The moment Sarah awoke she could feel the coldness all around as it consumed and filled her. The spacious queen-sized bed she slept in was only occupied on one side. The other was cold and empty. Again.
Loneliness tore at Sarah's heart. She hated waking up to an empty bed. There should be a warm body next to hers, but there wasn't He wasn't there. He was gone.
Insistent crying emanating from another room pulled Sarah from the cold, lonely bed. Sarah sleepily shuffled her feet toward the sound, her eyes barely focusing on the scene in front of her. It was far too early. The sun wasn't even up yet, but that was nothing new. In fact she was up before the sun so often that she had decided that the sun was just lazy.
Upon reaching the source of the high-pitched wailing, Sarah forced herself to wake up and focused her eyes on the crib in front of her and the tiny, wiggly bundle inside. Gently lifting the young babe into her arms Sarah cradled the precious buddle against her chest.
Settling into the nearby rocker Sarah looked at the baby in her arms. He was eighty-five days old today. Eighty-five days ago little Gabriel entered the world. Tears formed in Sarah's eyes as she thought about that day. The day her only son was born.
Gabriel wasn't her only child however. As she was feeding her son two sets of little feet came running into the room. First into the nursery was her eldest child, five-year-old Abigail. Following closely behind her big sister on her little legs was, Felicity, a bright and precocious three-year-old, who had her father's affinity for computers.
Both of her daughters had her blonde hair and blue eyes. Only Gabriel looked like his father. At least he had his father's deep brown eyes. He still had a bald little head, so she didn't know if he would have his hair or not yet. But whenever she looked at her son she saw her Chuck and it overwhelmed her with emotion.
She wished he was here right now. Wished she knew where he was. What happened to him. But no one knew. He had vanished without a trace seven months ago. No one had been able to find him or any evidence that might indicate what happened the day he disappeared.
May 5th. That was the last day she or anyone else ever saw Chuck. Now it was December, less than a week until Christmas and her husband and the father of her children was still missing. He had never even seen his little boy. Sarah had been only nineteen weeks pregnant when she experienced the worst day of her life. He wasn't there the day she learned their unborn child was a boy. Chuck didn't know that he had a son.
Despite his absence Chuck had gotten to choose his son's name. While discussing names when Sarah was pregnant with their first child, Chuck had decided on the name Gabriel if it was a boy. Instead, they got Abigail and Felicity, his two little princesses. So the instant Sarah learned her last baby was a boy she already knew his name. She gave him the name his father always wanted his son to have.
Suddenly two sets of little arms were wrapped around her and it made Sarah cry. Every day since their father disappeared so unexpectedly her daughters had run through the house in search of her the second they woke up, fearing that one day she might vanish as well. No matter how often she told them that she would always be there and that she would never go away it didn't stop them from seeking her out every morning just to make sure she was really still there.
Another thing her daughters did which also broke her heart was that every day they asked about their father and talked about how much they missed him and wanted him to come home. Now that Christmas had come that wish had grown stronger and more intense.
While on a recent trip to the local mall to visit Santa her daughters asked the big guy in the red suit not for presents or toys, but a miracle. They asked Santa to find their father and return him home for Christmas. As tears welled up in their eyes, they told him the story of how he disappeared one day and that he had never seen their baby brother.
Sarah could see that the man under the costume didn't know how to answer their request and though most of his face was covered by the Santa hair and beard, she saw the heartbreak he tried not to show at their words. When he looked to her for help she blinked away her own tears and wiped the stains from her cheeks. That just seemed to break him even more and after her girls were finished making their plea and got their photo with Santa he tried to bury his emotion as much as possible when he announced to everyone still in line that, 'Santa needed to take a break to check on his reindeer.'
When they returned from the mall that afternoon Sarah had to go the bathroom to 'take a shower' and cried for twenty minutes. She cried for Chuck. She cried for her daughters who believed in the magic of Santa and she cried for her son who had never known his father. Lastly, she cried for her own broken heart.
After getting herself and her girls dressed, Sarah collapsed on the couch. She was exhausted. Such a simple task shouldn't be so tiring. Whoever was growing inside of her was sucking up all of her energy. Her future son or daughter.
Chuck noticed how drained she looked and took pity on her, giving her one of his famous foot rubs. He insisted on taking over with the children and doing any chores that needed to be done around the house. He even offered to do all of the grocery shopping himself while the kids were taking their nap.
Once Abigail and Felicity were settled down for their nap Chuck sat next to Sarah on the couch and brushed his hand through her hair as he pulled her in for a kiss. "Bye sweetheart. I'm going to go get the groceries and pick up a few things I need from Buy More. The kids are asleep, so just take it easy for a while. Maybe take a nap yourself. I'll be back soon. I love you."
Sarah had no idea that would be the last time she ever saw her husband. That kiss and his last words to her were forever burned into her brain. She relived that moment, that kiss, those words every day. Every night she remembered his touch. And in the first breath of morning a small part of her forgot that he was gone, so when the reality hit her with the second breath it did so with a crushing blow as though it was happening for the first time.
The house was calm and quiet after Chuck left, an unusual occurrence in a home with two young children, so Sarah soon found herself drifting off to sleep. She slept for a while and when she awoke from her midday nap and noticed the time she began to expect Chuck to return any minute, but he didn't. An hour passed, the girls had long since woken from their own naps and Chuck still wasn't home. Then a second hour went by without Chuck's return. Then another.
By this time Sarah had grown quite concerned. As much as he loved computers, gadgets and gizmos, not even Chuck could stay at Buy More this long. Not when he wasn't being paid to do so.
Sarah tried calling Chuck again, but as before it went straight to voicemail. This time when she couldn't get through to Chuck she loaded Abigail and Felicity into her car and decided to go off in search of him. She also needed to feed her children, Chuck had never returned with the groceries.
First Sarah drove through the grocery store parking lot, but her husband's car wasn't anywhere in the lot. She checked twice. He wasn't here. The result was the same at Buy More. Inside she inquired about him being in the store that day, but no one could confirm having seen him.
Sarah couldn't drive around the city any longer, for one, she had no idea where to look. Chuck hadn't mentioned going anywhere except Buy More and the grocery store. Second, her babies needed to eat, so she stopped at the nearest family friendly restaurant to get food for Abigail and Felicity.
After a quick dinner Sarah raced back home to see if Chuck had returned while they were out, but he hadn't. The house was quiet, dark, empty, sad. Fear really began to grip Sarah's heart by this point. Deep down she sensed that something wasn't right. Calls to Ellie and Morgan who hadn't seen or heard from him either, as well as calls to his mother and everyone else she could think of who gave her the same answer, all but confirmed it for her. Something was very, very wrong.
As soon as she put her daughters to bed Sarah immediately called the police. And she didn't stop there. She also contacted General Beckman, Casey and Verbanski and told them of Chuck's disappearance. Even though Chuck and Sarah stepped away from the CIA years ago, Beckman still employed resources and agents to search for the former asset and spy. To this day Team Bartowski remained the most successful operation in all her years and she would always do whatever she was capable of for any member of the former operation. Casey and Verbanski were also willing do whatever they could to help find Chuck. Gertrude assigned her best men and women to the job.
Sarah had everyone searching everywhere for her husband. Despite having law enforcement, government agencies and a private spy corporation searching the globe nothing ever came of the search. The case was never closed, but the search drew back as the months passed with no progress.
It had begun to be assumed that Chuck Bartowski was dead, though no one had any clue as to where his body may be, or his car for that matter. It had never been located either. But Sarah refused to give up until she knew for sure. If her beloved husband was dead then she wanted to know where his body was so that she could give him a proper burial and have a funeral to say her goodbyes.
That first day after his disappearance was the toughest. That was the day she had to tell her daughters, his sister and his friends that Chuck had never come home.
When Abigail and Felicity woke the following morning and asked, "Where's Daddy?" Sarah sat with them on her bed, holding both girls in her lap as she prepared to give them the heartbreaking news.
"Abigail, Felicity, sweeties," Sarah began. "Daddy's lost. People are looking for him, but no one knows where he is."
"Will they find Daddy?" Abigail asked as she looked up at her mother, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"I don't know baby," Sarah answered honestly, not wanting to give her daughters false hope. "I hope so."
Felicity sat looking up at Sarah for several seconds before speaking. "Is Daddy dead?"
Hearing those words come out of the mouth of her three-year-old shattered Sarah's heart. "I don't know," Sarah answered as her voice broke. "I hope that he's still alive and that someone will find him and bring him home to us. A lot of people are looking for him."
For a while all three sat together on the bed quietly sobbing, and silently praying that Chuck would walk through the front door. Of course he didn't and they couldn't sit in bed all day. Sarah had some difficult calls to make.
The first call was the toughest, the one she had to make to his sister. The sister who practically raised him after their parents left. "Ellie. It's Sarah..."
Based on the call Sarah made yesterday evening Ellie suspected that her sister-in-law was calling about Chuck and that whatever she was about to say probably wasn't good, so her eyes began tearing up before Sarah actually said the words, and told her that her brother had gone missing. By the end of the call both Sarah and Ellie were violently sobbing into the phone.
Sarah spent the rest of the morning calling Morgan, his mother and some of his other close friends to deliver the upsetting news. By the time Sarah finally finished making all the necessary calls her eyes had become so red and saturated with tears that she couldn't see straight and her cheeks were coated with a thick layer of salty tear tracks.
That afternoon the Bartowski home was filled with Chuck's family and friends. Everyone Sarah called had gathered to share their pain together. Even Casey and Gertrude where there, who had joined the others at the Bartowski home to talk about Chuck and his disappearance, as well as their hopes for his safe return.
Many tears were shed that day. There were also lots of questions, none of which Sarah could really answer. All she could say was that Chuck had gone out to run a few errands while she stayed home with the kids and that he never returned. It had been a perfectly ordinary day until the unimaginable happened and Chuck seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth.
As tough as things were when the house was filled with all of Chuck's friends and family, they were much worse when they were gone. Once it was just Sarah and the children again Chuck's absence became more evident. Without Chuck the house felt so cold, so dreary and so empty. Chuck gave the house life, now without him a dark fog entered.
Seven months of absence. Seven months of heartache. Seven months not knowing. Life had been tough for the Bartowski girls in the months since Chuck vanished. Truthfully, they would rather know that he was dead than live with the haunting mystery of never knowing what happened to him.
When Sarah finished feeding her son and tending to the rest of his needs Sarah turned her attention to her daughters. Each of their faces had a faint sheen of tears. After Sarah lovingly wiped the tears from Abigail and Felicity's faces, they reached up to wipe the tears from her own face.
Exiting the nursery and entering the living room the Christmas tree standing in the corner caught everyone's eye. It was Christmastime. The house was supposed to be filled with love and cheer. The love was there, so much of it filled the house. But the cheer seemed to have vanished with Chuck.
The Bartowski family didn't know how to have Christmas without the original Bartowski. Christmas was his favorite holiday. Before Chuck, Sarah didn't really care for Christmas. Growing up it was a day to pull a con job with her father, something so not in the spirit of the holiday. But Chuck taught her how to enjoy Christmas, just as he had done with their daughters.
Chuck made Christmas special and Sarah wanted to do that for her daughters, and now her son as well, but she didn't know if she could do it without Chuck. But in that moment Sarah resolved herself to try, for her children.
Sarah thought about the things Chuck liked to do around the holidays. One of those things was watching Christmas movies with the kids. That was something she could do, so Sarah looked through Chuck's vast movie collection and found the Charlie Brown Christmas movie he had watched with them every year since they were born.
Before starting the movie Sarah made a special pancake breakfast, using Christmas-themed cookie cutters to create fun shapes of gingerbread men, snowmen, reindeer and Christmas trees. And to look like snow, she sprinkled them with powdered sugar. Sarah also let Abigail and Felicity sit in the living room so that they could eat their Christmas pancakes while watching the movie, something they were only allowed to do at Christmas.
As her daughters ate their pancakes and watched Charlie Brown Sarah saw smiles grace their faces. Smiles had become rare and precious commodities in house ever since they lost Chuck, so seeing those beautiful smiling faces warmed Sarah's heart.
Later that afternoon while Gabriel lay nearby in the floor playing with a couple of toys, Sarah and her daughters were in the kitchen making Christmas cookies. They used a pre-made dough since Sarah didn't really know much about making cookies from scratch, but the girls decorated the cookies themselves. Baking together in the kitchen added a bit more cheer to the home, with smiles and laughter, lifting the spirits of herself and her children, even if just for today.
Though the day began with sadness and tears in the end there were more smiles and laughter. A first in the Bartowski home in a long time. When Sarah put her kids to bed that night they told her that they had fun today, which caused her to shed the first happy tear she had experienced since before Chuck went missing.
Throughout the days remaining until Christmas the Bartowski family found little reasons to smile, whether it was by participating in Christmas activities or something baby Gabriel did to make them laugh. Despite the smiles and the laughter Chuck was never forgotten and Abigail and Felicity never gave up hope in their belief that Santa would bring their father home for Christmas.
Sarah worried how her daughters would react when Santa couldn't deliver Chuck for Christmas. They believed so strongly that Santa was magic and could do the impossible. When that didn't happen Sarah feared it would crush them.
On Christmas Eve Sarah barely got any sleep and not just because she spent half the night playing Santa, wrapping presents for her children and dealing with 2:00 A.M. feedings. Even with all that done Sarah still didn't sleep because she couldn't stop thinking about her daughters and how they would feel in the morning when their father wasn't there.
Christmas morning arrived and Sarah, who hadn't slept very well, was up at the first sign of light. She had already lit the colorful lights on the tree and turned on some quiet Christmas music to set the Christmas mood for when her children awoke.
Gabriel was the first of Sarah's children to wake up on the holiday morning, right on schedule for his next feeding. It was still pretty early when Sarah finished feeding her son and getting him dressed in his adorable Christmas outfit, so she had time to reflect on the fact that Chuck had now missed out on the first 91 days of their son's life before her daughters sprang out of bed to see what they had gotten from Santa.
Sarah's heart constricted in her chest as tried to imagine how her daughters would react when they learned that Santa hadn't gotten them the one thing they wanted, their father. She hoped the lure of shiny wrapped packages nestled under the tree would keep them from experiencing a total breakdown.
Dressed in their Christmas pajamas Abigail and Felicity ran into the room giggling, and Sarah cautiously smiled. When they turned to her and asked, "Where's Daddy?" however, her face fell. When they started calling his name and looking around, a tear fell from her eyes.
"Abigail. Felicity. Come here sweethearts," Sarah said softly.
"Santa didn't bring Daddy?" Abigail asked.
"No he didn't," Sarah answered as her girls curled up on the couch beside her.
"Daddy's never coming home?" Felicity asked in an understanding that seemed beyond her years. Her words almost seemed like a statement, more than a question.
"Maybe not, baby," Sarah answered sadly. "He's been gone for a long time now and he still hasn't been found."
After a pause Sarah added, "But even if Daddy never comes back I think he would want us to be happy, especially on Christmas."
"We don't have to forget Daddy, do we?" a tearful Abigail asked.
"No sweetie. We'll never forget Daddy. Even if we never see him again he will always be in our hearts. We still have all of our memories of Daddy and with those memories we'll always remember him."
"There's something else I want you two to remember…," Sarah said looking at both Abigail and Felicity who were seated on either side of her. "Daddy loves you very much. No matter where he is, you are always with him, in his heart."
"You too Mommy, and Gabriel?"
"Yes, we're all in Daddy's heart, and he would never want us to be sad. So we should try to be happy for Daddy. Do you think you can do that? For Daddy? And Mommy?"
Both girls nodded their heads, agreeing to do their best to be happy even if their father was gone from their lives forever. They also asked Sarah to make the same promise, to try to be happy for Daddy.
"Yes, Mommy will try to be happy too. Now do you two want to open your presents and see what Santa brought you?"
Abigail and Felicity's faces lit up as they suddenly seemed to remember that Christmas meant there were presents and new toys waiting them. Jumping off the couch they ran over to the tree to look at all of the festively-wrapped gifts under the glow of the Christmas tree.
Barely able to contain their excitement they began tearing into the presents the moment Sarah joined them in front of the tree with their baby brother. As they were unwrapping their presents, they came upon a new name in the pile of gifts, Gabriel. Santa had brought stuff for their new little brother too.
Holding up the present, Abigail exclaimed, "Look Mommy! Santa brought presents for Gabriel too!"
"That's very nice of Santa. Why don't you help open it for your brother?"
"I wanna help too, Mommy," Felicity said, slightly pouting.
"You can both open it together and show Gabriel what he got."
Liking this solution Abigail and Felicity sat in front of Sarah who was holding Gabriel in her lap and started ripping the paper as he watched. When they had ripped away all the paper they gave him the stuffed lamb they found inside and told their brother that Santa had gotten him a new toy.
Gabriel didn't understand what his sisters were saying but he did like the toy they gave him and a big smile crossed his face as he clutched the animal's leg in his tiny fist. Seeing that smile caused Abigail and Felicity to smile as well. "He likes his present Mommy!"
"Yes, he does," Sarah said smiling, happy to see the long absent joy in all three of her children. Wanting to see that joy continue she then added, "Go see what else Santa left for you under the tree."
Turning their attention back to the tree Abigail and Felicity continued opening their gifts and working together to open the ones for Gabriel. Toys and piles of colorful paper littered the floor as the number of presents under the tree diminished. Each new unwrapped gift, filling the house with smiles and joy.
When all of the presents under the tree were opened Abigail and Felicity ran out of the room and returned a moment later, each carrying a colorful piece of construction paper in their hands. As they gave Sarah the drawings they had made for her they said, "Merry Christmas Mommy!"
Sarah looked at each of the pictures her daughters gave her and smiled. "Thank you Abigail and Felicity. I love them. I'll have to put these up on the refrigerator."
Pleased that their mother liked their gifts, Abigail and Felicity beamed with pride and told her how much they loved her as they wrapped their arms around her neck. They then decided to help their mother out by putting their drawings on the refrigerator themselves.
Later that morning after the wrapping paper had been cleaned up and Abigail and Felicity were playing with their new toys, Sarah put Gabriel, who had fallen asleep following the morning's excitement, down for a nap. As she sat in the nursery watching her son sleep and listening to her daughters laugh and play Sarah knew they would be okay. Even if they never saw Chuck again or even if they never learned what happened to him they would find a way to be okay and go on with their lives because that is what he would want.
A/N: This story is currently a one-shot, but could possibly be expanded into a longer story. And to all the readers out there, Merry Christmas.