PART 2
"Where the hell am I?" Saf muttered to himself as he rubbed the rather large bump on the right side of his head.
"Ugg.." A voice that came out of nowhere said with pain. "Help me out of this bush, would ya Saf?" the voice asked.
Saf turned suddenly around and saw that the voice belonged to Earl, who was one of his good friends and played the bass their band, which also included Shaun who was at the moment, sleeping in Xani's apartment. "Yea, sure man." He laughed. "How'd you get up there anyway?"
"I don't know, just help me..please." Earl replied, anxious to get down from the bush.
"What's the matter, you stuck?" Saf giggled.
Earl spun around as best he could, being stuck in a bush and all and yelled at Safwan, "Shut the hell up and get me out of this damn bush!"
"Alright, alright, I was just foolin,' you don't have to flip out." Saf grabbed a big stick from the ground and poked Earl with it. "Grab this." Earl grabbed the stick and wiggled his way out of the twisted prickly bush.
"That was harsh, man. You do that everytime too." Earl pursed his lips angrily, "And where's my bass?"
"Hold up, hold up- Saf said as held his hand in front of Earl's face, "When was the last time you were stuck in a bush and I wouldn't help you out?"
Earl sighed, "Don't you remember that new year's party a couple years ago in Skatch?"
"Oh, yea." Saf smiled. "Too well. That lagavulin is some harsh shit."
"Sure is." Earl changed the subject back to the matter at hand, "Where's my bass, Saf?" "Saf?"
Safwan looked up from the dirt spot on his sneaker he'd been staring at, "Wha?"
"My bass! Where is-" Earl paused a moment before finishing, "And..Oh my god! Where's Shaun! We've lost him again! This happens every fuckin' time!"
Saf crossed his arms, "Well we're just gonna have to find him, like we do every morning after a show, that skank. Always with the women." He shook a fist at the air. "Come on Earl, let's get out of this place. I don't like the looks of it." He tugged on the wide leg of his pants. "Earl? You comin'?"
"First- Earl pushed Saf's hand off of him, "Watch the pants. Second, my bass..We still need to find it."
"Right, I forgot, sorry, your highness." Saf sneared. Earl always seemed to be able to get on his nerves in any circumstance.
"Ha. Very funny." Earl said with an apparent tone of sarcasm. He then turned and looked around the bush for his bass. Saf- being his vengeful self, began to mock him behind his back, sticking his hand out and making it look like a duck mouth as he mouthed, 'BLAH, BLAH, BLAAAHHH.' Earl had obviously known this was happening because mid-blah he stopped him by saying, "Give it up, man."
Saf scrunched up his face in anger and threw a twig at Earl, "lowsy bastard",he muttered.
"I heard that." Earl retorted.
Saf slumped to the ground and said nothing. "That one whack-job of an asian guy", he thought.
A few minutes later Earl came back from looking for his bass, "It was behind that big rock over there", he pointed out to Saf, proud of finally finding it.
Shaun yawned and picked himself up of the couch. Thinking he was back in Saskatoon, he walked right into the bathroom, not expecting anyone to be there. To his horrid realisation, he found Xani. "Oh, god. I'm sorry." He said, sounding quite shocked as he shut the door and walked away quickly.
Xani smiled mildly because he obviously didn't care one bit. "Crazy scrawny Canadians." He zipped up his pants, washed his hands and walked out of the bathroom. "Hey, Shaun," He grinned. Finding this rather amusing.
Shaun answered reluctantly, "Hey. Listen, I'm really sorry. I thought I was back in Saskatoon and didn't think-"
Xani cut him off, "S'okay. I don't mind. Happens all the time. I'm used to it."
"Oh.. right." Shaun replied.
"Yes, well, How some breakfast and then we'll go find your friends?" Xani suggested.
"Sounds good to me," Shaun said. He looked a little worried by the past comment but it was obvious that Xanatos wasn't, infact hitting on him. He wasn't into the whole cross-dressing in animal prints for casual- wear type men.
Obi and Legolas had now been walking for at least a full 24 hours and Obi- wan was about to collapse. "How are you not tired", he asked the elf, who was walking at a rather quick pace for not sleeping all night. "I need to stop. Please have mercy", he pleaded.
Legolas looked to his right at Obi. "If you're that tired, jump on my back and I'll carry you a while."
"Really?!" Obi gasped.
Legolas eyed him coldly, "No."
"Oh." Obi responded. "Well, I knew you were kidding..I was just going along with it."
"Mmm..hmm.." Leggy said and kept walking.
"I'm telling you if we don't stop, I'll collapse", Obi whined pathetically.
"Well, if we want to find those god-forsaken hobbits, then you're going to have to keep walking."
Obi pouted, "This is-this-is torture," he sputtered. I hate walking. My legs hurt, I'm hungry, my feet are sore and to make matters worse, I miss Xani! I don't think you even care.."
"That's right, I don't care and you want to know why?"
"Don't stop now", Obi said and folded his arms across his chest.
"Because you're so obnoxious!" The elf yelled.
"Well it doesn't help that you're always criticizing me. I'm trying my best under very difficult circumstances!"
Legolas sighed, "I guess we'll just have to-
Legolas was then cut off by a loud buzzing sound that appeared to be coming from a nearby tree.
*fzzt..ffzzzt*
"What in the bloody sith is that?" Obi asked no one in particular and covered his ears.
"I think it's coming from that..loudspeaker? In Lothlorien?" Leggy replied.
The buzzing stopped suddenly and a voice came over it. "Well, well.. A Jedi and an archer all the way out here in Lothlorien. Now what could you be trying to accomplish?" The mystery voice said with an obvious smirk. It sounded as if there was some fumbling with the loudspeaker microphone and another voice began to speak. " Help! We've been kidna- It was suddenly cut of again by the other, more sinister voice, " Imbecile! Get back over to that pile of straw in the corner beside your little friends where you belong. I don't need you ruining my plans!" "A-hem. As I was saying, What brings you so far into these here parts?"
Obi answered cautiously, "First, we'd like to know who this is and how the hell you got that loudspeaker into that tree."
"Well, If I told you who I was that would defeat the purpose now wouldn't it?" The voice said.
" We'll find out eventually," Legolas smiled.
" You know, you're probably right, but then again-
As the voice continued to rant on with Legolas, Obi realized that there was a very obvious, black cord, which looked to be leading right to where the voice was coming from. Obi-wan followed the cord, till he stumbled upon an old, broken-down cabin, with boarded up windows and no door. Being the swashbuckler-jedi that he was, Obi flipped into the room, over to dark figure talking into the microphone, grabbed a large block of cheese that was sitting on a nearby table and whacked the figure over the head with it. "Da-ha!" He laughed maniacally and called for Leggy feeling rather proud of a job well done. I mean if he could knock some one unconscious with a block of cheese- Need I go on?
Legolas burst through where the door should have been, "What? Did ya get him?"
Obi-wan smiled a wide smile, "Sure did."
"With cheese? Wow, I really underestimated you Obi. I mean if you can knock a guy out with a block of ch-
"Shh," Obi said abruptly. I hear something."
"Mfnnfffffumm! Hfffm!" A loud mumbled cry came from the other side of the room. Obi and Leggy immediately turned around to see three little hobbits tied up in a corner on a small pile of hay.
Obi gasped and exclaimed rather factually, "I think we've found our kidnappees."
The Elf rolled his eyes, "No shit, Shirlock. Now let's untie 'em. You put- Wait a minute is that who I think it is?" Legolas moved closer to the unconscious body laying on the floor and turned him over. "I'm in shock. It's Glorfindel..but how- and why? Obi- are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so Leggy, but why would Glorfindel want three hobbits in his travelling show? Do they even have any talent?"
Legolas raised an eyebrow, but disregarded the comment. "Glorfindel kidnapped these hobbits to get back at Sam for trying to steal his favorite mithril shorts, so he decided to kidnap him, Frodo and Pippin so there would be absolutely no more funny business. Then he came out to this shack, knowing that sooner or later Gandalf would try to find them because he was tired of waiting for his pizza."
Obi just stared blankly and blinked once or twice. And as if on cue Gandalf busted in through the hole in the wall, "Well, I see you've found the hobbits and their kidnapper. It's a shame Glorfindel thought that by kidnapping these hobbits he'd get a ransom. I mean who'd want them freed if only for a couple pizzas? Gandalf picked up a cardboard pizza box off the floor and opened it. "Cold now anyway." The wizard then threw the box on the floor. "Legolas, Obi-wan, Would you mind grabbing the hobbits and Glorfindel and coming outside with me? I've got a rather large wagon and a plan.
"But I thought you wanted us to- Obi began.
"Well, I knew that if I told you my actual plan you wouldn't go along with it, but since you're here- Do hurry. We haven't got much time."
"Time for what?" Legolas asked.
"Finish doing what I've asked and I'll tell you okay? Gandalf looked frazzled. "I'm quite frazzled, so if you'll excuse me." The wizard walked outside and leaned against a tree.
"Well, I guess we have no choice. C'mon Obi-wan, you grab Glorfindel and I'll get the three hobbits."
Obi shrugged, "Kay."
Legolas then proceeded to pick up all three hobbits at once and carry them outside to the rather large wagon that was waiting outside.
" Mffffnnffgghh!" All three hobbits attempted to say at once.
Leggy laid them in the wagon and answered, as if he knew what they had said, "Hey, don't blame me. It's not my fault you're tied up and gagged and in a rather large wagon. "Obi-wan, what are you doing in there? Just grab him and get out!" He yelled.
"Ugghh.." Glorfindel managed to mumble.
Obi picked the block of cheese up off the floor and promptly whacked him over the head. "Comin'!" he called back.
Earl sneezed, "Saf, my allergies are acting up again. Why is there so much rag-weed in this- where ever we are anyway?"
"You know Earl, I have no idea why there's so much rag-weed. I don't even know what rag-weed is. Let's just find a way out of here, okay?" Saf responded, faking sincerity.
He sneezed again, "Ughh..I'm rewy snufgghh ub. How bout th- He sneezed again, and pointing to a well trampled path, continued his sentence- way?"
Saf snickered and held out an arm, "Ladies first."
"I resemb that", Earl managed to say sneezelessly. He then turned to face the woods and began walking down the narrow path through the trees; bass in hand.
"Where the hell am I?" Saf muttered to himself as he rubbed the rather large bump on the right side of his head.
"Ugg.." A voice that came out of nowhere said with pain. "Help me out of this bush, would ya Saf?" the voice asked.
Saf turned suddenly around and saw that the voice belonged to Earl, who was one of his good friends and played the bass their band, which also included Shaun who was at the moment, sleeping in Xani's apartment. "Yea, sure man." He laughed. "How'd you get up there anyway?"
"I don't know, just help me..please." Earl replied, anxious to get down from the bush.
"What's the matter, you stuck?" Saf giggled.
Earl spun around as best he could, being stuck in a bush and all and yelled at Safwan, "Shut the hell up and get me out of this damn bush!"
"Alright, alright, I was just foolin,' you don't have to flip out." Saf grabbed a big stick from the ground and poked Earl with it. "Grab this." Earl grabbed the stick and wiggled his way out of the twisted prickly bush.
"That was harsh, man. You do that everytime too." Earl pursed his lips angrily, "And where's my bass?"
"Hold up, hold up- Saf said as held his hand in front of Earl's face, "When was the last time you were stuck in a bush and I wouldn't help you out?"
Earl sighed, "Don't you remember that new year's party a couple years ago in Skatch?"
"Oh, yea." Saf smiled. "Too well. That lagavulin is some harsh shit."
"Sure is." Earl changed the subject back to the matter at hand, "Where's my bass, Saf?" "Saf?"
Safwan looked up from the dirt spot on his sneaker he'd been staring at, "Wha?"
"My bass! Where is-" Earl paused a moment before finishing, "And..Oh my god! Where's Shaun! We've lost him again! This happens every fuckin' time!"
Saf crossed his arms, "Well we're just gonna have to find him, like we do every morning after a show, that skank. Always with the women." He shook a fist at the air. "Come on Earl, let's get out of this place. I don't like the looks of it." He tugged on the wide leg of his pants. "Earl? You comin'?"
"First- Earl pushed Saf's hand off of him, "Watch the pants. Second, my bass..We still need to find it."
"Right, I forgot, sorry, your highness." Saf sneared. Earl always seemed to be able to get on his nerves in any circumstance.
"Ha. Very funny." Earl said with an apparent tone of sarcasm. He then turned and looked around the bush for his bass. Saf- being his vengeful self, began to mock him behind his back, sticking his hand out and making it look like a duck mouth as he mouthed, 'BLAH, BLAH, BLAAAHHH.' Earl had obviously known this was happening because mid-blah he stopped him by saying, "Give it up, man."
Saf scrunched up his face in anger and threw a twig at Earl, "lowsy bastard",he muttered.
"I heard that." Earl retorted.
Saf slumped to the ground and said nothing. "That one whack-job of an asian guy", he thought.
A few minutes later Earl came back from looking for his bass, "It was behind that big rock over there", he pointed out to Saf, proud of finally finding it.
Shaun yawned and picked himself up of the couch. Thinking he was back in Saskatoon, he walked right into the bathroom, not expecting anyone to be there. To his horrid realisation, he found Xani. "Oh, god. I'm sorry." He said, sounding quite shocked as he shut the door and walked away quickly.
Xani smiled mildly because he obviously didn't care one bit. "Crazy scrawny Canadians." He zipped up his pants, washed his hands and walked out of the bathroom. "Hey, Shaun," He grinned. Finding this rather amusing.
Shaun answered reluctantly, "Hey. Listen, I'm really sorry. I thought I was back in Saskatoon and didn't think-"
Xani cut him off, "S'okay. I don't mind. Happens all the time. I'm used to it."
"Oh.. right." Shaun replied.
"Yes, well, How some breakfast and then we'll go find your friends?" Xani suggested.
"Sounds good to me," Shaun said. He looked a little worried by the past comment but it was obvious that Xanatos wasn't, infact hitting on him. He wasn't into the whole cross-dressing in animal prints for casual- wear type men.
Obi and Legolas had now been walking for at least a full 24 hours and Obi- wan was about to collapse. "How are you not tired", he asked the elf, who was walking at a rather quick pace for not sleeping all night. "I need to stop. Please have mercy", he pleaded.
Legolas looked to his right at Obi. "If you're that tired, jump on my back and I'll carry you a while."
"Really?!" Obi gasped.
Legolas eyed him coldly, "No."
"Oh." Obi responded. "Well, I knew you were kidding..I was just going along with it."
"Mmm..hmm.." Leggy said and kept walking.
"I'm telling you if we don't stop, I'll collapse", Obi whined pathetically.
"Well, if we want to find those god-forsaken hobbits, then you're going to have to keep walking."
Obi pouted, "This is-this-is torture," he sputtered. I hate walking. My legs hurt, I'm hungry, my feet are sore and to make matters worse, I miss Xani! I don't think you even care.."
"That's right, I don't care and you want to know why?"
"Don't stop now", Obi said and folded his arms across his chest.
"Because you're so obnoxious!" The elf yelled.
"Well it doesn't help that you're always criticizing me. I'm trying my best under very difficult circumstances!"
Legolas sighed, "I guess we'll just have to-
Legolas was then cut off by a loud buzzing sound that appeared to be coming from a nearby tree.
*fzzt..ffzzzt*
"What in the bloody sith is that?" Obi asked no one in particular and covered his ears.
"I think it's coming from that..loudspeaker? In Lothlorien?" Leggy replied.
The buzzing stopped suddenly and a voice came over it. "Well, well.. A Jedi and an archer all the way out here in Lothlorien. Now what could you be trying to accomplish?" The mystery voice said with an obvious smirk. It sounded as if there was some fumbling with the loudspeaker microphone and another voice began to speak. " Help! We've been kidna- It was suddenly cut of again by the other, more sinister voice, " Imbecile! Get back over to that pile of straw in the corner beside your little friends where you belong. I don't need you ruining my plans!" "A-hem. As I was saying, What brings you so far into these here parts?"
Obi answered cautiously, "First, we'd like to know who this is and how the hell you got that loudspeaker into that tree."
"Well, If I told you who I was that would defeat the purpose now wouldn't it?" The voice said.
" We'll find out eventually," Legolas smiled.
" You know, you're probably right, but then again-
As the voice continued to rant on with Legolas, Obi realized that there was a very obvious, black cord, which looked to be leading right to where the voice was coming from. Obi-wan followed the cord, till he stumbled upon an old, broken-down cabin, with boarded up windows and no door. Being the swashbuckler-jedi that he was, Obi flipped into the room, over to dark figure talking into the microphone, grabbed a large block of cheese that was sitting on a nearby table and whacked the figure over the head with it. "Da-ha!" He laughed maniacally and called for Leggy feeling rather proud of a job well done. I mean if he could knock some one unconscious with a block of cheese- Need I go on?
Legolas burst through where the door should have been, "What? Did ya get him?"
Obi-wan smiled a wide smile, "Sure did."
"With cheese? Wow, I really underestimated you Obi. I mean if you can knock a guy out with a block of ch-
"Shh," Obi said abruptly. I hear something."
"Mfnnfffffumm! Hfffm!" A loud mumbled cry came from the other side of the room. Obi and Leggy immediately turned around to see three little hobbits tied up in a corner on a small pile of hay.
Obi gasped and exclaimed rather factually, "I think we've found our kidnappees."
The Elf rolled his eyes, "No shit, Shirlock. Now let's untie 'em. You put- Wait a minute is that who I think it is?" Legolas moved closer to the unconscious body laying on the floor and turned him over. "I'm in shock. It's Glorfindel..but how- and why? Obi- are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so Leggy, but why would Glorfindel want three hobbits in his travelling show? Do they even have any talent?"
Legolas raised an eyebrow, but disregarded the comment. "Glorfindel kidnapped these hobbits to get back at Sam for trying to steal his favorite mithril shorts, so he decided to kidnap him, Frodo and Pippin so there would be absolutely no more funny business. Then he came out to this shack, knowing that sooner or later Gandalf would try to find them because he was tired of waiting for his pizza."
Obi just stared blankly and blinked once or twice. And as if on cue Gandalf busted in through the hole in the wall, "Well, I see you've found the hobbits and their kidnapper. It's a shame Glorfindel thought that by kidnapping these hobbits he'd get a ransom. I mean who'd want them freed if only for a couple pizzas? Gandalf picked up a cardboard pizza box off the floor and opened it. "Cold now anyway." The wizard then threw the box on the floor. "Legolas, Obi-wan, Would you mind grabbing the hobbits and Glorfindel and coming outside with me? I've got a rather large wagon and a plan.
"But I thought you wanted us to- Obi began.
"Well, I knew that if I told you my actual plan you wouldn't go along with it, but since you're here- Do hurry. We haven't got much time."
"Time for what?" Legolas asked.
"Finish doing what I've asked and I'll tell you okay? Gandalf looked frazzled. "I'm quite frazzled, so if you'll excuse me." The wizard walked outside and leaned against a tree.
"Well, I guess we have no choice. C'mon Obi-wan, you grab Glorfindel and I'll get the three hobbits."
Obi shrugged, "Kay."
Legolas then proceeded to pick up all three hobbits at once and carry them outside to the rather large wagon that was waiting outside.
" Mffffnnffgghh!" All three hobbits attempted to say at once.
Leggy laid them in the wagon and answered, as if he knew what they had said, "Hey, don't blame me. It's not my fault you're tied up and gagged and in a rather large wagon. "Obi-wan, what are you doing in there? Just grab him and get out!" He yelled.
"Ugghh.." Glorfindel managed to mumble.
Obi picked the block of cheese up off the floor and promptly whacked him over the head. "Comin'!" he called back.
Earl sneezed, "Saf, my allergies are acting up again. Why is there so much rag-weed in this- where ever we are anyway?"
"You know Earl, I have no idea why there's so much rag-weed. I don't even know what rag-weed is. Let's just find a way out of here, okay?" Saf responded, faking sincerity.
He sneezed again, "Ughh..I'm rewy snufgghh ub. How bout th- He sneezed again, and pointing to a well trampled path, continued his sentence- way?"
Saf snickered and held out an arm, "Ladies first."
"I resemb that", Earl managed to say sneezelessly. He then turned to face the woods and began walking down the narrow path through the trees; bass in hand.