Dave sat up against the wall, his head bobbing unconsciously to the beats spilling out of his stereo headphones. His hands clutched an old fashioned CD player, and the CD within was spinning so rapidly it was nearly impossible to make out the artist. Beneath his shades he closed his eyes, lost amongst the rise and fall of the drums, the lyrics, the flow. For a few moments Dave was back at home in his room.

A sudden clamor of thuds and a hostile shriek brought him back to reality: he was on this god forsaken meteor with these hooligans he had grown to call his "'friends," traveling at a billion miles per second into an entirely different session, from an entirely different universe. He opened his eyes, and found the reason for his interruption.

Terezi had built a pillow fort in the middle of the room, which was now a scattered, crumbling pile of fluff. The culprit—Karkat—was snapping his jaws in frustration, most likely rambling on about how the "COMMON ROOM ISN'T A FUCKING PLAY ROOM" and "WHERE DID ALL THESE PILLOWS EVEN COME FROM" and not even remotely responding to how he obviously had tripped into the teal blooded troll's lair on accident.

The scene that played out was immeasurably more interesting when backed to the sweet, sweet music of the 90s. Ice ice baby, Dave mouthed without uttering, as Terezi began hurling pillows towards Karkat, who was hissing and spitting with every hit as if she were throwing rocks. Rose, who had invested the last six hours in a book nearby, stood up and left the room in one fluid motion without even glancing away from her reading. The commotion must have been pretty loud to bother her, he thought, suddenly thankful for alchemizing the CD player.

He closed his eyes to blot out the movement, and was once again lost in a world where everything made sense. There was something so timeless about music, something that transcended reality, something that brought him back to his childhood, with his brother, but also something that pushed him past that, to a state in which he didn't even exist, didn't even think, couldn't possibly think, and—

His thoughts were interrupted by a muffled screeching. It was only a matter of time. Dave opened his eyes again and made out Karkat's figure hovering over him, eclipsing the lights in the center of the room. Terezi was gone—who knows where—and suddenly Dave was aware that he and Karkat were alone. Dave continued nodding along to his music before Karkat realized he wasn't listening.

Filled with rage, Karkat grabbed Dave's CD player and chucked it across the room, ripping off Dave's headphones. The machine broke, shattering into three pieces.

"Hey man, what the dick stain?"

"You fucking shit on a stick assmouth, I told you to help me clean this mess up."

"Nah."

"Don't give me that, this is equally your fault as it is mine. If you were fucking listening to me in the first place, I wouldn't of had to enter this damn travesty of an '3MP1RE' or whatever the shit and 'UNL34SH TH3 DR4GONS.' Who the fuck makes a castle out of pillows anyway?"

"How is it my fault if I didn't even know you were calling for me?"

Karkat threw up his hands in a mocking gesture. "How is it my fault that you ruined the pillow fort? How is it my fault that your universe's session was doomed to fail? How is it my fault that every single reason for your entire existence, due to time travel bullshit, has been predetermined, rendering every single action absolutely and utterly pointless?"

"Karkat what the fuck—"

"Sometimes it isn't about you, you regurgitated excuse for a wriggler."

"Dude calm down, you're not making any sense. What did you want with me to begin with?"

Karkat let out a long, deep sigh, in a sad attempt to subdue his anger. He sat down in front of Dave. "I wanted to apologize about the coffee incident this morning."

He chuckled, leaning his head up against the wall so that his gaze was fixed directly above Karkat. "That was the best apology I've ever seen. I especially liked the bit where you smashed my last instrument of sanity across the floor."

Karkat looked down and away. "I didn't mean to spill it. Rose told me you need that stuff to...well, you know..." He awkwardly lowered his eyes even further and touched his hair, his cheeks flushing bright red.

"...what exactly did Rose tell you?"

"You know damn well you horse anus."

"Shit dude, what the fuck did Rose tell you about coffee?"

"Look, I don't want to talk about your digestive issues, I just wanted to clean my fucking conscious about spilling it all over you. I didn't know you needed it. I'm sorry."

It was of no use. Dave had no idea what Rose had told him, but he also didn't want to betray her obvious ruse. Us humans got to stick together...especially in confusing the fuck out of these trolls in regards to human biology. "Yeah dude its cool, I got enough on my clothes that sank through, so my skin soaked it up instead. It's all good."

Karkat looked skeptical, but didn't press it. Instead, he began inspecting Dave's clothes. "Where did I spill it?"

"Dude, no please it's chill."

"Shut your gaper, let me wash them."

"No dude, these pajamas are like perma-clean, the stains will disappear eventually."

"That's disgusting, you really want to let that stuff stay in your clothes?" Karkat began searching Dave up and down with his eyes.

"I do."

"Don't lie to me you grubfucker, that's absolutely filthy."

"Yeah, nah, it is a bit uncomfortable. But I'll manage." He crossed his legs, and rested his head in his hands.

It was too late. Karkat had seen the stain—a brown splotch that covered the front of Dave's dark red pants. Dave looked away in embarrassment.

"What's that?"

"What's what."

"That, right there," Karkat pointed.

"Oh shit, you found the stain, congratulations man, you are now upgraded to I-Spy cadette. Maybe in a few years you can help me find Waldo with my parter in crime, Carmen San Diego."

"No, not the stain you smelly recliner. I think the coffee's reacting with your skin or something, it looks like..."

Dave's face grew very hot. "No dude, that's my...that's my uh..." Fuck, what a great time to have a random boner. He swallowed his anxieties. Be cool man. "That's my dick." Perfect delivery. Someone should give me a medal.

Karkat gritted his teeth. "What the fuck is it doing outside? Did it fall out?"

"No man, it's always outside."

"Why haven't I ever seen it before like this? If you have some sort of medical condition, you don't have to hide it."

"It's not a medical condition, jesus, it's a...dude, can you just drop it?"

"Let me see."

"No fucking way!"

"Just let me see it already, it's not a big deal. It's very common for trolls to display themselves to each other, in order to establish both trust and dominance."

"That sounds like bull bologna and doesn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense," Karkat chimed, crossing his arms defensively. "Just do it quickly before anyone comes back. What else have you got to do?"

He was right. Now that Karkat had destroyed his only source of happiness on this god forsaken meteor, he really didn't have anything better to do. After a few moments of silence, Dave shrugged. He began to unbutton his pants, shifting his eyes nervously towards the doorways of the room, which remained empty. He grabbed his slightly chubby rod in his hands, and pulled it out. He tried to ignore how good it felt to hold it in his hands.

Karkat stared, eyes wide with astonishment. For a few seconds neither of them spoke. Then, Karkat scooted in closer, inspecting Dave's penis with genuine curiosity. "Are they all like that? On the outside?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"And they're all that thick?"

Shit. Dave's penis twitched slightly from the compliment, one he was sure Karkat did not mean to bestow upon him. "Uh...no, they're all different sizes."

"It seems so stiff. Can you move it?"

"...no?"

"But it just shivered."

"No, I mean, yeah it did, but I can't really control it. I mean, I kind of can, but..."

"Show me."

"Why the fuck would I–"

Karkat began to growl. "Look, you're already showed me this much, there's not much you can show me at this point that'll shock me, so just do it."

Dave didn't know why Karkat was so curious, but he appeased the angry troll by gently flexing his staff. It shifted up and down a few inches.

"That's it? That's as far as you can move it?"

"Yeah, well, you don't really need to move it to use it."

"How do you use it?"

"Karkat, if I wanted to be asked this many questions I would have been a contestant on some game show I was sure you had no part of."

"How does it work if you can't move it? It's just…troll anatomy is quite different. We don't have to do any work, ours just kind of does its own thing."

Weird. Dave didn't share the same curiosity as Karkat about interspecies biology. In fact, the last thing he wanted to see that afternoon was a flailing red Karkat penis with a life of its own. Dave sighed, trying to block the image from his mind. "I guess, for us, we do the moving. Sometimes with a nice juicy snatch, sometimes a hand. Whatever works."

"Snatch?"

"Nevermind."

"And what do you use your hands for?"

Was Karkat really this dense? "For, pleasuring, when you feel the need for pleasure. Strictly speaking the hands don't really play a part in human reproduction, but they're a nice touch, pun intended."

"Is that what you're doing right now? Pleasuring yourself?"

Dave was about to snap at Karkat, suddenly convinced this was all a ruse to embarrass the hell out of him, when he realized he had been unconsciously stroking his penis, ever so slightly. He surely didn't mean for it to be pleasurable. It was just, his dick was there, in his hands, and he was a fidgeter. And, I guess it does feel kind of good to fidget…

"No, Karkat, I wouldn't do that in front of you because I'm not attracted to you."

"Ouch, you know trolls have hearts too. They beat a fuckload of a lot stronger than your pitiful organ and have eight chambers instead of four, but the symbolism is probably a universal constant." Dave began to put his member away, but Karkat flinched. "No, wait, please, I'm really curious."

"Are you asking me to masturbate in front of you?"

"No, I'm asking you to swallow your giant fucking ego and sacrifice a sliver of embarrassment for the betterment of society. What if I need to know this stuff down the line? What if something about human anatomy becomes relevant in defeating Lord English?"

"Well, if it's for Lord English," Dave joked, slinging out his penis like a pistol.

"I'm not asking for much. Just a minute or two of you doing whatever it is you have to do. I asked Rose to explain it to me once, but I didn't understand whatever the fuck she meant about 'labias' and 'urethras' and 'clitoral stimulation.' She even had the gall to slap me when I asked her to show me. Can you believe that bullshit?"

"Yeah go figure." Dave sighed. Maybe he could pretend like it wasn't a big deal for humans to do this sort of thing? That way he could walk away with his dignity intact. "Alright, Kar, I'll show you, but only for a little bit until it bores me."

Karkat's pupils grew wide again, and he sat down cross legged, hands in his lap, eagerly awaiting Dave to draw back the curtains.

Dave already had his penis out. At this point it had returned to a semi-chubby state, so he slowly began twisting it in his hands. He used only a few fingers at first, but when his member began to harden, he began twisting it with the full length of his fingers. Shit, this feels really good. Soon, he found himself holding his fully erect cock firmly in his hands. He stroked his shaft up, and down, up and down, until that familiar pleasant sensation washed over him. He bit his lip down slightly to prevent himself from whimpering.

Karkat watched, eager to learn, his eyes transfixed on Dave's rhythmic stroking. Dave, however, was focusing and had his eyes closed. He was reaching a point in which stopping became increasingly difficult. His stroking evolved into jerking, a little harder and a little faster. The tip of his head grew wet with excitement. Dave's cheeks began to flush with color, and his skin started glowing with perspiration. This feels so fucking good…

Suddenly Dave was aware of Karkat gaping at his dick in the middle of the common room. He jerked open his eyes and found Karkat leaning in towards him, staring at his exposed junk. He was hunched over, so Dave felt he was towering over him. Dave couldn't stop, but found the whole thing slightly unnerving. I feel like an animal at the zoo, he thought, and for a moment the act of masturbation ceased feeling pleasurable.

But then—Oh fuck—then Karkat began biting his lips in interest, and suddenly Dave could hear the troll breathing, could see his chest rising and falling. Karkat's gaze shifted suddenly to Dave's eyes, which were still hidden beneath his shades, but they still penetrated him, seemed to see into him. It was as if Dave's perspective had fallen out beneath him, and all he could see was Karkat's piercing yellow eyes, with those big, black, glossy pupils, staring up at him, slightly lowered, as if encouraging him, begging him for more, demanding he put on a good show.

Dave really couldn't stop now. He tried to stifle his moaning, but every few seconds one would escape him, slipping into Karkat's ears, drawing the troll closer, and closer. Karkats hands remained on the floor, but Dave began to imagine them wrapped around his dick, prodding, touching, exploring. He couldn't control his thoughts anymore.

"Kar—" he whimpered, as an intense wave of pleasure struck him, causing his neck to spasm backwards and his eyes to shut. For a few brief seconds he was back in that timeless musical state, where nothing mattered, where nothing existed but pleasure, but pure unedited emotion. He opened his eyes to see Karkat fixed in his position, head slightly tilted, gaze shifting from Dave's hands rubbing out his cock to Dave's eyes, each time with a slightly different expression.

The thrill of being watched became too much for Dave. His thoughts began to spiral out of control. Fuck, please, please suck my cock, let me shove it into that huge wet mouth of yours, let me feel it, let me thrust into you. But Karkat remained still, simply observing, watching, eager to let the show play out on its own.

"Kar, please, I—" he couldn't quite find the words. He felt that in not moving, in not participating at all, Karkat was simultaneously being the biggest fucking tease in the universe. "Please, I'm so closes…please, I can't—" Suck me. Jesus fucking christ just use that giant tongue of yours and—

Dave could picture it so vividly. In a second, an entire scene played out before his mind: Karkat leaning in, pulling Dave's cock up, caressing his balls with his mouth while stroking the entire length of his dick; he begins to slide his tongue upwards, massaging each vein, until he wraps it around the head; he stretches his mouth wide and takes the whole thing in at once, warm, sticky, moist; he begins to ride Dave's cock with his throat, up and down, twisting every so often with his hands, staring up into Dave's eyes, the sound of sucking and sloshing and swallowing filling Dave's ears like music, like sweet sweet music—

Dave's eyes were closed in fantasy, but he knew Karkat was just sitting there, watching. Simply watching. This act of not participating, of only observing, pushed Dave even further into his hedonistic fantasy—of wanting, of desiring, of needing Karkat's touch, his assistance, if only to distance himself from this embarrassment, this strangeness of showing someone such a private act. He needed it so fully and got nothing, nothing but his own hand jerking, twisting, feeling.

"Oh, Karkat, I'm going to…I'm going to—" He finally opened his eyes, knowing whatever was waiting there before him would send him over the edge.

Karkat was still only watching, but his expression was entirely different. His cheeks were flushed with color, and his eyelids had dropped. His pupils remained huge, eager, almost hungry (Dave was certain), but his hands remained on the floor, still, like a statue. He said nothing. He simply stared at Dave's cock twitching in anticipation, and then he smirked, ever so slightly, with his gaze returning to Dave.

That smirk. That fucking smirk. Dave let out a long, animalistic moan. You're getting off on this you sick fuck, you fucking tease, you fucking asshole. But he had no way of knowing. And this not knowing threw him off the edge so violently that he couldn't keep quiet about it, couldn't keep cool. He began thrashing his hips into his hands, heart beating increasing, staring at Karkat's tiny smirk while the troll stared back, stared eagerly, waiting, until there was a wave of release.

Dave came all over his pants. Most of it spilled out of his cock and down his hands, until his palm was wet and sticky. The rest of it pooled at the base of his shaft. As the euphoria washed over him, Dave let out a slow, prolonged whimper. His breathed in short, shallow breathes, regaining his composure. That felt good, that felt so fucking good.

The two sat in silence for a few moments. Dave realized how absolutely ridiculous he must have looked, but he let it go. He didn't want to ruin this. He didn't want to brush this off. There was something about Karkat simply watching him, silently, that really turned him on, and he wasn't quite sure why. It was hard to figure it out while his head was still spinning. Why was Karkat so eager to watch me? His body jerked slightly in post-climactic bliss. Did he do this to me on purpose? It had happened so fast, so very quickly, that it was all so hard to process.

Karkat stood up, stretched, and began to walk away. Before he left the room, he turned back to Dave and said, nonchalantly, "Thanks for showing me." Then he left, along with the answers to the rising list of questions Dave was attempting to formulate.

Dave was now alone, his pants stained with both coffee and cum, cock out and sweat clinging to his skin. There was no music to distract him now. There was only silence.