*Waves* Hi, I'm new here.
This is my first Bones piece, and I'm not going to lie- It's a bit subject matter heavy. I have been advised to warn that tissues may be necessary! When I decided to try my hand at writing I didn't intent to do something quite so serious. But, it happened. And after looking over the finished result, I'm rather happy with how it turned out. I'm still terrified to post this, but, it's a new year and time to face some fears!
Now, first and foremost I need to thank jadedrepartee for her incredible beta work. Seriously, she's a rock star. This story would have never been posted if it hadn't been for her invaluable help and constant encouragement. I also want to send a quick thanks to Some1tookmyname and JMHaughey for their kind words of encouragement along the way!
There were ten times in Temperance Brennan's life in which she'd experienced pure terror; chest tightening, vision blurring, hand trembling terror.
The first was the moment she learned, at the young age of fifteen, of her parent's disappearance. The second when, as a twenty three year old grad student, she stared down the barrel of a gun for the first time while assisting with body identification in the Congo.
The third and fourth were many years prior during a case where both her and Booth found their lives threatened: him by an explosion, and her by Kenton. The fifth time was when she and Hodgins faced near death at the hands of The Gravedigger. And the sixth through eighth rushes of terror were for Booth: first with a bullet to his chest; followed by yet another torturous run-in with The Gravedigger; and finally a tumour.
The ninth occurred in the moments following the shattering of glass, and the sight of Vincent Nigel Murray's blood.
The tenth moment was worse than all of the others combined.
The familiar reactions of those past experiences were not coming. There was no spike in adrenaline, and no clarity to focus in on the moment for the purpose of rationalizing how to best proceed.
Sitting in a leather chair, with the afternoon sun shining on her face through the floor to ceiling windows of the sixth floor she felt the rush or terror. Despite the suns beating rays shedding warmth on her skin, she was unable to stop the chill from running down her spine. And despite the quiet ambiance of the office, she could barely hear the sound of the doctor's voice over the blood rushing through her ears.
Brennan turned her head to watch Booth. He sat next to her in front of the doctor's large oak desk. She became of aware of the feel of his hand in hers, and although she did not remember taking it, but she clutched it in an attempt to ground herself. His face was expressionless as he nodded at the doctor's words, but she could see the tension in his jaw. She focused in on it, watching the muscles tighten and clench. His reactions were her only tell tale sign that, yes, this was happening. She could not say how long she continued to watch him, only that she was brought back to the moment by the sound of her own name.
"Dr. Brennan?" the middle-aged woman on the opposite side of the desk repeated.
Brennan returned her focus to the doctor, meeting her gaze and gave a small nod to continue.
"Is all of this information clear, Dr. Brennan? Mr. Booth?"
Booth turns his head to Brennan and gives a small nod.
"Do either of you have any questions?"
"No," Brennan responded, "everything is very clear. We don't require any further explanation."
She understood the facts and the science behind the doctor's words. There was nothing confusing or unclear in the test results presented. The looming question of "Why?" repeated itself over and over in her mind, but she knew that was a question which could not be answered. Not by herself, or Booth, or the doctor sitting across from them.
"Is that all? I'd like to leave now." Brennan stated, taking a deep breath and standing.
The doctor, although momentarily surprised, gave a simple nod, and stood as well, with Booth following suit.
"Someone will call you with an appointment schedule later this afternoon, so we can get started as soon as possible." The doctor added while shaking each of the pair's hands. Brennan gave a quick nod before exiting the room, with Booth by her side.
They walked in silence down the long corridor to the elevator. The quiet continued through the parking lot, and along the drive home. Both were afraid to break the suffocating silence.
Booth pulled the car up the long driveway, and turned off the engine. When neither made a move to exit the SUV, Brennan saw him shift from the corner of her eye, and then felt his strong hand cover hers where it rested on her knee. For the first time she felt the dam begin to break. She shut her eyes, took a deep breath, and shook her head, refusing to let herself break down.
A single tear escaped from between her lids, and its cool moisture trailed down her cheek, betraying the impervious exterior she had put so much of her energy in to portraying in the previous weeks. As quickly as it fell down her cheek, Booth's lips were there to catch it with a soft kiss. And a second kiss to the corner of her eye followed the feel of his warm forehead against her temple, grounding her. She shifted slightly, resting her forehead against his, and brought her free hand up to wrap around the base of his neck. The position was far from comfortable in the cramped space of the car, but neither cared. They continued to sit in silence, each drawing from the other the strength they needed.
After a few minutes Brennan pulled away slightly and met Booth's eyes, seeing her fears reflected in them. She ran her hand gently over his cheek and pressed a light kiss to his lips, before nodding determinately and exiting the car. She paused for a moment while Booth made his way around the vehicle, and linked her arm through his as they walked slowly towards the front of their home.
The warmth of the house was a strong contrast to the chilled February air.
They removed their coats and wet shoes before entering the open living room, where they found Max pacing. When he heard them enter he stopped in his tracks, taking in their faces before softly saying, "Well?"
Brennan didn't stop, but spared a momentary glance in his direction, her face fallen and telling. She continued on her path towards to the staircase and as she turned to go up, glanced back in the direction of the living room, watching as Booth gestured towards the couch, a silent request for Max to sit. As she continued her ascent she heard Booth begin to regurgitate the doctor's findings from earlier that afternoon. She found herself flinching at his words: "leukemia", "bone marrow" and "chemotherapy"; all of them clinical and scientific words that had taken on new and frightening connotations over the last few hours.
When Brennan reached her destination she hesitated for a moment, feeling the emotions overwhelm her, and the sting of tears in her eyes. She once again took a deep breath, and moved forward, pushing open the bedroom door.
Her eyes focused solely on the small sleeping form, looking impossibly tiny curled up in her and Booth's king sized bed. Watching the steady, reassuring up and down of the lightweight blanket as her child breathed in and out, she felt the tightness in her chest ease slightly.
Without hesitating Brennan laid down on the bed, curling around her daughter's sleeping form. Wrapping her arms around the fragile four year old, Brennan brushed a kiss against her daughter's burning forehead and pulled her close. She stirred, but did not wake; the severe fatigue and frequent fevers over the past few weeks had left the ordinarily exuberant little girl sleeping for much of the day. Brennan nuzzled her sweet girl's soft, damp hair, while continuing to hold her tight. And for the first time that day, knowing that the slumber of the tiny form in her arms would not be disturbed, allowed herself to cry.
As I mentioned, this is my first posting, and I'd love to know what you thought.