Dearest Arwen
I hope you are enjoying your short winter break with our brothers in Imladris. The children are all well and send their love. Your gift arrived this morning. The pear tree is fine, Sam Gamgee, who is here at the moment is looking after it really well. The partridge however seems to prefer the white tree of Gondor and is flying to and fro depositing bird doodas on the guards helmets. Missing you.
Your loving husband
Estel
….
My darling.
Your second gift arrived today. The turtle doves have also taken up residence in the white tree and are keeping everyone awake with their billing and cooing and adding of course to the deposits left by the partridge.
With all my love
Aragorn.
…..
My love
This morning three French hens arrived. Where is France anyway? At least they don't fly so much as flutter. However one of the hens turns out to be a cockerel. Remember what I said about keeping us awake? By the time the doves have stopped cooing the cockerel starts crowing.
Your loving husband
…..
Light of my life
Four calling birds cam today. Where are you getting all these fowls from? I suppose the name should have given me an inkling of what was coming. They call, constantly and loudly. It's not that I'm ungrateful but the cacophony of noise is beginning to interrupt my council meetings. Actually that is a point in their favour.
Forever yours
Estel
…
Meleth
I was very surprised to receive five rings from you. I thought elves had steered clear of finger jewellery for fairly obvious reasons. Still it was a change from the birds…
Love
Aragorn
…..
My dearest
More birds! Six geese to be precise. They are even noisier than the calling birds, cockerel, and doves put together. In addition they are somewhat aggressive and let's just say we don't need guards for the white tree anymore. The tree is certainly getting well fertilised.
Yours truly
Estel
…
Arwen
The seven swans are all in good health, which is more than I can say for the poor men who had to construct a pond for them. As you know they are large birds and it turns out they could teach the geese a thing or two about viciousness. However the pond is now finished and apart from one or two guards falling into it to escape from the geese all is well.
Love
Aragorn
…
Dearest
Eight milkmaids turned up today, along with their livestock. They are fairly hefty wenches and are not afraid of geese or swans. The guards are more afraid of the milkmaids than they were of the birds. The cows are in the stables at the moment and it is confusing the horses who think that four legged creatures in stables should go neigh not moo.
Your affectionate husband
Estel.
…..
Dear Arwen
I think you should have checked what kind of dances the nine ladies performed before sending them here. Suffice it to say I had some rather embarrassing questions to answer from the children about ladies who take their clothes off. I hope you are coming home soon.
Estel
….
Darling
It is very kind of you to think of me but I already have more lords than I know what to do with. Another ten very restless ones are not a great help. They made the mistake of leaping out at the milkmaids who clocked them with their milking stools. At least that's what eight of them did and they have concussion. The other two had a go at the geese and swans who, how can I put this? Put the beak in. They are not in a good way either. Please come home soonest.
Aragorn
….
My sweet
I think you must have misread my letter in which I asked you for a new pipe for Christmas. I certainly didn't expect eleven pipers. They got into a bit of a fight with the leaping lords over the dancing ladies. This was unfortunate since the lords had just recovered from the injuries detailed in my last letter. Some of the pipers are now in the houses of healing too.
Yours truly
Estel
…
Dearest one
I have confiscated twelve drums and eleven sets of pipes. Thirty three men and seventeen women have been sent to various parts of the kingdom to find suitable employment. I have melted down the rings and had them made into a nice pendant for you and we have had some magnificent multi bird roasts in pear sauce.
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow
Love
Aragorn