MAD HOPS: MISSING SCENES

by Patcat

Missing...

MAD HOPS: MISSING SCENES

"I'm sorry."

Bobby Goren looked up from his leather binder. Detective Lynn Bishop's attention was focused on the road. For a moment he wasn't sure if she'd really spoke.

"I'm sorry…That I wasn't able to…Well…That I wasn't much help with this case…Especially with keeping the coach from hurting you…" Her voice trailed off.

"She's trying," Bobby thought. "The poor kid is trying…"

"Uh…Thank you…But…I mean…It wasn't your fault," he stuttered.

"I shoulda had your back," Bishop said.

"I do not want to have this conversation," Bobby thought. "I do not want to have this conversation with anyone, but especially with this substitute." He took a deep breath.

"Don't feel bad," he said. "There's no way you could've known…Besides…It worked for us…The coach got over confident."

"I guess he didn't realize he wasn't dealing with a teen aged boy," Bishop said.

"I guess not." Bobby stared out the window. "I…I owe you an apology, too."

Bishop glanced at him.

"At the playground…In front of the ball players…I left you hanging…"

"I kinda knew what you were doing," Bishop said. "It's just…I don't know anything about basketball…I only knew about the Goat because you told me to look up some stuff on street ball. " A smile crossed her face. "I did learn about doing research from you."

"If…If you've learned anything from me," Bobby said. "If I've helped you at all…" He swallowed. He wasn't sure what he was trying to say or how or if he should say it.

"How's Detective Eames," Bishop asked after several silent moments.

"Uh…Good…Very good…Itching to get back," Bobby responded. He relaxed considerably.

"The baby? What did they name him?" Bishop seemed genuinely interested.

"The baby…Oh…The baby…Wonderful…His name is Nathaniel…Nate…They're going to call him Nate…"

"That's really something she did…To do that for her sister," Bishop said admiringly.

"Yea," Bobby agreed. "I hope her sister appreciates it."

"I hope I can be as good a detective and person as her some day," Bishop said.

Bobby struggled against the confusing combination of anger and satisfaction that rose in his mind. On one hand, he didn't want Bishop to compare herself in any way with Alex; on the other, he was glad the younger woman recognized Alex's great qualities.

"I'm sorry I wasn't her," Bishop continued, and Bobby felt as if he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"You…You're you," he stammered. "You're a good detective…"

She sighed.

"No…No…I mean it," Bobby said. "You just need to accept different ideas and be ready to think in different ways…And…You've started doing that…You're smart…You're disciplined…"

"Please," Bishop said. "Don't patronize me."

Bobby sat for a moment. He'd dismissed her; he'd treated her like a substitute; he'd shown his frustrations with her. He'd treated her badly, but she'd hung in with him.

"Look…I'm sorry…I really am…" he said. "I treated you badly…I don't know if it'll make you feel any better…I wouldn't have been happy with…Anyone who took Eames' place…And…And I'm not easy to work with…You lasted a lot longer…Treated me better…Than anyone but Eames…"

Bishop looked at him skeptically.

"Really," Bobby insisted. "One guy didn't last a day…I was examining a body…and it freaked him out…"

"Like when you poked the kid's nose?" Bishop asked.

"Yea…Something like that…When we got back to the squad room he was in the captain's office asking for a transfer before I even sat down. But you," Bobby looked at her. "You never blinked an eye."

"I understood what you were doing," Bishop answered. "And I was…warned…about your unusual methods…But I gotta admit…If it had happened the first day…"

"Yea…Even Eames had a hard time with me at the start…"

"She helped a lot," Bishop said. "Once I smartened up and accepted it. I'm a little competive…"

"Little?" Bobby said.

"Ok… A lot," Bishop admitted with a smile. "But I always felt like I had to in this job…It took me a while to realize you and Eames weren't competitors…If I'd talk to her sooner…Things would've been easier."

Bobby felt marginally better.

"Thank you, by the way," Bishop said.

"Uh…What for?" Bobby asked.

"You never treated me like a girl," Bishop said. "You did things that drove me crazy, but never because I was a girl."

Bobby fumbled with his binder. "Well…Eames…I mean…I've always tried…"

"You're the least sexist cop I ever worked with," Bishop said. " And…Thank you for all you've taught me…I did pay attention…And I learned a lot…You're a great detective. Weird, but great."

"Uh…Thank you…I think," Bobby responded.

Bishop smiled with relief. They were close to One Police Plaza. "I bet my future partners won't let me drive. I'll miss that."

"Don't let them push you around. You want to drive, you drive," Bobby said. "Like I said…You're a good detective…Really," he said in response to her smile. "This case…You found stuff…You read people…You did what I needed you to do…"

"I didn't cover your back with the coach," Bishop said.

Bobby didn't speak until they were about to enter the One PP parking garage. "Your job," he said as Bishop parked the SUV. "Isn't to protect your partner. Especially when your partner hasn't given you any information…And when he should be able to take care of himself."

They moved efficiently through Coach Powell's processing. Bishop delivered the paperwork to Captain Deakins.

"Good job," he said as he accepted the forms. "And congratulations…You have your pick of good assignments. I'd love to keep you're here, but with Eames coming back I don't have a place open. But if you're interested in Major Case in the future and I'm the Captain, there'll be a place for you."

"Thank you, Sir," Bishop said. "That means a lot…And thank you for your recommendations…I'm sure that's a big reason why I've got these excellent opportunities…And…Thank you for putting me with Goren…I know I didn't do well at first…I still don't understand him…But I appreciate him…"

Deakins smiled. "If you can appreciate Goren, you're several steps ahead of a lot of people in the NYPD. He's the best detective I've ever seen. He has a moral compass. It doesn't always point in the direction you expect, but it's there."

Bobby tried to concentrate on the report on his desk. Bishop had been in Deakins' office for some time now, and he wondered if their earlier friendly conversation had meant anything. Bishop had trekked frequently to Deakins' office throughout their short partnership. Perhaps the young detective was taking a last opportunity to complain about him? Bobby looked across at Alex's desk. It was neat and clean, with everything in its place waiting for her return. The photo of the dog and the old, worn Santa mug were in their accustomed places, and pens and pencils filled another cup. Bobby had kept the desk clean and fought off anyone who'd tried to take anything from it. When Alex returned on Monday, she'd find the desk exactly as she'd left it aside from the large package of Skittles in the upper drawer and the Starbucks coupons tucked under the blotter. Bobby tried not to brood about Alex and her absence. He'd been stunned by how deeply he'd been affected by her departure. He missed her, and it hurt. He couldn't and didn't begrudge her leaving him. When she'd first told him about her plans to be a surrogate mother for her sister, Bobby had been filled with awe at her strength and courage and generosity. Her joy passed to him, and it was only after she spoke to Deakins that Bobby realized he'd have a temporary partner. Then the thought that Alex might not come back seized his mind. In the first weeks of Alex's pregnancy, Bobby veered from one emotion to another. He treated Alex like a princess, bringing her tea and foods to help her morning sickness and fatigue. At the same time, he barely acknowledged Bishop's presence until Alex chided him.

"You're supposed to be helping her," Alex told him at lunch one day. "To be a mentor…"

Bobby rubbed a large paw over his face. "Eames…I'm no…"

"Just give her a chance," Alex said. "Bemember…It took me a while to get used to you…And she has a lot less experience than I did. Try not to compare her to me."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Bobby asked plaintively.

Alex smiled. "You're a grownup, Bobby…A very bright one…You can do it."

So he tried. He adjusted his stride to match Bishop's. He tried to recognize and adapt to her talents. He tried to explain his thoughts and methods. He often failed spectacularly. His concern for Bishop's sore feet came out sounding like a patronizing criticism of her choice in shoes. But Bishop's challenges became less unreasonable and more based on facts, and Bobby discovered he occasionally enjoyed parrying and thrusting with the young woman. In the end, though, Bishop didn't know him. She wasn't Alex. Bobby realized with a shock how much Alex defended and explained him. He knew Alex would've kept him from tearing after that computer geek. She would've kept him out of Coach Powell's sites. At the very least, she would've known what to say to make him feel better.

Bobby looked up to see Bishop approaching his desk.

"The Captain is happy with our reports," she said. "He said we could sign them and get out of here." She hesitated. "I guess…After that…Unless something comes up with one of our cases…I'll be saying goodbye."

"Uh…Yea…" Bobby hated moments like this. He wasn't good at farewells, and a life full of them hadn't helped him learn how to deal with them. "Good luck, Bishop…I…If you ever need a reference or anything…I don't know if my name would open or close doors…But I'd be happy to give you a good one."

"I can't imagine a reference I'd want more," Bishop said. "Thank you."

"I…I'm sorry," Bobby said softly. "I wasn't a good partner…"

"You're a very good partner," Bishop answered. "I'm just not your partner."

Bobby sat numbly as Bishop gathered things from her desk and placed them in a box. There were very few items, and she finished quickly. She turned to Bobby, who stood awkwardly.

"Thank you, Goren," Bishop said loudly and clearly. "I've learned a great deal."

Puzzled, Bobby took her outstretched hand and shook it. "Thank you…Here…Let me help you with that box…"

She didn't protest, and, carrying the box, he followed her to the elevator. The box wasn't heavy, and Bobby knew she could easily carry it. He half expected her to take it when they reached the elevator, but she stepped into the car, and he followed her. The presence of others kept them from speaking. He followed her to her car, and realized with some guilt that he had no idea which was one hers. He waited awkwardly for her to unlock her car and open the back door.

"Thank you," Bishop said as she took the box from him. "And again…Thank you…For everything."

Bobby stared at the concrete floor. "You're welcome…"

Bishop placed the box in the back seat and shut the door. She opened her front door. "Goodbye, Goren," she said and held out her right hand.

"Goodbye, Bishop." Bobby shook her hand. "Good luck."

Bishop continued to hold his hand, and Bobby wasn't sure what to do.

"Goren…You…Look…Don't be so hard on yourself. Try to have a good life." She squeezed his hand, released it, and slipped into her car. Bobby stepped out of the car's way and watched her drive out of the garage. He stood uncertainly for several minutes rubbing the back of his neck, and finally turned and walked back to the elevator.

When he reached the eleventh floor, Bobby walked to his desk. He stared at what had been Bishop's desk. It was empty and clean, and showed no sign of its recent owner. He looked across to Alex's desk. Although it was neat and clean, it looked as if its owner had just left and might return at any moment. Bobby felt very lonely and tired.

"Goren."

Bobby turned to face Deakins. "Yes, Sir…"

"Need to speak to you…"

A great weight growing in his chest, Bobby followed Deakins. He wondered if, in spite of her warm farewell, Bishop had left with some complaint. Or, worse—much worse—that there was some delay in Alex's return, or that she wasn't returning at all.

Deakins sat behind his desk and regarded his most brilliant detective. He wondered that a six feet four inches tall First Grade Detective could look like a six year old boy making his first trip to the principal's office.

"I spoke to Alex this afternoon," Deakins began, and Bobby's head shot up so fast the Captain thought he might snap his neck.

"She's more than ready to get back to work," Deakins continued. He watched the tension disappear from Bobby.

"I…I'm glad to hear that, Sir," Bobby said. "Very glad. I'll have everything ready for her."

"You've done a good job of keeping up to date with everything…Even your paperwork." Deakins smiled. "I have to admit I was afraid that it might pile up without Alex around to push you to finish it."

Bobby stood quietly. He didn't tell the Captain that he'd eagerly finished his paperwork in order to avoid Bishop, or that Alex had always been as much of a distraction as a spur to get it done.

"And thank you for your work with Bishop," Deakins continued. "I think she learned a great deal. I know you don't pay attention to the Brass, but Bishop has a couple of powerful rabbis, and this'll make them happy."

Bobby sensed he was supposed to say something. He hated talking to Deakings without Alex; he hated to talk to anyone without Alex. It wasn't that Deakins was a bad cop or man. After a rocky start, Bobby came to respect and trust him, and Deakins came to respect and trust Bobby. But neither really understood the other.

"I…I'm sorry it was so difficult at the start," Bobby said. "I…I could've been more helpful to her."

"Maybe," Deakins conceded. "But it was good for Bishop. She's been spoiled in some ways. Her uncle is Deputy Mayor Hurley…Who used to be Deputy Commissioner Hurley…"

Bobby remembered the name dimly. He was sure that Alex could recite the entire Hurley family history, with special emphasis on all of its members who were cops or perps or both.

"Bishop's talented and bright and hardworking," Deakins said. "She graduated near the top of her academy class, but that and her uncle's pull has meant she's had her choice of assignments…"

"That's why she thinks she has so much to prove," Bobby said. "I should've looked up more about her." He'd considered such a move, but it seemed to be a betrayal of Eames.

"It might have helped if she'd been willing to learn more about you," Deakins countered. "Or at least listened to Alex."

"She started listening to her," Bobby said. "But right before Eames left."

"Well…In the end Bishop was very impressed with you." Deakins lifted a file from his desk. "She's supporting my recommendation that you receive a citation for…"

"Sir…Please…I don't deserve…You shouldn't…" Bobby looked almost as distressed at the start of this conversation with Deakins. "I…I was just doing my job…"

"That's not what Bishop or the other officers or the civilians thought," Deakins said. "I'm sorry…The wheels are already in motion. If I were you, I'd get my dress uniform cleaned." Deakins dropped the file on his desk. "Now, go home…Or have a drink. Or do whatever it is you do when you're off the job. Don't come back until Monday."

"Yes, Sir," Bobby said. "Thank you."

There was little emotion in his voice. If anything, Deakins thought Bobby sounded embarrassed. "You know, Bobby, Alex sounded a lot more excited about this citation than you do…"

Bobby smiled wanly. "She's done a lot of things just as or braver…"

"An old cop told me that he sometimes thought we should get medals just for showing up. But there has to be a line somewhere, and what you did was clearly on the side of something more. Now…Like I said. Get out of here."

Deakins watched as Bobby shuffled back to his desk. "I wonder," the Captain thought. "If I should reveal that a big part of Goren's ability to solve more cases than anyone else isn't just his magic gut, but his working harder than anyone else. No…" Deakins shook his head. "Everyone would rather believe in the magic gut."

Bobby moved slowly to clean his desk. He didn't want to leave the office. There was no place for him to go except his home, and he wasn't particularly eager to go there. He knew he wouldn't sleep well; the Coach Powell case had cut deep, he felt badly about his treatment of Bishop, and he missed Eames. He examined her desk and smiled. She was coming back. Everything would be better when she came back. He made sure everything was in place—the Skittles in the drawer; the coffee coupons under the blotter; the Santa mug in its corner; the photo of the dog in its spot. Bobby's gaze lingered on the dog for a moment. He'd been curious about it when he arrived at Major Case, but didn't ask Eames about it. She caught him looking at it one day.

"You're dying to ask about the dog." It was a statement and not a question, and it was true. Bobby nodded. "Goldie," Alex said. "One of the best dogs ever. She was my husband's…"

Bobby's heart pounded. He knew about her late husband, but had never brought up the subject. He had no right.

"She was old when I met Joe," Alex continued. It was late, and there were very few other people in the bullpen. "But she was a great dog, and willing to love me if Joe did." She seemed to be some place far away from Major Case. "She died about a year after Joe…She was old and in pretty good shape until a week or so before…It was like she knew I was about to get a job where I wouldn't have time for a dog…And that she'd done her job in making sure I got over the worst days after his death. It was weird, though…I cried longer and harder after she died than I did right after Joe's death. I got back from the vet and crawled into the tub and bawled for an hour. Weird, uh?"

"Not so weird," Bobby said gently. "You loved her. She was part of your life with…with your late husband." He didn't believe he had the right to say Joe's name. "And animals may sense a lot…Maybe she did know…"

Alex looked at him in a way she never had.

"You know," she said softly. "I tried to explain how I felt about Goldie to other people, but…Even my family…And they never got it…But you…You're not trying to analyze me, are you, Goren?"

"Uh…No…Never…" Bobby retreated.

"Ok, then…Let's finish these reports…"

As these memories ran through his mind, Bobby carefully shined Goldie's photo. He finished and carefully sat the picture back on Alex's desk. He checked her desk again. "Ok," he thought. "I don't have to go home, but I can't stay here."

It was one of those nights when the cold seeped into buildings and bones. The air froze Bobby's lungs when he stepped into the parking garage. He drew back into his overcoat as he shuffled to his car. With each step, he dreaded more going to his empty house. He briefly considered trolling some of the bars near One Police Plaza or his home for someone to at least share a drink, but even when he was younger he hated himself when he engaged in such behavior. It was too much like his father, and the encounters always left him guilty and lonely. Right now it felt even worse with Alex's return days away. "Oh, God," Bobby thought as he eased his car out of its spot. "What am I feeling?" He clutched the steering wheel. "No…No this is bad…Very bad…" He leaned his head against the wheel. "When did this happen? How did I let it happen?" A horn blared behind him, and Bobby roused himself. He drove aimlessly and realized he was headed not towards his own home but Alex's. He knew he should turn away, but didn't.

He arrived at Alex's house, and, to his amazement, discovered a parking spot in front of it. He pulled into it and stared at the house. A light glowed over the front door and filled the living room window. He was suddenly exhausted, and he leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

"Bobby…What are you doing? You'll freeze out here."

Alex's voice, slightly muffled by the car window and conveying a mix of surprise and concern, woke him. Bobby moved stiffly; the cold had seeped into his bones during the short time he was asleep. He rolled down the window and tried not to gasp as the cold air hit him. He looked up sleepily at Alex. She was wrapped in her warmest coat and had a knit hat jammed on her head. She wore mittens, and her cheeks were red from the cold. Wisps of her blonde hair framed her face, and Bobby thought she was beautiful.

"Uh…Sorry…I…Uh…Guess I was more tired than I thought…" He began to try to find an explanation for how he wound up sleeping in his car outside Alex's house. The effort wasn't helped by the fact he wasn't sure why he'd wound up asleep in his car outside Alex's hours.

"For God's sake, Bobby…" Alex reached inside the door and opened it. "Get out of there and into the house where it's warm."

He lurched from the car and stumbled over the curb. Alex rolled up the window and removed the keys from the ignition. "Here," she said and handed the keys to Bobby. "You may need those later."

Bobby awkwardly took the keys in his gloved hand. He fumbled with them. "Sorry…"

Alex leaned close to him, and her scent intoxicated him. "You haven't been drinking…"

"No…No…I swear." She was gently guiding him towards her front door.

"Maybe the cold's gotten to you," Alex said. "I was getting ready to fix some hot chocolate…It's just as easy to fix two cups…C'mon…"

Several minutes later Bobby sat at Alex's kitchen table with his hands wrapped around a blessedly hot cup of chocolate milk. He inhaled the steam and let it fill and warm his lungs. He took a sip. "Thank you," he said. "I…I'm not keeping you up…"

"No," Alex said from across the table. "It's not that late…Not that early, but not that late…" She smiled at him, and Bobby felt warmer than ever.

"Thank you…For not asking me why I'm here," Bobby said. "'Cause I'm not sure that I know…"

"Well, I'm glad to see you," Alex said. "You know I've appreciated all the times you've come to see me."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "It's just…It was Bishop's last day…And our last case…Bad father figure…And I was feeling bad about how I treated Bishop. I was more tired than I thought…And I guess I just needed to see you…" He stared into his chocolate.

Alex smiled. "Well…I don't mind seeing you…Everything ready for me on Monday?"

Bobby nodded. "Yea…Skittles in your desk…And it's locked so Wilton can't get to them."

"Thank you," Alex said solemnly. "I function much better with my Skittles…"

"It'll be good to have you back," Bobby said softly. "I mean…It got better with Bishop…But she wasn't you…"

"Well…It's good to be wanted…But…Bobby…I'm worried…I mean…What if I've lost my edge? What if I can't do the job any more?"

Bobby struggled with his thoughts. It was always difficult for him to imagine that Alex was confused about anything. "Well…I know there are studies that show women get a little confused when they're pregnant, but it doesn't cause stupidity."

Alex seemed unsure whether to smile or growl at him.

"I think," Bobby said in a more serious tone. "That it doesn't depend on what you can do. You can do anything you want. The question is what do you want."

"I want to get back to work," Alex declared. She saw the relief on Bobby's face. "You thought I wouldn't come back…"

Bobby shifted uncomfortably. "The thought…It crossed my mind…With all these changes in your life…It would be understandable if you…"

A flare of anger appeared in Alex's eyes, but it was quickly smothered by sympathy. "The job…I've thought about it…I thought about it a lot. My career has taken some turns I didn't expect."

A cold shiver ran up Bobby's spine.

"I mean," Alex continued. "When I was in the Academy, I expected to at least a captain by now…"

Bobby stared into his cup. One of his greatest fears was that her association with him had tainted Alex's career.

"But it didn't take me very long to realize that doing my job and being a good cop meant that I probably would never make captain. And my smart mouth." Alex smiled. "And that was ok. More than ok."

Bobby looked up.

"I never considered changing partners," Alex said softly. "He's one of the reasons I wanted to come back."

"He…He is?"

"Yea…"

"I don't think I've ever been the reason for someone staying somewhere," Bobby said as much to himself as to Alex.

"Well, you are for me…If I left the job, the reasons would have nothing to do with you," Alex said.

Bobby wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. All of his fears of a few minutes ago had been replaced by considerably better emotions.

"It's ok, Bobby," Alex said. "I could fix you another cup of chocolate…Or get you something stronger…"

The phone rang, and Alex stood to answer it. "It's my sister," she said, glancing at the clock. "She calls every night about this time with news of Nate. Please…Wait until I'm done talking to her…Please…"

Bobby couldn't refuse. He sat and tried not to listen to Alex's side of her conversation with her sister. It was impossible to avoid all of it, and Bobby gathered that Nate was performing astounding feats such as eating well, filling his diaper, sleeping regularly, and smiling at anyone who came in his view. He heard Alex promise to see her sister sometime during the weekend. Alex returned to the kitchen with a strange expression on her face.

"Are you ok?" Bobby asked as he stood. He carried the empty cups to the sink.

"Yea…It's just that…" Alex stood with her arms wrapped around her. "I love what I did for my sister. I love that I was able to experience being pregnant. I love Nate…But…Sometimes…It's hard…It's so strange and hard…"

Bobby rinsed out the cups and sat them to drain. "I can't imagine," he said as he dried his hands and turned back to Alex. "How that must feel…You're so brave and strong…"

Alex hugged herself tighter. "At the moment, I don't feel particularly brave or strong…"

Bobby stepped quickly to her, but stopped a few inches from her. He had no idea of how to help her. She took a step towards him, and Bobby found himself holding her. She didn't cry, but clung to him. He held her as gently as he could and let his chin rest on her silky head. After a few moments, she pushed gently away from him, and he released her.

"I…I'm sorry," she said shakily.

"No…It's all right," Bobby said. "I…I guess you needed a hug."

"I guess I did." Her voice was stronger.

"I…I didn't mind being the person to give you that hug," he said shyly. "You ok?"

"Yea…I'm ok now…Thank you." She yawned.

"You're tired…I should let you get some sleep…"

"Yea…This may be the last weekend I'll have for a while," Alex said. "And I want to be well rested for my return."

"I'll see you on Monday," Bobby said, and he turned to go. Alex followed him to the door.

"Bobby," she said gently as he started out the door.

"Yea…"

"If you ever need a hug…Remember…I'm here…"

He paused for a moment. "Thank you…Thank you…I'll see you on Monday…"

"See you."

END

I haven't abandoned SONS! And I apologize for the length of this one. It kept growing!