I'm never good enough never have been and never will be.
Ever since I was a child, I was never good enough for anybody, always the black sheep of the family. Yeah, they treated me great, brought me anything I wanted, showed me love but I never felt accepted. There was always someone who would be accepted more than me that would result in me getting pushed away again. It's possibly the worst feeling in the world, being that young and having absolutely no-one to talk to.
We never really did anything as a family, never did the big days out or the BBQ. We never had a meal around the table because someone was arguing or someone was working. There were always excuses. I never really did have a normal childhood. I never experienced what other kids did at that age. Where most children were off playing on the parks or going to water parks because the weather was really nice, I would sit inside or go play on the swings outside, just thinking. Even from that young age, I was a deep thinker. Most times it was just random things such as where did a spoon come from? Is God real? Just random little questions. But the one I used to think about the most was why I can't have a life like other kids?
Growing up wasn't much different. The one thing we did do as a family was go to Rome however, even then it wasn't family. Dad wasn't there due to divorce, nothing ever went right. The holiday was brilliant, don't get me wrong, but something was missing. Just as it always is. Primary school was a blast! We all had some great laughs, I was doing brilliantly at school but even then, in my friend group, I was the one who got pushed away for someone better. I used to think I had a bestfriend – Amy – but I was wrong, she only wanted me when Lucy wasn't there. Amy was the one everyone wanted to know. She was the prettiest one, the smart one, the one who all the boys wanted to talk to. And this was only primary…
Secondary school was not much different; I found replacements for Amy and Lucy – Elena and Bonnie. Just the same as Amy, Elena was the one everyone wanted. The angel, the sweetheart, the gorgeous one, the doe-eyed one. Bonnie was took the role of Lucy as Elena's trusted sidekick and where was I put again…bottom of the heap. Again.
I had a few boyfriends here and there. Nothing ever happened. I never felt a connection with them so I usually ended it within a few weeks. I never wanted to get too attached to them.
Over the years Elena had become my bestfriend, she could be a bitch, but who isn't. Sometimes your friends could get on your nerves - constantly jumping from one boy to the next. I thought she had finally found the one when Stefan Salvatore came along. But no, she had to fuck that up didn't she. Gradually getting closer to his brother Damon, it was pathetic. Stefan loved her so much, so very dearly and she broke his heart. Oh she said that she didn't mean to, that she was only bestfriend with Damon that she was really close to him. Why go off and kiss him then while your boyfriend was going through a rough patch. When things ended with Stefan she was quick enough to jump in bed with Damon. Apparently she couldn't say no because she was too nice. There's a difference between being nice and being a damn right slut.
But she was my bestfriend, I loved her, I wouldn't turn my back on her.
Year 11 came; I knew what was going to happen. It was going to be another year revolved around Elena. Stefan and Damon would constantly be drooling and dropping at her feet and silly old me would be sat there waiting for the next time Elena needed a shoulder to cry on. I would work, get good grades, watch films, enjoy my last year and then move away from this place and never have to deal with this bullshit again. Well that's what I thought until he was the new boy in our year. The boy I had known all my life, the one boy who knew everything but had moved to America when we was just children. The one no-one knew about because I was scared if he saw my friends he would ditch me. The one who I thought had forgotten me and I would never see again, stood before me.
"Caroline Forbes?" he said still having got his British accent.
Nik…