The Legend Of Leo

by leogodzalez

A story about the adventures of Leo Godzalez, the greatest hero (or maybe villain) the world has ever known!

1. THE FIRST ONE

LEGEND OF LEO

THE PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE: THE BEGINNING OF THE BEGINNING, OR: THE BEGINNINING

[A/N: hi guys this is leo; okay, so this is my first story ever, rly hope you like it and comment, like, and subscribe… or follow and leave a review haha idk. so anyway full disclosure I don't have a whole lot of writing experience, I'm only 14 I go to a junior high school (I was about to type out the full thing but Andrew said to not do that its dangerous; also, Andrew is the editor and my best friend, I also have Steven here he's totally cool) and i have a lot of friends and yeah, but anyway so please leave some constructive criticism but only if its positive and not negative in the slightest because honestly who needs that negativity in their life you know, and uhm if there's anybody from school reading this that I like, hi! Especially if youre in creative writing club cause ive told you guys about this story and read it a little bit even when Andrew kept banging his head on the desk like he didn't want to be there. if there's anybody from school reading this that I don't like, then please stop reading and please don't troll and don't leave negative reviews (im looking at you Nathan although not really because I don't stalk to anybody that isn't vanessa… I mean um my mother! wait that's not much better uh I think I confused the world stalk with talk I guess, I don't know where I was going this sorry vanessa; that is, if youre reading this vanessa, in which case keep reading it and we should also hang out sometime. also, if anybody from sega is reading this, can you guys please answer my letters and stop sending me restraining orders? anyway, without any further ado, here is the first chapter to my opera. Oh, guys! Introduce yourselves, please.]

[Andrew's note: im Andrew, I'm 15, and i'm starting to wonder what kind of evil stuff I did in my past life that led me here]

[Steven's note: I'm STEVEN! 14 years baby! I'm useful, and I'm totally single and ready to pringle, ladies.]

[Andrew's Editing Note: also hey guys, if you ever see these kind of notes, they're basically like notes I made to like… I guess illuminate my suffering? and they're also notes I make for leos benefit, stuff I forget to edit out before publishing these lmao, so yeah. But seriously, if you guys think this shit has a lot of authors notes now imagine what it looks it pre-editing, its way longer, so sorry if I occasionally leave in notes I make, usually 2 tired to fix them.

but yeah, here we goooo]

[A/N: Happy Halloween! Otherwise known as… LEO DAY! NOW WE BEGIN!]

[***]

BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA (THE CAPITAL OF BRITANNIA)

THE BAD FUTURE, CERCA 2039

EVILPANDA'S EVIL HEADQUARTERS

It was a dark and stormy night, which was pretty unusual for Britannia, given that the nights were usually pretty mild and sunny, even over-easy from time to time. [A/N: thats actually a lie, Britannia has been plunged into darkness] From her excellent viewpoint on the command dais, EvilPanda could see everything about her beloved Britannian capital. The exposed husks of crumbling, shitty-looking skyscrapers. The bright, brief flashes of distant gunfire, laser-fire, oil fires, water fires, all kinds of fires. Occasional flashes of lightning streaking across the smog-filled sky, which was totally the work of the Grand Wizard Choong, still suffering from the effects of wizard cancer [Andrew's Editing Note: what the hell is wizard cancer and why does it sound funny]. The glint of buzzsaws cutting peasants to pieces in the commons below. The shine of rotating gears, slamming pistons, and other mechanical stuff [A/N: wasnt sure what to put here but yeah you get the idea] and doo-hickeys that EvilPanda could very clearly see with her gifted eyes that were always closed.

And always-closed they were. It scared and unnerved anybody that came close to her. Her appearance was pretty deceptively cute otherwise [A/N: I'd have her in my harem if she wasn't evil] [Andrew's Editing Note: we haven't introduced them yet Leo jfc]. She wasn't much taller than 5'2, 5'3 at most, with a flowing, black Hime cut that reached down to her shoulderblades, a pretty thin build, and a dress that screamed both pirate and assassin: a long black dress with a gold trim lining, frilly white sleeves at the forearms [A/N: we did our homework! We know what forearms are], long black trousers, and black heels. A lot of black, so much black! Black as the night, or like darkness. So while she looked pretty adorable, all of the appeal was superficial. Why? Let's just say the curtain matches the drapes. She's an evil woman, very evil, and you could detect that evil in that evil smirk that was always glued onto her evil face, her eyes closed in a peaceful-looking but also evil fashion [A/N: I swear her eyes are not closed because she's Asian, Andrew told me that might be racist] [Andrew's note: it is but you're Mexican leo I think we can excuse it… maybe].

Oh, and she also had panda-like ears at the top of her head. She also has regular old human ears in addition though, so she can hear everything twice as good.

She lifted her arms and let out an evil laugh. "RAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I am EVIL, yes I am!" she proclaimed, with a dastardly intonation that only someone of her evil caliber could muster. Down below, all of her slaves—er, loyal employees, turned from their monitors to face her.

EvilPanda paused in her evil shenanigans to observe each and every one of them. Gathered in her Headquarters were some of her greatest police officers, enforcers, engineers, scientists, experiments, and button-pushing people on her empire's payroll. Although they were a great mix of many races, ages, heights, weights, genders, fenders, species, illegal immigrants, and food groups in the room, they all had one thing in common that united them all: they were absolutely terrified of Empress EvilPanda.

And boy was she proud of that fact. EvilPanda smirked just at the thought of it, cackling evilly once more. She had worked hard to make that personality cult of hers stick, make people fear the name Empress EvilPanda, almost as much as they feared the name… Leo. [A/N: yesssssssss!] [Steven's Note: AND SATIM! They fear that name too!] [Andrew's note: ;.byugtuc7iv]

The blue-clad police officer standing at EvilPanda's side on the command dais shuffled her feet a little bit. EvilPanda turned to look at her.

"You have something to say, Mii Force B?" EvilPanda purred maliciously, curling her fingers around the hilt of her cutlass perched on her hip.

"Uhhh, no, nothing really particular," Mii Force B muttered, tucking a stray blonde lock up and away from her visor. "Just thinking about, y'know… sports scores."

"YEESSS, MUAHAHAHA, PERFECT!" EvilPanda proclaimed, folding her arms triumphantly. "It pleases me GREATLY when you think about something like sports, which I had REMOVED because not only are they ridiculously stupid—" [A/N: they arrrree btw I don't like sports except swimming that's fun] "—they were also a source of ENJOYMENT FOR EVERYONE! And as we all know, having fun is…?"

"Against the law," everyone in HQ monotoned. Except for Puppy, who barked.

"BARK BARK!" said Puppy, a blonde girl with police armor not dissimilar to Mii Force B's that kept rolling around on the floor.

"Yeeeeesss, that is exceptionally true, Puppy, Mii Force B's former golden retriever puppy whom I had TURNED INTO A HUMAN WITH DOGLIKE TRAITS… for MY OWN AMUSEMENT!" EvilPanda said, pumping her fist in triumph at her truly horrendous deeds.

"You don't have to remind me every single time she comes up in a conversation, Your Highness…" Mii Force B muttered, wiping a singular tear away from her cyan visor.

"Yeessss, CONTINUE! The fluids coming from your tearducts arouses me GREATLY!" [Andrew's Editing Note: I made this line I think it's pretty fucking golden just sayin]

"BARK BARK!" Puppy added helpfully.

"Miss EvilPanda!" called out one of the engineers below, turning back to his blue-lit monitor below, punching in some keys. "We're getting an incoming video call from Genocide Factory!"

"EXCELLENT! Patch it through, so that my slaves may SPEAKETH UPON ME!" EvilPanda declared, stepping up to her own enormous console. There were a ridiculous amount of microphones, knobs, buttons, sliders, but a little known fact was that she had an IQ of 10,521, so she knew how each individual thing worked. She tapped in a few complicated commands on the glowing buttons, and grinned as she saw the distinctly familiar face of her lead scientist, who also had closed-eyes and animal ears just like her boss.

"FRIITHK, MY LEAD SCIENTIST!" EvilPanda belted.

"WHAT'TH CRACKALACKIN', EMPRETTH?" the androgynous scientist roared back. Friithk's name by birth was actually Frisk, but EvilPanda had it changed to highlight Frisk's absolutely ridiculous, overwhelming lisp, because she found it amusing. Luckily, so did Friithk.

"ALL IS CRACKALACKING NOW THAT I HAVE OFFICIALLY REMOVED ALL SALTINE CRACKERS FROM THE EMPIRE!" [Andrew's note: lmao I like evilpanda] [A/N: yessss Andrew likes a character guys!]

"HAHAHAHA, IT'TH FUNNY BECAUTHE PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKED THOTHE."

"Yes, they did…" Mii Force B muttered dramatically, furiously holding back tears.

"GIVE ME A STATUS UPDATE," EvilPanda proclaimed, slamming her hand on the top of the console, even though she probably shouldn't do that because of electronic safety. "How is the status of the GENOCIDE FACTORY after the ATTACK?"

"THINGTH ARE GOING THWIMMINGLY," Friithk declared, turning to their side to demonstrate the factory behind them. Everyone could see that the factory was a relative mess of destroyed conveyor belts, metal-pressing machines, and shattered terminals, glass and bullets and blood scattered across the floor. "THANKTH TO OUR BACKUP POWER, MOTHT OF THE DATA WE HAVE THTORED CAN BE EATHILY RECOVERED. WE'VE GOT THOME CATHUALTIETH, BUT WHO GIVETH A THIT, RIGHT?" [Andrew's Editing Note: this is a bitch and a half to read]

"NOT ME, MUAAHAHAHAHAHA, THE MORE THE MERRIER!" EvilPanda proclaimed, roaring in evil laughter for a moment before lighting up a neon "LAUGH" sign in the Headquarters, menacingly shaking her fists at everyone in the room. Everyone began to laugh, except for Puppy, who barked.

"BAD NEWTH, THOUGH," Friithk said, somehow managing to blink. [Andrew's note: why the fuck do they talk in all caps] [A/N: they're expressive!] "THOME OF OUR WALKMANTH WERE THTOLEN. NOT ALL, BUT A PRETTY DITHTINCT AMOUNT."

"Don't you mean… SUPER SECRETIVE EVIL TIME-TRAVELING PROJECT?"

"OH YEAH, WHOOPTH, MY BAD, THAT'TH WHAT I MEANT. BUT NO, THERIOUTHLY, IT WATH THE REBELTH AGAIN."

"The resistance is powerful… BUT NOT AS POWERFUL AS I AM," EvilPanda said, accidentally tripping and then standing back up with a bruise on her face. "FOR WE ARE THE BRITANNIAN EMPIRE!"

"HELL YEAH, ALL HAIL BRITANNIA, BABY!" Friithk agreed, performing a backflip and destroying their ribs on accident.

"Miss EvilPanda, we still have the… 'Secret Police' in pursuit of the, uh, resistance army," Mii Force B mentioned, pulling up a digital radar on her Hand-Gun. It was a literal handgun, she'd lost her hand in the war and had it replaced with a cannon. [Andrew's Editing Note: is it a gun or a cannon fix this Leo]

"GOOOD. It is a good thing the Britannian Secret Police has an open, public, easily-accessed Facebook group page, that way they can always inform me of their SECRET ACTIONS, AT ANY TIME! MUAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

"Yeah, I guess so… Miss EvilPanda, are you free tonight, perchance…?" Mii Force B asked reluctantly.

"YES," EvilPanda replied.

"Oh! Do you want to… go to the evil cinema?" Mii Force B asked, sheepishly fiddling with her blue, armored chestplate.

"NO."

"Oh—okay. Just, y'know, thought I'd put that out there." [A/N: she's pretty lonely] [Steven's Note: I'd totally date her! Satim probably would, too… yeah, totally!] [Andrew's note: Leo stop writing everything we say] [A/N: okay Andrew!]

[Andrew's note: damn it nevermind] [A/N: okay Andrew!]

"CONTINUE PRODUCTION ON THE DEPLETED URANIUM ARMOR, AND ON THE NON-DEPLETED URANIUM SODA, THAT WAY WE CAN KEEP POISONING THE POPULACE BEHIND THEIR BACKS! MUAHAHAHAHA!" EvilPanda declared. She sure loved being evil.

"YOU GOT IT, BOTTHH LADY! YOU WANNA THAY THOME INTHPIRING WORDTH TO THE FACTORY CREW?"

EvilPanda stroked her evil chin and then tilted the microphone back to her lips. "HOW ARE YOU, LOYAL SLAVES?"

A large group of disheveled, exhausted, enslaved factory workers appeared on the screen.

"Please free us," they almost all said in perfect unison, although EvilPanda could have sworn a couple of them said "feed us" or something.

"OKAY. YOU ARE FREE!"

A cry of enthusiasm swept through the factory workers.

"FREE TO GO BACK TO WORK!" EvilPanda slapped her hands on her knees and cackled hysterically. "GAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, I'M SO GOOD AT MY JOB!" [Andrew's note: hahahaha lmao]

"I'll go get the inhaler," Mii Force B muttered as she witnessed EvilPanda convulsing on the floor. [Steven's note: hey I use an inhaler!]

"AND I'LL GET THE IMPALER! THEE YA LATER!" Friithk waved to all of their fellow employees at Headquarters before the video screen disconnected with a hiss.

EvilPanda continued to writhe on the floor in unstoppably villainous laughter for a good hour and a half or so until she hopped back to her feet, swiping her hair back into place. "NOW GET BACK TO WORK!" she ordered the crew, already hard at work again like they were expected to under threat of lobotomization, disintegration, and forehead-flicking, in order of pain and excruciating agony.

"Yes, Empress EvilPanda," they all muttered, already tired. [Andrew's note: boy is that relatable]

EvilPanda fetched a bone out of her jacket and threw it out the window, watching as it fell hundreds of stories down into the depths below. She also watched as Puppy stupidly ran after it, her dog reflexes taking over in spite of her human instincts. [Andrew's Editing Note: I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be backwards]

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFF!" said Puppy as she fell into the smog below.

"AGAIN?!" Mii Force B cried as she returned with EvilPanda's favorite inhaler.

EvilPanda hopped atop her console, brandishing her cutlass, and shouted at the top of her evil lungs: "NOTHING CAN STOP THE BRITANNIAN EMPIRE! NOTHIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!"

And then she took her inhaler. Epically.

[…]

Unbeknownst to EvilPanda, however, this entire conversation was being tracked, by someone behind a ventilation grill nearby one of the computer banks. Her name was Mew, but she also went by Rhyth, because it was really awkward and difficult to have a name identical to a legendary Pokemon and have the police be constantly chasing you for it [A/N: it's tough to be a god] [Steven's note: Tread where mortals have not trod!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: we all sang the entire song and leo actually legitimately typed all the lyrics out so I'll just cut it there]

However, the cops also chased her for another reason altogether… she was also part of the Resistance! The teal-clad girl quickly dipped away from the small streaks of light that were shining through the ventilation panel, hugging the shadows as she saw EvilPanda's personnel return to their workstations. The shadows appreciated her hug, and she appreciated the shadows.

Mew quickly hailed the dark lord, Santana, and gave her headset a tap, searching through her fur jacket for her backup pistol in case she needed it.

"Psst… hey, heyyy, boss?" Mew whispered, loudly. "Mew slash Rhyth here, overrrr."

"Red Light here. Report. What did your reconnaissance yield?" A heavily-synthesized voice came in, and he had a super cool filter on it that made him sound dramatic and badass and just a little fabulous.

"Hopefully Qqoryu's boys can pick up the pace on the Expressway cause, like, the Empress is onto us. Did they get the goods?"

"Yes. The Vice Commander reported that he saw an enormous stockpile of Walkmans in Genocide Factory. He says he's en route."

"Aight, well tell him to go faster. The Empress has the Force on 'em." [A/N: not like the star wars force like the police although that'd be cool]

"They can handle themselves. Focus on your escape first and foremost, Rhyth and/or Mew."

"You got it, boss."

"Destroy Britannia. Out."

"Destroying Britannia, baby. Lates, gates." Mew ended the call and plucked an item thingy that would help her escape from a holster on her striped, two-tone blue-teal stockings [Andrew's Editing Note: you put more effort in describing her stockings than her equipment smh, figure out an item Leo, and remember to erase this before we publish the story]

A scientist kneeled nearby the vent. "Um, hello? Is anybody there?"

Mew panicked and crawl-sprinted back down the shaft. "I WAS NEVER HERE!" she screamed at full volume.

The scientist turned back to his comrades. "Don't worry, guys! The voice said nothing was there!"

[…]

Meanwhile, in a distant land, back in time, before the Bad Future ever existed...

MONTEPLIER, VERMONT, AMERICA, USA, THE WORLD

OCTOBER 14, 2017 [Andrew's note: shit hey that's my birthday you remembered leo]

MISSION STREET JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, DURING P.E. CLASS

Every day was a struggle for Leo, but the struggle was especially prominent during the dreaded P.E. class, which stands for Physical Education class, a class that Leo always found incredibly dull because you weren't really learning anything in P.E. besides how to get beaten up, how to get a wedgie [A/N: IM NOT PROJECTING PROMISE], and how to embarrass yourself [A/N: im actually really good at sports I just would like to make Leo seem sympathetic]. It was Friday afternoon, both the best of times and the worst of times; the weekend was on its way, he was going to do a concert in the area during the weekend because it corresponds with his name [A/N and Chapterly Question (these will be asked every chapter because I like to connect with my fans): what's your weeknd song? Leave your thoughts in the review unless it's a negative thought in which case just comment your favorite song and leave me alone]; but, unfortunately, with the weekend meant going home and not hanging out with any friends. Why? Because Leo didn't have friends; even though everyone in school liked and wanted to be Leo's friend except for Nathan and his friends because he sucks dick which means that they suck dick as well by default, Leo was a loner by nature, his four incredibly hot girlfriends notwithstanding.

When the brown, oblong product that most people commonly call a football landed in Leo's hands like a newborn baby from a stork [A/N: don't watch storks its not very good], he was paralyzed for a moment, and for one of the first times in his life, he had no idea what to do.

"LEO, MOVE!" one of his teammates shouted, strafing to the side to avoid one of his opponents.

Uh-oh!

Scared, and seeing two incredibly buff-looking, sweaty, slick [Andrew's note: that's pretty gay lmao] [A/N: no its NOT] dudes with thicc shoulder pads sprint towards him like he was a throbbing dick because jocks are gay and they like dick's sporting goods [A/N: im pretty sure they buy their stuff there because they're dicks], Leo picked up the slack and began sprinting as fast as he could - which is insanely fast, by the way - towards the goal, like it was his only safe haven. He managed to skillfully avoid the jock duo, and even though they kept pumping their thicc thighs in an attempt to catch him, they were no match for Leo's incredible speed that he always had, he just doesn't know how to really utilize it yet [A/N: he's always been fast, he plays sonic]. He kept running and running and running, feeling sweat pool on his neck, and he became ecstatic as he neared the goal; finally, he would score a point for his team, and not by accident! On purpose!

He didn't even hear the screams of what he presumed were victory and triumph and adoration directed towards him by his teammates, he was so focused on his goal, which was the goal [A/N: that's a double meaning I spelt out the double meaning in case you were confused] [Andrew's note: how thoughtful of you].

Now!

With a heave, he chucked the football into the goal, and watched it catch against the mesh of the net.

[Steven's note: GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

[A/N: GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

[Andrew's note: golllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll]

[A/N: we harmonized offscreen it was totally awesome]

"I DID IT!" Leo shouted triumphantly, pumping his fist into the air.

"Leo, you FUCKING IDIOT!" one of Leo's potential friends roared, smacking him upside the head [A/N: even though everyone wants to be Leo's friend they just don't know how to articulate it and so they do so through violence and meanness]. Leo's head swam as the pimp hand connected with his spiky hair [A/N: irl I have curly hair but spiky hair is really cool, a lot of heroes and villains have it]. Leo stumbled a little bit, recovering swiftly.

"We kept telling you to stop!" another teammate bellowed, his fingers plastered on his sweaty temples in annoyance.

Leo distinctly heard the sounds of the opposite team laughing, and the loudest laugh of all belonged to Nathan Sux [A/N: that's his full name, you can guess why, you don't need me to explain], the tallest and meanest and rudest and biggest jerkwad in the entire school, and also the bane of Leo's existence. Everybody in school hated Nathan Sux, even Nathan's squad, but everyone acted like they liked him so that he didn't beat the shit out of them. Except Leo, because he had the balls to stand up to Nathan Sux, even though Nathan punched said balls every single day [A/N: am I sterile?] [Andrew's note: oh my god how do you even know what that means].

Leo briefly glared at Nathan Sux, and then turned and raised his hands defensively in front of his team. "What? All I did was score a goal for us! Isn't that the point of this game?" he argued.

"LEO, YOU STUPID EXPIRED CONDOM!" the safety screamed.

"That was our OWN GOAL!" said another member.

"Ruh-roh," Leo said, because he likes Scooby-Doo and was also quite embarrassed. He'd screwed up before in P.E., but he'd never screwed up this badly, because most of his screw-ups were super minor and he was awesome. This was a new low. He'd probably recover from it, though, he was cool enough.

"One point for Nathan Sux's team," Coach Hossman announced, folding his beefy arms and fixing Leo with an apologetic, apprehensive, pitiful look. Hossman had always pitied Leo somewhat, because Leo had aptitude in literally everything else in life except for P.E. class.

"Hahahahahaha," Nathan Sux chortled, providing a bro-ish high five to one of his teammates, and then pumping his fist in triumph. "Looks like Leo fucked up again! Leo Gonzalez, more like… Leo… GONORRHEA!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," the enemy team all said in perfect unison, but also a little bit of guilt because they like Leo and secretly want to be his friend but don't know how to approach him.

Leo's hands quivered and balled into fists, and his shoulders began shaking. He cooked up an awesome retort. "Oh yeah? Nathan Sux, more like… NATHAN… SUCKS!"

And then there was another "ooooooooooooooooo" from everybody: Leo's team and Nathan's team AND Coach Hossman. Nathan Sux twitched and then slowly turned to Leo, strutting up to him, intimidatingly cracking his knuckles and popping his neck as he approached Leo, towering over him as he got within spitting range [A/N: I know how far that is and don't ask how].

"What did you say me to me, punk?" Nathan said, with that stupid jock voice of his, trying his best to appear all tough and stuff.

"I said… I said… L;FMASDYIGFSEIF," Leo responded [A/N: sorry Nathan makes me just wanna punch my computer, but I don't wanna take the time to edit this, I'll leave that to my editor] [Andrew: lmao help], shaking his fists at Nathan.

Nathan, shocked by Leo's incredibly threatening statement, backed away for a moment, his eyes livid with fear and apprehension, but he quickly regained himself and picked up Leo like a trash bag [A/N: I am not a trash bag Nathan is trash, it's just a metaphor], and Leo soon found his feet hovering above the floor, Nathan's fingers wrapped around his neck. If Leo were kinkier, this would be hot, but he's not, at least when it comes to Nathan [A/N: Leo's more of a sadist than a masochist, but this will never come back to bite anybody in the ass] [A/N: THAT'S FORESHADOWING].

"Try sayin' that to me again," Nathan said, squeezing his hand tighter. Leo struggled to breathe.

"I… I said…" Leo rasped, his arms feebly flailing about like a bowl of spaghetti [A/N: I wasn't sure what to put there so…].

"Hey, hey, boys, break it up, break it up," Hossman attempted to mediate, stepping up and trying to free Leo from Nathan's grasp.

"I'll break HIM up," Nathan said like it was the cleverest thing that had ever popped into his noodle brain, smacking the Coach to the side, which caused everybody to utter another mass "oooooo" because for some reason this is what crowds do.

"You don't disrespect the teacher like that," Leo choked out, because he was a mentally sound and morally good human being unlike Nathan, who is the human equivalent to garbage [Steven's note: haha siiiiick!] [Andrew's note: sheesh dude, seems harsh] [A/N: HE'S HARSH].

"Tell me I'm your daddy," Nathan screamed [Steven's note: THAT WAS MY ADDITION HAHA satim rules] [Andrew's note: who?].

"Never!" Leo wailed back, attempting to kick Nathan in his everywhere before the air completely left his system. Nathan then began to take Leo's left arm and begin repeatedly smacking him in the face with it.

"Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself," Nathan repeated ad nauseum [A/N: I know a little latin], and even through the pain of Leo's own yaoi hands [A/N: I don't read yaoi but I know the hands are long and strong] smacking against his caramel skin, he managed to choke out:

"Stop being STUPID!"

Which caused an enormous riot of OOOOOOOOOOOOOO's from literally everybody in the school, even the Coach Hossman; if you've ever seen either the WOMBO COMBO video or the SUPA HOT FIRE RAP BATTLE video, that's a good idea of how chaotic the OOOOOOOO's got, it was truly tumultuous [A/N: thank you so much you're my hero] and it just made Nathan start breaking down and steaming at the seams like a volcano, or an angry person in a cartoon.

Nathan reared his fist back, preparing to blow Leo's skull into the next hundred years. Leo closed his eyes and prepared himself for the impact, at least content he'd gone out like a trooper: roasting Nathan.

"STOP!" a beautiful voice announced from the background, the distinct sound of a 90's R'n'B ballad emerging from behind her as she walked towards the two feuding boys in slow-motion, anime bubbles and colors appearing all around her as her hair flowed behind her.

Vanessa…!

[A/N: vanessa, if you're reading this, this is where you come in!]

Both of Nathan's and Leo's hearts skipped a beat at the sight of her. Leo's jaw dropped cartoonishly to the floor [A/N: this has happened B4], and Nathan picked it up for him because every once in a while Nathan will throw him a bone when in Vanessa's orbit. That was her name: Vanessa. She, like Leo, had beautiful cocoa skin, but that was where the similarities ended, because she had mid-length scarlet hair, great thighs, and pretty good breasts, although that's not the most important about a woman; what truly matters is her personality. But luckily, her personality was like her breasts: pretty good, and very inviting [Andrew's note: most amazing analogy about tits I've ever heard] [Steven's note: I CAN MAKE A CALCULATOR SAY BOOBIES]. Her emerald green eyes looked up at the two of them, pleadingly.

"O-oh, h-hi Vanessa," Nathan stammered, dropping Leo like a sack of potatoes and immediately folding his hands behind his back innocently. "I-I, uh, w-was j-just b-being an a-a-asshole." [Andrew's note: BAHAHAHAHA]

"What were the two of you doing?" Vanessa asked, demurely, her voice like an angelic soprano [A/N: I don't discriminate against altos though they're cool, same for mezzos], fiddling with the ruffles on her nice green top. She looked really cute today, although she did every day, in Leo's opinion.

"Um… n-nothing, I was j-just… s-s-s-stuttering, and a-also being g-good friends with Leo because w-w-we're b-bros," Nathan managed, quickly wrapping an arm around Leo's shoulder and pulling him in, giving him a seemingly affectionate noogie that actually hurt Leo [A/N: it still hurts…].

"No he wasn't!" Leo protested, puffing out his chest and detaching himself from Nathan, secretly eyeing Vanessa as he did, though not in a perverted way unlike Nathan. "He was being a huge jerk like always!"

Vanessa sighed exasperatedly, clutching her textbooks [A/N: because she's smart and cute] to her chest and looking at Leo sympathetically. "Are you okay, Leo?"

Leo felt his heart swell, and he responded: "Annie, I'm okay." He turned away from her to hide his blush, baka [A/N: that means idiot in japanese].

"Sooooooooo, Vanessa," Nathan said, sliding up to her and wrapping an arm around her waist. She recoiled to that gesture because it's Nathan Sux, who wouldn't? "Since you're in the gym for some inexplicable reason, and it's almost the end of school… you wanna, y'know, go catch a movie?" [A/N: I'm pretty sure he really means touch my penis because Nathan sucks]

"Oh, um… well, what movie?" Vanessa responded, toying with a strand of her crimson hair.

"Oh, y'know, juuuust, like, whatever strikes our fancy," Nathan said, pulling out a monocle [A/N: shit I should have thought of that I'll try that out next time] [Andrew's note: I'll let you borrow some of mine].

Vanessa nodded and muttered out a shy "okay", and then smiled at Leo apologetically. Leo then spun around in a circle and fainted immediately.

She smiled at me! He thought to himself as he passed out, in love. Leo actually genuinely passed out, collapsing to the cool floor below with a light thump. He slept a dreamless sleep, having dreams about Vanessa, and also about being a kickass hero – and maybe a villain – as he snored the minutes away.

Leo woke up a few minutes later, thanks to the efforts of Hossman, who was pouring a bucket of water over Leo's face. Leo sputtered and quickly hopped to his feet like a ninja, because his reflexes were awesome [A/N: I've seen kung fu movies, I have experience in this].

"Show yourself!" Leo said, in an overbearing Japanese accent that was nevertheless really impressive, especially for an American-Mexican kid like him.

"Class just ended, Leo," Hossman said, folding his arms and letting out a laugh. "You really ought to head out and hang out with your hundreds of friends before your next class." [A/N: he didn't mean that sarcastically, he actually genuinely believes Leo has a bunch of friends]

"Okay," Leo muttered sadly, because he had no friends, his awesome friends and four girlfriends notwithstanding. He waved goodbye to the Coach and walked out the doors of the gym, pulling out his Gameboy Advance from the confines of his backpack to happily begin playing Sonic Advance 2, his favorite handheld game [A/N: I haven't played sonic advance 1 yet but I got some more allowance so today might be the day].

Leo walked through the clean, crowded hallways of Mission Street Junior High School, running through the awesome spiraling loop-de-loops of Leaf Forest the entire way down. On his videogame, of course, the school had unfortunately discontinued its loop-de-loop program because nobody else besides Leo and occasionally Vanessa could run through those loops without falling off. [Steven's note: Satim could totally do it…] [Andrew's note: seriously who] [Steven's note: IT'S A SECRET TRUST ME IT'S GONNA BE GOOD] As Leo trudged down the marble hallways, a lot of students turned to him and began to say things that Leo knew would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Hi, Leo! Looking awesome today, as per usual!"

"Is that Sonic Advance 2? Dude, I looove Sonic Advance 2, you're so cool."

"Keep on being totally awesome, Leo!"

"You're gonna be totally successful in absolutely everything you do, Leo!"

"Look at my panda hat, yooooo! Look at my fucking panda haaaatt!" [A/N: that's actually something I heard the other day, true story] [Steven's note: he actually had a panda hat!]

"I WENT TO COLLEGE!"

Leo sighed to himself, glancing down at his game in a melancholy fashion. He wondered why he had to be born so awesome, born so likable. Surely it had to be a blessing… but all it felt like was a curse.

I was meant to live for so much more…

After reluctantly giving a bunch of high-fives to his friends in Gaming Club and Creative Writing Club, he made his way towards his final class for the day, History class, with Ms. Bond [A/N: not related to james bond, unfortunately; I have asked her, although I might make her James Bond if the reviewers like this]. Everybody waved at Leo in unison because they were really delighted to be in his presence again, even Jason the blonde linebacker; he only shot spitballs at Leo because contained within the drool-ridden pieces of paper were messages of friendships Jason was just too shy to share on his own.

"Good afternoon, everybody! And Leo, our favorite student," Ms. Bond chirped, her curls bouncing as she smiled at Leo.

Leo smiled sheepishly and shrugged it off, being the humble boy he was. "Just trying my best!" [Andrew's note: don't you have like a B Minus in History]

There was a TV placed on a portable stand in the corner, and Leo could see the two distinct, commonplace news anchors of FOX News, Fox McCloud and Yellow Kirby, sitting at their usual brown desk, a stack of papers and two microphones in front of them.

[Andrew's note: WHY FUCKING YELLOW KIRBY]

[A/N: IT'S MY FAVORITE KIRBY SKIN]

[Steven's note: I LIKE THE META KNIGHT KIRBY]

[A/N: but that's evil looking and Kirby's a good guy]

"Thiiis just in on FOX News, where we tell you the truth, and ONLY the truth! We are absolutely not lying about that," Fox proclaimed in his nasally voice, adjusting his white turtleneck. "Rumor has it that tensions between the American Government and the Communists are NOT AT ALL rising up IN THE SLIGHTEST. Vietnam 3 is MOST DEFINITELY not something that's going to come up in the future, or my name isn't Edgar Goodman!"

Leo still vividly remembered Vietnam 2, the second Vietnam War that the Toads of the Mushroom Kingdom started against the Americans, wanting revenge against them for... something. [A/N: foreshadowing]

I wonder how Princess Peach, one of my four harem mates and beautiful girlfriends, is doing…

"This ISN'T just in," announced Yellow Kirby, turning his plump, thicc [Steven's note: yesss] body towards the frame. "Word has it that the Teals' latest lobbying efforts are actually going to be INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL, and that racial segregation against the Teals is TOTALLY GOING TO STOP, given how much ABUNDANT SUPPORT Congress has been giving the Teals, especially their MORALLY-GROUNDED leader, Mr. Game & Watch, in the last couple of years."

Leo still vividly remembered some of his former Teal classmates; although Leo accepted them for who they were because his parents had raised him right and he wasn't a racist loser [Andrew's note: preach], he still remembered all of the whispers and rumors about the Teal students echoing through the halls. It had gotten so bad that those Teal kids were forced to relocate to a different school because of it.

"We assure you, we are NOT LYING about ANYTHING; we simply like to ACCENTUATE th S," said Fox, smacking his hands on the desk for emphasis.

"We are HONEST TRUTHERS, everyone, that's our job THAT WE'RE PAID FOR here at FOX NEWS," Yellow Kirby interjected, sucking up the stack of papers in front of him, because that's just what a Kirby does.

A female classmate of Leo's sighed dreamily. "I'd believe anything they tell me…" [Andrew's note: hahahahahaha]

Ms. Bond rose from her desk and walked over to turn off the television. While she did that, Leo distracted himself by pulling out his aged, worn-down blue notebook and flipping open to his favorite page: the page on the very back. He always liked to look at the drawings he'd had scribbled across there in case he ever felt down on himself. But these were no ordinary drawings… they were drawings of Leo. But these were no drawings of any ordinary Leo, either. They were pictures of what Leo considered to be his absolute perfect self.

He sighed, lost in thought as he gazed upon the image on the frontmost page, a picture of Leo in gallant, heroic attire, with "GOOD LEO" hastily scribbled at the top of the page.

Look at how cool he looks… blue coat with a black cape, gold trim lining, dark red vest, a cool-looking white neckpiece thingy, comfortable-looking but still totally radical black slacks, awesome pointy black boots, windswept brown hair, even a couple of my freckles here and there… what I wouldn't do to be that Leo. He's the perfect Leo…

A thought crossed Leo's mind for a moment, and he checked to see if his teacher, or if anybody nearby, was watching him closely. Even though everyone loved him, they didn't seem to be snooping on him. Secretly, carefully, he viciously flung the page aside, revealing… the sketch on the back page. Another drawing of Leo… but this time…

The text on top read: "Evil Leo". This was… the Evil Leo.

And for a moment, Leo's thoughts turned dark. He began to… admire this dark being.

Look at how cool he looks… blue coat with a black cape, gold trim lining, dark red vest, a cool-looking white neckpiece thingy, comfortable-looking but still totally radical black slacks, awesome pointy black boots, windswept brown hair, even a couple of my freckles here and there… what I wouldn't do to be that Leo. He's the perfect Leo… [Andrew's note: wtffff] [Steven's note: DUDE THAT'S SO EVIL AND COOL]

He began to daydream about being this wickedly demonic man, about how awesome it would be to watch the world perish beneath your fingertips-

Leo snapped back to reality. Mom's spaghetti-! He nervously looked around to see if anyone was watching him, but they all seem pretty absorbed and interested in the lesson that Ms. Bond was giving on the whiteboard.

He sweated and turned back to his notebook, pretending to take some more notes, occasionally nervously eyeballing pictures of… Dark Leo. He knew he shouldn't be looking at that Leo, let alone even drawing pictures of him, but… he just looked so… cool. But he was evil! But he was also… cool… [Andrew's note: damn whatta conflict] [A/N: I know it's super dramatic]

I shouldn't be thinking this… it's just wrong…

These thoughts kept Leo nervous all throughout class until it was finally time to go, the bell ringing out over the overhead system like a beautiful angelic choir. Leo let out a thankful gasp and dumped his notebook back into his backpack, slinging it back over his shoulders as he rose from his chair to leave, but not before waving goodbye to everybody in his class individually because he was a super nice guy.

Leo walked out into the hallways, and dutifully trudged along down the staircase and past the main doors until he reached the courtyard outside. He saw Vanessa out of the corner of his eye; she was talking to a bunch of her friends underneath a big tree in the grassy part of the courtyard, because Vanessa was pretty and really popular and loved by everybody, probably loved on the same level of love and adoration that Leo received every day. Her beautiful red hair and cool green dress were flowing gently in the wind, and the sun was hitting her back just right [A/N: not in a bad way though, harmlessly], which made her and her green eyes glow in all the right ways. [Andrew's Editing Note: note to self actually, remember Leo's faces when he writes about Vanessa, they're hilarious and kind of adorable]

Leo walked past Vanessa and her group, sticking to the end of the sidewalk, keeping his head down so she wouldn't see his blush and intently listening in on the conversation [A/N: I'm a good listener].

"…and, like, I've just have never seen anyone have to make such an urgent exit to cook cauliflower, ya know?" said one of her taller friends, with bright blonde hair, freckles, and a hoodie around her waist.

"Sometimes you just have an urge to splurge!" said another, one with hair, eyes, a nose, arms, and legs. [Steven's note: pfthahaha] [A/N: wasn't sure what to put there sorry!] She was holding a big pink purse. [Andrew's note: there, that's at least something we can go off of]

"I know how you feel!" said yet another one, a girl with a huge afro and really cool-looking street clothes. "Like, aight, fuckin', my mom, right?"

"Which one?" Vanessa asked, shyly, her voice like ice cream to Leo's Cold Stone ears.

"The bitch in spandex?"

"Oh, right, right."

"I was just CRAAVING a grilled cheese, homie, and then I got it, but she cut em into TRIANGLES, and not rectangles! Like who the FUCK does that?" [Steven's note: I WASN'T EVEN AWARE THOSE EXIST]

"Whoaaaa, that's rough," said the blonde friend.

"Chyeah, I know," said Afro girl. "I wanna run away from home now, god damn."

Leo didn't really know their names, so he decided to name them like he named characters in his epic, upcoming great American novel [A/N: wink wink]. Okay… the blonde one is Keya. The one with the afro is… Tex! And the one with the purse is… Carly Rae Jepsen!

[Andrew's note: .,ljigahahhaha if this story was a comedy it wouldn't be half-bad]

[A/N: but it's not, it's an epic adventure tragedy! I think]

Leo had forgotten that he'd been staring at the group really intently for the last couple of minutes. Tex noticed Leo first, and then averted her gaze, giggling to herself. Keya and Carly Rae Jepsen quickly caught on afterwards, and lifted their notebooks up towards their mouth to also laugh and blush and things that girls probably do. Vanessa blinked, looked at her squad, and then looked at Leo.

Leo's heart began to race as he and Vanessa gazed at each other… once again. Leo felt the world slow down. It felt like time had slowed down… figuratively, Leo hoped, because he still hadn't quite gotten the hang of his awesome time and space powers. [A/N: he will soon!]

"Homeboy's eyeballin' youuuu," Tex whispered to Vanessa, her fellow black friend.

"I think he really, really, really, really likes you," Carly Rae Jepsen chimed in.

"Whisper whisper whisper," screamed Keya.

Leo suddenly got very nervous and anxious, and he shot his arm up in a kind of wave that accidentally looked like a salute, and then SPRINTED AWAY from the courtyard with a zoom like Sonic the Hedgehog.

"…Anyway, um, back to the spandex and the cauliflower?" Vanessa mustered, tucking a stray red hair behind her ear and turning back to her friends.

Near the bus stop, Leo slowed down and flung himself against a wall, accidentally destroying it with his incredible strength. He was breathless, but not because he'd done a lot of running [A/N: he's used to that], but because he was in love!

I… I almost talked to her again! And she almost talked to me again! And Nathan didn't ruin things like the sucky dork he is!

This was a pretty good day in Leo's book. Time to head home. He thought about briefly taking the bus but decided against it, preferring to walk instead. He knew he didn't need the exercise, he was already pretty muscular and buff [Andrew's note: Leo struggled to open a can of Pringles the other day], he just liked to walk and explore the scenery… and have more time to himself to play Sonic Advance 2! He opened his Gameboy Advance back up and began playing once more.

He began walking down a nearby suburban road, walking past the many green trees and green hills and emerald hills and casino parks [A/N: I don't know why there's a casino park here but it's fun even though I can't gamble] [Andrew's note: hey how can tails can gamble even though he's like 8?] and all other kinds of winding sidewalks and other suburban things. He saw a few kids here and there riding their bikes and then crashing into streetlights and breaking their bones, happily laughing all the while; he saw a few dogs pass by [A/N: DOG!] [Andrew's note: DOG] [Steven's note: DOOGGG] and he made sure to pet each and every one because Leo loves dogs unlike Nathan Sux who probably doesn't appreciate dogs [A/N: vanessa probably likes dogs; should I bring a puppy to school to impress her? Leave your advice for me in the review] [Andrew's note: totally dude do it]. He kept walking, absorbing himself into the world of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Cream and Amy until he finally arrived at his doorstep. What a long day of being amazing and awesome.

He knocked on the door a few times, toting his backpack and waiting for someone to answer. He heard a few muffled barks and woofs and also Megalovania from Undertale: The Video Game from behind the door, and a voice saying "Hold on, I'll be right there". Five hours later [A/N: I think I meant to say seconds but that's a job for Andrew to fix, my editor and best friend] [Andrew's note: jinx not changing that], the door swung open, revealing a beautiful, tall, sexy, moss-haired woman with seafoam eyes, boobs [A/N: regular boobs, not seafoam-colored boobs], and a long white dress accompanied by long, white wings and a couple doves on her shoulder. The doves were called Bebub and Spike.

"Hello, sweetheart," the woman smiled, stroking Bebub and feeding it one of her former doves, Yolko.

"AW, YOLK!" screamed Yolko as she was devoured by Bebub.

"I am a good bub, and a good boy," proclaimed Bebub as he finished off Yolko's remains with a burp.

"I'm the universe's best Ottoman," said Spike, who felt like he hadn't contributed much to the conversation. [Andrew's note: holy shit the first death in The Legend of Leo, I just noticed that upon editing]

"Hi, Palutena—I mean, um, Mom," Leo said, not quite used to calling his stepmom Mom, instead of her given name. He had a bit of a crush on her [A/N: this isn't bad because it's just a stepmom okay, his real crush is Vanessa, and his four girlfriends, don't get any ideas]. She gently guided him in, violently slamming the door behind him as he walked into the living room, immediately approached by his two pet Golden Retriever dogs, Leo Jr. and Leo 2, and a third dog that happened to be his brother: Toby Fox, who was happily slamming his paws to the tune of Megalovania on a grand piano [A/N: we'll explain why his brother is a dog in future chapters].

"So THAT'S where Undertale music was coming from," Leo smiled cheekily, petting both of his Golden Retrievers and Palutena as well [A/N: he has yaoi hands I swear]. Toby Fox laughed in dog and kept playing Megalovania, but this time in a different key. His flexibility was really impressive.

"How was your day at school, sweetie?" Palutena questioned, trying to ignore the obvious bruises on Leo's neck and on his everywhere else.

"Oh, it was okay," Leo muttered, shrugging his shoulders. "I got beaten up, but I totally showed Nathan what-for! Because he deserves it."

"Oh, sweetheart," Palutena cooed, shaking her head. "We both know you're a strong and incredibly talented and flexible and fast boy and awesome and witty and… whoops, lost track of myself there, went on a bit of a tangent," she laughed, a bit of a blush on her face. "I just don't understand why he doesn't see how amazing of a young man you are."

"Me neither, I'm an awesome person! But every time I try to show how much of a great guy I am, this happens," Leo began smacking himself in the face repeatedly for dramatic effect, giving himself a black eye because he doesn't know how to control his incredible strength yet. Palutena gently ran a cool cloth over his bruises, instantly healing them because she's God.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," Leo screamed in gratitude. "Thanks Palu—Mom."

"Of course, sweetie. Did you talk to Vanessa today?"

Leo blushed in embarrassment, looking away from his literally godly stepmom. "W-well, um… yeah, totally! I'm totally almost close to having an actual full conversation with her!"

"That's wonderful to hear, dearest," Palutena chimed, stroking Bebub the Dove. "Even if she is a sub-human race that doesn't deserve to exist. What?"

"What?" [A/N: I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK THAT IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENTAL SLIP ON HER PART IM SURE]

"Nothing, sweetie, I'm just sooo tired. But that's good! You've definitely moved on from merely making random noises and not making any audible connection of any kind. But in an adorable way!"

"Haha, yeah, totally. Hey, Palute—erm, Mom, when is Dad coming home?"

Leo got his answer when he heard the garage door open. He quickly turned on his heel and walked through the kitchen and towards the laundry room; he opened the door, and was quickly greeted by the familiar feeling of a fire hydrant being flung into his skull. [Andrew's note: holy shit]

"Son, honey, I'm HOME!" announced the thrower of the fire-hydrant.

"Hi, Pac-Man! I mean, Dad, whoops," Leo quickly corrected himself, peeling the fire hydrant off his face. [Andrew's note: like a sticker?]

"Hahaha, that's quite alright, son, we all make mistakes. Well, except for you," Pac-Man quickly corrected himself, giving Leo a fatherly, appreciative hug.

"How was work, sweetie?" Palutena cooed, sketching out schematics for what Leo could have sworn was a cannon of death… or maybe it was more artwork for the living room wall, Leo wasn't entirely sure, the angle was weird.

"Incredibly fulfilling, darling wife," Pac-Man said, taking his red tie off of his circular, pizza-esque body, putting his hands on what were probably his hips. "Committing honest-to-god ghost murder every single day always brings a smile to my face! But you know what else does?"

"What, darling?" Palutena began dusting Yolko's discarded feathers off the table.

"Playing a game of catch with my amazingly talented human son!"

Leo jumped in joy. "I HOPE THAT'S ME!"

"It is, my son!" Pac-Man said, laughing and clapping Leo on the back.

"You're the best, dad!"

"IIIII'm PAC-MAN!" Pac-Man declared, re-introducing himself and striking a cool pose with an awesome-looking thumbs up. "I have a job working for the government!"

Pac-Man and Leo proceeded to have the most exciting and epic game of catch of all time.

"Whoa, that was exciting and epic," Leo said, out-of-breath as we walked back inside, expertly tossing a baseball up and down in his hand.

"It sure was!" Pac-Man said, planting himself down in one of the living room recliners and flicking on the television to view his favorite soap opera. Soap: A Rock Opera. [Andrew's note: I would fucking watch that so hard] [A/N: me too!] [Steven's note: ME THREE I LIKE BEING INCLUDED]

Palutena smiled and walked over to Leo, giving his head a pat and gently taking the ball from his hands. "Now go ahead and run upstairs and play with your friends, Momma's gonna make a seven-course dinner just for you because you're my baby boy, and also because your biological Mom and biological Dad were pieces of shit that abandoned this family."

[A/N: I LOVE MY MOM THIS IS JUST TO ADD TENSION OKAY I LOVE HER A LOT BUT NOT IN THE WAY THAT LEO HAS A CRUSH ON PALUTENA I LOVE MY MOM UNCONDITONALLY AND FAMILIALLY BUT NOT IN THAT WAY OKAY, TRUST ME PLEASE]

[Andrew's Note: jesus Christ Leo, are you okay?]

"Okay," Leo said, depressed. [Andrew's note: maybe not]

Leo melancholically walked up the stairs, playing a wicked electric guitar solo on his red F-50 ESP-LTD [A/N: this is the guitar my mom has, irl Mom not Palutena] as he walked up the staircase, and the solo was the one from Live and Learn! Leo loved Sonic, it was one of his only lights in his otherwise very dark world.

I'm hanging on the edge of tomorrow, aren't I…?

He entered his vaguely cluttered room, closing the door behind him with a gentle explosion. His room was full of posters from all kinds of video games he loved, including Sonic, Legend of Zelda, Pokemon, Sonic, Smash Bros, Sonic, Advance Wars [A/N: I like kind of obscure games], Sonic, Sonic, Sonic, Undertale (his brother Toby generously made that for him), Homestuck: The Game That Will Never Be Released [Andrew's note: hiveswap was released this year dude] [A/N: you guys like that game? I know this is two Chapterly Questions but it's the prologue we can make an exception, I wanna get to know you guys so when my mom asks why I don't have any friends over I can say that I do], and also Sonic. He had numerous game systems aligning the various desks in his room because Palutena and Pac-Man were loaded, DankMoney420KushWeed. Some of these systems included a modified Nintendo Wii, a Playstation 2, a SEGA Dreamcast, numerous handheld systems including a SEGA Game Gear because of his affinity for SEGA and Sonic, an Xbox, but most of all, a PC. This was his Operations Center, and little did Leo know, it would become the room in which he would rule the world [A/N: you'll see how later].

Leo sat down in front of his SEGA Dreamcast and put in a copy of Sonic Adventure 2, not the Gamecube copy because that's Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, and that's different from Sonic Adventure 2. He took the beige Dreamcast controller into his hands and rubbed it, sensually [Andrew's Editing Note: haha what the hell leo, I think he meant a different word here but uhhh imma keep that in], and relaxed back into his red bean bag chair as he heard the lush opening notes of the Dreamcast starting system, as well as the annoying scratchy sounds it makes while running. Harmony and discord, good and evil, all in one. It was like a metaphor, probably [A/N: it totally is].

Toby wandered into the room. "Bark bark!"

"I know, Toby," Leo muttered, glumly playing the Dark Side story because he liked that one a little bit more than the Hero story even though Sonic was his favorite character. "Some days I wish I was as cool as my OC as well." He stroked a picture of his OC, Leo the Hedgehog, upon saying this.

"Bark woof bark."

"I know I should probably talk to my four sexy girlfriends and harem mates, but they're like, y'know… I don't know, Toby. When do you think Vanessa will notice me?" [A/N: it occurred me to Vanessa did notice him earlier but we can just say that Leo is depressed right now, not thinking straight… although he kind of is, technically]

"Arooooooooo," Toby said, pulling out a keyboard and trying to make a new song, but he only managed to somehow make Megalovania again. "Fuck!" [A/N: he's occasionally capable of English because his father was-] [Andrew's Editing Note: aaand cutting that out, spoilers, Leo]

"I try my hardest, Toby," Leo said, getting all A-Ranks on the insanely difficult Radical Highway as he said so. "But I just feel like every time there's something… there with Vanessa, Nathan gets his stupid, beefy, steamy, muscular, bulging, throbbing, pulsating… um… STUPID body in the way and calls me a dork too."

"Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark," Toby said.

"I love you too, Toby. Let's order a pizza, Toby!" Leo said. "Can we get it in the shape of a Sonic?"

"Woof."

"I know, I know, Papa John's discontinued that, even though it should still be popular." [A/N: I'm gonna start a petition to make Papa John's have a sonic pizza would you guys sign it leave your thoughts in the review unless you're Nathan]

Leo reached over to grab his awesome iPhone and started dialing in the number to his local Papa John's. He heard the phone dial, and was about to place his order when Toby suddenly got up and started sniffing around the room, pacing back and forth in a circle.

"What's up, boy? I mean, bro? Did Timmy get his penis stuck in a well again?"

"Bark… bark…" [Andrew's Note: that's dog for "I am an interesting character with depth"] [A/N: I didn't know that, whoa!]

"You're sensing a presence?" Leo got up, suddenly alarmed. He turned off his SEGA Dreamcast, making sure to SAVE before he did that because he's incredibly intelligent, and then got up, his eyes following Toby's nose. He set his iPhone on the nightstand.

"Woof…"

"Did they find the drugs?"

"Bark. Bark bark."

"Did they find the weed?"

"Baaaark, woof."

"Did they find my love letters?" [A/N: the ones that may or may not exist]

"BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK"

"I don't understand you when you're like that, Toby!" Leo protested. Suddenly, an ENORMOUS PORTAL appeared in the middle of the room. It was huge and cyan and humming with magical energy. Leo and Toby jumped in surprise, fell on their asses, and then got up to stare in awe at the enormous slit—I mean, portal, in the middle of the room, hovering in mid-air.

"Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," Toby said. "Ahem… Wooooooooooooof."

"Holy crap it's just like one of my fanfictions," Leo whispered in awe, stepping up to gently stroke the portal. All of a sudden, an EXTREMELY FAST FIGURE APPEARED out of the portal, buzzing around in the room in a ball shape, like a Blue Blur It reminded Leo of Sonic's Spin Dash—

Wait a minute!

"IT CAN'T BE!" Leo shouted, his heart swelling with anticipation and joy.

"No, it's C," Toby said. "I mean WOOF!"

Sure enough, it was sure was. It was SONIC! The world's fastest hedgehog stood triumphantly in front of the portal, striking a cool pose because that's how Sonic rolls except he when he's rolling like a spin dash.

"I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!" Sonic boasted, eating a slice of toast [A/N: I'm pretty hungry I'm gonna go grab a sandwich real quick] [Andrew's note: he actually left to go get one] [A/N: I'm back baby].

"HOLY FUCK—I MEAN, GEE WILLICKERS," Leo screamed at the bottom of his voice, because he wasn't allowed to curse or shout in the house because of Rage Quitting. He began hopping up and down in pure glee. "It's you! It's-it's, it's a dream come true! You're real!"

"Haha, I'm not real, I'm just a figment of your lonely imagination!" Sonic said enthusiastically.

"WhAtT?" Leo said in crytype.

"Nahhhh, I'm just pulling your pancreas, it's really me! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!" To demonstrate his affection, Sonic grabbed Leo and threw him against the wall, hard [A/N: people usually fight in this universe to demonstrate their affection and / or hate for somebody, it's complicated] and then proceeded to punch him in the jaw.

"I'm so honored!" Leo said as he felt his everything break but then just as quickly unbreak because Leo is invincible [A/N: he can die he just hasn't yet] [A/N: I'm not saying he's gonna die though]. He fell off the wall and crouched to his knees, and then his jaw dropped to the floor once again. Toby helpfully picked it up for him. "Thanks, bro. Anyways… WHOA! You're Sonic!"

"YUP! I just said that! How're you doin', Leo?"

"Oh, I'm feeling terrific because you're Sonic," Leo muttered to himself, quickly showing off all of his Sonic games and merchandise to the famed blue hedgehog, including his Sonic the Hedgehog posters, games, toys, blanket, McDonald's toys, the guitar that he could play awesomely, which we established already, plushies, golden 30-foot statue from Casinopolis in Sonic Adventure 1, shirts, Macy's Day Parade balloon, and shoes, but he opted to leave out his Sonic underwear because that would be awkward [A/N: he doesn't wear it because he's gay he just wears it because he likes Sonic]. "I have all your stuff! I'm a huge fan!"

"Yeah, I can see that!" Sonic said, clawing his eyes out, but Leo stopped him because he cares about Sonic's health and well-being.

"What brings you here?" Leo asked, punching Sonic in the face.

"I came to give you a warning!" Sonic responded, kneeing Leo in the gut.

"Whoa, a warning?" Leo said in surprise, uppercutting Sonic. "I get warnings from Nathan all the time!"

Sonic suddenly grabbed Leo by the collar [A/N: when characters grab other characters, that means it's serious business] and looked into his eyes with the most serious, austere look that Leo had ever seen Sonic muster even though he'd just formally met him two minutes. "What I'm about to tell you, Leo, is going to blow your ovaries." [A/N: am I using that term right?] [Andrew's note: yuuup] [Steven's note: WHAT'S AN OVARIE]

Leo opened his mouth to say something, but quickly clamped it shut, sensing Sonic's seriousness.

"There is a prophecy," Sonic began.

"Am I relevant in this prophecy?" Leo asked.

"Yes. Very," Sonic said, lightning striking outside at that exact moment. "You see, Leo, you are exceptionally powerful. You have incredible strength, perception, endurance, intelligence, charisma, agility, and especially luck, but you simply haven't realized it yet."

No way…

"Oh my god, really?" Leo asked. Sonic put his hand against Leo's heart, touching him like he'd wanted to be touched for so long [A/N: NOT IN A GAY WAY], and suddenly a golden symbol appeared above Leo's heart, or the skin covering Leo's heart anyway. "Whoa, what's that?"

"It's the Sigil of Leo. You are the only person in the world that has this symbol." [Andrew's note: that's a nice word, sigil]

"Wow, it's a good thing my biological mom named me Leo instead of Charlemagne like she'd intended before my biological father smacked her upside the head and saying that was a stupid name."

"Indeed… because, Leo, in a short amount of time, you will become the most powerful person in the multiverse!"

Leo made an : O face. [Andrew's Editing Note: this hurts my eyes]

"How short is a short amount of time?"

"Yes," Sonic responded noncommittally. "But you see, the Sigil of Leo is not a symbol of goodness and purity… for now. It is a symbol of… hatred. And power. And greed. And lust. And envy. And ambition. And the other deadly sins."

"Not the other deadly sins!" Leo said, putting a hand to his mouth in horror as Sonic casually punched him in the kidneys.

"Yes, the other deadly sins," Sonic muttered, clenching his fist and shaking it. "You will evolve from your current Leo state. You will become—"

"OH GOD I KNEW IT!"

"…DARK LEO!"

Lightning struck once more outside the room, and Leo felt his stomach drop, and felt the demons that had been growing him for years grow a little bit more. He'd always known there was a dark side to him, but he never knew that it would become this… cool. Leo smacked himself in the head; how dare he think this is cool? Cool is not evil; cool is being fast and being on the side of good. That's what's cool!

"Dark… Leo?" Leo responded, his voice quivering.

"Yes, Dark Leo," Sonic repeated, lightning striking once more.

"Dark Leo…"

"Dark Leo. A malice unlike any other, yo. His sheer evil is what will make him the most powerful person in the multiverse…"

Cool… I mean, er, Not cool…!

"UNLESS," Sonic screamed, pointing an oversized finger at Leo's face and then affectionately flicking his nose because they're buddies. "Unless we find a way to turn your negative energy… into positive energy."

"WHOA it's just like in Sonic Adventure 1 when you absorbed all of the positive energy of the Chaos Emeralds and then Perfect Chaos absorbed the negative energy, so basically what you're saying is OPEN MY HEART AND I WILL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," Leo hit the high A note perfectly, causing everyone in the world to clap [A/N: I've been thinking of taking singing lessons so I can be like my favorite singer, Crush 40] [Andrew's note: yes that is a singer].

"Yes, that is precisely what it's like except not really," Sonic said seriously, seriously striking a serious pose.

"Bark," Toby said, striking a dog pose.

"So how can I prevent myself from becoming Dark Leo?" Leo asked, striking an awesome pose.

"I need to train you," Sonic said, with determination in his voice [A/N: it's like determination from Undertale but not liquid]. "You see, Leo, there are two futures. The Good Future… and the Future Future, but we call it the Bad Future because BAD THINGS HAPPEN, and also Future Future or Future2 is harder to say than just Bad Future. Plus, it kind of lets people know in the past what they're getting into."

"WHOA IT'S LIKE IN SONIC CD WHEN THERE WAS A GOOD FUTURE AND A BAD FUTURE!" [A/N: I'm so clever and I love references]

"Precisely! You're so intelligent, Leo."

Leo was proud. Being good felt awesome!

Or is it? His inner demon taunted him.

Shut it! He responded epically, to his evil demons.

"Just how bad is the Bad Future?" Leo asked.

"It's baaaaad," Sonic said. "Most baddest of all is the ruler of that timeline… the evil EvilPanda!"

"WHOA!" Leo said, wondering if she was cute. "Will we ever see her?"

"Probably not until a later chapter," Sonic muttered to himself, pulling out his exposition [A/N: am I using this word right] [Andrew's note: sure] notepad. "Maybe only in brief scenes."

"That seems like legit foreshadowing!"

"YEAH BOY!"

"THIS IS SONIC CD!"

"Yes it is," Sonic said, breaking Leo's arm as a sign of gratitude.

"That makes complete sense! Okay, so, what makes the good future the good future?"

"If you don't become Dark Leo… that's the only way to ensure the Good Future remains the good future," Sonic muttered, grimly and deeply. "You have a hand in the bad future, you know."

"ONLY ONE?!" Leo screamed, terrified at the thought of only being able to play his favorite Sonic games with only one cursed hand [A/N: he could probably do it though].

"I don't know," Sonic said, breaking Leo's neck affectionately. "It's pretty convoluted! But I basically came back to the past – Samurai Jack – to stop you from ever becoming Dark Leo in the future. And the only way we can do that is if we train you to utilize the positive energy stored within you, so that you may one day… TAKE DOWN EVILPANDA!" Lightning struck again, it was raining really hard outside so that's why it did that.

"Woof," Toby said, clearly impressed.

Leo sat at the foot of his bed, twisting Sonic's arms. "This is a lot to take in…"

"I understand you're confused; so am I," Sonic muttered, breaking Leo's ankles. "But we have no time to waste, even though we're time travelers. I need you to come with me… and Shadow."

Leo gasped and began seizuring in awe. "OH MY GOD SHADOW TOO?! I LOVE SHADOW! I HAVE HIS VIDEO GAME! I BEAT ALL TEN ENDINGS 326 TIMES!"

"Whoa that's really cool and impressive," Sonic said genuinely [A/N: it is impressive shut up]. "But we have a series of safehouses and temples that we had built across the world, unknown to EvilPanda because of magic barriers we had set up around them because yes! Your training will begin… in the highlands of SKY LANKA!" [A/N: get it get it get it?] [Steven's Note: I GET IT!]

"Oh, I like getting high…" Leo said, gaining a mischievous smile. "…Off of LIFE!"

"BOOYAH!" Sonic chanted, giving Leo a vigorous high-five in the face.

"WOOOOO!"

"So what do you say, Chosen One?" Sonic said prophetically, offering his gloved hand to Leo. "Come join us."

Leo was about to take it, but then paused and looked around his room with all his cool stuff. "But… what about home?"

Sonic looked away, his eyes downcast. "Until your training is done… I'm afraid you won't be able to return home for a while…"

Leo gasped, putting his hands to his face in shock. Toby uttered a melancholic dog-whine.

"But… b-but why?" Leo managed, tears nearly springing to his eyes before he managed to wipe them away because he was too cool to cry.

"…Time stuff…" Sonic declared, with a gruff, dramatic edge to his voice.

"Oh okay," Leo said, taking Sonic's hand but then pausing again. "I should say goodbye!"

"We don't have much time, Leo!" the blue hedgehog declared, stamping his feet.

Leo twiddled his thumbs, lost in thought.

What if I never see my friends again…

Luckily, Sonic had learned the ability to read people's minds and he supportively clapped a hand on Leo's shoulder, brutally ravaging Leo's deltoid. "You'll be able to see them again… I promise."

POSTAGE STAMPS GONE SEXUAL!

"What?"

Quiet, brain! I meant… Okay!

"Okay, that's cool!" Sonic said.

Leo nodded and opened his bedroom door just a crack, peering outside, and then quietly yelling: "MOM? DAD? I'M GONNA… I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH SOME OF MY NEW FRIENDS IN THE SKY SO I CAN LEARN HOW TO BECOME A HERO AND NOT DESTROY TIME AND SPACE, OKAY?"

"SURE THING SWEETIE! WE'LL BE KEEPING YOUR DINNER WARM FOR WHEN YOU RETURN," Palutena screamed back. Based on the distinct, heavy scent that was wafting through the household, she was still making her famous seven-course dinner just for Leo. [Andrew's note: leo's IRL mom actually makes really good food] [A/N: my mom just said thank you andrew, I didn't write that in because there's no mom's notes yet but believe me she actually said it]

"YOU KIDS HAVE FUN NOW!" Pac-Man chimed in.

A bittersweet smile soon crossed Leo's face. He was really gonna miss his parents. And Toby, too… Leo closed the door again and turned to Toby, who had set his portable keyboard aside and was looking at Toby with the kind of look that only a musically-trained white dog that made a popular video game could make.

"Toby… you look after Mom and Dad while I'm gone, okay? Someone has to be totally awesome and incredibly cool in my place, and you're the only candidate I have…" Leo whispered, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around Toby. His fur was super soft. "Wish you could come with me, bro."

"Brother mine, so would I," Toby declared. "Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. Farewell, my dearest brother, fare thee well. The elements be kind to thee."

"Huh?"

"RRRRUFF!" Toby saved face, licking Leo's face. [A/N: everyone started laughing for some reason! Toby was just being super heartfelt]

"Stay cool, bro… but you will. You've got Leo genes." And with that, Leo rose.

He glanced at his cellphone… and realized with a heavy heart that he'd never gotten Vanessa's number. He would have no way to say goodbye for the time being.

"Don't you worry, Leo! She'll totally be waiting for you, maybe even looking for you!" Sonic enthusiastically said, giving Leo a big old thumbs up.

"…Okay!" Leo said. He felt ready. He knew he was ready! "Goodbye, Toby!"

"AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Without any further ado, Leo took Sonic's hand like he'd always dreamt of doing. But instead of Sonic leading him into the light, he suplexed Leo five times and then bodyslammed him into the portal, like true bros do.

A voice emerged from Leo's discarded iPhone: "…uh, sir, did you place your order?"

[…]

Sonic and Leo were flung through cyberspace. Leo was absolutely amazed by all of the flashing technicolor lights and circuits and various things and electrons and neutrons and protons [A/N: these are science terms] that were swirling all over the place. It was like a rainbow had vomited all over the place.

"Whoa!" said Leo.

"I know, right! Get used to seeing this; this is the Inter-Dimensionary Cyberspace, it allows you to transport yourself anywhere in any timeline!" Sonic shouted as they skirted past numerous rainbow-colored circuit pathways.

"Can it travel to a universe where Vanessa and I get married?"

"Let's not ask for miracles," Sonic said, amicably smacking him on the back, paralyzing Leo [A/N: ow]. An enormous light filled Leo's vision, and his world turned white!

But instead of being dead, he found himself on what he very clearly recognized as SKY LANKA! Despite having never been there, it was pretty easy to tell thanks to all the clouds everywhere.

"Welcome… TO SKY LANKA!" said Sonic as he broke into spontaneous breakdancing.

Leo's jaw dropped, but this time not on the floor, it was only hanging somewhat ajar [Steven's note: somewhat AJAW! AAHAHAAH]. The two of them were standing on a dark grey, floating cobblestone platform with absolutely beautiful greenery growing everywhere, and all Leo saw around him was sky! It was big, it was blue, and it was as vast as could be!

"Whoa…" said Leo.

And also… SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG WAS THERE, WIELDING TWO PISTOLS AKIMBO!

"SHADOW?!" screamed Leo, but in a manly fashion, and not at all like a girl or a child.

"Tsk," Shadow said edgily, turning his back and striking a badass pose with his pistols. "So you arrived at last. Chosen One."

"OH MY GOD IT'S SHADOW! I HAVE HIS VIDEO GAME! I BEAT ALL TEN ENDINGS 326 TIMES!"

"I saw. I beat it, too, because that was literally my adventure and I had to suffer through it 326 times."

"Wow, you're so cool!"

"I know, and so are you, Leo, my best friend," Shadow said, patting Leo's back because they were friends already. "But enough talk… your training must begin."

"Whoa, now?"

"He's right!" Sonic said, getting into a fighting stance. "Your training will begin in the usual way it begins for beginners: getting the shit beaten out of you! Without any mercy whatsoever!"

"Oh!" Leo said, prepping his huge gloved fists that he bought at a Sonic the Hedgehog amusement park in London. He flexed his fingers and got hyper-focused. "What's my objective in this?"

"To try and not get destroyed!" Sonic said, charging a spin dash. Shadow nodded and prepped his guns, cocking them back like a shotgun [A/N: I've played shadow the hedgehog, I know how guns work].

Leo looked at the two of them, wondering if this was just some crazy dream.

"Well…" Leo said, out loud, turning away from the two of them to monologue briefly. "If this is a dream… I'm going to make THE MOST OF THIS DREAM!"

After shouting at the top of his lungs, Leo squared his shoulders and bent his knees. He saw the faces of all of his family and friends in a beautiful daydream, all cheering him on!

Palutena / Mom was holding up a sign with big, splashy blue paint that read: "YOU CAN DO IT LOE" [Andrew's Editing Note: lmao not changing that either], and Pac-Man / Dad was right there next to her, pumping his oversized fists in supportive triumph. TobyFox was leading a chorus and a band, and they were playing something else besides Megalovania for once! Leo saw his harem in the crowd, all waving Leo-colored flags around [Andrew's note: what would that even look like?]. He saw a lot of people from school, all chanting Leo's name like some kind of ritual. For some reason, there were human-dog hybrid people in the audience, clapping quietly. Also Crush 40 and Justin Timberlake and The Spice Girls and Abraham Lincoln were there, cheering him on. And Vanessa was there, too. And she couldn't stop smiling at him!

There were also some figures Leo didn't really recognize. A vaguely cyan-colored, or perhaps turquoise-colored, 2-dimensional man looking at Leo from a distance. An evil, unibrowed, vaguely Satanic-looking person [Steven's note: ! SLGMNSDUIBGDU] [Andrew's note: I'll get the inhaler, keep writing] in distinctly evil clothes, folding his arms and looking at Leo with a dark glare. A redheaded knight, her slender hands coiled around her sword, as if prepared to slash at any moment. Some short, fat dude with a jagged mustache and a never-ending smirk, with wild eyes. Actually, no, Leo recognized that as Wario. That one was definitely Wario. A samurai-looking character with a helmet that was very clearly a cow skull, looking super serious. A tall, white dude holding a log of wood. [Andrew's note: this is the weirdest daydream]

And then… he saw Dark Leo.

And Dark Leo smirked, as if challenging Leo.

"I'm challenging you," Dark Leo taunted.

I WILL OVERCOME YOU, VILLAIN!

Leo felt an incredible amount of energy well up inside of him. He clenched his fists and dashed towards Sonic, swinging the first punch.

HERE I GO!

TO BE CONTINUED… NEXT TIME!

[A/N: OKAY first chapter done! This is a big day.

Leave your thoughts on this in the comments, but only positive criticism and reinforcement please okay? Special thanks to my mom, my dad, my dogs, my fans, Vanessa (please be reading this), my friends Andrew and Steven, and to basically anybody that isn't Nathan or who likes Nathan, because he's a bully and a jerk. Stay tuned for CHAPTER 2! HAPPY HALLOWEEN / INTERNATIONAL LEO DAY EVERYONE!]

[A/N: wait shit it's November 1st]