Ad Hoc Jimmy
So there won't be any confusion. These are the Players:
JLJimmy is Jack Larson's Jimmy Olsen in the Adventures of Superman television series (JL)
MMJimmy is Marc McClure's Jimmy Olsen in the Superman and Supergirl movies (MM)
MLJimmy is Michael Landes' Jimmy Olsen in the New Adventures of Lois and Clark tv series (ML)
JWJimmy is Justin Whalin's Jimmy Olsen in the New Adventures of Lois and Clark tv series (JW)
SHJimmy is Sam Huntington's Jimmy Olsen in the Superman Returns movie (SH)
AAJimmy is Aaron Ashmore's Jimmy Olsen in the Smallville tv series (AA)
TWClark is Tom Welling's Clark Kent in the Smallville tv series (TW)
The Daily Planet conference room sat stagnate and dark. No light dared to intrude into the room. JLJimmy sighed as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. This was where his life began. This place defined who he was.
"Turn the lights on, JL," said a voice from the hallway.
He turned to see MMJimmy standing in it's overhead light. "Just give me a minute," he muttered sadly.
MM nodded as he walked into the room. Putting an arm around JL's shoulder, he tried to make some sense of it all. "It's horrendous. What is the world coming to?"
"I just can't believe it," croaked JL as he gulped back the tightness in this throat.
"Gosh, I . . . I'm at a loss for words," said MM as two other young men stepped into their darkness.
"Golly, has anyone heard from him?" said SHJimmy as he stood beside the others looking out into the Metropolis sky.
"He's dead!" spit out MM in anger.
"Well, he really wasn't J. . .," started JWJimmy putting his hands in his pockets and shrugging.
Bright light filled the room as JL snapped on the lightswitch. "Don't even think it!" He said pointing a finger at the others. "His name was Jimmy Olsen!"
The others nodded their heads. One thought was palpable. What if it had been me?
JL straighted his bowtie. "Shall we begin, gentlemen?"
"Yea, let's get this over with," grumbled MMJimmy as he pulled back a chair at the conference table and sat.
The others followed suit. Soon four Jimmy Olsens stared uncomfortably at each other as uncertainty permeated the air.
"I hereby declare this meeting called to order," said JLJimmy as he scanned the room of bereaved, once eager, young men. He cleared his throat before proceeding. "Is there any old business . . ."
From outside the room, voices were heard. Singing. And not especially on key.
Show me the way to go home.
I'm tired and I want to go to bed.
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it went right to my head.
Where ever I may roam
On land or sea or foam,
You will always hear me singing this song.
Show me the way to go home.
Two inebriated Jimmys stood in the doorway seemingly unaware of their audience.
"Do you know what really sucks?" said AAJimmy to MLJimmy as he tried to gain some equilibrium.
"What ole buddy, ole pal?" asked ML swinging the milk bottle in his hand around for emphasis.
"WE," started AA pressing his own milk bottle into ML's chest. ". . .don't have a home."
"When you're right, you're right, JAMES," said ML grinning like a schoolboy. "Or should I call you, Hen . . ."
"Don't go there," seethed AA as his milk bottle connected to ML's breastbone.
"Sorry, brotha," said ML with his arms stretched out in surrender. "That wasn't very smooth of me, was it?"
AA started to chuckle. "Y'know, that's probably why you got fired."
"Why's that?" said ML with furrowed eyebrows.
"You said 'smooth' all the freakin time! Couldn't they have come up with a better 'catch phrase'?"
"Well, at least I got to call Perry White, Chief!"
"Boys! Boys! Boys!" said JL making his way towards them.
AA and ML quit eye sparring to take on another opponent. "We're not . . . booooys," said ML as he put an arm around AA.
"YEA, we're MEN!" slurred AA. "Dead before our time . . ." he gasped as his voice trailed off.
"Oh no, buddy, don't start that again," said ML as he guided him to a chair. AA plopped down hard as his milk bottle smacked the table.
"You've never been to one of these meetings," started JWJimmy looking at ML. MM and JL cringed and put their hands over their eyes. SHJimmy saw what was transpiring and slid down in his seat to keep out of the line of fire.
"Well if it isn't Mr. Cherub Face?" slurred ML. "I was here when you weren't. Get the picture?" He broke out into laughter at his own pun.
AA seemed to perk up at his friend's exuberance. "Because we all know . . ."
ML and AA faced each other. "A sexy Jimmy is a BAD Jimmy!" The mantra ricocheted off the conference room walls.
"We brought libation for you golly gosh guys," said ML as he shoved his milk bottle towards JW and SH's end of the table. AA shoved his towards JL and MM.
"No one can't say we're not generous," said AA looking sadly at the table top in front of him.
"You should have called me," said SH looking at his tipsy compatriots. "I would have met you at the bar."
"Yea, but you're still a Jimmy!" snapped ML.
JL stood up and pounded the table. "We're all Jimmys!"
MM patted his back as JL sat back down infuriated and exhausted. "I just can't believe this is happening," said the elder Jimmy.
"Believe it," grimaced ML. "I was just the tip of the iceberg. Look what they've done to poor AA."
"Look what they've done to TWClark!" said AA to no one in particular. "He didn't throw a single punch at Doomsday, declared himself dead and then faded away."
"Maybe you're better off," said JW trying to console him.
"Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut," snarled ML.
MM stood up and surveyed the room. "There will be no infighting, understand? Times are tough enough. A Jimmy Olsen has died. A mythos character . . ."
AA lifted his head. "Uhhhh, not exactly. That was the loophole. I wasn't . . ."
"No!" shouted JL. "For all intents and purposes, you were Jimmy Olsen on the show! You are Jimmy Olsen!"
"Yes, but they're going for the . . . " started ML in a whiney voice. "mythos." His finger quote marks seemed disturbingly condemning.
"How can they say they're going for the mythos if they have that girl on the show?" said JW quietly awaiting ML's wrath.
"What girl?" asked SH with a puzzled frown.
"Y'know, that's probably the first smart thing you've ever said," said ML grinning at his successor.
"Well, I try," grinned JW in his golly gosh way.
"What girl?" repeated SH.
"Lois has a cousin on the show who grew up with Clark and has followed him to Metropolis," answered MMJimmy trying to explain the unexplainable.
ML pulled a flask out of his leather jacket pocket and handed it to AA. "Here, you're going to need this."
AA took a swig and gritted his teeth. "He's talking about my wife."
Eyes darted from Jimmy to Jimmy as the silence grew to a roar.
"You were married on the show?" whispered SH finally. His innocence was prominent on his face.
"Yea," nodded AA. "Don't know if you'd call it much of a marriage though. We had sex before the wedding."
"Darn Silver Age," grumbled JLJimmy.
"Yea, really," agreed MMJimmy.
"Didn't have sex after the wedding," continued AA. "Doomsday swatted me across the wedding barn and I landed in a Star City hospital for five weeks." He took another swig. "At least Lois was with me . . .er, maybe that wasn't such a great thing though. . ."
"Good for you," concurred ML. "Probably not so good for the fans though."
"How much is that in TV time?" queried SHJimmy.
"Over four months," sighed AA.
MM closed his eyes in anger and shook his head. JL stared off into space in disbelief. JW leaned in closer to ML as if they were now on the same team.
"Man that sucks," said JW finally.
"That's nothing," bitterly chuckled AA. "My wife was in Metropolis most of that time with Clark. We never saw her in Star City on the show. Lois and I were barely mentioned. Out of sight, out of mind."
"Mythos, huh," sneered ML.
"Yep, the ole mythos. Lana got a kryptonite power suit so she could save lives. She can never be near Clark again. She had sex with Clark, Bizarro and married Lex Luthor. She never did have red hair. Maxima shows up and is a sex goddess and not a warrior. They killed off Livewire and Neutron. Some non-mythos woman is running Luthorcorp AKA Lexcorp and she's alive at the end of the finale." His lamented sigh only added to their grief. "But worst of all, my wife can do anything. I mean absolutely anything. She's an original character, y'know – so it's no holds barred for her. Her name should probably be Mary Sue."
"Is her name Lucy?" asked JW looking totally confused.
"Nope, it's Chloe." His disgruntled breath resounded throughout the room. "Biggest non-mythos character on the show. She can screw up Clark's destiny and character all she wants, but let Lois and I diverge one iota – we're outta there. Lois disappeared at the halfway mark in the finale never to be seen again. And I died. I died for the woman who tasered me for her bony lover. Hell, Doomsday even died for her. Well, at least the human – wait, he's Kryptonian so he's not human – well, the Davis part of him got thrown on the same sacrificial altar. Oh yea, and my wife is a hero – I told her so myself. Don't know how that is a logical assumption considering all the crap she pulled, but there you go."
"Mythos, my ass!" glared ML in disdain.
"Pass me that flask, Jimmy," said JL with conviction.
"But JL, you don't drink," gasped AA. "I don't want to corrupt . . . I mean I was addicted to drugs before I died."
"Pass it over!" said MM. "We all could use a drink."
"I know where Mr. White keeps a bottle of Southern Comfort in his desk drawer," grinned JW as he got out of his chair.
"Well, go get it, boy! This flask isn't going to last too much longer," smiled MLJimmy as JW left the room.
"I'll get the coffee mugs," said SH as he rummaged in a cabinet against a wall.
JL took a sip from the flask and handed it to MM. "It's a new day," said the Jimmy from the Superman and Supergirl movies.
"It's a dark day," grumbled JLJimmy as his world continued to change.
JW came running back into the room and handed SH the bottle. Drinks were poured and passed all around.
All the Jimmys stood as JL raised his cup to the others. "To Jimmy Olsen. The best damn pal Superman ever had!"
AA began to sit back down in his chair. ML grabbed his arm. "Just because THEY'RE stupid, doesn't mean you have to be."
"AA, you'll always be Jimmy to us," nodded MM as ML, SH and JW said, "Here. Here!"
AA's soft smile made his freckles stand out. "To Jimmy Olsen. Long may he live!"
"To Jimmy!" said the others as they tossed the liquor down in one gulp.
"Whew! We should do this more often!" said JWJimmy grinning from ear to ear.
"Wait a minute! That means this is our last meeting," said SH looking at each of his friends.
"Yea, I never thought of that," said ML as he sat back in his chair stunned.
"He's right. Unless some other Live Action Jimmy Olsen shows up, we won't be meeting," said JL looking wildly around the room.
"There is no hope," said MM. The concept was foreign to him and the others.
"How can you have Superman with no hope?" was whispered around the room by every Jimmy but one.
AAJimmy looked at the five other Jimmys. "Exactly."