Elena's POV
I am lying in my bed, fully dressed and ready to get out, no matter how much I am unwilling to do this right now. I'm staring at the ceiling, thinking about so many things, as usually and listening to the noises aunt Jenna is making in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that in about five minutes, she'll come upstairs and start yelling at me that it's high time we go. My brother is probably also up by now, as I can hear the strange noises coming from his room, which makes me conclude that he must be playing one of his stupid games once again. I can't believe that the first thing he does when he wakes up, is turn on that damn thing and start playing a game that involves killing people. Moreover, he claims that it helps him feel more energetic after a ten-hour sleep. I shook my head, criticizing him in my own mind, which as Jenna and a bunch of other people claim, is a bit screwed up right now. I'm guessing we all have our own ways of dealing with the big emotional catastrophes in our lives. So, if playing games makes him feel better, I'm perfectly okay with it. At least his way of dealing with things is better than mine.
My phone starts buzzing, but I don't even make an attempt to take a look at who's calling. I'm guessing it might be Bonnie, my best friend, checking up on me again, asking how I was doing and when I'm going back to school. I wasn't up to talking with her right now, simply because there wasn't anything I could tell her. I felt too empty inside and having a casual conversation, which would lack any sense was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I'm guessing that's one of the reasons I lost some of my friends-it was because I pushed them away. It wasn't on purpose, I was just too fed up with it -talks, parties, Friday football games all those cliché things that come with being a teenager. The problem is, after the big change in my life , I failed to see a point in so many things, that sometimes it scared me, but I was trying to bury that deep down and not let it sink in, because it appears that when I do that, it has…bad effects on me. And as Jenna says-on our whole family, or whatever's left of it.
I hear my aunt's footsteps-she's rushing to get to my room. I count the seconds to her bursting in and I smile at how precise I am. She furrows her eyebrows as soon as she sees my sarcastic smile-her hair is still a bit wet, I'm guessing she got out the shower soon, but she's dressed and even with a comb in her hair, she still looks serious as hell.
"Come on, Elena. We'll be late!" she protest and I rise up a bit, only so I could lean on the big pillows and give her another satisfying smile as I cross my arms on my chest. She looks pretty funny right now and even without me saying a world, she knows how I'm mentally laughing out at this very moment and that makes her even more pissed off.
"I told you, I'm not going to this stupid thing, Jenna." I protested, but without yelling. I've figured yelling doesn't do me no good. It only makes her extremely mad. And right now, I certainly didn't want to piss her off. She knew she has already won this debate, I was just desperately still trying to prove my point and was stubbornly refusing to make any kind of move. She has already grounded me after our fight the other night, when I came home at three in the morning, so I don't think there was much else she could do right now. Except like…take me my phone, but I'm not using it anyway so that's all fine by me.
"Get up, Elena. Right now! I'm not letting you get rid of this. It's important." she said once again and I sighed, only so I could get up and start looking for my shoes. Maybe, after all, if I just go there a few times and pretend like everything's better, she'll leave me alone. Plus, maybe the psychiatrist might extend the break I was taking from school right now. Not that we had much left, summer vacation was right around the corner, but I was perfectly fine with skipping a month full of finals and assignments.
"I don't get why you want me to do this. I'm not gonna just stand up in front a bunch of people and talk to them about how screwed everything in my life is!" I protested and that was the point where she started yelling about how I have to do it, because the doctor said so and because she's not going to keep watching me ruin myself anymore and how if my mother and father were still alive they would never let me give up like this and then I thought, well if they were still here, I wouldn't be in this condition in the first place, but I kept quite. There were moments, when I just liked yelling at her for no reason, there were also those when I just kept silent, suffered on my own and definitely didn't listen to anything she said. I thought there was no point in fighting with her anymore, because she'll continue pushing me to do all those stuff that keep me alive, anyway and even though she realized, that I might be doing them, but I'm not doing them right and with any kind of will, she still kept pushing, because she was afraid of the alternative, which was that I could pretty much decide to try to kill myself yet again.
More or less, that was the reason that made her freak out so much-I overdosed with the pills the doctors have give me after the car accident when I lost my parents. To be honest, I'm not sure I really wanted to do this. Yes, I was sad..okay, I was a bit depressed actually and I had lost all desire to do anything, but that night, when I took all those medications, I had no idea, I would end up in a damn hospital a few hours later for yet another time in a short period of three months. I just wanted to forget it all. I hated it when night came, because I always started thinking once the light was off and I was in my bed. I would remember things about the crash and how both mom and dad yelled as soon as we went off the bridge. Those stuff kept me awake, but that wasn't the main problem, it was the thing that prevented me from falling asleep.
"Elena, please, we've been through this. It's time you started dealing with your problems." she added while fixing her hair in a ponytail and urged me to keep going. I sighed annoyed and felt the tears in my eyes-tears from stubbornness, not from sadness. I hated it when I had to do things, just because someone else was saying so and when they were rubbing constantly in my nose how it was for my own good. There's no such thing as own good, in this life, you're either completely ruined by everything around you or you get ruined by everything around you, but pretend to be all good with it, put a smile on your face and act stronger and people start talking about how this girl was immensely depressed after her parent's death, but managed to get herself together, move on and be the prom queen. Those stories make me want to punch someone in the face, because they just don't exist. We are all ruined, in ways different, which are hard to understand.
I get in the car unwillingly, wondering how much will she continue nagging and in my head I even bet if it's going to be until we get there or just after we pass by the supermarket around the corner . I'm not even listening to her, only a few of her words manage to surface and make me get the main idea of her great speech. It turns out, she keeps on going until we get to this goddamn place. There's no way I'm going to get away from this thing as she'll be waiting for me outside after I'm done.
My aunt's idea of dealing with things is attending a group consisting of young people suffering from depression, troublesome kids who abused with drugs or alcohol, or those like me, who obviously attempted to kill themselves, though I stated numerous times, that I had no such intentions. Basically, it was like an AA group, but with teenagers, who had problems they couldn't define themselves. I couldn't believe that she was making me do this, but no matter how much I insisted on being fine and trying to make her understand that I just wanted to get a good night sleep and not end my life, I couldn't change her mind. The worst part was when Jeremy supported the idea, which caused things between us to get even worse, simply because I was mad at him. I guess deep down, I knew that he was doing it for my own good, but I was refusing to accept it, just like I was denying that I actually had I problem, because I was convincing myself every day that I didn't. I just..get sad from time to time, that doesn't mean that I'm crazy and need to talk in a group full of young criminals and screwed up girls, whose dreams revolved around becoming the most popular girl in school.
When we finally got to the room, where this thing was taking place, we found out that everyone were already here. Jenna excused us for being late and exchanged a few polite words with the psychiatrist, who was organizing this thing and who was a pretty good looking woman in her thirties. She didn't appear to be exactly like one of those ladies in their forties, who know everything about life that the movies show us-she was a bit..different from what I could conclude. Her clothes were not crazy colorful or something like that-she wore simple skinny jeans and a light green shirt and she had a long straight hair, which was now put in a nice ponytail, she had no notebooks or stuff like that, she simply sat next to all those kids in the room and appeared to be more or less…like them. That surprised me a bit, but not enough to make me actually take this matter seriously. While Jenna and her were talking, I looked around and noticed that the chairs were arranged in a relatively big circle and that all the places were taken except for one. There were kids of all ages between I'm guessing fourteen and eighteen, both girls and boys, some of whom appeared to be a little strange-there was this one boy with a winter hat on his head, when I had in mind, that it was so hot outside that I regretted not putting a top instead of the T-shirt I was with, right now. There was also this one girl, who was staring at her shoes uncomfortably, another boy who was looking out the window and rubbing the back of his head nervously, as if he was afraid someone would do something to him, all of them appeared to be a bit crazy and I already mentally cursed Jenna for taking me here, so I hurried to look away and get my attention back to Jenna and the psychiatrist, who were already telling their goodbyes as I was just throwing Jenna a pleading look, hoping she would be able to read it and just get me the hell out of here, but the only thing she did was shook her head and give me one of her stern looks, just as she was opening the door and leaving me behind.
"Come on, Elena" the woman said cheerfully and put her hand on my arm, while guiding me towards the circle "Let's meet everyone else, yeah?" I nodded a bit angrily and took the only free chair left there.
As soon as I sat down, I looked at the opposite side, only to find a boy with sandy hair and green eyes staring at me. For a moment, I kept my eyes on him as well, because he didn't seem like anyone else in this room. Actually, as I took another glance at the people surrounding me, I figured he must be the most normal kid here. He was dressed in a nice black shirt, jeans and trainers. There was something…misty about his appearance, something dark and honestly, I couldn't even begin to figure out what it was. Just as I was about to try, the woman started talking and he moved his look away from me, but a light smile appeared on his lips for a short moment and I wondered if he's mentally mocking me. I kept staring at him, now a bit angry, trying to figure out what his deal was, but then I decided to give up and focus more on what the psychiatrist was saying. It turned out her name was doctor Meredith Fell or something like this, I wasn't paying very much attention to her words, as I was still peaking at the cocky boy with the black T-shirt. He appeared to be either completely indifferent to what she was saying or just too much above everything around him to even try and listen carefully to her words.
We started the session with some girl called Macy, who had a problem with socializing and talking to people outside this small circle…obviously. With every passing minute, things here started sounding more and more absurd. God, does this girl know that there are people out there with serious issues? I rolled my eyes and sighed annoyingly, though I was completely aware that Fell was watching me and she wasn't the only one. The boy was staring at me once again and I'm pretty sure he was wondering what the hell my issue was, as I appeared to be completely normal. The problem is-I was asking myself the same thing, but about him. I wondered what his deal was-he seemed healthy, strong, good looking, obviously coming from at least a middle class family. There was something sad in his eyes, but he was covering it pretty good with boredom-he seemed to be so sick of staying in this room, that even though, I considered him to be cocky and…thinking that he's better than everyone, which I've concluded without even hearing him talk, I somehow felt like me and him were on the same page here-we surely could be somewhere else right now. After the girl finished and doctor Fell has talked to her some about her issues by simply asking her questions, I found myself feeling nervous about her picking me right now. Instead, however, she turned towards the boy with the black T-shirt.
"Stefan, maybe you would like to share something with us today?"
"Oh, no, I'm all good, thank you." he responded completely confident in himself. I was surprised when I realized that he doesn't sound cocky at all. He just appeared to not give a damn about anything in this room.
"It's been two weeks since you last spoke in front of the group" doctor Fell sounded a bit more serious right now, but she wasn't scolding him. She was just trying here and it seemed like she was having a hard time dealing with this boy. "Coming here without doing anything is not going to help you, you realize that, right?"
"I'm perfectly aware, doc." he added with a smile on his face now as he was just crossing his arms on his chest and stretching his legs as if he has been watching some boring TV show for too long and couldn't wait to get up and do something else, which however wouldn't be any more significant than his last activity. "I still prefer to remain silent today." he added seeing that he might get a whole speech soon and used this one sentence to desperately try and prevent it. I couldn't believe he actually managed to do so, because Fell nodded knowingly and unfortunately turned towards me while still however continuing her conversation with Stefan.
"Okay, then if you don't want to talk maybe you'll help our newest member here start sharing, yeah?" she smiled and nodded towards me. "Why don't you give, Elena here some advice, encourage her to talk and feel better in our group?" for a moment he raised up a bit, looked back and forth to the doctor and me, with his eyebrow pierced, feeling obviously, pressured to talk, if not about himself then with someone else. After some time, he cleared his throat and asked a bit confused.
"You want me to advise her?" Fell nodded and he leaned back on his chair in the most casual posture possible while running his fingers through his hair, but not nervously, it was rather more like an action which get him another thirty seconds to think what he should start with. "Okay, then, if you insist." he turned towards me and I suddenly felt like I'm about to start sweating. I nervously looked away, refusing to meet his glance, but after he started, I had no other choice but face his careless expression once again "You're in a room full of crazy ass lunatics under the age of eighteen," he started and Fell gave him a stern look, but he continued nevertheless, not even slightly disturbed by her expression "Welcome on board. Half of those psychos here have socializing issues, most of them are girls who only want to be better looking and find a boyfriend, the other part is consisting of failed jocks and crazy kids with big family issues, another small group has actual life problems, but they, however, remain the most insignificant and ignored percent of this goddamn circle of life-failing teenagers." Some of the kids smiled and nodded knowingly, while listening to his words. It seemed, as if they knew what he would say already and they weren't bothered at all. Of course there were a few girls who gave him a very judgy look and a few boys, who weren't even listening to him as they seemed to be having other issues on their minds right now. "My advice here would be to say as less as possible and enjoy the show." he said those last words seriously "If you pay attention, sometimes it's better than those realities on TV." and then he winked with a big smile on his face. It was the first time, I saw him smiling and I honestly let a small laugh out, which won me a bad look from Meredith.
"Alright, that's enough, Stefan!" she cut him off and he leaned back on his chair while she shook her head helplessly and turned towards me with an apologetic look, while I was still trying to compose myself. The way he talked about stuff was too goddamn real and he surely didn't care, if he sounded cocky or if he was ungrateful and indifferent towards other people's problems. He just obviously said exactly what was on his mind and honestly that's what caught my attention. This boy was nothing like the rest of the people here. It's not that I was underestimating the issues those kids had, it was just that he seemed dark, misty, smart and with a sense of humor. He just slapped reality right into the face and said to everyone in this room that it doesn't matter to him if they hate him or not. The more I looked at him, the more I wondered what was wrong with him, what broke him down, though I was sure I wouldn't figure that out soon as he obviously..didn't talk much. I wondered how it was that he's still attending these meetings and I concluded that maybe there was someone in his family who pushed him to keep going, just like it was with me.
Meredith didn't seem too disturbed by his behavior, on the contrary, she appeared somehow determined. Obviously, he was a hard boy to get through as it appeared that he doesn't want her help at all and yet she didn't seem down, she only looked more motivated. But she didn't pressured him to talk anymore and she surely didn't push me, which I guessed was also part of her plan. I was sure, it wouldn't be so easy to get rid of her as I hoped in the beginning. Maybe I should just be a smartass like this boy and she'll eventually toss her hands in the air helplessly and leave me alone like she did with him. The next twenty minutes we spent listening to the boy next to Stefan, who was pressured by his parents to become a lawyer or something like this.
Me and Stefan kept exchanging glances and rolling each other's eyes every time someone said something stupid, though as a whole we kept quiet and tried not to disturb the others. It all became like a game to us-laughing at those kid's personal miseries as we were refusing to talk about our own.
When we finished and most of the kids started leaving the room, I hurried to get out as well, only to find Jenna in the hallway, waiting patiently for me to come out. I almost wanted to start yelling at her for not trusting me to walk the distance between a room and a car, but she managed to make me calm down by saying that she just needs to talk for a few minutes with the doctor about the payment and stuff like that. I furrowed my eyebrows, as I watched her get in and wondered where the boy with the sandy hair was since I never noticed him leave. I leaned on the wall and closed my eyes, trying to relax a little as it turned out that this whole thing has made me feel a bit tired. As soon as I heard some movement from the other end of the corridor , however, I opened my eyes again only so I could see a woman in her forties and a little kid who seemed to be around the age of six with dark raven hair and blue eyes approach my door. The boy was jumping up and down around his mother, who had a hard time making him act appropriately. He seemed enthusiastic about something and he let go of her hand only so he could ran before her with his little school bag jumping up and down on his shoulders. There was a big smile on his face and he honestly appeared to be the only happy person I've seen in the last hour or so. I wondered what a mother could be doing here, but shrugged my shoulders and got back to staring at the half-opened door before me.
"Excuse me is doctor Fell still inside?" the woman's voice surprised me and I almost jumped a little as I didn't expect anyone to talk to me. The boy looked up at me and smiled for some unknown reason and I tried to return with the same.
"Uhm, yeah she's in there." I confirmed just as the boy decided to turn to his mother, who was with the most exhausted expression on her face. There was something familiar in her eyes, though, something which reminded me of another person, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It appeared that she was in a hurry and that maybe she didn't plan to come here right now at all, but in the last minute she changed her mind and took a fast trip up those stairs to the third floor where our room was. I was already laughing at the thought that I was calling this place our room as if I was part of this group for a long time when in reality it was the first time I was here. I honestly was sure that I would feel extremely disappointed by the end of this meeting, but it turned out that I only felt bored and wondered how much time I would need to pretend in front of Jenna and convince her that this is the best idea she has come up with in a very long time.
"Momma, where's Stefan?" the kid asked as he decided to drop his bag on the floor, obviously because it was too heavy for him now and she scolded him to stop making so much noise as his childish voice echoed through the hallway. When I heard his name, I figured it out-those two must be his family. The woman was just about to knock on the door when Stefan himself got out and furrowed his eyebrows as soon as he saw his mother.
"What are you doing here?" he asked sternly while his mom's face became a bit angry. He didn't have the opportunity to continue with his questions, however, no matter how wanted to do so. It seemed as if he didn't expect to see his family here at all.
"Ah, Mrs. Salvatore, so nice to see you" Fell came behind Stefan's back and greeted the woman politely. Stefan's mom smiled as well while her older son let an annoying sigh out.
"Stefan, watch your brother while me and the doctor talk some here." she ordered and gently pushed the little kid towards Stefan, who was still seriously disturbed by the fact that his mom would speak to Fell. In the meantime, I kept wondering why Jenna is still inside, but didn't ask as Meredith seemed too busy to pay any attention to me. They closed the door behind them and as soon as they did the little kid stretched his hands towards Stefan and started blabbing too much.
"Stefan!" he yelled and started tugging his jeans. "Pick me up, pick me up!"
"You're six- years- old, Damon, do you really need someone to carry you?" Stefan responded while furrowing his eyebrows a bit, playing angry, though I could see a smile on his face. The kid climbed up and hugged him tight "Okay, that's enough now." he said in the same grumpy manner, but the kid didn't seem to bother at all, I guess he was used to his brother being like this. I chuckled as I watched Stefan pretend that he's suffocating just for the child's entertainment and he threw me a helpless glance. "You fucked up like me here?" he asked and I nodded, suddenly finding it hard to choose the right words and comprehend a decent answer.
"Who's this girl?" the boy turned towards me with a curious look as he let go of his brother. He looked at me from top to bottom and then leaned on his brother's chest, as if he suddenly became a bit ashamed that he has asked.
"This is a new member of our group, Damon." Stefan added with a serious tone, but explaining slowly, picking up the right words. I'm guessing he felt a bit confused when it came to introducing me. He gave me an apologetic look, trying to excuse his brother's behavior and with a smile, I nodded understandingly, trying to show him that it was all fine. I was still amused by the fact that I lacked words in this situation.
"Are you sick like Stefan?" the boy asked again and both me and Stefan looked away uncomfortably, trying to figure what to say next. Luckily Stefan was good at finding a way out of the awkward situation
"Okay, now Damon, what have I told you when it comes to asking girls things?" he said seriously, and his little brother looked back and forth between us, then down at the floor, feeling ashamed. Then he stretched his palm and caught his thumb with his other hand.
"First, to never ask them about their age" he said and Stefan confirmed his answer with a nod, which obviously made Damon happy and he continued eagerly "Second-to always compliment them about their clothes like" the kid furrowed his eyebrows, but figured out and example pretty soon "No, honey, those jeans are not too tight, they make you look as if you're back in high school" at this point I was already finding it hard to prevent myself from laughing out loud "Or like "This dress really matches your eyes." Stefan nodded again, obviously feeling proud of his brother's responses "And third" Damon covered another finger "To never ask them questions, which will make them feel uncomfortable."
"Great!" Stefan let out happily and looked at me with a ridiculous expression on his face, which made him appear like a child himself
"I'm guessing I did the third one?" he turned towards his brother and Stefan confirmed with a pretend serious look and shook his head a little towards me, trying to show Damon that he should apologize "I'm sorry, pretty girl." he said sadly, guilt obvious in his voice
"It's okay." I nodded and gave him a smile, which however made the kid a bit more uncomfortable and he turned towards his brother again.
"Stefan, can we play tonight?" the kid ignored me and turned his attention back to Stefan, who couldn't catch his breath
"No." Stefan responded with the same grumpy face he had back in the room, during the session.
"Can you buy me some candies?" he asked again with the typical for the children enthusiastic light in his eyes.
"Definitely no." the kid was relentless, though and he obviously didn't care that his brother is denying everything he asked for, he just kept on going.
"Can we watch sports?"
"Absolutely impossible, Damon."
"Will you read me before bed?" he asked one last time, obviously on the verge of giving up already with a sad expression on his face which softened Stefan.
"Maybe." he responded with uncertainty and the kid jumped back on his neck.
"I love you, Stefaaaaan!" he yelled while his big brother made another fed up face and I chuckled yet again. This boy seemed so different from anyone else I've seen that I was hard for me to form an opinion about him in my head. One time he seemed cocky, the other-he was hugging with a kid outside this goddamn room full of desperation and the third he was carelessly observing everything around him like he doesn't give a damn.
"Easy there now." Stefan said once again while the kid was trying to find a way to poke him in the ribs and wanted to do anything that would provoke reaction in his brother.
"You might reconsider the candy situation" Damon spoke up again with a voice that showed that he knows something "Knowing how I might tell mom that you skipped school the other day." Stefan sighed, again trying to play annoyed and rolled his eyes, but it was clear that he only did that so the kid could think he's owning the situation. It was sweet how he appeared to be tough and unbreakable and yet a few minutes with his brother clearly showed me that he's nothing like that and that my whole first impression is completely wrong.
Unfortunately, I couldn't keep observing them, because in a minute Jenna went out the door with a confused expression on her face. She smiled at me and urged me to keep going. As I was passing by Stefan, who has just agreed to buy candies, he diverted his look and for a moment we exchanged yet another tired glance. Judging by the fast pace my aunt had, he concluded that I was going to have a hard ride back home so he moved his lips and very silently whispered "Good luck", while his brother was still hugging him and playing with the collar of his shirt. I smiled and nodded thankfully as I found myself turning around a few times while walking down the hallway.
A/N: Hey, guys! This is a story I came up with recently and I thought I should try and post it. I know it seems a bit dark and that for now things are a somehow unclear, but as chapters go on, you'll get to know more about both Stefan and Elena. I know that Damon being the younger brother is a bit unlikely and strange, but I hope you still do enjoy it. For those of you who were so disappointed in me about The Greatest thing, I am sorry once again and I hope you do like this one. I would very much appreciate your reviews and opinions on this so that I could figure if I should continue with it or not. Hope you like it.