Disclaimer: I don't own lost, but I wouldn't mind having Sawyer... :P
AN: Takes place during 306 "I Do."
Summary: Sawyer's thoughts after he says: "Close your eyes, Freckles."
...Never/Always/Thought...
"Close your eyes, Freckles."
His knees are sinking into the mud,
the rain falling on his face mirrors tears and
something
inside of him wants to
scream.
He's always known life isn't fair
always known his death waited at the end
of a gun
always known.
He never counted on someone
mourning
never counted on leaving someone
behind
Never thought someone would love him.
He hates feeling
helpless
but the gun is inches from his head,
barrel pushed into the back of hers
and he has no options left.
He doesn't want to leave her in their hands
but he can't free her
won't let her die
and this is all he can do.
He has nothing but the memory of her skin against his
the feeling of her lips against his
the fleeting taste of strawberries as he tips his head
in a display of confidence
straightens his shoulders in defiance
keeps his voice steady, his eyes open
prepares for the inevitable
tells her not to look.
He hears her screaming to fight
hears her screaming to stand up
knows this will hurt her but it has to be this way.
They always knew what strings to pull
what his soft spot was.
Before her he hadn't had a soft spot.
Before her there'd never been a "James"
never been a reason
never been a goodbye that had to be said.
At the end he thought he'd fight
and take someone with him
At the end he thought he'd get shot in the back,
in an alley, in a bar
At the end he thought it would be for something stupid
and petty
At the end he thought he'd be alone.