Dusk
By Norsehound
Disclaimer: What I would do to not only own these characters, but to meet them. If I could see them in real life, shake their hands, take them to my home, share some laughs, talk...and be friends...but alas like so much I write about it doesn't exist.
Evangelion is not mine.
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A long time ago I wrote this fiction. At the time, it seemed like one more thing to do before I left. I was getting flame after flame when I was writing my fictions...I didn't have much talent back then.
To date, this is my best work. I like this work better than even the ones I have done in Vandread. For the longest time this has been my shining achievement...this Dusk.
I once said I would make a series after this- and twice it failed. I don't know if I will turn this into something bigger...as apparently as time goes on the quality decreases. For now, and possibly ever this fiction stands alone. I may make a story before, and then again go back and carry on in a world without Evas, a world without any remnants of NERV.
This is the end of Evangelion. The end of Nerv. The end of the life Shinji has come to hate, and the end of the loneliness Misato has to suffer.
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DUSK
Evening.
The sky was orange now, the blue hues transforming into the golden light.
It was over.
The impact had yet to hit Shinji somehow, but in some way it was starting to sink in.
This....all this...was over.
He bowed his head in remembrance of what happened.
"It's all over. Nerv...is finished."
"There is no need of us anymore."
"What will happen...to the Evas once we are gone?"
Ikari Shinji sat on the porch at the tiny apartment Misato had purchased the years back.
It was still occupied. Shinji's stuff was still there- now packed away in cardboard boxes. They had started almost the hour that they heard it was over.
The JDSF, Japanese Defense Special Forces, has declared Project E terminated.
It meant an end.
A great part of his life had been spent here. When he arrived, he didn't know what kind of a world his father had made that he was going to enter. And now, the result was to be abandoned.
All around for the past week there had been celebrations and there had been construction work. In the aftermath of NERV, all NERV facilities would be decommissioned, destroyed, or locked away perhaps never again to see the light of day.
Or the dusk of a fading morning.
So now, he was alone again. It meant that he would have to leave...go back to his old teacher in Okayama. Go somewhere at least, maybe to his aunt and uncle...who he had no direct relation too.
A memory of his mother came to his mind as the sun began to enter the phase of gold. On many occasions when he sat inside that beast- a calm had fallen over him. And when he was taken in- drawn into the flow of the mind to that Eva...he had been touched. A warm feeling of being cradled by caring arms...and caring skin. His mother was somewhere still trapped inside that monster.
His innards yanked up as he sucked in a breath. She would be gone. The Evas, so he had heard, had classified ends. He may never again see his mother...or feel her in the way that he could have.
Shinji couldn't cry. Every emotion screamed to him that he should. His God-given right at that moment was to break into tears and cry. He would cry like an animal if necessary- for it was over.
He would again retreat into the darkness he knew before he came here.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Asked a voice accompanied by the tapping of sandals.
Shinji turned his head to look at Misato. She had stripped away her jacket- and it was probably the first time he saw her in long jeans and a tank top.
"M-Misato san..."
"Funny," Misato smirked, "I wore this...these same pants the day I met Kaji...."
She wanted to say more but didn't....instead her lips closed and her teeth showed to the light.
Shinji blinked and then looked at the sunset.
The breeze kicked up, lifting Misato's hair and ruffling Shinji's.
A screech sounded in the caverns of Tokyo-3 as a flock of the attack helicopters roared by- in diamond formation.
"Misato san...." Shinji asked, "What's going to happen to us? What about Rei...and Asuka..."
Misato didn't have an immediate answer, but spoke, "I don't know Shinji....I honestly don't know...."
Shinji let in a breath and then ended it in a sigh.
Misato's lips parted as she spoke, "Rei...will probably be going with your father someplace. Asuka has been promised to be given the best medical care anyplace can offer...I think she's being sent to the United States for treatment...in Ohio."
Shinji didn't move at this, only blinked as the location burned itself into his mind- along with the sunset.
It was likely to last for an hour or so...from what he was told, the reaction to the last death of the last angel had kicked off a weather change...and the same with the rotational change. This was to be the longest Dusk experienced in Tokyo for the past two millennia.
Misato turned around with a lowered head and walked back into the apartment.
Shinji stayed in his seat for a moment, before he too left the celebrations and cheering and walked inside.
"I guess we'll have to do some more job searching now..." Misato said with the refrigerator open, "The final paycheck from NERV can't hold us out forever."
"Yeah..." Shinji answered from his stand beside the window.
A beer landed on the table, followed by Misato's other arm, and then three of her tears.
Placed on the table was one of the only remaining photographs of Misato and Kaji together. A clear seam was down the middle- jagged and destructive. But the healing was underway....
"Misato-San..." Shinji asked again and then looked up, "What's going to happen to me?"
"Your father didn't say..." Misato replied and half-turned her head to look at him, "I guess....you're free now...or...if you want I could take you in...."
There had been words before that rang in Shinji's head, I don't live the way you do...
A thought came to Shinji's mind...she needed him. As a person, Misato needed another person. The vacuum Kaji left was too big of a gaping hole.
And then there was the last memory...when Shinji had come back Misato was there to greet him. She had held him like a mother would her child...as Shinji remained frozen in the cockpit she had thrown herself to him and grasped him in what could only be told as a mother to her son.
"...I want to go with you." Shinji said and looked away, "If my father won't take me back...."
Misato was staring at the picture again, "Good....good...." She drained off.
Shinji was staring at her as her raised head looked at the photograph- like Misato was examining every detail on Kaji's face...the expression at that moment...where his hands were placed...
"I miss Pen-Pen..." Misato murmured.
"It has been quiet ever since Asuka was gone..." Shinji added and looked at the empty doorframe. A box was left of her possessions- the ones not taken by the agency when they arrived to take her stuff.
Shinji declined to open it again- after packing it himself. There were things and items in there most precious to Asuka that he would give to her personally if she ever woke up again...
"Misato San...what are we going to do?" Shinji repeated.
There was a quiet from the two of them.
"....I don't know...."
Shinji let out a sigh and looked at the ground.
Then in almost a flash, Misato called, "Oh....I forgot- we need some more groceries....er..."
She had stood and grabbed her purse, but something compelled her to let it down. It weighed heavy in her hands...like much of her body did...
Shinji saw this, and felt part of it himself.
"I'll go." He said and walked forward.
"Thank you Shinji..." Misato replied and handed her a wad of Yen, "This is all I have left..."
"I'll keep that in mind." Shinji replied as he left the apartment.
Misato looked at the closed door for a minute or so, then turned back to the table and dropped herself down in the seat.
With a heavy heart and collapsing expression, her face landed on the table and her arms came around her head. Tears welled up in her face, and her agape mouth rasped to get the air in. Stuttering breath escaped her, as tears flowed like water from her eyes.
Kaji, and a younger Misato, could only smile back.
Shinji's walk took him to a nearby grocery store. It was not the usual one that he went too, but it was big, and many people went here.
As he stood in line a curious glance turned and saw Hikari, laughing to a friend as she stood in line.
The class rep. He didn't know if she would stay or go...much like the rest of the place it had bad memories for many of them. As he stood there, Shinji believed not many of the people he knew would stay here in this forsaken place.
He then spotted Touji and Kensuke. Touji's head looked up in his direction with a smile and Shinji smiled back as he saw one of his remaining friends...an anchor to his life...
But Touji didn't notice him and looked back at Kensuke. The two laughed at a shared joke as they walked through the sliding doors.
To Shinji this was another indication of his collapsing life. If the monsters that hounded this place didn't do it- it was the impending doom of all things eroding that did.
With some reluctance and heaviness to his soul, he approached the counter and sat through the beeping.
The walk home was till bathed in Dusk. It seemed that time had frozen in the sky- with the light shining over him as he approached the end.
To Shinji it was most appropriate. Next to the fall of the cherry blossoms, it was the end. Dusk was the end to a life...and in a sense it was the end of this phase of his life. Ahead of him would be the darkness of unknown times...who knew what lie ahead for him and Misato...assuming his father didn't take him.
The door to the apartment opened and closed seemingly soundless, as Shinji walked in with the bag, "I'm home."
Misato didn't hear him- dried tears and saddened eyes stared only at the picture. The beer was still there, open but not drained as usual with Misato's habits.
He set the groceries down and they landed in the stiff air with a sound that could crack wood. He turned to her, but she wasn't there. Her body was, but her spirit remained in the past...to a time when things could have been fixed.
"...Misato-san?"
Shinji's voice was the key to unlocking Misato and she turned, coming out of her daze, "Oh...Shinji I didn't notice...when did you come back?"
"I just came home."
"O-Oh...." Misato answered and stood up, "Well...I guess I have to unload all this then...."
Shinji started to object but then held his tongue. She needed the work...perhaps to keep her alive.
As she unpacked the bag a sob escaped her, and her eyes winced.
She dropped a beer and the can rattled on the ground before she picked it up and slammed it back into the refrigerator. She sunk to the ground as the door closed.
"I think you should sit down..." Shinji said and moved a chair.
Misato elevated herself back on to the seat and had her arms in her lap as she leaned over them. Shinji grabbed his own seat, moved around and put it down in front of her. Shinji wasn't a great listener, and couldn't say much to help her...but perhaps as a human being he felt he should be there for her.
"It...It's just I never missed him before...." She said with eyes wincing again, "He was always there...somewhere. I could feel it in the back of my mind that...that he would always be there for me in case anything happened. I wish...I wish he was here...I wish I could have said goodbye to him..."
Shinji's hand came out and grasped hers, holding it as she started to break down again.
"I miss him so much! I...If anything I just wanted to say goodbye. Just to tell him how much he...he did for me. Oh God, I hated him! I hated him so much but...but It hurtssss so much when I couldn't say goodbye...and that I couldn't have beennn tht-there to say it.... We could have...have done so much after this was all over and...and...."
Shinji closed his eyes and squeezed harder.
"When I didn't have anybody in the world left he...he was an anchor in my life....Oh GOD!"
She cried again, and this time Shinji came off his chair and closed to her. His other arm came on her back as she grasped his hand tighter and he seated himself on the table.
"It hurts..." She mouthed in a whisper and then louder in pain, "It hurts Sooo MUCH!!!"
Another series of sobs escaped her. The boy, Ikari Shinji, could only do what his mind told him to- hold her harder.
The feeling of human touch reached Misato and she started to calm down. Another spring of pain lapsed in her mind and she cried again.
"I wanted to say goodbye...I so much wanted to say goodbye....If only...If only I could...have said...goodbye...."
"Shh...." Shinji said- memories of his mother coming back to him whenever he was sad or lonely, "Shh....."
Her crying slowed some, and Shinji looked at the bed.
"Here..." He said and helped her up, "I think you should get to bed."
"How can you be so cold?" Misato rasped.
Shinji's hand turned down the picture and he went on, "I guess....I guess because I have to have been through so many disappointments before in my life. I guess....I guess I'm doing what I wanted to have....I wanted somebody to hold me and tuck me into bed with a promise that tomorrow would be better."
They came into Misato's darkened room. The light was off, and Shinji helped her down into her cot on the floor. He reached into his pocket and took out the Tape player, examined the tape, and offered it to her, "Here. This will help you sleep."
"God bless you Shinji...." Misato murmured as she wrapped herself up in her blanket, plugged in and turned the tape player on. Soft sounds of Elipsis.one played in her ears, the calm and soothing sounds Shinji had been listening to all morning since the news...
he walked back into the kitchen and looked outside.
Dusk was falling. Pink clouds bordered a dimming orange sky. Below them, lights had clicked on and were illuminating the streets.
In his pocket was the ID card.
He grasped it now, and made a decision.
He wouldn't go without saying goodbye...
Shinji glanced back at the door where Misato was sleeping soundly.
He walked to the kitchen and pulled out the drawers.
After making sure the knives were put away to prevent Misato from doing anything foolish, Shinji left to say goodbye.
The hum of the lights and the pair of soft breathing was all that was heard in the room.
Not even the monitors were turned on, as if nobody cared anymore if she was alive...or dead.
To Shinji she was only not dead. She was still breathing, her body still in existence, but she was just not dead.
It was like the same time he had come back here. She was still asleep, her positioned changed some as the orderlies came to force-feed her. Some were beginning to believe it was a lost cause.
To Shinji, she was one of the anchors in his life that was indispensable.
Time after time she insulted him. She hated him because of who he was- the great third child. But she didn't know everything. She didn't know how he had almost declared not coming back- and how he was so afraid when he was first inside an Eva.
Now she would never know.
Perhaps never again would she open her eyes and say anything. She hated him. She hated him, She hated Rei, She hated Eva, She hated everything.
It wasn't always this way.
People came into her lives- came and gone that meant so much to her. But each time they were taken away- or shoved themselves away and out of her reach.
Shinji wished he could have done something. The powerless of not helping another human being started to impact him. Compassion ran through his blood in a time when he realized that all this- this fragile existence, was almost at an end.
He would leave, as she would, and they would probably never see one another again. After this, it was all gone.
If time was tangible he would grab it and keep it with him. As he sat beside her, he wanted to hold on to this moment. Even if she didn't know he was here, just being beside her was enough to make him feel like he was doing something.
"A-Asuka?"
No response. Her face was still closed, her eyes still shut and her body unmoving.
"...Asuka, I came to say goodbye..."
Still no response from her, the pretty thing, the lovely girl, the monster child...
"I...Listen, they're going to take care of you. They're going to take you to a better place Asuka, where you can get better and you can walk again. They're going to take care of you....you'll be okay..."
Nothing.
He started to wince, his mouth moving up as his jaw shuddered. Even if she could only wake up and start insulting him again- showing that she was still alive he would be glad!
"Asuka please wake up!"
Nothing.
"I...I...."
Nothing.
His hand reached out to her, clasping her hand in a tight squeeze. He didn't care. He didn't care if she woke up and ripped his neck out. He wanted her here. He wanted her alive. She was another part of him that he couldn't let go of.
He wanted now to close the distance with her, as if physical touch could break her out of her spell and awaken her as it had done to heal Misato. But there was no cure for what she had, nothing to wake her up from this imprisonment behind herself.
If only....
If only his caring was enough to bring her back. If only his words alone could conjure her back...
A tear ran down his cheek as the passing thought of this being the last time whispered in his mind.
Now more than ever he wanted her close. The part of him that wasn't....
Kaworu said once that AT fields block people from each other- and that each person had one. It was the soul, he had said, and that the soul was there to keep people separate...and to keep people company.
Shinji didn't care anymore. He didn't care about AT fields, he didn't care about angels, he didn't want to know anything other than the people who were still a part of him. He just wanted to make them happy.
His grasp on Asuka's hand was stronger now, their sweats mingling as his caring was expressed.
But if anything he had to say goodbye.
He knew it. He had to say goodbye.
He didn't want to say goodbye.
But this had to be goodbye.
Shinji moved then, closer to her and off the seat. Either by blind to himself and all reason- or being driven by a lighter side of him that never saw the light of day, he reached across the bed and touched her lips with his own.
It was nothing. Just a light kiss- pressure to her lips.
And then it was done.
He backed, easing up away from Asuka's body.
Their hands were the last touching, and when it came to that he ran his fingers along hers- like the connection couldn't be broken.
But it was severed, and he backed away from the bed. His hand was still outstretched for a moment, waiting for Asuka's response.
But none came as she lie there on the bed.
At the door he stared at her, fighting with himself to go back to her and stay. He wanted to. So damn much.
But he had to go. Misato was waiting for him back at home...and he couldn't abandon her or anyone he still had to see.
Perhaps he would come back before they took her away- if anything to see her again and remind himself of her look in his memory.
He couldn't even summon the courage to say goodbye, much less open the door and leave.
But he did.
He walked for many feet. He made it into the elevator still standing and rode it up some distance.
He left the elevator, made a left and walked some before he collapsed and leaned against a wall.
He was crying. It was a break from his fasting as he started to break into tears and weep. The abandoned corridor was witness to his breaking, and stood only in silence as aid.
"Shinji-kun, are you lost?"
Shinji turned, his head whipping around.
Plainly dressed in a school uniform, red eyes and blue hair, looking like Yui Ikari, was Rei.
"Ayanami....Rei..." Shinji said in almost a whimper.
"Are you okay Ikari-Kun?" she asked as she stood.
He looked down at the floor and didn't reply- just looked downward and collected himself to ask, "Are you leaving?"
There was a moment of quiet, until she said, "Where commander Ikari goes, I must go with him."
"Will I ever see you again?"
Rei, looking down at the boy, moved her mouth, "Uncertain.....probably not."
Shinji squeezed his eyes closed and hugged his knees harder. Between grit teeth he answered, "I thought so."
"Ikari-Kun..." She said and came down with her knees bent towards him, "Do you need some comfort?"
"Y-Yes..." He said as he broke out into more tears.
A lily white hand reached forward and wiped a tear from his cheek. The other came forward and rested on his shoulder.
Human touch...one healing way...
Shinji moved and held her around her wrist. Her hand came back and clasped the holding hand while the other left his shoulder and came up to his eyes.
A moment of tenderness hung between them, as Rei did what she could to keep him company...and alive.
Shinji was trying to recompose himself. There were so many more people to say goodbye too-
"Rei." Said a deep voice.
"Please let me go." Rei spoke.
Shinji relaxed his grip, and she pulled away. Like with Asuka, the fingers on the two of them were last to touch before Shinji willed himself to stand.
Down the hallway, dressed in black with his red sunglasses and unshaven face, Gendo Ikari remained an imposing pillar in the hall. Rei came to his side, then turned around to face Shinji.
Broken and almost staggering, Shinji Ikari stood up in the middle of the hallway and looked back on the man who was his father...who had been his father...and would never again call him son.
"Father," He said and remained hanging broken in the hall, "What's going to happen?"
Ikari's voice spoke, "I am leaving you in the care of Katsuragi. You may do as you wish from beyond that point. I have no further need of you."
"...But...will I ever see you again?" Asked Shinji.
Gendo was at first a little taken back at this. Only months ago Shinji had called him a monster, and wished that he had never existed. Now, he was standing here a broken child...
"No."
Gendo turned away, as did Ayanami.
"Wait!" Called Shinji with a raised hand.
Gendo stopped in the hallway, and Rei stopped and half-turned.
"Goodbye....Father....Goodbye Ayanami....Rei...."
"...Goodbye....son." Gendo said, a little softer at the end and he started walking again.
Rei looked at Shinji for a hesitant moment, then turned and followed Gendo.
Shinji remained standing in the hallway for a moment, before the shapes of his father and Rei disappeared into an elevator.
Shinji drooped, but turned around and started to walk.
He had still people to say goodbye to...
Before Shinji Ikari was the most massive head of all the animals on the planet.
The Skullcap of Eva one stared back at him- the jaw slightly agape. Below him, a red core shone.
Somewhere inside this thing, was the last essence of his mother. Her soul was trapped someplace in there...and could never again be recovered.
He reached out and touched the closest metal. The armor turned warm under his touch and he started to cry.
"M-Mother....Mother!!!"
Being the bench so close, it allowed him to sit down at the front of the armor and start to cry again, the hand plastered to the Eva's jaw as he cried.
"Mother...Mother...." Sobs escaped him.
He wanted to feel her again. He wanted to have a grasping embrace again. He missed her, he missed the possibility of seeing her again. It dove into his heart like a dagger, the fact that never again would he have an opportunity to touch her.
"I...I have to...to go...Mother...."
He stood again, almost hearing the voice of Yui Ikari telling him to be strong.
He ended as he started, facing the Eva.
"...Goodbye...." A tear ran down his cheek, "Mom....y...."
And his hand left.
He started to walk- his stride staggering as he headed for the door. He couldn't look back...he shouldn't look back...
Behind him, the Ghost of Yui Ikari watched her son go.
The locker room of the preparation chamber was empty.
There were eight lockers in the NERV HQ. The first three were always filled, the next, rack04, was filled once by a prospect of a pilot who came and went with impact on their lives. Rack05 had held Touji's equipment, and with plugsuit remaining...rack06 with Kaworu's gear.
The black and dark blue Eva suit remained in the locker, worn only once by Kaworu, the last angel.
Somehow, despite all the tears, not a final thing could be said to let it settle that Kaworu was gone. To Shinji, he was a good friend.
But he was gone. Died to let humanity...and him live on.
But perhaps there was some way out that Kaworu had given to humanity- some greater gift that had to show itself...
With the white and blue plugsuit remaining in the locker- all other possessions were taken with him.
He was the last of the children in this room. It would probably be that way for the rest of this building's existence...
A pause...an emptiness, was in Shinji's mind as he paused at the doorway with the lights off. Like many other things of his life rapidly leaving- this one he didn't want to have go away.
But he had to.
He had to leave.
He left the doorway and reminded himself to put one foot in front of the other.
*beep**beep*
The door slid open with a whoosh of air and a sense of finality.
Shinji Ikari walked a step forward, in between the doorway.
Before him; exile. Night had fallen, and it was the representative of a bleak, unknown existence that spanned before him.
Behind him; the life, pains, and joys he had come to know in the past year as an Eva pilot...and as a human being.
HE couldn't do it.
He couldn't walk forward.
He wanted to stay here in the past, where everything was so familiar to him. He knew everybody's names, he knew everybody's moods, he knew what made them happy and sad. And when the fear and the threat was all over, it had seemed that happiness together was guaranteed.
But it all fell apart to destroy the darker plans of SEELE. The human instrumentality project was destroyed. Killed by the Russians who came and exposed the evils of the Evangelion Project.
It was unavoidable, and if Shinji wanted to live his life whole this was the way it had to be.
He took a breath- one final breath on this side of life behind the doorway.
He raised one sneaker, and planted it on the other side.
Then, he closed his eyes and moved his other foot.
It stood beside the other one.
The sound of the closing door put into Shinji's mind the image that he was being crushed. Threads connecting him to all that was inside there were being strained and cut- imaginary cords to all that was familiar and all that was known- were destroyed.
He stood in the cold air of the outside, a new world awaiting him.
Shinji Ikari, the man who had been called children, stepped forward into the unknown.
The door opened and closed in the apartments.
He walked forward into the room, and saw Misato standing in the kitchen.
"M-Misato san...."
She turned around and gave a limp smile, "Hi Shinji."
Shinji walked forward and set the limp spare plugsuit on the table.
Misato opened up the refrigerator, "I hope you don't mind some Ice Cream Shinji...I...I was saving it for a special occasion and well...I guess this was special enough...."
She placed a bowl of ice cream on the table. Shinji looked at it, trying to find some symbolism in it. Seeing none, he sat down and decided to enjoy this treat.
Misato finished dishing herself out some and replaced the ice cream as Shinji tasted it. The cold sting of the vanilla ice ran down his mouth, and the sweet sensation of chocolate calmed his senses.
"So," She asked, "You cleared everything out then?"
"...Yeah..."
"See anyone you know?"
"....Asuka, I went to say goodbye...."
"Oh."
A silence fell over the two of them, but then Misato perked up, "Anyone else?"
"...Ayanami and....and Father...."
"...What did he have to say?"
"He said...He said that I could do anything I wanted now...I'm in your care. I guess....I guessed he disowned me." Shinji looked down into his ice cream as it started to melt.
"Well, that's the way he is..." Misato responded and slipped a spoonful of Ice cream into her mouth.
Shinji wasn't so fast as she was, picking up the spoon and trying to remember how to eat with it...
Then they jumped in the silence as the telephone rang.
Misato gave a light laugh and said, "I'll get it."
Shinji had a hand on his heart. Things like that in times like this weren't so great for his health.
As he relaxed and let Misato take it he started to wonder as he picked up another spoonful. He was with Misato now, as she was his adoptive mother if things worked out right. They would most likely leave Tokyo-3 and go somewhere else...maybe out of Japan altogether if the world wasn't still flooded-
"Oh my god..."
Shinji's spoon dropped from his mouth and clattered on the floor.
He looked up at Misato, who was staring wide-eyed at Shinji.
"Are you serious...right...right I'll tell him..." She said and hung up.
"What happened?" asked Shinji as he started to come to a stand.
"...Shinji, your father is dead."
"What!?" He asked, staggering backwards, "How?! When?"
"Heart attack..." Misato said and started to droop as she looked at Shinji, "He died five minutes ago in the NERV hospital...."
A silence fell in the room.
Misato went on, "They want you to go back down to the hospital...they said...they said he wanted you to have some things at his deathbed...." She looked at him and he stared into space with a saddened but shocked expression. Then she asked, "Do you need to be driven?"
"No...NO I think I'll walk..." Shinji replied and started for the door, grabbing a jacket as he reached the closer.
"Shinji...if you need somebody to talk to..."
"Thank you Misato...." Shinji answered and looked at her.
Eyes locked in that small moment, and Misato realized he had to go do what any son would do for his father when he passed on...
"...Good luck."
The door closed.
Shinji Ran.
He ran as fast as his body could possibly carry him.
Everyone had gone inside to party indoors or party someplace safe- giving Shinji ample room to dash like a madman.
His lungs burned like fire, eyes widened in determination.
He ignored everything, except the direction, as he ran for the doorway. Familiar sights, familiar sounds, the familiar faces of Touji and Kensuke flew by him like the wing.
He raced through the night and under the lamps to hear his father's last words.
The panting, tired, and almost ruined Shinji Ikari raced down the hallway, racing past the LANGLY door with a flinch.
Nurses saw him, recognized him and directed him to the door.
The door burst open and Shinji, panting and breathing, looked at the scene.
It was done. All that could be done to save Gendo Ikari had been done.
Rei was standing there and looked up at him beside the bed. A look of concern and...grief? Was on her face.
"Are you Shinji Ikari?" Asked the remaining doctor.
"...Ye-Yes..." Said Shinji.
"Good....I guess I'll leave you alone then...." Said the Doctor.
Before he left Shinji asked, "Wait!"
The doctor stopped and Shinji asked, "Did you do everything? Did he die with...much pain....?"
The doctor replied, "We did everything we could Shinji. Up until a minute ago this place was filled with doctors...we did everything son but...he died with much pain...I'm sorry."
The door closed.
Shinji Ikari was left alone, with Rei and the passed on Gendo as company.
He soundlessly approached the beside, standing beside Rei as he looked at his father.
"What did he say?" asked Shinji after a minute.
"...He wanted you here..." Rei said and looked down, "He wanted you here for his final words...he wouldn't say them until you came...."
Shinji's own grief came as Rei spoke, "But you never came...."
Shinji looked at his father, and then reached out and rested his hand beside his father's.
"I wasn't told...." Shinji said and shook his head, lowered and turned away, "I just got the news ten minutes ago....I just got home to Misato's...."
Rei looked at the dead man and lowered her eyelids and her face, "He was so....saddened that you weren't here. He held out as long as he could so that you could get here...he was so...wanting for you to be here to say something...."
Shinji started to break again, tears forming in his eyes and lip quivering.
"He said," Rei started, "Five minutes ago that...I should go with you...his only son. I...I am going with you and Misato...as his final order..."
Shinji's eyes fell on his father's face, and Misato's words in black and white echoed in his ears, 'Oh God, I hated him! I hated him so much but...but It hurtssss so much when I couldn't say goodbye...and that I couldn't have beennn tht-there to say it.... We could have...have done so much after this was all over and...and...'
"I...I hope..." Shinji started, then fell back into silence before he continued, "I hope he's glad that I came. I don't know if he was happy with me...when he was alive...and I wasn't happy with him but- but I guess he didn't want me there because his job was so important...."
Rei turned her head to look at the saddened son to the passed father, "I...I hated him....I hated him because of what he did. He threw me away and forgot about me for five years...FIVE YEARS damnit! And...And he was so cold my mother died and he...he threw me away.....I guess I should still hate him but...but what if it was different and what if we were a normal family and...and we could have done so much together. But...he was so involved in his work...it didn't happened. I...I can only be sad for what could have been....
"Now any hope of healing is gone." Rasped Shinji with tears, "And there's nothing I could have done. Nothing I could have said to him...as a dad."
Shinji started to sob again, and Rei stood there and looked at Gendo. Then she spoke up, "There is me."
Shinji, tear ridden looked at her as she went on, "I was closer to your father than you could have known. Sometimes, I wonder if he treated me like a daughter. He still knew about you Shinji...and he cared about you. Often I would notice how he concerned himself about your safety...knowing that you had some strength in you to keep on going and to see it through. I guess....I guess he didn't want you to know for some reason. Maybe he wanted to tell that to you at the end..."
Shinji turned away and looked at the face of his father. The glasses were removed, and the eyes closed as if he was asleep.
"I guess we'll never know." Shinji said and looked down, "Never know..."
Silence fell in the small room, and Shinji remembered something.
He pulled it out of his pocket- the one thing that Misato gave him before his last mission 'for luck.'
A small cross. It was nearly identical to the one Misato usually had on...and Misato wanted him to have one in case he didn't come back or was taken by that monster again...
He rested the crucifix cross on the chest of the black suit. After pulling away his hand he whispered a prayer a friend had taught him once, when everything was dark.
"...and deliver us from evil....amen..." Finished Shinji and he opened his eyes to look at his father.
Rei was quiet for a moment, then said in a low, almost crying whimper, "Ikari-Kun...take me home...."
Shinji looked at his father for a moment longer, another void in his life.
But there was Rei. The small girl that almost never left his father's sight. She was here...to stay with him again. And this time, he wouldn't let her go.
"Yes...." He said as he took her hand, "Let's go home."
He started for the door and opened it to allow Rei to exit. He took another glance at Gendo Ikari....the man who had ruined his life...and the father that could have been.
A sob escaped him and he lowered his head before walking out the door and closing it.
The door to Asuka's room was open.
"Wait," Shinji said and went inside to see the nurses and doctors pulling Asuka up.
"Wait," Called Shinji.
The doctors turned.
"Who are you?" Demanded one.
"It's the third child!" Said a doctor then, "What do you want son?"
"Erm....got a sheet of paper and a pen?"
"Here." Said a nearby nurse and she handed him a pen and paper. Shinji went to a wall and wrote a small letter, and then finished it with some numbers. He folded it, considered, then re-folded it again into a small crane and reached into his pocket to withdraw a small item.
"Is she going to be okay?" Asked Shinji.
"Can't tell." Said the doctor as she was finished being put on the stretcher, "She's going to Cleveland Ohio...she'll get the best treatment there."
"Well...if she does wake up can you give her these?" Asked Shinji and presented another cross and the paper crane.
The doctor took these, examined them, and nodded, "Will do son."
Then Asuka left the room, wheeled away as Rei and Shinji stood down the corridor.
Shinji looked at the sleeping sound face of Asuka Langly, now at rest instead of in agony as she breathed.
"The pilot of unit two..." Rei said in recognition.
Shinji wanted to remark, but he felt any word about Asuka would collapse him again.
Rei helped him walk out of the complex, as his mind wandered back to the moment they had alone in that room.
The door to the apartment Misato owned opened, and then closed again.
Misato turned from standing beside the window, "Shinji....Rei?" She asked as she identified the girl, "What are you doing here?"
"Commander Ikari's last orders." Rei replied and closed her eyes, "It was his last request that I go with Shinji-Kun."
Misato looked at Shinji, who replied, "That's what she says....Misato, please can't she stay?"
"I don't see any reason why not." Misato answered and she moved to the refrigerator.
Shinji looked down at the ground as Rei walked to help Misato, "I wish....I wish Asuka was with us...then it would be like old times..."
"Hey," Misato said, "We still got tomorrow Shinji! Okay you two, it's early bedtime tonight. After all, tomorrow's a big day!"
Shinji looked up at Misato's enthusiasm, "What?"
Misato clapped her hands together, "We're going to be moving away. Isn't that great?"
"Misato-San...what about?" Asked Shinji.
Misato's face turned neutral, "Shinji...I have to let him go. I have to move on. If I dwell on it....then there isn't much left of me is there....."
Shinji could only blink in response and then Misato brightened again, "Okay, so one snack and then it's off to bed! Rei, you'll be in Asuka's room and I'll get you a bed."
"I will sleep with Shinji-Kun."
Misato paused, but then waved a hand, "As long as you two don't do anything crazy that's okay with me."
"Where are we going?" Asked Shinji.
Misato smiled, "The U.S.A! Isn't it cool?"
"Ohio?" Asked Shinji as he perked up.
"Well....I was thinking about the west coast," Misato said, "There's some nice real-estate in California or so I hear...especially after the sea levels are starting to drop again."
"What?" Shinji asked, even more amazed.
Misato responded as she finished pouring herself a glass of milk- a beer can resting on the sink half-empty, "Yep! It's in the news that the south pole's starting to freeze up again. They've been saying," She said a little lower, "That there's some big white thing down there doing something...." Then lighter, "But nobody wants to interfere this time. So," Misato put down the glasses of milk, "Whaddya say guys? Cheers to a new life."
"Cheers." Rei said in monotone and clinked the glass to Misato's.
Shinji looked at his thoughtfully. This was one of the final ties to the past...and now it would be all gone...
Why not?
"Cheers...." Shinji answered and joined in the toast.
That night in the room Shinji had, Rei was still asleep in her cloths and Shinji was staring up at the ceiling. Rei was still awake, and asked, "Shinji-Kun?"
"Hn?"
"....What do you think is going to happen to us?"
"...I don't know really." Said Shinji and shook his head, then shrugged, "Maybe we'll meet some nice people in the United States."
"...And will we ever see Asuka again?"
Shinji looked at her. This was, like much else of the day, a first- Rei never used Asuka's name before.
He looked back up at the ceiling, "I don't...." He stopped. His life was filled with 'I don't knows'....
"...Yes." He replied and nodded slowly, "We'll see her again."
Rei looked at him as Shinji looked up at the ceiling, "When we hear she's all right...we'll go out to see her okay?"
Rei's mouth curled into a small smile and looked at the roof.
"Goodnight Shinji-Kun...." Said Rei.
"...Goodnight...." Answered Shinji as he closed his eyes.
The night went on. People went to sleep around the city, willing to forget the nightmare of the past fifteen years. The world slept, dreaming of a new tomorrow. The waters continued to lower, and at the bottom of the world a giant of light stood again and made sure that all was put to right. They had proven themselves, and as long as humanity ventured the right path, they would be there to protect them.
For Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and the others who had been tormented by the past fifteen years- it was over. The next day was a dawn, and a dawn of a new day where everything would be new. And for Shinji, it was plenty of time and space to find the good in the world that he had been looking for, for so long.
Maybe he found it here, in this place, as he said goodbye to all that he had known.
And over the horizon, Tomorrow waited to rise.
--------------
This is Dusk's end.
In time, and if it is wanted, I may continue this. No more angels, no more Eva, no more NERV. From here, Shinji tries to live a life and find the goodness and hope that he has been looking for. He also tries to rebuild the life to the way that it should have been- without grief and without pain.
I worked on this for four hours and two minutes straight without stopping.
I thank you all for reading this version of the new Dusk. The old one is sill there, buried in the deep of the fictions. But for all you new people, thank you for reading.
-Norsehound
By Norsehound
Disclaimer: What I would do to not only own these characters, but to meet them. If I could see them in real life, shake their hands, take them to my home, share some laughs, talk...and be friends...but alas like so much I write about it doesn't exist.
Evangelion is not mine.
-----
A long time ago I wrote this fiction. At the time, it seemed like one more thing to do before I left. I was getting flame after flame when I was writing my fictions...I didn't have much talent back then.
To date, this is my best work. I like this work better than even the ones I have done in Vandread. For the longest time this has been my shining achievement...this Dusk.
I once said I would make a series after this- and twice it failed. I don't know if I will turn this into something bigger...as apparently as time goes on the quality decreases. For now, and possibly ever this fiction stands alone. I may make a story before, and then again go back and carry on in a world without Evas, a world without any remnants of NERV.
This is the end of Evangelion. The end of Nerv. The end of the life Shinji has come to hate, and the end of the loneliness Misato has to suffer.
------------------
DUSK
Evening.
The sky was orange now, the blue hues transforming into the golden light.
It was over.
The impact had yet to hit Shinji somehow, but in some way it was starting to sink in.
This....all this...was over.
He bowed his head in remembrance of what happened.
"It's all over. Nerv...is finished."
"There is no need of us anymore."
"What will happen...to the Evas once we are gone?"
Ikari Shinji sat on the porch at the tiny apartment Misato had purchased the years back.
It was still occupied. Shinji's stuff was still there- now packed away in cardboard boxes. They had started almost the hour that they heard it was over.
The JDSF, Japanese Defense Special Forces, has declared Project E terminated.
It meant an end.
A great part of his life had been spent here. When he arrived, he didn't know what kind of a world his father had made that he was going to enter. And now, the result was to be abandoned.
All around for the past week there had been celebrations and there had been construction work. In the aftermath of NERV, all NERV facilities would be decommissioned, destroyed, or locked away perhaps never again to see the light of day.
Or the dusk of a fading morning.
So now, he was alone again. It meant that he would have to leave...go back to his old teacher in Okayama. Go somewhere at least, maybe to his aunt and uncle...who he had no direct relation too.
A memory of his mother came to his mind as the sun began to enter the phase of gold. On many occasions when he sat inside that beast- a calm had fallen over him. And when he was taken in- drawn into the flow of the mind to that Eva...he had been touched. A warm feeling of being cradled by caring arms...and caring skin. His mother was somewhere still trapped inside that monster.
His innards yanked up as he sucked in a breath. She would be gone. The Evas, so he had heard, had classified ends. He may never again see his mother...or feel her in the way that he could have.
Shinji couldn't cry. Every emotion screamed to him that he should. His God-given right at that moment was to break into tears and cry. He would cry like an animal if necessary- for it was over.
He would again retreat into the darkness he knew before he came here.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Asked a voice accompanied by the tapping of sandals.
Shinji turned his head to look at Misato. She had stripped away her jacket- and it was probably the first time he saw her in long jeans and a tank top.
"M-Misato san..."
"Funny," Misato smirked, "I wore this...these same pants the day I met Kaji...."
She wanted to say more but didn't....instead her lips closed and her teeth showed to the light.
Shinji blinked and then looked at the sunset.
The breeze kicked up, lifting Misato's hair and ruffling Shinji's.
A screech sounded in the caverns of Tokyo-3 as a flock of the attack helicopters roared by- in diamond formation.
"Misato san...." Shinji asked, "What's going to happen to us? What about Rei...and Asuka..."
Misato didn't have an immediate answer, but spoke, "I don't know Shinji....I honestly don't know...."
Shinji let in a breath and then ended it in a sigh.
Misato's lips parted as she spoke, "Rei...will probably be going with your father someplace. Asuka has been promised to be given the best medical care anyplace can offer...I think she's being sent to the United States for treatment...in Ohio."
Shinji didn't move at this, only blinked as the location burned itself into his mind- along with the sunset.
It was likely to last for an hour or so...from what he was told, the reaction to the last death of the last angel had kicked off a weather change...and the same with the rotational change. This was to be the longest Dusk experienced in Tokyo for the past two millennia.
Misato turned around with a lowered head and walked back into the apartment.
Shinji stayed in his seat for a moment, before he too left the celebrations and cheering and walked inside.
"I guess we'll have to do some more job searching now..." Misato said with the refrigerator open, "The final paycheck from NERV can't hold us out forever."
"Yeah..." Shinji answered from his stand beside the window.
A beer landed on the table, followed by Misato's other arm, and then three of her tears.
Placed on the table was one of the only remaining photographs of Misato and Kaji together. A clear seam was down the middle- jagged and destructive. But the healing was underway....
"Misato-San..." Shinji asked again and then looked up, "What's going to happen to me?"
"Your father didn't say..." Misato replied and half-turned her head to look at him, "I guess....you're free now...or...if you want I could take you in...."
There had been words before that rang in Shinji's head, I don't live the way you do...
A thought came to Shinji's mind...she needed him. As a person, Misato needed another person. The vacuum Kaji left was too big of a gaping hole.
And then there was the last memory...when Shinji had come back Misato was there to greet him. She had held him like a mother would her child...as Shinji remained frozen in the cockpit she had thrown herself to him and grasped him in what could only be told as a mother to her son.
"...I want to go with you." Shinji said and looked away, "If my father won't take me back...."
Misato was staring at the picture again, "Good....good...." She drained off.
Shinji was staring at her as her raised head looked at the photograph- like Misato was examining every detail on Kaji's face...the expression at that moment...where his hands were placed...
"I miss Pen-Pen..." Misato murmured.
"It has been quiet ever since Asuka was gone..." Shinji added and looked at the empty doorframe. A box was left of her possessions- the ones not taken by the agency when they arrived to take her stuff.
Shinji declined to open it again- after packing it himself. There were things and items in there most precious to Asuka that he would give to her personally if she ever woke up again...
"Misato San...what are we going to do?" Shinji repeated.
There was a quiet from the two of them.
"....I don't know...."
Shinji let out a sigh and looked at the ground.
Then in almost a flash, Misato called, "Oh....I forgot- we need some more groceries....er..."
She had stood and grabbed her purse, but something compelled her to let it down. It weighed heavy in her hands...like much of her body did...
Shinji saw this, and felt part of it himself.
"I'll go." He said and walked forward.
"Thank you Shinji..." Misato replied and handed her a wad of Yen, "This is all I have left..."
"I'll keep that in mind." Shinji replied as he left the apartment.
Misato looked at the closed door for a minute or so, then turned back to the table and dropped herself down in the seat.
With a heavy heart and collapsing expression, her face landed on the table and her arms came around her head. Tears welled up in her face, and her agape mouth rasped to get the air in. Stuttering breath escaped her, as tears flowed like water from her eyes.
Kaji, and a younger Misato, could only smile back.
Shinji's walk took him to a nearby grocery store. It was not the usual one that he went too, but it was big, and many people went here.
As he stood in line a curious glance turned and saw Hikari, laughing to a friend as she stood in line.
The class rep. He didn't know if she would stay or go...much like the rest of the place it had bad memories for many of them. As he stood there, Shinji believed not many of the people he knew would stay here in this forsaken place.
He then spotted Touji and Kensuke. Touji's head looked up in his direction with a smile and Shinji smiled back as he saw one of his remaining friends...an anchor to his life...
But Touji didn't notice him and looked back at Kensuke. The two laughed at a shared joke as they walked through the sliding doors.
To Shinji this was another indication of his collapsing life. If the monsters that hounded this place didn't do it- it was the impending doom of all things eroding that did.
With some reluctance and heaviness to his soul, he approached the counter and sat through the beeping.
The walk home was till bathed in Dusk. It seemed that time had frozen in the sky- with the light shining over him as he approached the end.
To Shinji it was most appropriate. Next to the fall of the cherry blossoms, it was the end. Dusk was the end to a life...and in a sense it was the end of this phase of his life. Ahead of him would be the darkness of unknown times...who knew what lie ahead for him and Misato...assuming his father didn't take him.
The door to the apartment opened and closed seemingly soundless, as Shinji walked in with the bag, "I'm home."
Misato didn't hear him- dried tears and saddened eyes stared only at the picture. The beer was still there, open but not drained as usual with Misato's habits.
He set the groceries down and they landed in the stiff air with a sound that could crack wood. He turned to her, but she wasn't there. Her body was, but her spirit remained in the past...to a time when things could have been fixed.
"...Misato-san?"
Shinji's voice was the key to unlocking Misato and she turned, coming out of her daze, "Oh...Shinji I didn't notice...when did you come back?"
"I just came home."
"O-Oh...." Misato answered and stood up, "Well...I guess I have to unload all this then...."
Shinji started to object but then held his tongue. She needed the work...perhaps to keep her alive.
As she unpacked the bag a sob escaped her, and her eyes winced.
She dropped a beer and the can rattled on the ground before she picked it up and slammed it back into the refrigerator. She sunk to the ground as the door closed.
"I think you should sit down..." Shinji said and moved a chair.
Misato elevated herself back on to the seat and had her arms in her lap as she leaned over them. Shinji grabbed his own seat, moved around and put it down in front of her. Shinji wasn't a great listener, and couldn't say much to help her...but perhaps as a human being he felt he should be there for her.
"It...It's just I never missed him before...." She said with eyes wincing again, "He was always there...somewhere. I could feel it in the back of my mind that...that he would always be there for me in case anything happened. I wish...I wish he was here...I wish I could have said goodbye to him..."
Shinji's hand came out and grasped hers, holding it as she started to break down again.
"I miss him so much! I...If anything I just wanted to say goodbye. Just to tell him how much he...he did for me. Oh God, I hated him! I hated him so much but...but It hurtssss so much when I couldn't say goodbye...and that I couldn't have beennn tht-there to say it.... We could have...have done so much after this was all over and...and...."
Shinji closed his eyes and squeezed harder.
"When I didn't have anybody in the world left he...he was an anchor in my life....Oh GOD!"
She cried again, and this time Shinji came off his chair and closed to her. His other arm came on her back as she grasped his hand tighter and he seated himself on the table.
"It hurts..." She mouthed in a whisper and then louder in pain, "It hurts Sooo MUCH!!!"
Another series of sobs escaped her. The boy, Ikari Shinji, could only do what his mind told him to- hold her harder.
The feeling of human touch reached Misato and she started to calm down. Another spring of pain lapsed in her mind and she cried again.
"I wanted to say goodbye...I so much wanted to say goodbye....If only...If only I could...have said...goodbye...."
"Shh...." Shinji said- memories of his mother coming back to him whenever he was sad or lonely, "Shh....."
Her crying slowed some, and Shinji looked at the bed.
"Here..." He said and helped her up, "I think you should get to bed."
"How can you be so cold?" Misato rasped.
Shinji's hand turned down the picture and he went on, "I guess....I guess because I have to have been through so many disappointments before in my life. I guess....I guess I'm doing what I wanted to have....I wanted somebody to hold me and tuck me into bed with a promise that tomorrow would be better."
They came into Misato's darkened room. The light was off, and Shinji helped her down into her cot on the floor. He reached into his pocket and took out the Tape player, examined the tape, and offered it to her, "Here. This will help you sleep."
"God bless you Shinji...." Misato murmured as she wrapped herself up in her blanket, plugged in and turned the tape player on. Soft sounds of Elipsis.one played in her ears, the calm and soothing sounds Shinji had been listening to all morning since the news...
he walked back into the kitchen and looked outside.
Dusk was falling. Pink clouds bordered a dimming orange sky. Below them, lights had clicked on and were illuminating the streets.
In his pocket was the ID card.
He grasped it now, and made a decision.
He wouldn't go without saying goodbye...
Shinji glanced back at the door where Misato was sleeping soundly.
He walked to the kitchen and pulled out the drawers.
After making sure the knives were put away to prevent Misato from doing anything foolish, Shinji left to say goodbye.
The hum of the lights and the pair of soft breathing was all that was heard in the room.
Not even the monitors were turned on, as if nobody cared anymore if she was alive...or dead.
To Shinji she was only not dead. She was still breathing, her body still in existence, but she was just not dead.
It was like the same time he had come back here. She was still asleep, her positioned changed some as the orderlies came to force-feed her. Some were beginning to believe it was a lost cause.
To Shinji, she was one of the anchors in his life that was indispensable.
Time after time she insulted him. She hated him because of who he was- the great third child. But she didn't know everything. She didn't know how he had almost declared not coming back- and how he was so afraid when he was first inside an Eva.
Now she would never know.
Perhaps never again would she open her eyes and say anything. She hated him. She hated him, She hated Rei, She hated Eva, She hated everything.
It wasn't always this way.
People came into her lives- came and gone that meant so much to her. But each time they were taken away- or shoved themselves away and out of her reach.
Shinji wished he could have done something. The powerless of not helping another human being started to impact him. Compassion ran through his blood in a time when he realized that all this- this fragile existence, was almost at an end.
He would leave, as she would, and they would probably never see one another again. After this, it was all gone.
If time was tangible he would grab it and keep it with him. As he sat beside her, he wanted to hold on to this moment. Even if she didn't know he was here, just being beside her was enough to make him feel like he was doing something.
"A-Asuka?"
No response. Her face was still closed, her eyes still shut and her body unmoving.
"...Asuka, I came to say goodbye..."
Still no response from her, the pretty thing, the lovely girl, the monster child...
"I...Listen, they're going to take care of you. They're going to take you to a better place Asuka, where you can get better and you can walk again. They're going to take care of you....you'll be okay..."
Nothing.
He started to wince, his mouth moving up as his jaw shuddered. Even if she could only wake up and start insulting him again- showing that she was still alive he would be glad!
"Asuka please wake up!"
Nothing.
"I...I...."
Nothing.
His hand reached out to her, clasping her hand in a tight squeeze. He didn't care. He didn't care if she woke up and ripped his neck out. He wanted her here. He wanted her alive. She was another part of him that he couldn't let go of.
He wanted now to close the distance with her, as if physical touch could break her out of her spell and awaken her as it had done to heal Misato. But there was no cure for what she had, nothing to wake her up from this imprisonment behind herself.
If only....
If only his caring was enough to bring her back. If only his words alone could conjure her back...
A tear ran down his cheek as the passing thought of this being the last time whispered in his mind.
Now more than ever he wanted her close. The part of him that wasn't....
Kaworu said once that AT fields block people from each other- and that each person had one. It was the soul, he had said, and that the soul was there to keep people separate...and to keep people company.
Shinji didn't care anymore. He didn't care about AT fields, he didn't care about angels, he didn't want to know anything other than the people who were still a part of him. He just wanted to make them happy.
His grasp on Asuka's hand was stronger now, their sweats mingling as his caring was expressed.
But if anything he had to say goodbye.
He knew it. He had to say goodbye.
He didn't want to say goodbye.
But this had to be goodbye.
Shinji moved then, closer to her and off the seat. Either by blind to himself and all reason- or being driven by a lighter side of him that never saw the light of day, he reached across the bed and touched her lips with his own.
It was nothing. Just a light kiss- pressure to her lips.
And then it was done.
He backed, easing up away from Asuka's body.
Their hands were the last touching, and when it came to that he ran his fingers along hers- like the connection couldn't be broken.
But it was severed, and he backed away from the bed. His hand was still outstretched for a moment, waiting for Asuka's response.
But none came as she lie there on the bed.
At the door he stared at her, fighting with himself to go back to her and stay. He wanted to. So damn much.
But he had to go. Misato was waiting for him back at home...and he couldn't abandon her or anyone he still had to see.
Perhaps he would come back before they took her away- if anything to see her again and remind himself of her look in his memory.
He couldn't even summon the courage to say goodbye, much less open the door and leave.
But he did.
He walked for many feet. He made it into the elevator still standing and rode it up some distance.
He left the elevator, made a left and walked some before he collapsed and leaned against a wall.
He was crying. It was a break from his fasting as he started to break into tears and weep. The abandoned corridor was witness to his breaking, and stood only in silence as aid.
"Shinji-kun, are you lost?"
Shinji turned, his head whipping around.
Plainly dressed in a school uniform, red eyes and blue hair, looking like Yui Ikari, was Rei.
"Ayanami....Rei..." Shinji said in almost a whimper.
"Are you okay Ikari-Kun?" she asked as she stood.
He looked down at the floor and didn't reply- just looked downward and collected himself to ask, "Are you leaving?"
There was a moment of quiet, until she said, "Where commander Ikari goes, I must go with him."
"Will I ever see you again?"
Rei, looking down at the boy, moved her mouth, "Uncertain.....probably not."
Shinji squeezed his eyes closed and hugged his knees harder. Between grit teeth he answered, "I thought so."
"Ikari-Kun..." She said and came down with her knees bent towards him, "Do you need some comfort?"
"Y-Yes..." He said as he broke out into more tears.
A lily white hand reached forward and wiped a tear from his cheek. The other came forward and rested on his shoulder.
Human touch...one healing way...
Shinji moved and held her around her wrist. Her hand came back and clasped the holding hand while the other left his shoulder and came up to his eyes.
A moment of tenderness hung between them, as Rei did what she could to keep him company...and alive.
Shinji was trying to recompose himself. There were so many more people to say goodbye too-
"Rei." Said a deep voice.
"Please let me go." Rei spoke.
Shinji relaxed his grip, and she pulled away. Like with Asuka, the fingers on the two of them were last to touch before Shinji willed himself to stand.
Down the hallway, dressed in black with his red sunglasses and unshaven face, Gendo Ikari remained an imposing pillar in the hall. Rei came to his side, then turned around to face Shinji.
Broken and almost staggering, Shinji Ikari stood up in the middle of the hallway and looked back on the man who was his father...who had been his father...and would never again call him son.
"Father," He said and remained hanging broken in the hall, "What's going to happen?"
Ikari's voice spoke, "I am leaving you in the care of Katsuragi. You may do as you wish from beyond that point. I have no further need of you."
"...But...will I ever see you again?" Asked Shinji.
Gendo was at first a little taken back at this. Only months ago Shinji had called him a monster, and wished that he had never existed. Now, he was standing here a broken child...
"No."
Gendo turned away, as did Ayanami.
"Wait!" Called Shinji with a raised hand.
Gendo stopped in the hallway, and Rei stopped and half-turned.
"Goodbye....Father....Goodbye Ayanami....Rei...."
"...Goodbye....son." Gendo said, a little softer at the end and he started walking again.
Rei looked at Shinji for a hesitant moment, then turned and followed Gendo.
Shinji remained standing in the hallway for a moment, before the shapes of his father and Rei disappeared into an elevator.
Shinji drooped, but turned around and started to walk.
He had still people to say goodbye to...
Before Shinji Ikari was the most massive head of all the animals on the planet.
The Skullcap of Eva one stared back at him- the jaw slightly agape. Below him, a red core shone.
Somewhere inside this thing, was the last essence of his mother. Her soul was trapped someplace in there...and could never again be recovered.
He reached out and touched the closest metal. The armor turned warm under his touch and he started to cry.
"M-Mother....Mother!!!"
Being the bench so close, it allowed him to sit down at the front of the armor and start to cry again, the hand plastered to the Eva's jaw as he cried.
"Mother...Mother...." Sobs escaped him.
He wanted to feel her again. He wanted to have a grasping embrace again. He missed her, he missed the possibility of seeing her again. It dove into his heart like a dagger, the fact that never again would he have an opportunity to touch her.
"I...I have to...to go...Mother...."
He stood again, almost hearing the voice of Yui Ikari telling him to be strong.
He ended as he started, facing the Eva.
"...Goodbye...." A tear ran down his cheek, "Mom....y...."
And his hand left.
He started to walk- his stride staggering as he headed for the door. He couldn't look back...he shouldn't look back...
Behind him, the Ghost of Yui Ikari watched her son go.
The locker room of the preparation chamber was empty.
There were eight lockers in the NERV HQ. The first three were always filled, the next, rack04, was filled once by a prospect of a pilot who came and went with impact on their lives. Rack05 had held Touji's equipment, and with plugsuit remaining...rack06 with Kaworu's gear.
The black and dark blue Eva suit remained in the locker, worn only once by Kaworu, the last angel.
Somehow, despite all the tears, not a final thing could be said to let it settle that Kaworu was gone. To Shinji, he was a good friend.
But he was gone. Died to let humanity...and him live on.
But perhaps there was some way out that Kaworu had given to humanity- some greater gift that had to show itself...
With the white and blue plugsuit remaining in the locker- all other possessions were taken with him.
He was the last of the children in this room. It would probably be that way for the rest of this building's existence...
A pause...an emptiness, was in Shinji's mind as he paused at the doorway with the lights off. Like many other things of his life rapidly leaving- this one he didn't want to have go away.
But he had to.
He had to leave.
He left the doorway and reminded himself to put one foot in front of the other.
*beep**beep*
The door slid open with a whoosh of air and a sense of finality.
Shinji Ikari walked a step forward, in between the doorway.
Before him; exile. Night had fallen, and it was the representative of a bleak, unknown existence that spanned before him.
Behind him; the life, pains, and joys he had come to know in the past year as an Eva pilot...and as a human being.
HE couldn't do it.
He couldn't walk forward.
He wanted to stay here in the past, where everything was so familiar to him. He knew everybody's names, he knew everybody's moods, he knew what made them happy and sad. And when the fear and the threat was all over, it had seemed that happiness together was guaranteed.
But it all fell apart to destroy the darker plans of SEELE. The human instrumentality project was destroyed. Killed by the Russians who came and exposed the evils of the Evangelion Project.
It was unavoidable, and if Shinji wanted to live his life whole this was the way it had to be.
He took a breath- one final breath on this side of life behind the doorway.
He raised one sneaker, and planted it on the other side.
Then, he closed his eyes and moved his other foot.
It stood beside the other one.
The sound of the closing door put into Shinji's mind the image that he was being crushed. Threads connecting him to all that was inside there were being strained and cut- imaginary cords to all that was familiar and all that was known- were destroyed.
He stood in the cold air of the outside, a new world awaiting him.
Shinji Ikari, the man who had been called children, stepped forward into the unknown.
The door opened and closed in the apartments.
He walked forward into the room, and saw Misato standing in the kitchen.
"M-Misato san...."
She turned around and gave a limp smile, "Hi Shinji."
Shinji walked forward and set the limp spare plugsuit on the table.
Misato opened up the refrigerator, "I hope you don't mind some Ice Cream Shinji...I...I was saving it for a special occasion and well...I guess this was special enough...."
She placed a bowl of ice cream on the table. Shinji looked at it, trying to find some symbolism in it. Seeing none, he sat down and decided to enjoy this treat.
Misato finished dishing herself out some and replaced the ice cream as Shinji tasted it. The cold sting of the vanilla ice ran down his mouth, and the sweet sensation of chocolate calmed his senses.
"So," She asked, "You cleared everything out then?"
"...Yeah..."
"See anyone you know?"
"....Asuka, I went to say goodbye...."
"Oh."
A silence fell over the two of them, but then Misato perked up, "Anyone else?"
"...Ayanami and....and Father...."
"...What did he have to say?"
"He said...He said that I could do anything I wanted now...I'm in your care. I guess....I guessed he disowned me." Shinji looked down into his ice cream as it started to melt.
"Well, that's the way he is..." Misato responded and slipped a spoonful of Ice cream into her mouth.
Shinji wasn't so fast as she was, picking up the spoon and trying to remember how to eat with it...
Then they jumped in the silence as the telephone rang.
Misato gave a light laugh and said, "I'll get it."
Shinji had a hand on his heart. Things like that in times like this weren't so great for his health.
As he relaxed and let Misato take it he started to wonder as he picked up another spoonful. He was with Misato now, as she was his adoptive mother if things worked out right. They would most likely leave Tokyo-3 and go somewhere else...maybe out of Japan altogether if the world wasn't still flooded-
"Oh my god..."
Shinji's spoon dropped from his mouth and clattered on the floor.
He looked up at Misato, who was staring wide-eyed at Shinji.
"Are you serious...right...right I'll tell him..." She said and hung up.
"What happened?" asked Shinji as he started to come to a stand.
"...Shinji, your father is dead."
"What!?" He asked, staggering backwards, "How?! When?"
"Heart attack..." Misato said and started to droop as she looked at Shinji, "He died five minutes ago in the NERV hospital...."
A silence fell in the room.
Misato went on, "They want you to go back down to the hospital...they said...they said he wanted you to have some things at his deathbed...." She looked at him and he stared into space with a saddened but shocked expression. Then she asked, "Do you need to be driven?"
"No...NO I think I'll walk..." Shinji replied and started for the door, grabbing a jacket as he reached the closer.
"Shinji...if you need somebody to talk to..."
"Thank you Misato...." Shinji answered and looked at her.
Eyes locked in that small moment, and Misato realized he had to go do what any son would do for his father when he passed on...
"...Good luck."
The door closed.
Shinji Ran.
He ran as fast as his body could possibly carry him.
Everyone had gone inside to party indoors or party someplace safe- giving Shinji ample room to dash like a madman.
His lungs burned like fire, eyes widened in determination.
He ignored everything, except the direction, as he ran for the doorway. Familiar sights, familiar sounds, the familiar faces of Touji and Kensuke flew by him like the wing.
He raced through the night and under the lamps to hear his father's last words.
The panting, tired, and almost ruined Shinji Ikari raced down the hallway, racing past the LANGLY door with a flinch.
Nurses saw him, recognized him and directed him to the door.
The door burst open and Shinji, panting and breathing, looked at the scene.
It was done. All that could be done to save Gendo Ikari had been done.
Rei was standing there and looked up at him beside the bed. A look of concern and...grief? Was on her face.
"Are you Shinji Ikari?" Asked the remaining doctor.
"...Ye-Yes..." Said Shinji.
"Good....I guess I'll leave you alone then...." Said the Doctor.
Before he left Shinji asked, "Wait!"
The doctor stopped and Shinji asked, "Did you do everything? Did he die with...much pain....?"
The doctor replied, "We did everything we could Shinji. Up until a minute ago this place was filled with doctors...we did everything son but...he died with much pain...I'm sorry."
The door closed.
Shinji Ikari was left alone, with Rei and the passed on Gendo as company.
He soundlessly approached the beside, standing beside Rei as he looked at his father.
"What did he say?" asked Shinji after a minute.
"...He wanted you here..." Rei said and looked down, "He wanted you here for his final words...he wouldn't say them until you came...."
Shinji's own grief came as Rei spoke, "But you never came...."
Shinji looked at his father, and then reached out and rested his hand beside his father's.
"I wasn't told...." Shinji said and shook his head, lowered and turned away, "I just got the news ten minutes ago....I just got home to Misato's...."
Rei looked at the dead man and lowered her eyelids and her face, "He was so....saddened that you weren't here. He held out as long as he could so that you could get here...he was so...wanting for you to be here to say something...."
Shinji started to break again, tears forming in his eyes and lip quivering.
"He said," Rei started, "Five minutes ago that...I should go with you...his only son. I...I am going with you and Misato...as his final order..."
Shinji's eyes fell on his father's face, and Misato's words in black and white echoed in his ears, 'Oh God, I hated him! I hated him so much but...but It hurtssss so much when I couldn't say goodbye...and that I couldn't have beennn tht-there to say it.... We could have...have done so much after this was all over and...and...'
"I...I hope..." Shinji started, then fell back into silence before he continued, "I hope he's glad that I came. I don't know if he was happy with me...when he was alive...and I wasn't happy with him but- but I guess he didn't want me there because his job was so important...."
Rei turned her head to look at the saddened son to the passed father, "I...I hated him....I hated him because of what he did. He threw me away and forgot about me for five years...FIVE YEARS damnit! And...And he was so cold my mother died and he...he threw me away.....I guess I should still hate him but...but what if it was different and what if we were a normal family and...and we could have done so much together. But...he was so involved in his work...it didn't happened. I...I can only be sad for what could have been....
"Now any hope of healing is gone." Rasped Shinji with tears, "And there's nothing I could have done. Nothing I could have said to him...as a dad."
Shinji started to sob again, and Rei stood there and looked at Gendo. Then she spoke up, "There is me."
Shinji, tear ridden looked at her as she went on, "I was closer to your father than you could have known. Sometimes, I wonder if he treated me like a daughter. He still knew about you Shinji...and he cared about you. Often I would notice how he concerned himself about your safety...knowing that you had some strength in you to keep on going and to see it through. I guess....I guess he didn't want you to know for some reason. Maybe he wanted to tell that to you at the end..."
Shinji turned away and looked at the face of his father. The glasses were removed, and the eyes closed as if he was asleep.
"I guess we'll never know." Shinji said and looked down, "Never know..."
Silence fell in the small room, and Shinji remembered something.
He pulled it out of his pocket- the one thing that Misato gave him before his last mission 'for luck.'
A small cross. It was nearly identical to the one Misato usually had on...and Misato wanted him to have one in case he didn't come back or was taken by that monster again...
He rested the crucifix cross on the chest of the black suit. After pulling away his hand he whispered a prayer a friend had taught him once, when everything was dark.
"...and deliver us from evil....amen..." Finished Shinji and he opened his eyes to look at his father.
Rei was quiet for a moment, then said in a low, almost crying whimper, "Ikari-Kun...take me home...."
Shinji looked at his father for a moment longer, another void in his life.
But there was Rei. The small girl that almost never left his father's sight. She was here...to stay with him again. And this time, he wouldn't let her go.
"Yes...." He said as he took her hand, "Let's go home."
He started for the door and opened it to allow Rei to exit. He took another glance at Gendo Ikari....the man who had ruined his life...and the father that could have been.
A sob escaped him and he lowered his head before walking out the door and closing it.
The door to Asuka's room was open.
"Wait," Shinji said and went inside to see the nurses and doctors pulling Asuka up.
"Wait," Called Shinji.
The doctors turned.
"Who are you?" Demanded one.
"It's the third child!" Said a doctor then, "What do you want son?"
"Erm....got a sheet of paper and a pen?"
"Here." Said a nearby nurse and she handed him a pen and paper. Shinji went to a wall and wrote a small letter, and then finished it with some numbers. He folded it, considered, then re-folded it again into a small crane and reached into his pocket to withdraw a small item.
"Is she going to be okay?" Asked Shinji.
"Can't tell." Said the doctor as she was finished being put on the stretcher, "She's going to Cleveland Ohio...she'll get the best treatment there."
"Well...if she does wake up can you give her these?" Asked Shinji and presented another cross and the paper crane.
The doctor took these, examined them, and nodded, "Will do son."
Then Asuka left the room, wheeled away as Rei and Shinji stood down the corridor.
Shinji looked at the sleeping sound face of Asuka Langly, now at rest instead of in agony as she breathed.
"The pilot of unit two..." Rei said in recognition.
Shinji wanted to remark, but he felt any word about Asuka would collapse him again.
Rei helped him walk out of the complex, as his mind wandered back to the moment they had alone in that room.
The door to the apartment Misato owned opened, and then closed again.
Misato turned from standing beside the window, "Shinji....Rei?" She asked as she identified the girl, "What are you doing here?"
"Commander Ikari's last orders." Rei replied and closed her eyes, "It was his last request that I go with Shinji-Kun."
Misato looked at Shinji, who replied, "That's what she says....Misato, please can't she stay?"
"I don't see any reason why not." Misato answered and she moved to the refrigerator.
Shinji looked down at the ground as Rei walked to help Misato, "I wish....I wish Asuka was with us...then it would be like old times..."
"Hey," Misato said, "We still got tomorrow Shinji! Okay you two, it's early bedtime tonight. After all, tomorrow's a big day!"
Shinji looked up at Misato's enthusiasm, "What?"
Misato clapped her hands together, "We're going to be moving away. Isn't that great?"
"Misato-San...what about?" Asked Shinji.
Misato's face turned neutral, "Shinji...I have to let him go. I have to move on. If I dwell on it....then there isn't much left of me is there....."
Shinji could only blink in response and then Misato brightened again, "Okay, so one snack and then it's off to bed! Rei, you'll be in Asuka's room and I'll get you a bed."
"I will sleep with Shinji-Kun."
Misato paused, but then waved a hand, "As long as you two don't do anything crazy that's okay with me."
"Where are we going?" Asked Shinji.
Misato smiled, "The U.S.A! Isn't it cool?"
"Ohio?" Asked Shinji as he perked up.
"Well....I was thinking about the west coast," Misato said, "There's some nice real-estate in California or so I hear...especially after the sea levels are starting to drop again."
"What?" Shinji asked, even more amazed.
Misato responded as she finished pouring herself a glass of milk- a beer can resting on the sink half-empty, "Yep! It's in the news that the south pole's starting to freeze up again. They've been saying," She said a little lower, "That there's some big white thing down there doing something...." Then lighter, "But nobody wants to interfere this time. So," Misato put down the glasses of milk, "Whaddya say guys? Cheers to a new life."
"Cheers." Rei said in monotone and clinked the glass to Misato's.
Shinji looked at his thoughtfully. This was one of the final ties to the past...and now it would be all gone...
Why not?
"Cheers...." Shinji answered and joined in the toast.
That night in the room Shinji had, Rei was still asleep in her cloths and Shinji was staring up at the ceiling. Rei was still awake, and asked, "Shinji-Kun?"
"Hn?"
"....What do you think is going to happen to us?"
"...I don't know really." Said Shinji and shook his head, then shrugged, "Maybe we'll meet some nice people in the United States."
"...And will we ever see Asuka again?"
Shinji looked at her. This was, like much else of the day, a first- Rei never used Asuka's name before.
He looked back up at the ceiling, "I don't...." He stopped. His life was filled with 'I don't knows'....
"...Yes." He replied and nodded slowly, "We'll see her again."
Rei looked at him as Shinji looked up at the ceiling, "When we hear she's all right...we'll go out to see her okay?"
Rei's mouth curled into a small smile and looked at the roof.
"Goodnight Shinji-Kun...." Said Rei.
"...Goodnight...." Answered Shinji as he closed his eyes.
The night went on. People went to sleep around the city, willing to forget the nightmare of the past fifteen years. The world slept, dreaming of a new tomorrow. The waters continued to lower, and at the bottom of the world a giant of light stood again and made sure that all was put to right. They had proven themselves, and as long as humanity ventured the right path, they would be there to protect them.
For Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and the others who had been tormented by the past fifteen years- it was over. The next day was a dawn, and a dawn of a new day where everything would be new. And for Shinji, it was plenty of time and space to find the good in the world that he had been looking for, for so long.
Maybe he found it here, in this place, as he said goodbye to all that he had known.
And over the horizon, Tomorrow waited to rise.
--------------
This is Dusk's end.
In time, and if it is wanted, I may continue this. No more angels, no more Eva, no more NERV. From here, Shinji tries to live a life and find the goodness and hope that he has been looking for. He also tries to rebuild the life to the way that it should have been- without grief and without pain.
I worked on this for four hours and two minutes straight without stopping.
I thank you all for reading this version of the new Dusk. The old one is sill there, buried in the deep of the fictions. But for all you new people, thank you for reading.
-Norsehound