Discalimer: I do not, and never will, own South Park. Kay, thanks. 8D;;

A/N: Hey guys, this is probably my first attempt at a chapter story in SP in a while, I hope it goes over well, any feedback is welcome. :

Prologue-

I always thought that Cartman was just a manipulative bastard, but never would I know the real him. I know that he's always just covering his real feelings up, but I really want to believe the words coming out of his mouth… That we really are best friends, but of corse they're just more bullshit to cover up how he really feels. Sometimes I think he can't help it, after years and years of lying he just can't help making things up anymore, even if it isn't to get something he wants, just in a normal conversation. He catches it too sometimes and literally smacks himself on the head. That usually leaves a big fucker of a sore, which I have to hear him swearing about later to me, I usually retort with "It's not my fucking problem you idiot," but that never works, and I have to get him ice- I'm not his mother, even though Eric says I match her whoriness. Is that even a word?

I guess this whole relationship started when we were around 3 or 4 when his mom used to screw my real dad. Yeah, she fucked him. I know, I know, don't even think it, I'm not her son. I think after that my mom pretty much gave up on him and got with the father I have today, I think I would have preferred the cheater to the drunk. At least I would've gotten some of the Cartman estate if they got married and divorced. Anyways, this isn't about my family, this is about my fat ass friend, right? You wouldn't be reading this if it wasn't. I know, don't break the fourth wall, Kenny. Kay ,so, we acknowledged each other the first time my dad actually brought me to their house. Eric insisted that I play dollies with him- Yeah.. I thought it was faggy, but he does it now even, so that's worse I guess, but I decided to play around with his gay little toys for a while- God that sounds nasty, but we kind of became…friends after that, and even though my dad left, Lianne had no problem with me staying over night to get away from my new father and his hard hands. Eric and I used to stay up all night telling each other scary stories and playing truth or dare, which was always fun, until we turned 7 and he became bored with me. Yeah, that kind of hurt. He resolved his boredom with Kyle Broflowski, the Jewish kid down the street from him, he lived closer to Eric, and seemed to get along with everybody. Well, Cartman, the bastard that he is -literally- made it his duty to make Kyle's life a living hell.

Everyday he would throw pebbles at the Jew's window and yell a few curse words in between some of the most anti-Semitic things I have ever heard in my whole life, 7 years watching HBO is a lot mind you, it ticked me off. I was no longer the boy's main interest, and he was still mine, which is what has gone on for the past, what, 10 years? After I got my license he's been nicer to me, but that's only because I'll drive the fat fuck to McDonald's and Wendy's for a frosty or a whopper. I hate him with a passion sometimes, but still, he was my first friend, and I'm not letting go of that.

"Eric?" I poke him in the side, the chubby kid lets out a whisper, "You gotta get up, your mom is calling for you…"

"Mneeh, fucking Jews and their fucking ginger hair…" Ugh, he's dreaming about him, too. How wonderful,

"CARTMAN-"

"WH-WHAT??" His eyes are as big a saucers, I swear…

"Dude, your mom was calling for you, I think you guys have church or something today, right?"

"Oh, oh right, thanks…" he rolls out of bed, the bed that we've shared in sleepovers for over 11 years, not Kyle, "You coming with us this time?"

"And get yelled at for being a whore? No thanks, you remember how they took that last time?" I laugh a little bit. Really? I'm not a huge whore... I just like to explore my options, "I'll just stay here, the usual."

"Yeh, sure, no stealing anything, mind my rules McCormick." Eric scratches the back of his head and yawns, "Dude, could you move? Unless you want to come with me to the bathroom I need you to move out of the doorway." he motions with his hands, looking at me like I ride the short bus,

"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry. Morning and all…"

"Blonde and all." he curses under his breath as I move aside and let him into the bathroom, Cartman slams the door. I've never seen him so animated in the morning.

I find my way downstairs thanks to the smell of food, mom's making pancakes I guess, "Hey Ma, sup for breakfast?" Lianne turns around to the sound of my voice, I've been calling her that since I was around 6, when Eric and I played house and I was the mommy…Um, yeah.

"Oh, hello Kenny, we just have chocolate chip pancakes this morning, sorry about this."

"Sorry about what? This is enough Ms. C, really." I put my hands in from of myself, "More than I get in a day." I let out a nervous laugh. They really do smell good, ew, I'm drooling. "Eric seems like he's in a good mood today," I smile at her,

"Oh, I know. He's been such a good boy lately, do you know what happened?" she puts her hair up in a bun before returning to the pan,

"Not really, we don't see much of each other," bullshit, "and he doesn't hang out with the same people I do," bull bull bull, "I think he might have a girlfriend or something…" uh, not bullshit, He's after some girl who looks like a hooker. I think it might be Henrietta from grade school, but I wouldn't know, I wasn't really into the whole Goth thing.

"Really? Well, it's been a while hasn't it? And I suppose it's not you this time, right?" she smirks,

"Oh, yeah Ms. C, I'm going to bear his love child," I roll my eyes and she laughs,

"Yer gonna feed it, too, McCormick, I hate kids." Cartman smacks me on the back of my head, "Ugh Mom, is that all we have today? What? Are we in Africa or something? We have food money you know-"

"Eric," I hiss. "This is fine mom…." I shoot him a glare and sit down at the table to fill up my plate, I can indulge as much as the fat ass, maybe more, but that's only because I never eat…

"Well, Eric honey, I'll be taking a shower and we're going to be leaving in about 20 minutes, okay sweetums?"

"Yess mooom," he drones out, "And please don't call me that, Kenny's here…" I swear for a minute he's blushing and looking down at his shoes,

"Awww, are you embarrassed in front of your girlfriend?" I tease him and pinch his reddening cheek,

"Nah Kenneh, git off…" I laugh a little, his manly voice… it sounds more like a redneck voice to me…

I stifle a giggle, "I love you, sweetums."

"Mhnehh, I love you, too…poor ass piece of shit…" the brunette mumbles, if there's one thing I know it's that Kyle's never gotten an "I love you." well, not that I know of… maybe he has. Shit.

Kay, what did you gues think? Continue or stop? Anyways, I'll have the first chapter up soon. : R&&R