I sat on my couch feeling a little depressed. Sometimes this crush was just really, really annoying. Like I'm always in a good mood and when I see them my heart lifts and everything makes sense, even if I stop making sense. It's the happiest I've ever felt every time I see them but every time they leave it's like summer doesn't even matter anymore. Me, saying summer doesn't matter, it's insane, this whole feeling of love is just completely insane.

I suppose the problem isn't the feeling of love, as I mentioned it's the best feeling I've ever had. The problem is I have been friend-zoned. And I don't mean just any friend-zoning, I mean the ultimate, cut my heart out with a dull knife while saying you'll see me tomorrow friend-zoning.

What makes it worse, other than the fact I see them every day, is how obvious I am about my feelings. Sometimes I can't help it but other times I'm just being deliberately obvious and it always ends with us just being friends. Take the day Meap crashed for example. I thought that I was being pretty obvious on that day by any measure. Like we were walking around by ourselves with that cute tracker and still, completely oblivious. Or when we were in Paris, I figured a boy and a girl alone in the City of Love, romance should have been a forgone conclusion (in retrospect it wasn't that way for anyone except for Candace with her bridge scene at the last second). But what happens instead? We walk around and barely talk. It's infuriating sometimes. By the end of that day I was all but ready to explode (Candace almost caught some of this). Then we were on the deserted island and we're sitting down watching the sunset and still we don't even do that without getting off track.

I'm probably sounding a little whiny right now which I'm really not trying to. I mean how could anyone not be happy when they get to see her every day? I've liked her for so long I'm starting to catch myself thinking she's finally caught on but then everything will just return to normal. I'll think she'll say something about us being together or something and whenever I ask her "What?" she always said something completely different. It never even sounded like whatever I thought she said. Clearly I'm going crazy but perhaps it's worth it.

Who am I kidding of course she's worth it! I'm shocked when I look at some of the stuff I've built this summer for no purpose other than to impress her. I was sure she caught me when we had the balloon race and I 'accidentally' made hers a heart. I was making everyone's in the shape of their face and I was just thinking about her and then before I knew it there was a giant inflatable heart in the barn. And she liked it! It didn't faze her as having any other meaning other than me knowing her very well since we're friends.

Now the summer's almost over and while we've had our moments I'm pretty sure that we are no closer to dating than we were at the beginning of the summer. I'm thinking about telling some people, notably Ferb, about how I feel so I could have some help. Ferb's been a pain in the butt tagging along with me all summer when it could have just been me and Isabella. I'm not sure if it's because he wants to be annoying, he hasn't noticed my crush, or if he just gets bored. I will admit the girls' choice dance at the beginning of the summer was my fault though. I'm not sure but I think Isabella might have actually been asking only me. But like, what are the odds of that? I know for a fact our entire grade would give their right leg to date her so why would she ask me out.

I suppose my undying optimism might not be as strong as I try to make it seem. Whenever I pretend I think everything will work out Isabella usually gives me a compliment of some sort so even when things aren't looking good I always manage to pull something out of nowhere. On a rare occasion I'll even get a "You amaze me." Dear god you'd think she knew but then end of the day it's "I had fun. I'll see you tomorrow" followed the next morning with a "Whatcha doin?" and me trying not to sound gloaty. She's come to expect a lot and it's starting to get stressful.

All this on top of this weird dream that's been on my mind for a couple weeks. Perry was a secret agent and we went to this cool other dimension. There was a huge robot battle and the dream ended with us getting our memories erased. If that had been all I would have figured it actually happened but right near the end Isabella kissed me. Basically I shot awake in bed at that point. There were some things that I could regard as having happened. That was not one of them.

So now Ferb and I are trying to figure how to impress.. I mean, what we're going to do tomorrow. I don't really care what it is but it better get me closer to being out of this friend zone because it's starting to get redundant. I mean I'm all for getting into a rut and all but she's just so oblivious sometimes. Oh well, as I said earlier, I might not be happy being in the friend zone but sometimes it doesn't matter what zone I'm in because we can just talk and joke and laugh and life just falls into place around us.

But seriously it not like I built an entire haunted house for hiccups of all things or anything. Stupid Friend-Zone.