Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to their rightful owners.
AN: It's different from what I usually do, especially the end.
This is for the wonderful greeneyedconstellations: Thank you for all your help and encouragement!
.
For All Of The Times I Never Could
.
.
.
Emily's standing in the office hallway, watching her friends and former colleagues through the double glass doors. Everything so familiar, and yet it's not.
She feels out of place, overdressed in her fine designer pantsuit and that bloody visitor pass on her blouse. She isn't even sure why she came.
No, that's not true. She knows exactly why she came.
It's Reid who spots her first. Surprise, delight and worry cross his features in the blink of an eye, and Emily pushes herself to move.
.
.
She's fifteen when she gets pregnant.
It's her own fault, she should have known better, should have said no. But she didn't and now it's too late.
John just shrugs, tells her that it's not his problem, but hers. And while he turns and runs, Emily's stuck, forced to make a decision.
She thinks about ending her life; there's no other way, is there? But she doesn't want to die. And she doesn't want to give up her future either. The future she imagined so brightly only a few weeks ago. A future where there is no room for a baby.
It's Matthew who picks up the pieces, Matthew who finds her a doctor and a clinic, Matthew who comes with her.
"It'll be alright," he tells her, his hand curled around hers, and Emily nods and hopes he's right.
What she never tells him, not then or ever, is what she really wished for was to keep the baby.
.
.
She wants to say something, but all she manages is a nod and a smile, certain that if she doesn't keep walking she'll never make it to his office. She walks past Reid and Morgan and JJ and up the stairs, heads straight for his door.
She finds him sitting behind his desk, exactly like she knew she would, lost in some paperwork. And for a moment, she's afraid.
"Aaron."
Her voice startles them both.
"Emily?" He looks up, frowns. And then he looks alarmed. She shouldn't be here. She should be in London. "What are you doing here? What happened?" he asks, pushing back his chair.
Instead of an answer, Emily shuts the door and tries to ignore the questioning looks from her friends. Later, she thinks. I'll explain later.
When she turns around, Aaron's standing close behind her. His expression worried, his dark eyes searching hers for an answer.
"I need to tell you something," Emily starts, and with trembling fingers hands him the picture from her jacket pocket, the picture she stared at for more than three weeks.
At first he looks utterly confused, then his eyes go wide. She expected everything, from anger to disappointment to panic to fear.
But instead Aaron just smiles, a smile that gives her the only answer she wants to hear.
.
.
"Why is there a baby?"
"Excuse me?" Emily blinks, and looks up from her desk to meet Clyde's gaze. He points behind her, looking annoyed.
"Someone brought a baby to the office."
Emily turns her head to follow the gesture. "Not someone, Clyde," she tells him with a raised brow.
"That's Anne Parker, she gave birth two weeks ago. You remember her, right? She came to Prague with us, last fall? That case with-"
"No," Clyde shrugs. "And I don't care either, just go over and tell her to go home and take that baby with her."
"It's just a baby, Clyde."
"Exactly."
"Just take a look and wish her all the best. I'm sure she won't stay long."
"It's already been too long," Clyde states, and Emily rolls her eyes.
A loud wailing sound erupts and the baby starts screaming. A high-pitched sound that echoes through the office.
Clyde groans. "See, that's what I'm talking about. You don't want to have one of those, do you?"
"A baby?" Emily laughs. "I don't think so. Wouldn't really fit into our life, would it?"
The wailing gets louder and Clyde looks like he's going to blow. "Darling, would you-"
"I'll walk her out." Emily nods and gets up.
.
.
"I'm sorry I left," she tells him. "London was everything I ever wanted, it still is, but I want this more and if I have to give it all up to have this, to have this baby and you and Jack, then I'll give it all up. I'll come back. I'll become a stay-at-home mom, I'll even learn how to cook."
There are tears blurring her vision and she laughs, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Damn pregnancy hormones."
Aaron chuckles and closes the gap between them to pull her into his arms.
"It might be the right time to tell the others about us," he states a moment later, his head resting on hers. "Before our daughter is old enough to call me Daddy."
Emily pulls back, raises a brow. "Daughter?"
Aaron shrugs. "Just a feeling."
And when he bends to kiss her, Emily doesn't care that everyone outside his office is watching.
.
.
"You want me to raise your son so he can have your life?"
For about thirty seconds, she's tempted to say yes. Tempted to let Emily go and become Lauren. Because there's always been this emptiness, this dark place she's never been able to escape since she left Rome.
But she can't. She's not Lauren, she's Emily. And Ian Doyle a terrorist, not a loving father. She's not in love with him either, no, she never was. She's just doing her job. And that boy, Declan, just happens to be there.
Some days, Emily even believes that herself.
.
.
"Are you sure about this?" Emily asks, leaning against the doorframe to his bedroom, her hand protectively on her round stomach. "You always said-"
He bends forward, cuts her off with a kiss.
"You told me you want to do it right this time," her murmurs against her lips. "It's what we're going to do."
"But you're about to change your whole life, Aaron. For me. And Jack-"
"Jack is thrilled, you heard him. He already packed everything up, he even started helping me pack my things."
"You're going to miss this," Emily whispers. "Your work-"
"I've done this long enough," he says, and pulls her close against his chest. "When Strauss asked me to retire after Haley's death, I wasn't ready. But now I'm. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, Emily."
She kisses him back.
.
.
"Have you ever thought about it?" JJ asks.
"Thought about what?" Emily wonders, and meets JJ's eyes.
"Having a baby," JJ explains, and looks down at the little bundle of joy in her arms.
For a moment, Emily's taken aback. Her eyes fixed on Henry, the little baby boy sleeping peacefully in his mother's arms, and just like that there's a longing Emily has never felt before. A longing that makes tears spring to her eyes.
"Oh, God, Emily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" JJ reaches with her free hand for Emily's, but Emily has already taken a step back.
"I have to get back to work," she explains, swallowing her tears.
"Emily-"
"I'll give you a call," Emily says, and flees the hospital room without looking back.
.
.
She gives birth to a girl with dark hair and dark eyes on a sunny morning in the middle of June.
Jack's sitting on the hospital bed, his school uniform rumpled, his tie missing and his hair falling into his eyes as he bends forward to look proudly at his little sister.
"She's so tiny," he murmus, his finger carefully caressing Faye's hand. The baby opens her eyes, her little hand closing around Jack's finger. He chuckles and Emily smiles.
"She's going to be a tough one," Aaron muses from where he's leaning against the window, talking to Dave on the phone. "Just like her mother."
.
.
"You're leaving."
Emily looks down at her hands.
"Clyde asked me to run the London gateway office."
"And you accepted?"
"It's what I've always wanted, Aaron. I can't say no." She looks up to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry, but if I don't go-"
"You would always regret it," Aaron finishes, and Emily nods.
"I love you," she tells him. "And I love Jack, but-"
Aaron shakes his head, reaches for her hand, even though anyone could walk in on them.
"We'll make it work," he tells her. "I don't know how, but we will."
.
.
"Come on, Faye, just a taste. It's not that bad, please. Come on, sweetie, do Daddy a favor, will you?"
Biting her lip to hold back a laugh, Emily stands in the hallway, watching Aaron trying to get Faye to eat at least some of those mashed carrots. But to Aaron's frustration and Emily's amusement, Faye is only grinning back at him, proudly showing off her first teeth.
"I give up, you win," Aaron groans, briefly closing his eyes. Enough time for Faye to reach for the plate.
"No, Faye, what-"
Emily can't help but laugh. The look on Aaron's face is priceless, and so is the look on Faye's as she stuffs her hand into her mouth, smearing mashed carrots all over her chin in the process.
"Chasing down serial killers was much easier than feeding this child," Aaron murmurs, frustrated, already searching for a kitchen towel.
"Looks like it," Emily agrees, and steps forward to greet her daughter. The little girl squeals in delight, reaching for Emily's hair, leaving smears of orange, but Emily takes her into her arms anyway. She leaves trails of kisses on the little girls face, making her giggle.
"Now both of you look like you weren't able to eat."
"You're one to talk." Emily points at his shirt. "Is that her lunch?"
Aaron frowns, looks down and groans. "Good thing I haven't done the laundry yet."
"How was your day?" he asks her then, cleaning Faye's face with a kitchen towel.
"Nothing special. Clyde came in for a file and I told him that I'm planning a daycare on the second floor. You should have seen his face."
"Are you?"
Emily laughs. "No, of course not. But I have to admit it would make things easier, considering the fact that Faye already overwhelms you. I'm not sure you'll manage two."
"Two?" Aaron stops. "Are you saying that you, that we-"
Emily nods. "I'm pregnant again."
He pulls her into his arms before she has the time to blink. Faye between them, still giggling, her small hands tugging at both of their hair.
"I love you," Aaron whispers against her ear, and Emily briefly closes her eyes, thinks that she couldn't be happier.
"Hello? Anyone home?"
Emily pulls back slightly, meets Jack's gaze from the doorframe of the kitchen. His school uniform is wrinkled, but at least he's still wearing his tie.
"What are you doing?" the boy asks, pointing at the smears of carrot on all three of them.
"We tried to feed your sister," Aaron explains calmly. "But she didn't really agree on the method."
Jack frowns. "You're doing it all wrong."
He steps forward to take Faye out of Emily's arms and to sit her back down in her high chair.
"I'll show you," he adds then, his eyes bright with joy when he turns his attention to Faye, the plate and spoon already in his hand.
"Where's the helicopter, Faye?" he grins, moving the spoon in front of the little girl. "Where is it? Do you see it? You want to catch it?" The girl squeals in joy and opens her mouth.
"See," Jack explains with an all-knowing smile. "It's easy, the helicopter always works."
Aaron shakes his head, sighs, and Emily chuckles while they both watch Jack feed Faye.
"I think we're getting old," Aaron muses quietly, and Emily grins, pulling him towards her for a brief kiss.
"As long as we do it together."
.
.
.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to their rightful owners.
AN: Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and/or review my stories, that really means the world to me! And a special thank you goes to my beta reader, the wonderful greeneyedconstellations!