A is for Ankh which oozes through the city,
B is for Beggars' Guild, the members are not pretty,
C is for Carrot, Watch Captain - not a King,
D is for Dibbler, who sells sausages and things,
E is for Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night, 1.
F is for Fresh Start Club, full of ghouls, zombies and frights, 2.
G is for Gargoyles which squat among the rooftops,
H is for Hogfather, bringing chitterlings and pork chops,
I is for iconograph, wielded by Otto Chriek,
J is for Johnson 3., an architectural freak.
K is for 'knurd', the opposite of drunk,
L is for Leonard, who thinks and thought and thunk,
M is for Mended Drum, which can easily be beat,
N is for Nobby Nobbs, a man 4. we wouldn't want to meet,
O is for Octavo, please don't try to read,
P is for Patrician - of indefinable creed,
Q is for Quimby, a Patrician of times past 5.
R is for Ridcully, whose girth is rather vast,
S is for Sator Square, where much business is done,
T is for Tomjon, thespian and king's son,
U is for Unseen University, no more on this matter,
V is for Vimes, who's not inclined to chatter,
W is for Wahoonie, a vegetable with a stink,
X is for Xxxx, (I really need a drink) 6.
Y is for Ymor, greatest thief in the city,
Z is for Zorgo who won't make you look pretty. 7. 8.
1. More would be said - but the name takes up all the space usually reserved for information.
2. We acknowledge the fact that none of the members of the Fresh Start Club are very scary and are claiming artistic license. We offer our sincere apologies to Reg Shoe and hope that he will refrain from singing any revolutionary songs at us.
3. This line refers to Bergholt Stuttley Johnson and no other. We beg any other Johnsons not to take offence as we can not afford Mr. Slant's rates.
4. Well, assumedly.
5. There aren't many things that begin with Q. This was the best option.
6. We apologise but there is nothing we can find other than Fourecks and Xeno (an Ephebian philosopher) that begins with X. Unfortunately, neither of them has anything much to do with Ankh-Morpork.
7. Zorgo is a retrophrenologist in Knuckle Passage.
8. Isn't it neat how the 1st and 25th lines ended in 'city' and the 2nd and 26th lines ended with 'pretty'? We certainly thought so! Now, excuse us, we really need a drink … Scumble would be best but a pint of Bearhugger's will do if none is available. ((there's some sort of golden-brown stain here, looking suspiciously like whisky.)) …with a bear in its lair, though it might bite or maul, but a hedgehog can never…
We apologise for the last few lines of this publication. The writer has been suitably reprimanded.