This did not start out this angsty. It just happened. I'm so sorry.
I wrote this to try to unblock myself so I can continue 525
Also posted on Ao3
CatCo Perks
Working at CatCo has a lot of perks, not only do the employees work for the best media conglomerate in the world, they have access to all of those resources. Well as long as it doesn't interfere with their work. Cat Grant, being the Queen of All Media, has a record studio on the 13th floor of her building. CatCo's Falcon Records is always looking for new talent. Little do they know that the next big thing is dozen floors up handing off a latte like an Olympic Torch on it's way to the stadium.
Kara swipes her id badge to unlock the door to studio 7 and steps inside. Aurora Falcon, the producer for Falcon Records, turns in her chair to face the newcomer. She offers a wave and places her headphones around her neck.
"Kara, right?" she stands and extends her hands to the woman. She only winces slightly at the firm grip.
"Yeah. That's me. Thank you so much for meeting me on a Saturday. It's the only free time I had and to be honest, it's a special day for me." Kara fiddles with her glasses. The memories are already coming back. Today they are more vivid than ever.
"Of course. Even assistants need a day off. So how about you step into the booth and we'll get this show on the road." Kara only nods and heads for the wooden door.
Once the headphones are in place Kara faces the mic and takes a calming breath.
"Say something, Kara. Anything."
"Test. 1. 2. 3."
"Anything but that."
"How's this?" She runs through a quick set of scales.
"Perfect. Now how do you want to do this?"
"Do you have the instrumental to New York State of Mind?" She's getting more and more confident now. She wants to do this song justice. He deserves it. Today of all days. He deserves perfection.
"'Course. Here we go."
The first notes play and Kara sways to the music.
Her mind takes her back to Midvale and the car trips with Jeremiah and Alex. Eliza usually stayed behind making enough sandwiches to feed an army upon their return. It's like she's back in that cramped little car with Alex in the passenger seat and Jeremiah driving. The first time they did this with her was soon after the beach trip with Alex and her friends. She frowns slightly at the bright blue cast on Alex's arm but Alex just squeals and leans forward to turn up the radio. It's too loud for human ears, and almost deafening to hers but she'll suffer through it if it meant she'd get to see Alex and Jeremiah smile like that.
Some folks like to get away
Take a holiday from the neighborhood
Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood
But I'm takin' a Greyhound on the Hudson River line
I'm in a New York state of mind
Her eyes close and she's back in the car.
"I love this song!" She smiles at Alex's enthusiasm. "Come on Kara. Sing." It's like they were actually sister and she didn't she cause her a broken arm.
"I don't know the words." And it's like she's committed the greatest sin in the universe.
"Well we'll fix that." And the song goes on a loop a few more times. She nods to herself and takes a calming breath. The song has already started but she jumps in anyway.
It was so easy livin' day by day
Out of touch with the rhythm and blues
But now I need a little give and take
The New York Times, the Daily News
She's closed her eyes and she lets the music run through her. She pulls on every memory she has of Jeremiah. It's the anniversary of his death. While the song itself is not about mourning, she sings with passion and sorrow and love and all the feelings she has. Because losing Jeremiah was like losing her father again. She'll never tell Alex because she feels it is not her place, but it hurts just as bad. She takes a breath and lets it rip. Every note, every word is pulled from her soul.
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me cause I've let it slide
I don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside
I don't have any reasons
I left them all behind
I'm in a New York state of mind
She's trapped in her memories. All she sees is his face, hears his voice, his heartbeat. She can only smell salt water and strawberries. She remembers the story of how he spilled some chemical on himself and since then he'd always smelled of strawberries, no matter the amount of chemical cleansing showers he took. The tears are flowing freely now. She does not notice Aurora pulling out her phone and sending a message. She does not see or hear the door open or close. She does not hear the heart beat that she has become so accustomed to. She is surrounded by Jeremiah Danvers. The last line rips out from somewhere deep down in her very bones.
I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River line
'Cause I'm in a, I'm in a New York state of mind
She blinks her eyes open and the music fades into nothing. She does not stare at the tear filled blue eyes of the producer but rather into the vibrant green ones that are shining with something akin to awe. And for a fleeting second, pain. The pain of having experienced deep loss. In that moment she and the Queen of All Media stand on equal ground.
You guys should listen to the Glee version of New York State of Mind.
I may continue this if i get blocked on 525 again.