Well...this happened much more quickly than I expected! I've fought with this concept for weeks, trying to decide how I was going to tie up the loose ends. I've got this story outlined, though, and I hope that it will ultimately be as satisfying to read.
I'll be honest, I'm nervous this won't be as well received as Things We Lost in the Fire (my AO3/Tumblr/Twitter audience). So, feel free to leave feedback always. Any at all, as long as it's constructive.
In any case, thank you for going on this journey with me, and I hope you all enjoy!
January: Part 1
. : : .
Jenna's eyes shot open, the sunshine pouring into the bedroom windows an unwelcome sign. Heart rate rising, she snatched her phone from the nightstand and squinted at the time through strained vision.
9:32
"Shit," she breathed. Then, tossing the covers off, she scrambled to the bathroom, wondering how the hell she was going to explain herself to Joe.
Why hadn't he called to yell at her already?
After quickly relieving herself on the toilet, she fumbled around the cabinets and drawers, frantically searching for toothpaste. When the hell had she moved everything?
Why were there two toothbrushes in the cup in the sink?
And why did she have aftershave?
Shaking her head, she carried on, furiously brushing her teeth and trying to wake herself up enough for the five minute shower she was going to have to force herself into.
However, just as she was grabbing a clean towel from the closet (When did she buy grey towels? And didn't she have a cabinet instead?) there was the opening of a door and a familiar voice calling from the bedroom.
"Jenna?"
She stopped and spat in the sink, staring at the wall for a minute. Jim?
It was in that moment she looked up at the medicine cabinet that wasn't hers and remembered: she was at his place.
"In here," she called, then resumed brushing her teeth.
Then he was peeking into the bathroom, hair a mess, t-shirt and boxers, two mugs in hand.
He stared at her strangely for a moment before announcing, "I made coffee."
"I don't have time for coffee," she admonished as she hurried over to the shower to turn it on. "How the hell did I do this?! I'm gonna be two hours late."
"Uh, Jenna-"
"God, Joe's gonna kill me," she muttered, starting to unbutton Jim's shirt that she'd evidently fallen asleep in. "Then Becky's gonna kill me."
"Jenna-"
She reached into the linen closet for a clean washcloth. "How am I not already fired?!" she panicked. "I'm definitely not getting that promotion now."
But Jim set down the coffee mugs on the dresser just outside the bathroom door and insisted, " Jenna ."
"What?!" she snapped.
He placed his hands calmly on her shoulders and said, "It's your Saturday off."
"But I-" she started to argue with him, then cut herself off as the words registered. "What?"
The sleep fog began to lift then, and memories of the previous night came flooding back.
Dropping Lulu off at her friend Sarah's for a birthday slumber party. Picking up a bottle of wine on her way to Jim's. Cooking dinner with him. Taking dessert to the bedroom. The crappy movie they got back out of bed to watch, to which they both fell asleep and dragged themselves back to bed when they woke to rolling credits.
"You don't work today," he repeated.
"Oh…" she breathed, shoulders slackening. Why else would she be waking up at his place? She felt stupid. "You're right, I don't."
Jim reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and chuckled. "Long hours still getting to you?"
Jenna nodded. She'd been pulling extra shifts and more weekends since after Thanksgiving, and it was the middle of January. After two nonstop weeks, this was her first Saturday off in almost a month.
"Apparently so," she noted, counting up the times in her head and realizing she'd slept a solid ten hours since last night.
Almost double what she'd been consistently getting.
"I guess I'm just so used to having to be up and going every day," she surmised on a yawn as she walked over to turn the shower off. "I can barely remember the last time I got to sleep in."
She stepped back over to where he stood and closed her eyes as he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "You needed the rest."
Jenna couldn't help but laugh at herself then. "Evidently I didn't get enough if I'm running around without my head screwed on right."
"It's called coming out of a REM state," he told her as she followed him out of the bathroom. "No one's head is right after a deep sleep."
"I guess that's reassuring?"
Jim reached around to the dresser for one of the coffee mugs and offered it to her. "Well, if it isn't...liquid energy."
"Oh, I love you," she mumbled into her cup, voice gravelly, as she took it from him and downed a hearty sip. She glanced up at him then and added, "You, too."
He laughed, and she couldn't help but feel a flood of warmth at the way the corners of his eyes crinkled. That and the fact that he'd evidently bought her favorite coffee creamer.
"I see how I rank next to coffee in this relationship," he teased, reaching for his own cup and taking a sip.
"Hmmm," she hummed, mug still to her lips. Then, as seriously as she could, she told him, "I'm leaving you for Colombian roast."
Playing along, he sighed melodramatically. "I knew this couldn't last long."
"I'm sorry," she continued the charade, "I didn't mean for you to find out this way."
They were turned around now, Jenna with her back to the dresser and Jim facing her. Jenna set her coffee down behind her, watching him, waiting.
The pair stared at one another before bursting into giggles, Jim placing his coffee down next to hers and scooping her up into a bear hug. Soon, they were sharing sweet kisses. Jenna indulged, delighting in the simplicity of being with him. Their moments like this had been few and far between since he'd moved back to Stanton Grove, and she couldn't help but enjoy.
His hand slid up the large shirt, and she shivered as it skimmed past the panties she'd slipped back on, up and across the soft flesh of her ribcage. The other hand mimicked the same movement on the opposite side, and she found herself kissing him more eagerly.
He seemed to be in tune with her, because it was only moments before he was slipping the underwear down her legs and freeing his hands again so he could reach up to begin unbuttoning the shirt. He was down to the third button when she had to interrupt him to slip her hands beneath the cotton t-shirt he'd worn to bed and lift it over his head. He helped without hesitation, lifting his arms as it came off, and then tossing it to the side. His boxers weren't far behind.
Then she was guiding him toward the bed, almost lazily, taking pleasure in the knowing look on his face; the anticipation of what they'd initiated. He let her push him down onto the mattress, shoving sheets and blankets out of the way as they situated themselves. She was above him then, straddling his waist, watching him lick his lips just before the button-down she wore went flying to the floor.
His hands found her body again, slowly making their way up her back as she leaned over for more kisses. As she sat back up, he began to stare up at her. That reverent, awe-filled, wanton stare of his that still made her blush.
"What time do you have to go?" he asked softly.
Jenna's gaze fell to the clock on the nightstand at the left side of the bed (his side, as she came to learn). She didn't have to pick up Lulu until almost lunchtime.
"I think I've got a little while," she assured.
It wasn't long before they were moving together, feeling one another, drinking in the pleasure and basking in the time before real life called again.
"Broccoli or snap peas?"
It had been a relaxing start to the day for Jenna. After a toe-curling round between the sheets, she and Jim had hauled themselves to the shower to clean up. Once dressed and ready, they'd bundled up and took advantage of the rare sunny day to walk down the street to what was becoming their new favorite bakery. (Only for the bagels and scones, of course, according to Jim. They couldn't hold a candle to Jenna's pies or muffins.) The two brought back cinnamon raisin bagels and cut up fresh fruit. By the time they'd eaten, however, Jenna had to tear herself away from their bubble to retrieve Lulu.
Lulu, who was still completely clueless of where her mother had actually been on her childless night when Jenna had arrived to pick her up. Not even a suspicion as Jenna pulled up, just on time as she'd had to drop off her overnight bag at home on the way. Just excitement as Lulu showed off newly painted nails. ("Sarah helped! And Emily added the sparkles.") Jenna had listened intently, trying not to let her mind drift to the very grown-up slumber party she'd had while her daughter was trying to tell her about Disney movies, cookie baking, board games, Nintendo Switch, and other innocent commodities she'd partaken in.
Thankfully, Jenna had the distraction of grocery shopping that needed to be done at her disposal. And that is how she and the ten-year-old found themselves stopping at the store on the way home.
"Snap peas," came Lulu's decisive answer as she pushed the cart-a task she'd insisted on. "We've had broccoli twice this week."
"Fair enough."
Jenna reached for the bag of green veggies and tossed it into the cart. After bagging a few other items-a bell pepper, some ginger, zucchini-she meandered through the produce section toward the fruit. She'd grabbed a plastic bag and was reaching for plums, not paying too much attention, when a man she hadn't even noticed was there reached at the same time.
They nearly collided, and she looked up at him, an apology ready on her lips.
Except he beat her to it. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Go ahead."
"No, no," she insisted, "I really wasn't paying attention. You were here first."
"Are you sure?" He asked, pointing to the fruit. "Because I can-"
"Go right ahead," she told him, turning around and guiding Lulu to move the cart so she could take a step back and give the man space.
He finished bagging up the plums and, just before turning away, he paused, eyes scanning over her; never lingering too long anywhere, but lingering just enough that she understood the meaning behind the dazzling smile he flashed her.
She had to admit, upon getting a good look at him, that he was attractive. Dark skin, contrasted by bright olive green eyes, and a cheerful grin. If she wasn't with her daughter, and if she wasn't already sold on the man she'd woken up to this morning, she might have engaged him in conversation. Ended up casually running into him at the check register and having a laugh about it. Then she might flirt with him in line until maybe they exchanged numbers.
But frankly, she wasn't interested.
She watched him walk away before resuming her business. Within seconds, however, Lulu was sidling up to her.
"Oh, my god, mom," she whispered, "he was totally checking you out!"
"Lulu!" Jenna whipped around to face her and then quickly scanned the area to make sure no one else was in earshot.
"Am I wrong?" the girl challenged.
"I don't see why it matters," Jenna retorted as she snatched up a bunch of bananas. "And you're too young to be talking like that."
Lulu folded her arms over her chest and huffed, rolling her eyes. "You're the one who said you might wanna date again," she reminded her. "I'm just trying to help."
"That's not your job, though," Jenna said, taking over pushing the cart. "Also, that was a hypothetical conversation."
The two continued through produce, picking up more fruit. There was a pause, and Jenna prayed it was the end of that.
Except it wasn't.
"Why does it have to be hypothetical, though?" she asked. "Every time I point out a cute guy, you get all weird. I just want you to be happy."
Jenna sighed. "Listen, sweetie," she coaxed, "I appreciate the fact that you care so much about my happiness, but do you wanna know the truth?"
They stopped then as Jenna grabbed a couple of avocados. Lulu dutifully found a bag and handed it to her mother while she probed, "What's that?"
Jenna bagged the avocado and tossed it into the cart. Then, placing one arm around Lulu's shoulders to pull her in closer, she revealed, "I already have everything I need right here. Anyone else is just a bonus."
A bonus I already have , she added mentally. But Lulu didn't need to know just yet.
She continued to push the cart with one hand while Lulu stayed at her side. The ten-year-old placed a hand on her back while they walked together, and suddenly Jenna was struck by the fact that her daughter was nearly as tall as she was now.
She stopped again, separating herself from the girl.
Lulu frowned. "What?"
Jenna shook her head. "Just trying to figure out when the hell you grew up so fast."
Skies in Stanton Grove remained clear the rest of Saturday. By Sunday morning, however, clouds rolled in, bringing heavy rain. By late Sunday night, the quickly dropping temperature and wet curvy roads became a recipe for ice and snow on Monday morning.
Which meant no school, either. Which meant a change in plans at Joe's Catering.
The luncheon scheduled for the afternoon had been rescheduled the day before in anticipation of the inclement weather. With nothing but office work, phone calls to field, and small orders to fill, Jenna brought Lulu along with her. Joe didn't mind as long as she stayed out of the kitchen, and as long as it was a slow day.
Lulu took mostly to listening to her iPod or writing poetry in between homework. When Jenna, Becky, and Dawn convened in the break area to talk inventory and menu planning, she sat down at the table with them to help brainstorm ideas for recipes.
By mid-afternoon, she sat up front of the store with Jenna to greet the few customers who decided to brave the weather to come in for an event-planning appointment or to pick up an order. Dawn and Becky had come out to join them as well, the three adults taking turns answering the phones (mostly cancellations).
As the time drew closer to closing, Lulu had pulled up a stool and, bored with social studies homework, began doodling on her notebook. Meanwhile Jenna sat down with her own notepad and set to work on a list of ingredients for pies she wanted to experiment with.
" Balls ," Becky spat after slamming the phone down, earning stares from her companions. Especially Lulu, who she remembered was there all too late. With wide eyes, she quickly muttered a, "You didn't hear that."
"Thanks," Jenna whispered ruefully. Not that it was the worst her daughter had ever heard or would hear. Moving on, nonetheless, she asked, "What's got your panties in a knot?"
"Feldman lunch got cancelled indefinitely," Becky groaned. "And we were earning a hefty profit from them."
Dawn and Jenna joined in her groaning, huffing their own frustration. Winter months were always horrible for business, both financially and productively. Either they were working themselves to the bone like they had been the last several weeks, or they were dead. There was no in between.
"I don't normally complain about winter," Dawn chimed in, "but it can kindly shove off."
"Ohhhhh," Becky chortled. "Dawn's fired up."
"It's killing me!" Dawn declared, slamming her fists on the counter, causing the other women to jump. "Work is a rollercoaster. My kids and my husband are eating the entire house like hibernating bears. My Seasonal Affective Disorder is off the charts. I'm dying here, girls!"
"Whoa."
"Definitely fired up."
Jenna, trying to stay calm and reassuring, pat her friend's back sympathetically and encouraged, "Let it out, hon."
The shorter woman was in the middle of taking deep breaths, leaning against the counter and trying to calm down. Just as she looked like she was on the verge of another rant, the little bell on the door rang.
The four looked up to see fluffy dark hair and rosy cheeks bundled in a scarf and pea coat.
"Jim!" Lulu yelled excitedly.
"Hey, guys!" he greeted, standing up more straight now that he was in from the warmth. "I know I'm ridiculous for getting out in this weather, but-whoa." He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at a thoroughly miffed Dawn. "Is she okay?"
"Cabin fever," Becky announced. "I think we're all suffering just a little."
"They're about to go wild," Lulu whispered conspiratorially.
Jenna rolled her eyes. "Not wild ," she corrected. "But we're bored. What the heck are you doing out in this anyway?"
He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly "I remembered that I kind of...agreed to schedule catering for the school's Martin Luther King Day reception."
"We have a phone, Jim," Jenna told him. "Not that we're disappointed to see you, but you didn't need to come all the way over here."
He shrugged. "Roads are salted, I was already out getting milk. And I missed you guys."
She exchanged a knowing look with him at that, holding their sporadic dates, carefully planned trysts, late night calls, and stolen daytime moments close to her chest. Behind her, she could feel Becky's eyes burn a hole into her.
The one downside to having Becky be the only other person in on the secret. She'd never let them live it down, supportive as she was.
Not that Jenna anticipated it being a secret for much longer.
"Well, as long as you're safe, we won't complain," Dawn, who had calmed herself, remarked. Then, picking up a pad and pen, pointed to one of the small tables set up in front. "If you wanna go sit, I can take care of your order."
"Uh…" he looked at Jenna, who gave him a nod, then turned back to the smaller woman. "Sounds perfect."
"Can I help?" Lulu begged, jumping off the stool she was sat on.
"Sure," Dawn agreed. "I'll even let you figure up the price quote."
"I have to do math ?"
"You can come scrub the kitchen with me and your mama," Becky offered as an alternative, to which the child scrunched her face and stuck out her tongue in disgust.
Firmly following Dawn out from behind the counter, she said, "I'll pass."
Jim, having leaned himself against the counter, waited for Dawn and Lulu to walk ahead before turning to look at Jenna again. With the others distracted, she took advantage of the moment to reach for his hand and give it a reaffirming squeeze. The little wink he gave her in return wasn't unnoticed by Becky, who cleared her throat just loudly enough to announce that, yes, she as aware. And, yes, they were disgusting.
The pair slowly separated, awkwardly and almost embarrassingly looking away from each other for a moment.
In that moment, Lulu called out exasperatedly from across the room, "Jim, come on!"
Jim and Jenna exchanged another knowing look before he turned back to join the other two.
Once the group had begun their business, Jenna headed back to the kitchen with Becky for their weekly thorough sanitization. Orders were already all filled, and dishes had been done by the part-time staff who had left for the day, so a wipe-down of every surface, and a good sweep-and-mop was in order.
Jenna volunteered to clean the ovens while Becky mixed water and bleach to wash down the sinks. The two were silent while they began working, though Jenna knew it was only a matter of time before the third degree. After all, she'd barely spoken a word about her and Jim since he'd moved.
"So," Becky began nonchalantly, "things seem to be going well in Paradise."
"As well as they can," Jenna hedged. At her friend's questioning look, she explained, "This whole on-the-downlow thing is starting to be a drag."
"Are you finally gonna tell Lulu?"
"I'm gonna have to." Jenna removed the rack from one oven and wiped it down with the clean rag she'd picked up, buying herself time to justify in her head a reason as to why she hadn't.
"You know, she's a big girl now," Becky reminded her. "She can handle you having a life."
"I know she can," Jenna agreed. "It's just a huge change. Especially with how serious Jim and I are about each other. It's kind of all or nothing for us, given our history."
"It's not like he's buying a ring anytime soon, though," Becky pointed out. "And you're not just springing him on Lulu or planning to move him in or anything."
Jenna shook her head. "No, but...she already really likes him."
Becky narrowed her eyes, squinted, and then shook her head. "How is that, in any way, an issue?"
"What if it doesn't work out, and she ends up disappointed because she got her hopes up?"
"Do you honestly, deep down in your heart, see that happening?"
At the question, Jenna was forced search her own heart, and came to the conclusion, "No."
"Then, there's your answer," Becky told her. She laid her wash rag aside and placed a hand on her hip. "Besides, look at how resilient and smart she is. You raised a kid with a good head on her shoulders."
Jenna paused, letting that truth sink in. "I did." She sucked in a breath and released it feebly. "I don't know how the hell I did, but I did."
The two women went quiet then, focusing on their work for a minute. Jenna knew good and well Lulu could cope. But that didn't mean she had to expose her entire hand at once. She and Jim could start the process and go from there.
Plus, there was a part of her enjoying the secrecy and intrigue of it all. Stolen kisses in the parking lot on mornings or afternoons he could come see her on his way to or from work. Taking full advantage of Lulu's poetry club nights and an empty house with no wall-sharing neighbors. Mini lunch dates fit into work days when they could. A variety of text messages ranging from innocently sweet to Not Safe For Work being sent from opposite sides of the dinner table when the group decided to get together.
There was something about having a good secret to keep close to her that thrilled her, and she didn't want to let that go just yet.
"Baby steps," Jenna decided eventually, picking up their conversation. "But soon, because Lulu's new favorite game is Matchmaker, and I can only dodge that for so long."
Becky snickered at that. "How many attempted set-ups has she made now?"
Jenna rolled her eyes and shook her head as she guessed. "Four or five?"
"Damn."
"At least she has good taste," the strawberry blonde had to admit. "All sensible, attractive, and age-appropriate so far. No truck drivers, ball-cap wearing Bubbas, or grandpas yet."
Becky lifted her eyebrows thoughtfully and nodded. "Good kid. Maybe she can set me up…"
"Things not working out with Cal?"
Becky groaned. "He's being an asshole about defining us. I try to talk to him, try to see where he's at and what he wants, but he doesn't seem to give a single fuck."
"Ah." Jenna nodded. "So is he just deflecting? Is he being squirrely?"
"Well, he either finds an excuse to change the subject, or his new thing is," then Becky deepened her voice and gave it an extra gravelly twang, " 'Baby, what does it matter?' And then he tries to distract me with sex. At first I thought maybe he had some insecurity about the fact that I've dated women too, but...no. I think he just hates anything with serious connotations."
"I didn't think you all were looking for anything serious, though," Jenna pointed out, shutting the oven door.
"I didn't either." Becky found a particularly crusted spot and scrubbed harder. "But as it turns out, I don't like the no-strings-attached method as much as I thought I would."
"If you want me to beat some sense into him, I will," Jenna offered.
Her friend shook her head. "No. He'll come around eventually. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it or give him anything until he does, though."
"Good luck with that."
Leaning down to dip her rag into the bleach solution, Jenna moved on to wiping down the prep areas. Becky wasn't far behind her, meandering over to the other side of the spacious kitchen. They quit speaking while they focused until, eventually, they ran out of surfaces. Together they cleaned out the grease trap-a nasty job that was especially necessary after a week of fried chicken orders.
Finally, with no mess left from the grease, all that was left was to sweep and mop the floor.
Jenna took up the task of retrieving the broom and the mop from the utility closet down the hall. On her way out of the kitchen, she nearly collided with a rushed Lulu, who'd barely avoided being hit by the door.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry!" she apologized to the startled child.
Though she didn't seem to be bothered as she continued down the hall toward the restrooms and called back, "It's fine, mom."
Jenna was about to let her go, but called back, "Hey, wait a minute."
Lulu stopped and turned to her mother. "Yeah?"
"What do you think about inviting Jim over for dinner on Friday?" the older woman suggested.
"Just Jim?"
Jenna nodded. "If you're okay with that."
Lulu smiled. "Sounds great! Think he'll bring that Catan game we played last time?"
"We can ask him."
"Awesome!" the ten-year-old cheered. Then pointing down the hall, she informed her mom, "Okay, I really have to use the bathroom, though, so can we ask him later?"
"Yes, go," Jenna dismissed her quickly. "I'll talk to him."
Jenna sucked in a deep breath and released it as she watched the child quite nearly running to her destination.
Baby steps .
Becky and Dawn were the first to head home, leaving Jenna, Lulu, and Jim to close up shop. While the ten-year-old ran back to the lounge to gather her homework and other belongings, the two adults waited up front.
Jenna took to straightening up the front counter; checking the books, counting the register, and making sure the cordless phone was on the base.
She was writing down some notes when Jim walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Jenna's heart leapt in her chest as he rested his chin on her shoulder watching her work.
Then his lips found her neck, causing her to close her eyes and sigh happily.
Sadly, she couldn't afford to let herself indulge.
"Jim," she warned on a whisper.
"Hmmm?" he asked, finding that spot she loved so much, breaking a whimper from her before she pulled away.
"My daughter can walk back in here at any second."
She was leaning back, still in his arms and twisting around so they came face to face. His nose brushed against hers, lips so close but not touching.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep my hands to myself when I'm with you?" he rasped, one hand caressing her hip.
"I can venture a guess."
Then their lips were meeting, softly, tenderly. For a moment, Jenna almost forgot she wasn't supposed to be kissing him there. With her daughter just down the hall. At her workplace.
Thankfully, the sound of a door clicking opening and slamming shut brought both her and Jim to their senses, and they completely separated. She watched him awkwardly stick his hands in his pockets while she steadied her breathing.
"Ready to go," Lulu announced, backpack hanging off of one shoulder, coat and gloves already on. Then she turned to Jim and asked, "Hey, did mom ask you about Friday yet?"
"She did," he smiled. "And I'll be there."
"With Catan?" the girl asked eagerly.
"With Catan."
"Yes!" she cheered. Then she playfully taunted, "I'm gonna steal all of your land."
"Ah, but you forget," he played along, "I'm the Wheat King."
"Only until I dethrone you."
Jim cocked an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge, Miss Barker?"
"You bet your tail, it is."
He held out his hand to her. "Challenge accepted ."
"Bring it!" she declared, taking his hand and shaking it firmly.
Jenna giggled and rolled her eyes and she grabbed her coat and purse from the rack they kept behind the counter. "What have I gotten myself into?"
"War," Lulu stated flatly.
Jenna smirked at Jim, who was grabbing his own coat from the chair he'd draped it over. "Hate to say it, but you've got your work cut out for you."
Jim sucked in a breath and, eyes wide, slowly released it through his lips. "Don't I know it."
That earned a mischievous snicker from Lulu, who followed both of them out the door.
Poetry night came on Wednesday as usual.
With the weather cleared up again for the time being, school was back in session and community activities were mostly on regular schedule. At 6:00, Jenna pulled up to the public library with Lulu in the front seat of the car.
"Got your poetry book?" she asked the child, who was unbuckling herself before the vehicle even stopped.
Lulu lifted the notebook proudly. "Right here!"
"Library card?"
"In my pocket," she announced, placing a hand on her right hip to make certain the card was there. "I'm trying to decide if I wanna start Harry Potter or Narnia."
"Didn't you say the waiting list was like a mile long for the Harry Potter books?" Jenna asked.
Lulu's shoulders sunk at the reminder. "It is," she sighed. "And they only let you keep them for a couple of weeks."
"Then, maybe you should wait until we can buy them."
"Can we do that soon?" the girl begged. "I've been wanting to read those forever, and I can't even find Sorcerer's Stone at school."
"We'll see," Jenna told her, not about to make any promises. "They're expensive, and I wanted to get you the full set. Maybe for your birthday."
Lulu's eyes grew wide. "Really?!"
"I said maybe ," Jenna corrected. "But we'll talk about it later. You're gonna be late."
"Okay," the ten-year-old sulked only a little as she opened the car door and stepped out onto the curb. Then, quickly recovering from the minor disappointment, she called to her mother, "Love you!"
"Love you, too!" Jenna called back. "I'll see you in an hour."
The door slammed behind Lulu, and Jenna watched through the darkness to make sure she got into the building. Just as she was about to pull out, her phone pinged with a new message.
She picked it up from its spot in the car console to find a message to her from Jim.
How do you feel about ice skating?
Jenna, uncertain and, truth be told, not feeling particularly adventurous tonight, replied: Tried it with Lulu, not a fan, but I'm willing to give it another shot if that's what you really want to do.
Part of her knew she might regret it once she hit send. But it was also something different, and the park where they'd set up a rink for the winter was only a few minutes away.
What was the harm?
Greenhill in ten? came his response. We don't even have to skate, I just want to see you.
She smiled and texted back, On my way.
Jenna was never more thankful that she'd bundled up in three layers of jackets, thick socks under her boots, a wool hat and wool scarf, and gloves. She ignored the wind cutting against her cheeks, searching the crowd for Jim.
It wasn't that difficult to find him. Not with his height and beaming smile.
Her heart skipped a beat when he waved at her, and the cold was suddenly replaced by a flood of warmth when they came together and he scooped her up into his arms. Even with icy lips, the kiss they shared felt like fire.
"Hi," he greeted her breathlessly. The dopey grin on his face was contagious.
"Hi."
"Never gonna get tired of that," he said. Then, taking a step back from her to reach for her hand, suggested, "Hot tea?"
Jenna, now shivering again, noticing the puffs of fog with each breath she exhaled, nodded vigorously. "Yes, please."
"Come on," he encouraged, guiding her to huddle into him for warmth again. "I've found the perfect place down here."
As they wandered closer to the skating rink, observing happy families, groups of teenagers, and couples of all ages, Jenna pondered where exactly they were going. As far as she knew, all these changes to the park were brand new, and Stanton Grove didn't offer much.
Sure enough, though, the old rundown diner that sat on the edge of the park, abandoned for almost ten years, had been rebuilt and renovated into a quaint little coffee shop.
Jenna saw the lights first as they took the path past the rink; an orangey glow in a darker section of the park. Then she saw the dressy window and robin's egg blue door. Then several patrons sitting at little tables on the inside, all holding disposable cups as if their lives depended on it.
Greenhill Brew.
Short, sweet, and to the point. Jenna loved it already.
"How did I not see this last time?" Jenna sputtered. "Lulu and I were here a few weeks before Christmas."
"Apparently they just opened after New Year's," Jim explained. "Carson and his wife brought their kids to skate after the holidays, and I heard him and Michelle Stevens raving about it in the lounge first day back."
Jenna lifted her brows, impressed that someone in this city had taken the initiative on something to better the community that wasn't another fast food joint or retail store.
"It's about time, then."
With arms wrapped around each other, the two trod up to the shop. Jenna couldn't help take a bit of childlike joy out of the fact that a little bell jingled as Jim opened the door, ushering her inside. The two still shivered as they scurried past the threshold.
The shop was peaceful. Despite the number of patrons, the chatter was kept to a low volume, and no one seemed in a hurry. The calm atmosphere alone helped to keep Jenna relaxed while she and Jim stood in line
As it turned out, the tea selection was wide and varied. More so than Jenna had expected. Jim ordered what would be a much less sweet London Fog, while Jenna opted for an herbal vanilla blend with honey and almond milk.
Within ten minutes, the couple was finding a vacant table in the corner, right next to one of the large, picturesque windows.
For several minutes, they sat together, conversation flowing as they drank their tea. Jim asked how her day was, and she assured him that it was much busier than Monday when he'd walked in to a ghost town. Joe had even come in and was in an unusually chipper mood. (He always got this way right before he felt generous enough to hand out promotions and raises, which left her hopeful.)
Next was Jim's turn to share. A class of freshmen bombed their first major lab back from break. Not an A nor a B in a class of 32, despite the detailed study guides and color coded notes on the board. On the plus side, however, his Anatomy & Physiology kids were surprisingly mature when starting their chapter on human reproduction.
"Not a single dick joke," he announced proudly. "Yet."
Jenna laughed. "How is that not weird for you?"
"You teach the same thing for seven years, it all just rolls right off of you."
"Still, with a bunch of teenagers, that has to be awkward."
At that moment, Jenna glanced up to find a very familiar set of blonde curls, owner chatting to some people a few tables down. She tried to look away, tried to see if the woman would turn back around and leave once she was finished talking and not notice that she was here. On a date.
Speaking of awkward...
Jenna covered her face as subtly as she could, praying that she could escape the uncomfortable conversation and having to explain Jim.
Then she heard the voice she was dreading call out, "Jenna?"
Forcing a smile, Jenna looked up at her former coworker and greeted, "Serena!"
The enthusiasm in her voice was so contrived, she couldn't imagine anyone falling for it. But the woman standing above her looked as bright and glowing as ever, and sounded even more chipper as she said, "God, I feel like I never see you anymore. How are things at Joe's?"
"Oh, you know, same old," Jenna replied. "We miss you."
Not a lie.
She liked Serena. She was a cornerstone of their team; a natural leader and a positive (sometimes to a fault) force in the kitchen and at events. But, as expected, when someone as hardworking and efficient as Serena exist, there are other businesses who want them and will offer decent money to win them over.
And, as Jenna took note of Serena's now obviously pregnant belly, major life changes had a tendency to make the choice to leave easier.
"Well, as long as Cal and Becky don't kill each other, I think you all seem to have it down pat," the other woman joked, the trio forcing a laugh together. Then she finally took notice of the man sitting across from Jenna, and said, "Oh, I'm being so rude. I'm Serena. Jenna and I worked together for several years."
"Jim," he introduced himself, holding a hand out for her shake.
"Ohhh," Serena looked back and forth between the couple. "So, how do you two know each other?"
Jenna stared wide-eyed at Jim. The answer was simple, but could also lead to more questions. And she really, really did not want to divulge her new relationship to the human tabloid that was Serena. Not after she'd spent too many days in the break room hearing about all of her coworkers sordid affairs that she did not need to know about.
But she had no choice, so she tried the most basic truth: "We went to school together."
"In for a visit then?" Serena guessed.
"I actually just moved back," Jim explained. He was surprisingly comfortable and sure of himself, which made Jenna a little envious.
She wished she didn't have to be the only one feeling the urge to run, crawl into a deep, dark hole, and hide.
"Hmmmm," the blonde lifted an eyebrow, interest piqued. "So you're...reconnecting?"
Jenna felt her stomach drop. Something about the way Serena said "reconnecting" dripped with euphemism. How the hell was she going to explain this without giving their still new relationship away?
"I suppose," Jenna hedged.
Serena must have caught the cryptic hesitancy in her voice or seen it on her face, because she glanced back and forth between them again, and. "So, are you guys…?"
Jim, with a sheepish grin, started to say, "Well, we kind of-"
"We're friends," Jenna insisted, cutting him off.
There was a lull in the conversation then, and Jenna looked across at Jim to see him staring down, lips pursed, eyes low. He didn't make a move to speak, and she could feel the hurt radiating off of him.
Guilt clutched at her chest, and she knew she would have to explain herself as soon as they were alone again.
Great.
Serena frowned, finally speaking. "Oh. Oh, well."
Across the café, the barista chose that moment to call her name and announce her order was ready. Perking up, Serena glanced back to make sure that it was, indeed, her that they called before turning back to the couple.
"Well, I hate to run, but that's mine, and I've got tons to do before I even get home," she told them regretfully. Then she turned to Jim and said, "It was really nice to meet you." They shook hands once more before she addressed Jenna. "It's great to see you, too. Don't be a stranger, okay?"
"I won't," Jenna agreed, knowing full well she probably wouldn't be reaching out that often.
They shared a round of goodbyes as Serena veered off toward the register to pick up her drink.
Jenna expected the weight to lift off her chest with the other woman gone. Instead, a new heaviness hung between her and Jim that she couldn't ignore. A heaviness she'd hoped to never have to feel with him again.
But if she was going to be with him, she supposed that was no longer an option. Was it?
Jim still stared down, attention a little too focused on his tea. He tapped the sides of the cup and took in a breath.
"Friends?" he asked. It wasn't accusatory. Just...sad. Disappointed.
"I'm sorry," Jenna was quick to apologize. "She's just...not discreet. And I didn't want her to get a hold of this and broadcast it everywhere"
He nodded slowly. "Because we're not ready to tell everyone yet."
"And you want to?" she asked, trying to gauge where he was at. "You're ready?"
He shook his head and lifted his shoulders. "Well, it's been a couple of months…" he trailed off, eyes traveling across the café as he measured his next words. "But I also know we agreed to keep it to ourselves for a while, for Lulu's sake. And I respect that." He lowered his voice again, and added, "I won't lie, though. That stung."
Jenna reached across the table to place her hand on his, running her thumb across rough skin. She didn't know what to say.
She understood why it was hard for him. She understood why her dismissing what they had as mere friendship (valuable as friendship was) would hurt him. She understood why having to hide a perfectly consenting, monogamous relationship was daunting. It was daunting for her .
But she also needed just a little more time.
"I'm really sorry," she repeated, unable to think of anything else to say. She had no excuses.
As delicate as this situation was, as little experience as she had with balancing motherhood and the first real relationship she'd had in years...she knew there was a better way to go about this. She knew something had to give, and soon. Or else she risked letting them both get hurt.
The good news, however, was that she had a plan.
"If it makes you feel any better," she spoke softly, "part of the reason I invited you to dinner on Friday was to start actively working toward getting Lulu used to us."
He lit up again at that, mood shifting. "Really?"
She nodded. "It's time." She readjusted in her chair, sitting up more straight, and said, "You're right, we can't keep doing this. Hiding. Lying. It's stupid."
Jenna, felt the ball of anxiety in her belly start to dissipate as he reached across the table for her other hand. They sat there for a moment, fingers linked together, not saying anything. She watched him struggle for a moment. The gears in his mind were moving. She could tell by the way he stared, focused, on the table in front of him.
Finally, he looked up at her, grey-blue eyes piercing her. Inviting her. His gaze was soft again, and the heaviness lifted once again.
"Okay." Then he gave her hand a squeeze and uttered, "Let's quit hiding."
Jenna knew it wouldn't be that simple. She needed to find the right time to talk to Lulu about it. To make sure that, despite all of her daughter's efforts to talk her into dating, making it a reality wouldn't suddenly change her mind; it wouldn't suddenly leave her feeling forgotten or resentful.
But they would take the next step.
"Let's quit hiding."