Hello all! This is my first fan fiction. This is all Cary,l all the time so be warned. If that is not your thing then feel free to skip.
FYI-I do not own anything…if I did, we wouldn't have waited 5 Seasons for that hug!
It had been three days since the escape from Terminus. Three days of running, trying to get as far away from there as possible. Three days since he had turned around and she had been standing there. The thought of it still took his breath away and made his heart race. He thought he would never see her again. He had been so sure she was dead.
But she wasn't. Carol was here. And he was hovering. He couldn't help himself. He insisted that she take every watch with him and they slept back to back on the hard floor of whatever dilapidated building they found for shelter each night. Not that she slept. He knew there was something she was trying to work out. Knew that she got like this when she was trying to figure out things. She had been like that, restless, the days after the sickness had spread through the prison. If he had known then….
But it was over. She was with him now. There had been a knot in his stomach from the moment Hershel told him to ask Rick about her. A knot that only untied when he had her in his arms in the woods outside of Terminus. He had been so sure of everything in that moment. How he felt about her. He wasn't willing to ever feel the lose of her again. She was his girl. Had been for a long time, whether either of them had ever acknowledged it.
But after three days, a certain awkwardness had descended upon them like a fog. The silence between them, always so natural before, now felt stifling. As if it would strangle them. It was the weight of so many things left unsaid.
He never said much under normal circumstances…and she was saying absolutely nothing at all. Except for the first night. Everyone had shared their story. And they had all listened to Carol and Tyreese speak about the house in the grove, and the two small bodies that were buried there.
Daryl sighed heavily at the memory, causing her, sitting next to him on watch, to look at him sideways expectantly. Then as if remembering who she was with, she shook her head and went back to staring into the darkness.
"What ever ya trying to work out, ya may as well tell me now as later." He scooted closer to her on the hard log they were using as a seat and bumped her shoulder with his. When she continued to stare into the darkness, he gently patted her knee with his hand and whispered, "If you need to talk about Lizzie and Mika, then do it. I know how much you loved them." She hung her head at the mention of their names and moved her leg away from his easy reach. He moved closer to her again, not wanting the space between them. He put his hand firmly on her knee again. As if he had burned her, she jumped up from where she had been sitting and began to pace in front of him, refusing to meet his questioning gaze.
"Please talk to me. I don't know what to do if you won't talk to me." he pleaded, looking up at her.
She stopped pacing, looked right at him and grunted. "You're one to talk. You never say much of anything about anything to anyone."
He rose from the log, stepping into her space, "I wasn't like that with you. I always told you everything."
Carol took a step closer to him. "Yes Daryl. You did. You trusted me. They all did. And I killed two people behind every ones back." she said, her voice rising in what Daryl could only describe as panic. She turned and took a few steps away, leaving her back to him.
Daryl flinched. He knew this would come up. Had dreaded it. But they needed to talk about it if they were ever going to move on. "I know you," he said to her back. "You thought it would help. You did a terrible thing to protect us. We've all done terrible things. I know that, and so do the rest of em. Even Tyreese forgives you." He reached up and placed his hand on her shoulder.
She quickly shrugged his hand off and turned to face him. She was crying now, tears continuously falling down her cheeks. "Tyreese said he forgives me. And I know in his heart he wants to. But he can't. Not really. How could anyone expect him to? I killed the woman he loves. I killed her Daryl. I can never change that."
He grabbed her wrist and jerked her closer, starting to feel a little bit panicked himself. "The world ain't like it used to be where everything was black and white. We have to do things…bad things…to survive. You said they were suffering right? You saved them from an agonizing death. It was horrible, and sad, and I am so sorry that you thought you had to do something like that alone. I wish you would have come to me. We could have figured out together if it was the best thing to do."
"But none of that matters." she said sobbing. "Don't you see? There is nothing I can ever do for Tyreese to make this better. I can't expect him to have to look at me everyday. To be around me…."
Daryl felt the knot retying in his stomach and he grabbed her wrist tighter. "What are you talking about? What's been goin' on in that head of yours?"
"What if it were you? What if someone killed the woman you love? Could you live with and work with and TRUST that person ever again?"
He put his hands softly on both sides of her face, pulling her closer and looking steadfastly into her eyes. He wanted to make sure that she understood him. "I would never let anyone ever hurt the woman I love. Do you hear me? I would die first." he said in desperation. She flinched and he could feel her warm breath against his mouth. He wanted to kiss her more then he had ever wanted anything in his life.
He leaned in and put his forehead to hers. He watched as her expression changed. For one second, he saw something flash through her eyes….surprise…happiness? But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. She closed her eyes for a moment, backing away from him slightly. When she opened her eyes to look at him, he felt a chill go up his spine.
She placed her hands over his on her face and took one deep, rough breath.
"I have to leave Daryl. I can't stay here with all of you. This isn't where I belong anymore."
She took his hands off her face and walked into the darkness of the surrounding woods.