Disclaimer: Me own nothing, but me own storyline.

"I'll never be able to completely explain how you feel after something like that.. worthless, confused, degraded, depressed... they're all just words, nothing can describe how horrid you feel. Nothing is enough."

~ Beautiful Disaster ~

She wrapped her arms around her knees, digging her nails into the exposed skin as she rocked herself back and forth, sitting up on her bed. She could feel the tears dripping down her pale face, hitting her arms within a second before more came – they seemed like they would never stop. She bit down on her lip before moving to bury her face in her knees, biting down as hard as she could on her already bruised skin; trying to stop herself from making a sound.

She closed her eyes as tight as she possibly could, willing the tears to stop falling from her crystal blue eyes, wishing she could just forget. Finally, she opened her eyes, looking down at the fresh blood now dripping down her legs, she shook her head, never really feeling the physical pain.

She wanted to scream, cry for someone to catch her, beg someone to hold her... she just wished someone would understand. But there was nobody, she couldn't even tell her best friend; she'd never understand, things like that didn't happen in her world... but then, they never happened in Lilly's world either.

She had changed, it was an inevitable truth, it was to be expected. But still, she kept her mouth shut, just like she had been told. She was terrified, he haunted her nightmares, she'd see his face whenever she closed her eyes and if she listened carefully, she'd hear his voice. She shook her head at the thought, the tears falling once more as the memories hit her.

She looked down, her hands curling around the bed covers as she felt another bout of pain wash over her whole body, it seemed like everything hurt these days. She just wanted to be normal again, she wanted to be happy.

It was the constant feeling of emptiness, she felt alone, even when she was with Miley or Oliver, it was like she was all alone – almost invisible. She wanted someone to ask her what was wrong, but everyone seemed to avoid the question like the plague. She wanted Oliver to hold her and kiss her forehead, she wanted him to help her. Last time she saw him, she screamed at him to leave her alone... and she hadn't seem him since. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, after all.

She looked around the bedroom, at a sleeping Miley, and found herself wishing she could have just one peaceful night; just one whole night where she didn't think about what happened, a whole night when she could just sleep.

Lilly sighed, laying back and staring at the ceiling, wishing she could be a child again, with no worries, with no problems. She hated herself, she blamed herself for what happened, constant 'what if's' running through her mind. What if I never went to that party? What if I hadn't started that stupid argument with Oliver? What if I never said yes to that dance? What if... what if?

She shook her head, wishing she could shake the thoughts from her brain, trying her best to tell herself that there was nothing she could do, even though she knew there was so much she could have done. A simple apology to Oliver would have done it, and she would have been at home with him watching a movie, or a simple 'no' to the dance, and she would have been off dancing with someone who wouldn't hurt her. Simple things... simple things that were too late to change.

She looked at the clock, eleven minutes past eleven – 11:11- and she closed her eyes, biting down lightly on her lip as she silently made a wish. I wish Oliver would help me. It was the same wish she had made every night since they argued, she wanted him... even though she had pushed him away, she needed him.

She turned to her side, watching Miley sleep before sighing. Miley had the perfect life, she had her family, she was famous, people loved her and most of all, she was happy. Lilly wanted that more than anything, happiness.

She was different from the girl Oliver had fallen in love with, she was more than afraid of losing him because of a night she could never take back. She found herself jumping at every little sound, flinching whenever she was touched and crying her eyes out whenever she had to leave the safety of the bedroom she shared with Miley.

She was becoming a burden, and she knew it... and she hated it. This wasn't her family, it wasn't even her house, she was making their life a living hell and she didn't know what to do. "Miley...?" She whispered into the darkness, not expecting the girl to answer before closing her eyes, trying to stop anymore tears falling.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered, opening her eyes to stare at the sleeping girl, jumping when Miley shook her head and opened her eyes, "I just want you to tell me what's wrong... I wish you trusted me enough."

"I-I do... I just... I-I can't..." Lilly looked at her best friend, the girl who she thought of a sister, willing her to understand. "I will... one day and then you'll understand." She finished, trying to stop it all from coming out,

"If I told you, you'd hate me for putting it in your head... you'd hate me." She shook her head, "I just want Oliver, Miles... make him come back." The tears started falling down her face, clutching at her chest as she sobbed.

She flinched when she felt Miley wrap her arms around her, calming down a little when she didn't pull away from the shaking girl, "He loves you, he'll be around tomorrow... he promised me." Lilly nodded, closing her eyes, relaxing a little, whispering his name as Miley rubbed her back, softly singing to her best friend as Lilly fell asleep; leaving Miley staring into the dark bedroom, imagining the worst that could possibly happen to Lilly before closing her own eyes, not letting go of the still trembling girl.

A/N: Kudos to anyone who can guess what happened to Lilly. Oliver shall be in the next chapter, Loliver FTW.

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