There was a panic, her head was a constant stream of thoughts. All she wanted was for all the worries and fears, thoughts and ideas, to shut the hell up. She couldn't think; couldn't rationalize the little things that she needed to in order to keep her sanity. Where would the thoughts go, though? When they stopped, she worried, when she worried, they came at her faster and stronger. Louder and more irrational, words tried to make her weak...tried to crack open her skull and leak out. She saw the looks she got from him when her internal argument caught his keen attention. Lunacy, insanity. He'd ask her what was going on in that genius head of hers, but not in this instance. Deciding what to do and what to let go, how to act and what to do…it was all there, pounding at her skull. The move was hers to make; should she take the step, that one giant step, and risk everything that she possessed for everything she dreamed of having...everything she deserved? Or should she let him come to her, like she had been hoping for the past five years. His eyes were sincere as he told her that he loved her, but she imagined the look in her eyes was far worse. She didn't know how to respond. He was her guide, her encyclopedia to people and how to behave. Her brain was speeding along faster than it took the time to say those three little words, but those three words meant, to her, the world.
What would he think? She wasn't ready, and she knew that. She thought she was, but there was the panic, lying in wait. Three seconds is all it took, and he backpedalled. Before she could even register or think of a logical response to such an irrational thing, he took it away. The words she longed to hear for so long were snatched away by the one person who was allowed through her barriers and walls. It was almost betrayal in a way that couldn't be understood. Back to standing on their separate sides. The stupid line held her in place, because of him. Because of him, she thinks she may be willing to take the risk….only if it's with him. Brain chemistry and love, making love and trust. That's all it took, right? She trusted him, and he needed a response. Verbally.
So, she did what she thought was best; she told him she loved him, in a professional way. Of course, she did. She needed to cover up her hesitation, her fear of being abandoned. In the back of her mind, though, she knew he would never abandon or hurt her on purpose. He was her other half, her best friend, her partner. Since he woke up from the damn surgery that almost took him away from her, she had time to think. A lot of time to think. Alone in Guatemala, that's all she thought about. Love. Does she love him? Then, there's that damn book that she wrote and just so happened read aloud to him. The words, her words, were the cause of his dream, and it linked them in a profound manner, according to the psychic. Did it, though? Never before would she have even considered believing anything that a psychic of all people told her, but now her thoughts were being lead astray.
Irrational and illogical, but love is fact, love is science.