Notes: Ansel is a character that features in The Assassin and the Desert that I really enjoyed, and I kind of hope she comes back into the series.
It's the armor that she recognizes first. It's hard not to. Even after these few years, it's still as gaudy and impractical as it's always been. It's ridiculous enough that she should laugh at it, but all it does is twist her heart and make her mouth go dry.
There are so many things that Celaena Sardothien - that Aelin Galathynius - has sorted out, but there are still so many things in her past that she has tried to bury there.
Wolf armor is one of them.
She gives a subtle glance around her at the small market, but Rowan is not within sight. Fine, that's fine. She doesn't need for him to be attached to her at the hip, and he was the one who absolutely insisted that he make the deal for a ship ride. And she's double glad that he's not here so that he doesn't see her slinking through the crowd, edging closer and closer to make sure she's right and hoping she's wrong.
But she sees the wolf's head pommel of the sword, a sheet of red hair catching the light breeze now and then, and her heart clenches.
Ansel.
Celaena doesn't know why she wanted to get a closer look, why she wants to torture herself this way. She should want to kill Ansel, but she doesn't. She has lost so much. She has accepted so much pain that she finally understands. She knows why Ansel did what she did, even though Celaena knows…
She knows she would never get her revenge the same way that Ansel had tried, but she understands.
The other girl gives the merchant a small smile, tight at the corners of her mouth, and then turns to leave.
Celaena could disappear into the crowd, and Ansel would never be the wiser for it. Would never know that she was only a few feet from someone she had once called a friend.
She doesn't. Ansel turns, almost misses the girl standing there, but then she sees. There's an infinity in Ansel's eyes. An endless stream of pain and hatred and anger and uncertainty. Ansel's lips part. A scar marrs one cheek, and Celaena has to resist touching the one at her own neck. They stand there for what seems like an eternity, the crowd parting like water to rocks in the river.
Ansel takes a step back, a flicker of fear in her gaze. Celaena doesn't move.
"Have you come to finish the job?" Ansel finally asks. Her voice is weary. Not weak, Celaena notes. Not defeated. Just weary.
"After all this time?" Celaena laughs, but the noise sounds like broken glass. "You're not that important."
She regrets the words instantly, watching Ansel's soft gaze harden. There is no longer an infinity stretched out between them; she's cut Celaena off from that. She shouldn't care, but she does. She does so fiercely that she wants to cry out.
"I didn't mean that," Celaena says as Ansel moves to turn away.
That gives the red-haired girl pause, and she looks over her shoulder at Celaena. "I can't blame you if you did. I am nothing. You're not. I've followed your career after - after the desert. The King's Champion, huh?"
Somehow, it sounds like an insult when it comes from Ansel's mouth. A blush heats up Celaena's face. It makes her want to claw Ansel's pretty face, makes her want to eat those words.
The feeling rises up her throat, a snarl twisting her lips, but then it dies away. Not because she has a change of heart - okay, maybe that too - but because Ansel doesn't move this time. Ansel doesn't look afraid.
"I am many things," Celaena spits. "But I am no king's champion."
A smile twitches on Ansel's mouth. "I haven't won yet."
"But you haven't stopped trying."
A shake of her head, hair like a blaze behind her. She stares at Celaena hard. "I was wrong. I was so wrong, and all I could think about was my pain and how men always ruin the world." Her jaw clenches. "I was ruining the world, too."
It's a little overboard, Celaena thinks. The world is so much bigger than Ansel's revenge, but she's able to swallow those words this time. "What do you think now?"
"I should feel bad for Mikhail, and for Ilias."
"But you don't."
Ansel gestures to Celaena, inviting her to walk with her. Talking and standing in the crowd is not a good idea, she knows that, but she doesn't want to follow Ansel out of here either. Not where she could be vulnerable. Not where Rowan can't find her. But Ansel begins to disappear, and gods help her, Celaena can't let her go yet. So she goes to catch up, but she doesn't run. Doesn't allow Ansel to know that she cares.
"Of course I don't," Ansel laughs, but it's a hollow sound. "But you… I never forget you, Adarlan's Assassin. I never forget your face and the look of betrayal on it. I never forget your words."
Tears pricks Celaena's eyes, and her mouth goes dry again. She can't do this. She can't let herself be hurt once more. "I thought-"
"You let me go," Ansel breathes, glancing at Celaena from the corner of her eye. "You didn't kill me."
She knows. Gods help everything, somehow Ansel knew that Celaena had given her the time to escape death.
"I should have."
"I know."
They fall into silence as they walk, somewhere between the border of the town and the forest that surrounds it. Behind them, there is the sea and the nonsensical noise of people talking. In front of them, insects buzz and leaves rustle in the breeze. Celaena is tense, waiting for the moment that Ansel attacks. Why else would she come out here? Why the hell had Celaena even followed her?
Rowan would kill her.
Ansel turns so fast, that Celaena barely has time to pull out her sword -
But there's no need. Ansel is on the ground, kneeling in the dirt in her ridiculous armor, the point of her father's sword in the ground. Her head is bowed, as if waiting for the killing blow that should have come years ago.
Celaena's throat is tight. "What are you doing."
"Whoever you are, Celaena Sardothien, I feel that my fate is entwined with yours. I have felt this way every single moment of everyday since you let me live. Whatever lies ahead for me, whatever that witch meant when she told me, it's you," Ansel murmurs.
"Don't do this."
"I need to," Ansel says. She lifts her head now, her eyes like the fires that burn in Celaena. "I have no idea who you are, but I do know that you have been the only friend I've ever had."
"You're selfish," Celaena finds herself saying. "And dangerous. You have no remorse-"
"I have remorse when it concerns you, and that's all that matters to me. I would fight for you."
"And in return, I help you get your lands back?"
A wry smile twists Ansel's lips. "I certainly wouldn't say no to that sort of bargain."
"You have no idea who I even am," Celaena hisses.
"No, and yet here I am, on my knees before you. Asking you - begging you - for the chance to make myself a better person with you."
Celaena pauses and looks over her shoulder to see the outline of Rowan standing there, watching. Second chances, she has learned, can be earned and gifted to others. She isn't sure if Ansel can reign herself in, but…
"I'm going to wage war," Celaena finally says. "I made promises to people that I love to put this world in better order."
"Then who better to help you," Ansel points out, "Than someone who craves order and war?"
Rowan frowns when Celaena explains that they need to barter passage for one more person.