Title: Catastrophe and the Cure
Characters/Pairings: Lois/Clark (duh!)
Rating: T
Word Count: 897
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. Named after song by Explosions In The Sky.
Summary: Clark tries to let go of his human emotions but his human emotions won't let go of him. Takes place three weeks after the events of Doomsday. Written for summerofclois lj. Prompt #3 - Vulnerable.

Clark looked up at the large, gold sphere rotating above him. Every night for the past three weeks he would find himself in the same exact spot and every night he would ask himself the same question: What was he doing here? In the past, this place had once felt like a second home to him. A feeling that didn't come easily for the last son of Krypton. Now, he had severed all ties in hopes of becoming the hero destiny needed him to be. Chloe tried contacting him, even when he had made it clear that he had wanted nothing to do with her or humans and their emotions. She just couldn't understand how much his world had changed three weeks ago.

Three weeks ago, Jimmy Olsen was murdered by Davis Bloome.

Three weeks ago, Lois Lane disappeared without a trace.

Three weeks ago, Clark Kent died.

Lois.

Clark's usually stoic face became momentarily disturbed as the name passed through his mind. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then realized he was getting better dealing with the pain. Before, he couldn't even think her name without feeling like a piece of kryptonite rested in place of his heart. A surge of self loathing shot through him as the pain passed. He hated the moments when his emotions would crack his carefully constructed mask. Once that initial drop of pain came, it released a torrent of other emotions.

Mostly regret.

The night he was battling the beast in the streets of Metropolis, he had seen the phone booth that Lois was supposed to be meeting his alter ego. Right then, he should have known that something was wrong. Nothing in this world would have prevented Lois from speaking to the Red Blue Blur. Not after the way she begged him desperately over the phone. Something Lois Lane would never do unless it was more important than her stubborn pride.

There were so many things he wished he had told her. Secrets and wishes that were buried deep inside of his heart. The kind that only someone as strong as Lois Lane could have handled. That was his biggest regret. For years he thought that Lois Lane would have been nothing more than a foot note in his life, but she had surprised him in ways he couldn't have imagined. Lois Lane was strong, kind, fiercely loyal, independent and always stood behind her beliefs. If anyone could have handled his secret with strength and grace, it would have been her.

Clark shook himself trying to get his thoughts and feelings under control before they threatened to consume him. Thinking of Lois was a dangerous path for him. The more he dwelled on the softness of her hair or the fire that appeared in her eyes when they fought, he knew that he would break. She was and always would be his biggest weakness; something he couldn't afford to have. For the first time in his life, he felt his human side was no longer his greatest source of strength but the source of his greatest failing. Clark's kryptonian side knew this and tried to explain it to him every chance it surfaced. He would never be able to fulfill his destiny if he was always holding back for fear of the human repercussions.

Clark no longer understood why his father had such a soft spot for humans. Their emotions only made them weaker; made them more vulnerable to attacks. They clouded judgements and made things messy and complicated. Clark now knew that he was meant to save humankind; not be a part of it. He was not meant to live among them as a man, but as a super man watching and protecting in the shadows. Still, no matter how hard he tried to shake his human side in order to become humanity's savior; he still couldn't shake his very human feelings for her. That was the real danger of giving in to emotions. He had gotten himself emotionally attached to one human and now they were the one thing his head and his heart refused to let go. Some days he would be lulled into a false sense of security; believing that he was successfull in his quest to purge himself of all emotions, but then he would catch a whiff of her perfume in the air or pass by her favorite coffee shop during one of his nighttime patrols and it would all come flooding back.

How much he missed her.

How much she had become as necessary as the sun to him.

How she was gone.

This time, Clark was ready for the pain and was able to push it back into the dark shadows of his mind. The control was getting easier as his heart became colder. That was another thing Chloe would never understand. Even if he wanted to embrace his human side again, he couldn't. Because as hard as he searched inside himself, Clark Kent truly ceased to exist. He couldnt. Not while she was gone.

Because there could never be a Clark Kent without a Lois Lane.