Night's Aphrodisiac
1. A New Friend
I remember clearly the first time he came to me. It was in my period of deep grief, where I had learned to dissociate myself from the gossiping voices around me. At a very early age already, the age of sixteen, I had learned that nothing in the world would ever remain the same. I had seen my once so perfect, happy life shatter in a thousand pieces, never to be mended fully again. In mere weeks I had lost my parents, and my grief for them let to my friends dropping me as if I were a stranger instead of a girl they had known for five years. I suppose this showed they had never been my friends after all, but that did not make it hurt any less.
Until that dreadful day I had grown up in a warm, loving family. My parents, William and Lorraine Foxworth, were purebloods and had raised their children according to those ideals. They weren't extremists, though, not like some parents of the children I went to school with. My brother had been born in the second year of their marriage: Julian Alexander Foxworth. Eight years later I followed: Evita Isabella Foxworth. Eva, for short. There was quite a big age difference between us, but my parents had always made sure to let me know I had been a very welcome surprise, instead of 'the accident' that Julian sometimes called me to tease me.
My father had a job at the Ministry of Magic, in the Department of Magical Maladies. When I was little, mother was home with me, but by the time I went to Hogwarts she got a job as a secretary, also at the Ministry. My parents certainly had not been the kind of people that let nannies raise their children, and despite having inherited quite a lot from my grandparents, they worked hard for their money. And then a disaster took place. In those days there were a lot of critical responds against the government and the minister of magic, so an attack could not be avoided no matter how high the security precautions were. There were always people smarter, more talented than all that. And that was how my parents died. In an explosion, a magical bomb made by rebelling muggleborns who felt threatened and discriminated by the government. My mother and father had not even supported those extremists in the government. They did believe muggleborns should remain living in their own world, the one without magic, but pestering them and killing them even, like some did they found unnecessary to say the least. So they had been punished for something they hadn't even done, hadn't even supported. It still struck me as unfair every day.
I was lucky Julian was prepared to look after me, or I would have had to go to an orphanage; we didn't have much other family. No one we knew well enough to take care of a young girl, anyway. My brother did his best, despite his own grief, to help me with mine and get me back into the real world. Even though he wasn't perfect, I found he did well and sacrificed a lot for my sake. He gave up his own house, the buying of which he had celebrated and stated once as his 'freedom', the way all young mature people once do, and instead moved back into the house of our parents to take care of me when I was home for the holidays. When I was, he would make sure he never worked late too often and there would always be at least one healthy cooked meal a day. At first I was too blinded by my own pain to realise this, but I soon learned to appreciate my brother, and I began to see him differently. He was no longer just my brother; he grew to be my only family, my only friend: my everything. Until he came along.
It was on a dark October night of our sixth year. Outside there was a heavy thunderstorm going on, the flashes of lightning illuminating even the darkest corners of the castle, and the sound of the thunder appearing to the naïve students as the howling of a hungry, dangerous animal. The storm didn't bother me much, though, and I was reading in the library for a paper we would have to do for Potions soon, when suddenly a tall appearance standing before me cast a shadow over the book laying on the table in front of me. Of course I recognised him. Everyone knew this handsome, charming and talented young man to be Tom Riddle. I, even in my dissociated position knew how he charmed the teachers and impressed them with his want to learn, to possess all the knowledge they could give him. What was he doing here with me? Not that I had given him much thought, but I had always expected him to spend his free hours with one of the many girls from our House that adored him, because there were many of them. The Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and even the Gryffindor girls stared at him too, though perhaps with a little more distance than the Slytherins, but nevertheless this showed that he could take his pick out of the pretty, bright ones. I considered myself neither. I wasn't very pretty anymore. I suppose I had been nice to look at a while ago, before I started to spend night after night crying my eyes out in bed and skipping meals so I didn't have to face my old friends. Bright I certainly wasn't anymore. I heard rumours about myself. People said I was depressed and used spells to damage myself. All lies, but clearly that was the view people had of you when it took you longer than three weeks to get over the loss of both your parents. So why did Tom Riddle come to see me, a few minutes before curfew, alone in the library? Or was I overestimating the situation and did he merely come to the library for himself?
"You're Eva" was the first thing he said to me. "Eva Foxworth". It didn't even sound like a question, and I wondered why he cared at all.
"Yes" I said then, unsure how to behave myself. I certainly wasn't going to behave like all these childish girls that clearly seemed to think boys appreciated it when you stared at them and giggled in pairs or small groups when they passed. "Yes I am" I repeated. "Why?"
"Why aren't you in your dormitory? The library's almost closing". I wasn't sure whether to reply or not; after he'd said it he walked away to the bookcases and didn't give me the impression that he expected a reply. Until he turned around and watched me questioningly. "Well?"
I could see how he could make people feel uncomfortable, with his confidant way of speaking and behaving. He appeared so perfect it underlined everyone else's imperfections. I could feel it too, but I had long since stopped caring about my imperfections. What did it matter if your hair shone brightly or was curly when you didn't have your parents anymore? Such problems I had once had, but they seemed so tiny and of no importance any longer at this point.
"I'll head to my dormitory once the library closes. I'm not afraid of the storm or the dark" I replied, continuing to read. I could feel his eyes on me for a while, could still feel them even when I heard him asking Madam Pince for a certain book from the Restricted Section. It was odd to hear the usually so strict librarian agree to let Tom get a book about the Dark Arts, immediately believing his excuse that it was for a topic he wanted to examine so he would already know about it next year during his NEWTs. Apparently he could truly charm everyone.
Before I had the chance to ban his little visit from my mind, he was in front of me again.
"I'm going to walk you back to your dormitory" he announced. It wasn't even a question.
"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow and silently dared him to do it, to force his company upon me. Though perhaps he knew that I wanted him to walk with me… He said nothing anymore, just stood there calm and confidant, clearly convinced of the fact that I would indeed come with him. In the end I did: I collected my books and let him carry them for me. He was quite the charmer, I had to admit.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked when we made our way back to the Slytherin common room through deserted corridors.
"I've never talked to you before" Tom replied. "And I wanted to see if you were like them, or if you were different. Of course I already knew you were different, but I had to see it for myself".
"Oh…". I wondered what he meant with different, though I could of course guess already. For most of my classmates different would be an euphemistic word to describe me. They preferred freak or something along those lines. At least Tom Riddle was polite. Did he really think of me the same way as all the others did? Something felt different… I didn't feel threatened or worried as we walked through the castle together, eventually standing still in front of the door that would lead to the girls dormitories. I had lost a lot of things in my life, but I had not yet lost hope.
"I'd like you to go into Hogsmeade with me this weekend" he said, just as I had expected him to leave and consider this a one-time thing. His interest in me made me smile; or was he just being nice? Did he pity me? I certainly did not want pity. Not his, not anyone's. However, Tom appeared to have a way with words that made you do as he said. He didn't question or ask, he stated. In a way, it was rather annoying, but at the moment I did not care. What I cared about was that I may have found a new friend. And that thrilled me so much I was able to look past his bad characteristics; after all, didn't everyone have those?
"I'd like to go into Hogsmeade with you, Tom" I replied, though I was sure my answer didn't make a lot of difference to his plans, even if I had said no. He had decided, so it would happen. I had learned to know that side of him already.
For the first time in a long while when I changed into my pyjama's and got into bed that night, I did not cry. I did not feel unhappy or ignored or stepped on. Of course I did still miss my parents, but I knew now that I had to go on, and that I could. I felt I was worth being here, living. Who thought a simple conversation and the prospect of a date with a handsome young man could do all that? However, it was only natural. I may be an orphan, but I was also still a teenage girl of sixteen years old, ready for some romance or at least a new friend who didn't consider me a freak merely because I was grieving for what had been the two most important people in my life. I closed my eyes an prepared myself for the first happy dream since the last summer.