch." He took the scarf off and then draped it precariously over his soldiers. Blaine watched, never taking his eyes off the scarf.
"Gay as the Fourth of July," he heard the scarf say a few seconds later.
"Woah!" Blaine shrieked, "The scarf just talked!"
Kurt nodded, and gestured for Blaine to try. Blaine put the scarf on in the same manner that Kurt did and waited.
"Meterosexual," The scarf announced.
Blaine's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Why that's absurd!"
"You're absurd!" Kurt retorted, glaring at Blaine.
"What? Say that to my face!" Blaine yelled back.
"You're absurd!" Kurt said again.
Blaine gasped. "That's absurd!"
Kurt sighed, having had enough of that, and looked at Blaine for a moment before stating, "It's the blazer. They tend to throw Scarfy off."
Blaine nodded in understanding just as Wes and David came into the room. "What the devil is going on in here?" Wes asked.
"Hey guys!" Blaine said, glancing up once he noticed them, "What did you get sorted as?"
"Bi-curious," Wes announced proudly.
"Waiting till marriage," David stated.
"Now," Wes said a few moments later, "This is what you're wearing to the party." He produced a full outfit from behind him.
"Well do I get a pair of shoes to go with this tie?" Blaine asked, staring at the outfit.
"Oh yeah," Wes jumped up and produced a pair of shoes.
Blaine huffed and grabbed them. "I'll make it work."
A few seconds later, Kurt got a text from Finn saying that the New Directions had arrived early. He was about to type a reply when Finn's head popped in the door.
"Did ya get mah text?" Finn asked him, using a strange accent.
"Yes," Kurt responded, confused as to why Finn was talking like that.
"Well you didn' text meh back!" Finn scolded.
Kurt sighed and Finn ducked out of the door.
"Well," Wes said a few minutes later, breaking the silence, "Looks like we can start the party a few minutes earlier."
When Kurt, Blaine, Wes, and David had made their way down to where the party was being held, they noticed a strange person in the room.
"Who are you?" Wes asked sternly, "You weren't invited!"
"My name is Draco Malfoy," The person said, "I… am a racist, I despise curly hair, and homosexuals, I hate Dalton, and my parents work for the man who fired your parents, do you want to be my friend?" He stated, stretching his hand out towards Wes.
Wes gave David a weird look before yelling back, "You hate Dalton? Get out of my face, Malfoy!" He pushed the boy to the ground.
"Fine!" He said, now rolling around on the floor, "Have it your way. Dalton has really gone to the dumps," He announced, "Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!" He flipped his coat wing and strutted out of the building.
"Okay…" Wes said tentatively to the room of Warblers and New Directions, "Let's start the party now!"
"Finally, I'm FREE," David announced as he walked into the room. "Sorry I'm late. I had to get rid of my dumb little sister. She can be such a…such a…" He trailed off, unsure of the word.
"A butterface?" Blaine inserted for David.
David gave him a look of awe and pure respect.
"Did you bring the stuff?" Wes asked Puck, almost shaking with excitement.
"Yup," Puck told him, "But some of them won't drink it. So I brought some stuff to spike the punch with too. Everyone's gotta be buzzed to have a good party."
Wes nodded, "I'll do that, you can just put the other stuff in that bucket over there."
Puck agreed and went to stock up the cooler. He didn't grab one for himself, because he had a plan that required him not to become tipsy.
Wes went over to the punch bowl and poured in whatever it was that Puck had given him. "Okay everybody!" He announced, "Drinks are ready! There's alcohol over there, and then punch here for anyone who doesn't want to drink!"
Kurt made his way to the punch. After he threw up on Miss Pillsberry's shoes that one time, he'd sworn never to drink again.
He took a sip and his eyes went wide, "Ohmigod!" He squealed, "This is so good!" He quickly chugged the glass and went to get another. "Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine," He called after a few more glasses, "You have got to try this punch. It's so good!"
Blaine gave Kurt a quick glance, noticing that something was different about him but not being able to put his finger on it. He'd sworn never to drink again after Rachel's party, so he figured a little punch couldn't hurt. He filled a glass up and had the same reaction as Kurt.
After about five glasses of punch, Blaine had completely lost his mind. He looked at Kurt confusedly for a moment before his eyes came into focus. "Kurtie, Kutie, Kurtie!" He squealed with delight, "You came to loveeee me!"
Kurt, who was slightly less drunk than Blaine was, sighed in frustration. The punch was obviously spiked.
"Blaine," Kurt stated, trying to think a coherent thought but failing, "Blaine. You are the most attractive person in my immediate group of friends." He said after giving up on the whole think before you speak concept. His brain was too intoxicated.
"I am?" Blaine squeaked, eyes looking wide at Kurt.
"Yes," Kurt nodded as he drank another glass of punch, "And I would tell you that I like you, but you never tell a boy you like them. It makes you look like an idiot."
Blaine nodded in understanding. "True true!"
Finn and Quinn were sitting on a nearby couch. Quinn was trying to keep her alcohol consumption to a minimum, but it wasn't really working for her.
"Hey!" Finn said abruptly, turning to her, "I wanna show you something!"
"Sure," Quinn said, leaning closer.
"Okay. So there's this girl that I really like, and I want to let her know how special she is. So I wrote a song for her. And just for the purposes of now, because the song isn't really done, I'm going to put your name where her name should be, but you know, I doubt it'll work. It'll probably not work at all. Check it out!" Finn said before going to grab his guitar and singing:
You're tall and fun and pretty
You're really, really skinny
Quinney
I'm the Mickey to your Minnie
You're the Tigger to my Winnie
Quinney
Wanna take you to the city
Gonna take you out to diney
Quinney
You're cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you out to Winnipeg
That's in Canada
Quinney, Quinney, Quinney-
"I'm sorry," Finn broke off, "It's not working for me at all. But what do you think; could it make a girl fall in love with me?"
"Ohhhh," Quinn gushed, "I think it already has."
"Cool!" Finn said excitedly, "Because it's for Rachel!"
"Oh," Quinn deflated, "Yeah…I guess she is pretty cute."
"Cute?" Finn scoffed, "Try more like supermegafoxyawesomehot!"
Blaine and Kurt had made their way to a table and were sitting down. "Hey Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine!" Kurt said repeatedly
"What Kurt?" Blaine asked irritably, since he was focused at strumming away at his guitar.
"I drew a picture of you!" Kurt said excitedly.
Blaine glanced up and took it.
"Pay special attention to the shading on your sweater," Kurt instructed while pointing at the drawing. "It's rather good." He paused for a moment. "Actually, it's quite good. Can I have it back? Wait, no I'm taking it!" He snatched it out of Blaine's hands. "Haha, look Anderson, I've stolen your favorite drawing!"
Blaine watched his boyfriend rip his drawing with an amused expression.
"Ah!" Kurt yelped, "Blaine, paste it!"
Blaine just sighed. He really wished that the punch hadn't been spiked. Everyone was going insane. He could hear Wes calling David a butt trumpet in the background.
"You butt trumpet!" He heard Wes yell, "A pff pff pff pff pff! Who looks stupid now? You do!"
David just stared at him in shock.
Blaine then glanced over to where Mercedes, Quinn, and Thad were having a very animated conversation.
"God, Rachel is so annoying and has the worst man-hands!" Quinn stated.
"I know," Thad agreed, "I heard that a dementor kissed her once. And…it…died!"
"No!" Mercedes gasped.
Thad nodded his head, "It's all true!"
Blaine shook his head and gave his attention back to Kurt.
"Blaine?" Kurt asked, "Can you draw me a picture?"
"No…I can't draw," Blaine responded sheepishly.
"What?" Kurt screeched.
"How dare you not be able to draw?" Wes also screeched, who had obviously been eavesdropping.
A few others nearby joined in making fun of Blaine when Kurt piped in, "Hey guys guys guys, come on." He paused to look at Blaine, "I've got just the thing." He started to sing.
Blainey can't draw
Blainey can't draw
Blainey cannot draw
He only reads books, but he cannot draw
Even if he's reading a how to draw book
By the end of the third round through, everyone in the room had joined in. Wes glanced at Blaine and burst out laughing, "Ha!" He laughed, "I'm going to get some punch."
"Oh," Kurt stopped him, "I should tell you that there's Squirt in it."
"Squirt?" Wes scoffed, "Never mind, I'll just stay dehydrated."
"Well maybe we could find you something else," Kurt suggested.
"Find?" Blaine asked, eyebrows shooting up, "You must be a Huffelpuff! They're particularly good finders!"
Kurt looked at Blaine. "What the hell is a Huffelpuff?" He asked.
Blaine just walked away, leaving the question unanswered. He sauntered up to the cabinet and opened it to find a foam sword. He began flinging it everywhere. "This thing is so. Damn. Awesome. OH MY GOD EVERY MUSICIAN SHOULD HAVE A SWORD, not these stupid drumsticks FORGET ABOUT 'EM!" He said as he threw a drumstick across the room.
Britney walked up to Blaine, "What's a musician?" She asked.
"I don't know," Blaine responded, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion "It just kind of came out."
Britney sighed and walked over to where Kurt was sitting. "What's wrong, Dolphin?" She asked. "Did you know dolphins can be portkeys?"
"Really?" Kurt wondered, "Can a person be a portkey?"
"No," she responded, completely serious, "Because then they would have to touch themselves."
Kurt nodded, "Understandable," he agreed.
"So why are you sad?" Britney asked. She seemed like her normal self, but how was one supposed to tell?
"I'm just thinking about my mom…" Kurt said. "She wouldn't have been very happy with me…"
"Well why don't you just ask her?"
"Because," Kurt explained, "My mom is dead. I have a dead mom." He glanced over to where Wes and David were sitting on the floor arguing.
"When I rule the world," Wes said, "I'll plant flowers!"
David scoffed. "Well when I rule the world," he added, "I'll have snakes!"
Blaine came up to them and interrupted what they were saying, "Neither of you are ever going to rule the world!"
Kurt sighed. He was sobering up a little bit, but he really just wanted this party to be over with.
"Blaine," he called, "Party's over!"
"Aww," Blaine whined as he made his way over to Kurt. He glanced at a poster to the right of him. "Can we at least take this boss Zefron poster with us?"
Kurt sighed, "Fine."
Blaine clapped excitedly. He tried to pry the poster down but failed. "Urgh. It's stuck on there like magic!" He groaned.
Kurt grabbed his hand and led Blaine back to their room, contemplating ideas about how to cure their headaches in the morning.
Throughout the whole party, Puck didn't have a single drink. Instead, he recorded all of his friends' drunken antics to show them in the morning.
Wheewww that was sooo much fun to write!
Seriously!
I think its gonna stay a oneshot. Because honestly, I'm not sure if there are a lot more quotes out there. ;)
Theres more avps quotes than avpm ones…I think I like avps better…lol but they're both still amazing!
So that was just pure Crack and Fluff, and I loved it and hope you guys did to!
Songs were from avpm/s obviously.
Now review and favorite and REVIEW pleaseeee! I love reviews!