Orochimaru is Still Alive

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the song Still Alive. And if GLaDOS knew I stole most of it, she'd probably flood my room with neurotoxin.

Orochimaru held out his hand in front of him and examined it, smiling in his creepy way. His plan had worked out exactly how he had wanted it to. Everyone thought he was dead, and that was precisely how he wanted it to be. This whole time, everyone suspected he had been training Sasuke-kun so he could take his body. It was the obvious conclusion, that was what he'd done to the... others.

But no, he'd learned the flaw in his plans and had perfected his system. Rather than planning to take Sasuke-kun's own body, he simply sought to replicate and modify it. The reason he was training Sasuke-kun in the first place was because it'd be simpler not going through the trouble of trying to get sharingan into the replica's system.

Orochimaru cracked his Sasuke-body's knuckles. Kabuto, being the neat freak he was, would want him to write a report. After all, in Kabuto's eyes, this was all an experiment.

Test Assessment Report

This was a triumph.

I'm making a note here:

HUGE SUCCESS.

It's hard to overstate

my satisfaction.

Alright, maybe experimenting on teenage orphans wasn't the kindest thing he'd ever done. But really, he wasn't doing this because he was kind. He was doing it because... well, he could. He was Orochimaru of the sannin. He had died and survived.

We do what we must

because we can

Calling Orochimaru selfish would be stupid, not to mention inaccurate. He wasn't selfish, he was advancing technology. This could help people all over the world. As soon as he ruled the world, that is. They didn't really deserve it until they recognized his brilliance and made him the leader of their pathetic planet.

For the good of all of us.

Except the ones who are dead.

Alright, he had failed once or twice. Okay, maybe some of his test subjects in the past had died. Okay, maybe his plans were slightly flawed occasionally...

But there's no sense crying

over every mistake.

You just keep on trying

till your power runs out.

That was Orochimaru's motto. The last sentence was a joke, he never ran out of power. He'd never been stopped, had he? Because he couldn't be stopped. Because he was Orochimaru. Duh. Plus this was Science, for crying out loud. He was really helping everyone... who was still alive, anyways.

And you advance technology and make the world better and really, you're helping everyone so it's hard to understand why they all want you dead but it doesn't matter because you'll never die anyway and one day you're going to rule all the PATHETIC PEOPLE WHO LIVE ON THE STINKING PLANET AND THEY WILL BOW DOWN TO YOU AND UNDERSTAND YOU ARE AWESOME, DAMMIT! So there!

He didn't care that Kabuto was going to lecture him about that last paragraph. Rereading it, Orochimaru decided that he rather liked it. Because it was true.

Then there was Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun had tried to kill Orochimaru. And after all the snake sannin had done for him, too! And to think how HAPPY Orochimaru was, watching as Sasuke-kun went through getting the revenge he'd been looking for. Orochimaru had even lended Sasuke-kun some of his powers through the clone of himself that he wanted Sasuke-kun to absorb! He pulled out another piece of paper.

Dear Sasuke Uchiha,

I'm not even angry.

I'm being so sincere right now.

Because Orochimaru wasn't angry. Why would he be angry? The kid had only tried to kill him... and it's not like it hurt his feelings or anything. It's not like it felt his heart was being RIPPED OUT BECAUSE THIS KID HE THOUGHT WAS TRUSTWORTHY BETRAYED HIM. Pshh...

Even though you broke my heart.

And killed me.

He couldn't resist.

And tore me to pieces.

And threw every piece into a fire.

Okay, maybe that part wasn't exactly true, but it felt that way.

As they burned it hurt because

I was so happy for you!

Orochimaru sighed. Okay, maybe he was angry. Too late though, he'd already written it down. He calmed himself.

Now, my plot went out exactly as planned

And regarding you, well, I still got to live forever so who cares?

Because I'm Orochimaru of the Sannin.

And I died.

In a way, he was glad that he'd died. Because now he knew how to keep it from ever happening again.

Think of all the things we learned

For the people who are still alive.

Orochimaru bit his lip. He wasn't satisfied yet, but the paper was finished. He pulled out another one.

One last thing:

Sasuke-kun had ABANDONED HIM.

Go ahead and leave me.

I think I'd prefer to stay inside.

Maybe you'll find someone else

to help you.

Orochimaru glared at the paper, and suddenly wanted to hurt Sasuke-kun's feelings.

Maybe Itachi...

He had heard the truth of Itachi's past, and was planning to use it to his own advantage. But for now, he was using it as "Bully Sasuke-kun Material".

THAT WAS A JOKE. FAT CHANCE.

Orochimaru chuckled to himself. It wasn't funny, but when you were a psycho fifty year old, it was.

Anyway, this power's great.

Too bad you left before I gave it to you.

Sucker.

That was when it occured to Orochimaru that he still had stuff to do. And Kabuto would yell at him.

Look at me still talking

when there's Science to do.

When I look out there,

it makes me glad I'm not you.

Because I'm Orochimaru.

And I rock.

Orochimaru grinned, not caring how childish the last two sentences were.

I've experiments to run.

There is research to be done.

On the people who are still alive.

It was true. There were tons of people left. Tons of people to experiment with and modify the DNA of and train to be copied just like Sasuke-kun. Life went on. But there was one more thing Orochimaru couldn't stop himself from writing.

PS: And believe me I am

still alive.

He thought for a second.

PPS: I'm doing Science and I'm

still alive.

He stared at the page. Something more...

PPPS: I feel FANTASTIC and I'm

still alive.

Orochimaru was enjoying rubbing this in that traitor's face.

FINAL THOUGHT:

While your dying I'll be

still alive.

It wasn't enough...

FINAL THOUGHT PS:

And when you're dead I will be

still alive.

Yes, now he was done.

STILL ALIVE.

He was definitely done.

Still alive.

What? HE'D DIED AND LIVED. HE WAS AWESOME. AND HE WAS GOING TO MAKE SURE SASUKE-KUN KNEW THAT.

"Kabuto!"

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?"

"Find someone to deliver this to Sasuke-kun. I want a report on what his face looks like after he reads it."

"Huh?"

"A detailed report. Now go!"

THE END!