AN: Hiya. As you can tell by the title, this is a little humorous (well, it isn't all that funny) parody I decided to write because there are a few monstrosities I have read with the hideous Mary-Sue creature and her horrifying presence in Team Fortress 2 fanfictions. This story has no purpose other than to poke fun at those who write about awful pasts and how Little Miss "Imperfect" is so abused because everyone is jealous of her beauty.

Anyway, have fun. If you have any suggestions for what I should do next, go ahead and message me any ideas. I'll be sure to give you full credit for the idea in the next chapter. c:

It was a bright and beautiful day when Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger walked up the road in her frilly, black and hot pink lolita outfit with black and white stockings that had kittens on them and her Hello Kitty glass slippers. Her mountains and mountains of Hello Kitty suitcases contained her most private possessions, including her favorite photoshop pictures.

Her beautiful curves complimented her nice figure. Her white-baby blue-emerald green-yellowish-red eyes shimmered as she looked on, her glittery rainbow hair in a Snooki bump. Her pale skin was powdered with foundation to make it even more white. Her black, heavily applied eyeliner and neon orange eye shadow gave her a horrifyingly magnificent shine. The hot pink lipstick, fresh and glossy, burned her lips in the sunlight, but it was okay, because pain was her friend. She loved the idea of self-harm and punishing herself for being so beautiful. Her beauty caused her dad to rape her 8473495837049582034952395 times when she was just an infant all the way up to thirteen years old, which is when she killed him and her mother because her mother was a drunk and didn't give a shit about her and even joined in on the rape sometimes to shove a strap-on dildo up her ass. She is now fifteen and recently recovered from the loss of Fluffy McGirface SceneHelloKitty, her pet lizard. She was told that he killed himself, but she believes her ex-boyfriend, an evil assassin who raped and abused her when she was fourteen 3745983457298457209835703875 0329854703985 times more than her parents did, had come in one night and killed him. She swore to take vengeance on her pet lizard.

"I'll get him, Sugar Dogface Angerpants EmoGurl," Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger muttered under her breath, tears in her eyes.

When Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger walked up to a place covered with Red, she knew she had made it.

"OOOOOH DAAAAADDYYYY!" she shouted. Her adoptive father, RED Soldier, gasped as he turned to see the young girl he decided to take in a raise as his own. Oh god, she's turned into a hideous monster.

"Helga, what have you done to your face?!" he exclaimed, obviously terrified. Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger frowned as she saw the frightened expression on her darling daddy's face. And he used her real name! Ugh, the nerve!

"Uh, daddy, my name is not fudging Helga anymore, k? I like, changed it to Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger. I sent my name to you in a letter. Duh." said Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger.

The RED Soldier just stared at her, mouth agape. Why did he send her to that public school? He knew it would have been a disaster, but he couldn't keep her at the fort. He now regret what he had done. That damn public schooling had turned his daughter into a Stereotypical Scene Hipster!

The RED Soldier looked at his daughter, and then back at the Pyro, who he could tell, was just as equally surprised at what this girl had become.

"Y-You're... a monster..." he stuttered, then pulled out a pistol. He pointed it to his head. "Goodbye, cruel world."

When the gunshot rang out and all of her father's brain juice splattered onto her (just a bit getting into her mouth), Capella Annabelle Sugarprincess Emo Twilight Bella Swan Jessabella Nicole Abused-by-parents-as-a-child Granger squealed in agony, pulling out a knife.

"WHY, DADDY, WHY." she shouted continuously, slashing every bit of her wrists. The scared Pyro was so afraid, he made a beeline for the garage door in from of the fort, pounding on it ever so hard, just begging to be let back in. Finally, the garage door had opened and he was let inside, the rest of the team before him.

"Huddah huddah! HUDDAH HUDDAH HUDDAAAHHH!" he gasped, which was translated as, "She's back! And she a Scene Hipsterrrrr!"

The entire team looked at him wide-eyed, then suddenly went into a full-blown panic, running around and flailing their arms about.

"HOLY FUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!" the Scout shouted, grabbing his eyeballs and ripping them out of his sockets. The Medic quickly rushed over to him and healed him, the Scout's eyeballs forming back.

"NOW HEAVY KNOWS WHO BABY IS. IT IS ME. OH, SASHA." The Heavy began to weep, sitting on a bench and curling up into a fetal position with his gun, Sasha. The Sniper attempted to comfort the big guy by patting his bald head, but he was secretly incredibly terrified himself.

What were they all to do?

TO BE CONTINUED...